My experiences of about a 3 month gravitation towards psychadelics. Namely shrooms, 4-ho-met, and DMT. The results of which landed me a stay in the psyche ward.
The setting you may want to be familiar with, because i feel when dealing with p. cubensis, or when dealing with reality in general, this "setting" is relevent to hyperspace at least in my portrayal of my experiences.
To accurately describe the space which i began my binge, I'll start with a sub-brealthrough dose on DMT in a tiki hut by a sunny pool. Behind the tiki hut is a massive pepper-tree and a hideous thicket of bush and weed, spider webs, a family of possum and of course during the day swarms of lovely wasps and busy bees. A very alive growrth has formed in the corner which dwell behind the tiki hut.
Looking down at the marijuana pipe, my hands in tension which i've never addressed. I found it very odd to see these crystals poking out of the marijuana mixture. Nonetheless, i anxiously imbibed the molecule. As it crept through my being i suddenly found I was given the ability to be conscious of my face. And slowly, my eyebrows become of the sky, my nose, and my mouth inhaled the sky and my lungs delivered the message that I am of the sky to my entire body and I sat in pleasant joy for 10 minutes.
Being so enthralled by the deep cooling sensation and astral satisfaction, I didn't notice whether my eyes were opened or closed and If i were shown any visions I missed em. I found I was more in a state of recieving information at the peak experience when both my ligands were full of dmt and my astral body was reckognizable for the first time.
During the comedown I did pay more attention to the visuals, It appeared to be random shapes, but slowly it coalesced into the form of a wasp. I found I was just seeing through my third eye, a wasp that was flying around nearby.
I feel as if much of the information i recieved in that short amount of time was very subtly shocking to me. a whole host of paranoid delusion came to my attention. Within a split second I was convinced that I was somehow related to Walter Albert Einstein Disney in like a test-tube baby sort of way. But that wattson and crick are also Adolf and Winston. And Tim and Eric are Arjuna and Krishna. And I saw myself in the role of someone who has lived this live over and over due to some feelings of being responsible for the whole thing in the first place never wanted to let go of reincarnation for fear that somehow the gift of my rose somehow isn't complete yet. All of these subtle notions were seeded in me so quickly, and only now could I ever relate even parts of the whole picture
Consciously i found i had disagreed with these notions because of their absurdity, but the fear I subtly injected into myself manifested in some very interesting ways over the period of my binge. With prior experiences such as living through the 90's and taking LSD, i was fairly accustomed to absurd thought. It is easy to accept my life as a dream phenomenon simply because being a young teenager in southern California and smoking marijuana every day really destroys ones integration with this reality already. Whether or not that is a good thing is debatable. But I digress.
I did find that for a good time after the experience, I was eager to imbibe more. However I decided I wanted to melt my crystals alone. And So I waited until it was dark, And again I found hands before me, curled around a pipe, and the taste of sex-plastic filling my essence.
The only light in the area was that which illuminates the pool of water. Above the pool I sensed a female thing that I could only describe as a fairy. However a noise from the bushes behind me startled me in that mystified state. And she disintegrated. My perception breathed as a poisoning fear gripped me. The shifting of my perception was frankly belittling to me. I had felt belitted, I felt as if the fairy must have known that i was so mystified by it, and i foolishly stared like a shy fawn. Then the possum rustled and she escaped. I fell asleep smoking a mixture of DMT and marijuana and arguably building a decent dose of melatonin outside in the Tiki Hut.
I woke up sober to sounds of the birds and the crispness of morning. A state of relaxation which i still know today descended upon me that morning.
It was at this point I decided to place an order online for 4-ho-met and by some chance circumstances I happened upon a large amount of the fleshy friends. My shroom teachers, usually I grind em up and pre-digest them in a cup full o' lime juice. And in my glorious temporary home of a Tiki Hut I did just that.
