ControlledChaos
Nature is analog, ever flowing and continuous.
Since I probably left a bad taste in a lot of people's mouth (that wasn't Ayahuasca) and jumped the gun just a tad with my last post here, I feel somewhat obligated to make this one too. As might be evident by the fact that thread exists, I don't think I'm actually completely done with the forum after all. And I don't actually dislike the place and I still see all the good here.
What happened was, I woke up kind of stoked to see what people thought of the AI post I made. I figured it would generate an interesting discussions on social media algorithms, or the nature of AI, or human nature, or whatever. I had this idea in my head that I had struck gold with that post. And yeah there was some "LLM Dump" in that post, but also a good bit of manual work done in giving the context of the conversation not to mention plenty of the words in that were my own messages to that AI. Getting the screenshots properly cropped and ordered right was also a bit of a chore. Putting it together took me a good half hour.
So when I woke up to see it nuked, I didn't really think much about the reasoning. In my head, something that I put time and energy into, which I believed would make a good topic, was gone. And so my general reaction looked something like this-
And so, I became captain criticism and made a long post essentially slamming the forum. In my head I was being some kind of free thinker calling it like it is and making people think. In my mind, people saw AI and took mental shortcuts without actually thinking about the sort of discussion I was trying to generate with it and how it could be worthy contribution to the forum. So I did sort of go overboard and say I was gonna leave the forum, and took a few mental shortcuts of my own about the kind of people here and what they're all about.
I will say that I do think that I might be at a different part of my psychedelic/spiritual/ self journey than a lot of seasoned members. I had a lot of psychedelic experience in 2021-2023 and a lot of insights, which I did post here. But I also lost regular access to psychedelics for years, and life took some rather crazy turns over the years.
When I came here I was in a pretty wild situation with a pretty toxic relationship. Now I'm somewhere far more stable and single. And a lot of processing that never got a chance to happen in the chaos is happening now. I also got access to mushrooms again, so all that processing is happening with them in the mix too.
One thing Ive noticed is the mushroom experience seems to be teaching me how to be more assertive because passiveness may have been a big problem in my relationship and in life generally. So I'm in this huge recalibration period as far as how I set boundaries, stand up for myself, get my points across, make my voice heard, ect. I've also realized that I am naturally sort of against the grain. I've never been one to just fall in line with propaganda or play social charades to fit in with groups. I've always been some form of outsider, even when I was inside groups I wasn't as deep into their politics as others. I always had this chaotic element of free thinking within myself, a will to question people, to question rules, to question why we gotta do stuff the way we do. To expose, to make people think, to make myself think, and so on.
And I think that as I discover more and more about myself with the assistance of life itself and mushrooms, it has put me in a sort of learning period where I'm testing assertiveness and my free thinking and ability to question people and groups. And unfortunately, this site may have bore the brunt of that yesterday.
Id like to apologize to anybody that I rubbed the wrong way yesterday, or to whom I appeared to be going backwards. I'm not perfect. I haven't slain my ego, and I might not ever. I'm still learning to coexist with it in a way that good for myself and others... But of course, I still enjoy making people think and I always did have a sort of trickster spirit within me, even as a kid. I know I have a long way to go, because I'm still pretty young.
So I'll admit, I overreacted. And I'm sorry. This place isn't so bad, and I do appreciate it. That's all
What happened was, I woke up kind of stoked to see what people thought of the AI post I made. I figured it would generate an interesting discussions on social media algorithms, or the nature of AI, or human nature, or whatever. I had this idea in my head that I had struck gold with that post. And yeah there was some "LLM Dump" in that post, but also a good bit of manual work done in giving the context of the conversation not to mention plenty of the words in that were my own messages to that AI. Getting the screenshots properly cropped and ordered right was also a bit of a chore. Putting it together took me a good half hour.
So when I woke up to see it nuked, I didn't really think much about the reasoning. In my head, something that I put time and energy into, which I believed would make a good topic, was gone. And so my general reaction looked something like this-
And so, I became captain criticism and made a long post essentially slamming the forum. In my head I was being some kind of free thinker calling it like it is and making people think. In my mind, people saw AI and took mental shortcuts without actually thinking about the sort of discussion I was trying to generate with it and how it could be worthy contribution to the forum. So I did sort of go overboard and say I was gonna leave the forum, and took a few mental shortcuts of my own about the kind of people here and what they're all about.
I will say that I do think that I might be at a different part of my psychedelic/spiritual/ self journey than a lot of seasoned members. I had a lot of psychedelic experience in 2021-2023 and a lot of insights, which I did post here. But I also lost regular access to psychedelics for years, and life took some rather crazy turns over the years.
When I came here I was in a pretty wild situation with a pretty toxic relationship. Now I'm somewhere far more stable and single. And a lot of processing that never got a chance to happen in the chaos is happening now. I also got access to mushrooms again, so all that processing is happening with them in the mix too.
One thing Ive noticed is the mushroom experience seems to be teaching me how to be more assertive because passiveness may have been a big problem in my relationship and in life generally. So I'm in this huge recalibration period as far as how I set boundaries, stand up for myself, get my points across, make my voice heard, ect. I've also realized that I am naturally sort of against the grain. I've never been one to just fall in line with propaganda or play social charades to fit in with groups. I've always been some form of outsider, even when I was inside groups I wasn't as deep into their politics as others. I always had this chaotic element of free thinking within myself, a will to question people, to question rules, to question why we gotta do stuff the way we do. To expose, to make people think, to make myself think, and so on.
And I think that as I discover more and more about myself with the assistance of life itself and mushrooms, it has put me in a sort of learning period where I'm testing assertiveness and my free thinking and ability to question people and groups. And unfortunately, this site may have bore the brunt of that yesterday.
Id like to apologize to anybody that I rubbed the wrong way yesterday, or to whom I appeared to be going backwards. I'm not perfect. I haven't slain my ego, and I might not ever. I'm still learning to coexist with it in a way that good for myself and others... But of course, I still enjoy making people think and I always did have a sort of trickster spirit within me, even as a kid. I know I have a long way to go, because I'm still pretty young.
So I'll admit, I overreacted. And I'm sorry. This place isn't so bad, and I do appreciate it. That's all