This p. cubensis experience lasted through about 4 hour and a half long phases. The initial come up was quick and I was excited. A group of friends came to also reside in my little bamboo fort for awhile and I realized they were all very interested in the faces I was making. This sort of upset me, but I mostly felt like a baby would feel when it realizes everyone is looking at it. I then made frowny faces and fun faces and tried to make coherent conversation but utterly failed.
In some nearby home a live band was playing music and I came to a split-second delusion that people are celebrating the return of a large, serpentine wolf creature that can smell fear and relinquish it through mass-extinction. But i snapped out of it.
A spider descended and i suddenly found The seeds of my fear springing up into a bloom. The notion that there was a panther waiting for me to be alone so it could enjoy me crossed my mind. I anxiously look at the thicket of bushes and back at my friends who seem anxious to go inside because they saw a spider.
It was very difficult to describe my fear to them, and so i just stood up, walked outside the tiki hut, walked about 7 feet and stopped and stared. I gazed for a long time right there, drunk with psychadelics and my perspective being slightly warped by fear. I found i wanted to meet this dreaded panther head on.
My friend went inside, and I return to my bamboo fortress. I begin to notice many creepy crawlies and Im snapped back to the fact that there is no panther actually in the trees behind me, but there are spiders and if they crawl on me ill likely act like a complete nut for 10 minutes because they are so creepy to me. So With a little more substance driving me towards the door, this time I enter and sleep inside.
Strange how one night the presence of spiders is not significant, but when fear begins to find its grip, spiders or other triggers can trip u out.
I soon recieved the 4-ho-met in the mail. The rest of my time i spent slowly slowly increasing doses starting with 3-mg and over a period of a few months developed a comfort with the molecule.
So I foolishly jumped from 25 mgs of 4-ho-met (active at 5) to 100 mgs with about a week of a break between. Time was absolutely destroyed. There was no way I could keep track of time. The first day of my heroic dose metocin trip, I realized that what I was was simply the energy that drives through my body, which I saw as pretty much just a little helicopter in the hands of a little kid. The mind state i was in turned into sheer laughter. My mother could not have a conversation with me. I was having conversations with the toaster, my salad, my dog, and myself. But anything any of my family members said just made me laugh.
This concerned them, and so I soon found myself in a car to some destination, I really wasn't sure. I saw cars around me on the road but i felt no need to fear and I felt complete trust in the guardian entities around me. Much larger than my physical parents, but I also in retrospect recognize the concern and love my mother felt in that situation, which may have contributed as well as my lack of fear to a safe drive in a more or less tense situation for the driver.
Wherever I was, on a freeway, on my way to a hospital, waiting in the waiting room, I was completely trusting in the fact that where this is I need to be there.
I signed the forms not with my name, but with the only symbol i could make out: A Smiley Face. I was soon led to my very own bed. On this bed I sat, very serene. I found myself channelling reiki energy at moments when the forces made it seem appropriate. The doctor saw a kid that he needs to tell people to do stuff to; draw my blood, give me water so I can pee, check my blood pressure, make me pee. The works.
I saw a dancer made of buddha, I saw eyes like black discs in every person I saw. The doctor seemed to be flipping a set of many lightswitches atrandom times and it made no sense to me. His final switch combination consisted of all the lightswitches in the down position except for the last one. This seemed very significant in some symbolic way.
Prior to this experience, I had felt that at some point soon I would be bitten by a snake. This was information I recieved during a lesser dosage of metocin. When the nurse came with the needle I immediately fell into a trance. and Very lovingly, sensuously, offered my arm to the nurse. I enjoyed the poke of the needle. It was the snakebite I had felt coming.
At this point Im utterly convinced I am experiencing a video-game type reality. Where externally the world goes on, and internally the head make deep connections made of barely intelligible relationships and eventually connects to another ring which is even deeper within ones being.
I am guided by wheelchair into the ward. Everyone is sleeping, snoring very loudly. I am handed a pamphlet about schizophrenia, and the truth about my position begins to seep in. I warn the nurse that there is definitely no way I will be able to find my room. And so she escorts me and offers me my "medicine."
Apparently she didn't feel i was in a state of mind to understand what the fructos these pills would do to me, and so I simply took her pills, chewed them with an open mouth and swallowed without even a hint as to the bitterness of her antipsychotic meds.
I looked down from my bed, the carpet was the river styx. My fellow ward mates slept so loudly. Every one of them snored! A room full of 8 snoring people and I'm talking to aliens on a heavy-tryptamine.
I found I was spinning a wheel, I made a circular motion slowly with my hands at the nurse. I informed her that I was keeping the wheel of life going.
The last thing i experienced before I slept was another voice whispering to me "take yourself out of the situation, just be."
Somehow I proceeded though my week long stay in the psych ward, trying to figure out all the things that would make me look normal. My drive was simply to hide the fact that I probably am far crazier than I would ever want the greedy doctors in the psych ward to know. And I made friends too. Strangely, not being in control of my actions, but just chillin out really seemed attractive to some of those people. I was definitely tripping for 3 days.
I took a shower that I thought the illuminati were going to make boiling hot, so i grabbed a large plastic trash can, and took a shower with the lid on and only let through a little water so i would look wet. I thought I was so clever. I defeated the boiling hot water. Strangely, that water was definitely a normal temperature the next day.
Eventually I made it out alive and without any prescriptions for anything and I've found the experience a blessing. There are three paths. One where your Reality Is Reality. Mundane, simple. Another where your Reality Is and you exists in a fantasy.
The third option is to bring your fantasies into reality. And that is a dangerous blade to walk upon my friend. With the right outlook, the deepest insanity can turn into a simple method of enjoying one's self. Free to be batshit crazy.
I talk to aliens, I am a demon, my older brother invented heaven, I am a writer of a movie for myself, in all the various manifestations of myself. one and all are welcomed to see my life flash before my eyes. But I really just want to conjue up vibes because that is beautiful.
Honestly if you read this, thank you and hopefully you drunk me. I dig you man.
The setting you may want to be familiar with, because i feel when dealing with p. cubensis, or when dealing with reality in general, this "setting" is relevent to hyperspace at least in my portrayal of my experiences.
To accurately describe the space which i began my binge, I'll start with a sub-brealthrough dose on DMT in a tiki hut by a sunny pool. Behind the tiki hut is a massive pepper-tree and a hideous thicket of bush and weed, spider webs, a family of possum and of course during the day swarms of lovely wasps and busy bees. A very alive growrth has formed in the corner which dwell behind the tiki hut.
Looking down at the marijuana pipe, my hands in tension which i've never addressed. I found it very odd to see these crystals poking out of the marijuana mixture. Nonetheless, i anxiously imbibed the molecule. As it crept through my being i suddenly found I was given the ability to be conscious of my face. And slowly, my eyebrows become of the sky, my nose, and my mouth inhaled the sky and my lungs delivered the message that I am of the sky to my entire body and I sat in pleasant joy for 10 minutes.
Being so enthralled by the deep cooling sensation and astral satisfaction, I didn't notice whether my eyes were opened or closed and If i were shown any visions I missed em. I found I was more in a state of recieving information at the peak experience when both my ligands were full of dmt and my astral body was reckognizable for the first time.
During the comedown I did pay more attention to the visuals, It appeared to be random shapes, but slowly it coalesced into the form of a wasp. I found I was just seeing through my third eye, a wasp that was flying around nearby.
I feel as if much of the information i recieved in that short amount of time was very subtly shocking to me. a whole host of paranoid delusion came to my attention. Within a split second I was convinced that I was somehow related to Walter Albert Einstein Disney in like a test-tube baby sort of way. But that wattson and crick are also Adolf and Winston. And Tim and Eric are Arjuna and Krishna. And I saw myself in the role of someone who has lived this live over and over due to some feelings of being responsible for the whole thing in the first place never wanted to let go of reincarnation for fear that somehow the gift of my rose somehow isn't complete yet. All of these subtle notions were seeded in me so quickly, and only now could I ever relate even parts of the whole picture
Consciously i found i had disagreed with these notions because of their absurdity, but the fear I subtly injected into myself manifested in some very interesting ways over the period of my binge. With prior experiences such as living through the 90's and taking LSD, i was fairly accustomed to absurd thought. It is easy to accept my life as a dream phenomenon simply because being a young teenager in southern California and smoking marijuana every day really destroys ones integration with this reality already. Whether or not that is a good thing is debatable. But I digress.
I did find that for a good time after the experience, I was eager to imbibe more. However I decided I wanted to melt my crystals alone. And So I waited until it was dark, And again I found hands before me, curled around a pipe, and the taste of sex-plastic filling my essence.
The only light in the area was that which illuminates the pool of water. Above the pool I sensed a female thing that I could only describe as a fairy. However a noise from the bushes behind me startled me in that mystified state. And she disintegrated. My perception breathed as a poisoning fear gripped me. The shifting of my perception was frankly belittling to me. I had felt belitted, I felt as if the fairy must have known that i was so mystified by it, and i foolishly stared like a shy fawn. Then the possum rustled and she escaped. I fell asleep smoking a mixture of DMT and marijuana and arguably building a decent dose of melatonin outside in the Tiki Hut.
I woke up sober to sounds of the birds and the crispness of morning. A state of relaxation which i still know today descended upon me that morning.
It was at this point I decided to place an order online for 4-ho-met and by some chance circumstances I happened upon a large amount of the fleshy friends. My shroom teachers, usually I grind em up and pre-digest them in a cup full o' lime juice. And in my glorious temporary home of a Tiki Hut I did just that.
This p. cubensis experience lasted through about 4 hour and a half long phases. The initial come up was quick and I was excited. A group of friends came to also reside in my little bamboo fort for awhile and I realized they were all very interested in the faces I was making. This sort of upset me, but I mostly felt like a baby would feel when it realizes everyone is looking at it. I then made frowny faces and fun faces and tried to make coherent conversation but utterly failed.
In some nearby home a live band was playing music and I came to a split-second delusion that people are celebrating the return of a large, serpentine wolf creature that can smell fear and relinquish it through mass-extinction. But i snapped out of it.
A spider descended and i suddenly found The seeds of my fear springing up into a bloom. The notion that there was a panther waiting for me to be alone so it could enjoy me crossed my mind. I anxiously look at the thicket of bushes and back at my friends who seem anxious to go inside because they saw a spider.
It was very difficult to describe my fear to them, and so i just stood up, walked outside the tiki hut, walked about 7 feet and stopped and stared. I gazed for a long time right there, drunk with psychadelics and my perspective being slightly warped by fear. I found i wanted to meet this dreaded panther head on.
My friend went inside, and I return to my bamboo fortress. I begin to notice many creepy crawlies and Im snapped back to the fact that there is no panther actually in the trees behind me, but there are spiders and if they crawl on me ill likely act like a complete nut for 10 minutes because they are so creepy to me. So With a little more substance driving me towards the door, this time I enter and sleep inside.
Strange how one night the presence of spiders is not significant, but when fear begins to find its grip, spiders or other triggers can trip u out.
I soon recieved the 4-ho-met in the mail. The rest of my time i spent slowly slowly increasing doses starting with 3-mg and over a period of a few months developed a comfort with the molecule.
So I foolishly jumped from 25 mgs of 4-ho-met (active at 5) to 100 mgs with about a week of a break between. Time was absolutely destroyed. There was no way I could keep track of time. The first day of my heroic dose metocin trip, I realized that what I was was simply the energy that drives through my body, which I saw as pretty much just a little helicopter in the hands of a little kid. The mind state i was in turned into sheer laughter. My mother could not have a conversation with me. I was having conversations with the toaster, my salad, my dog, and myself. But anything any of my family members said just made me laugh.
This concerned them, and so I soon found myself in a car to some destination, I really wasn't sure. I saw cars around me on the road but i felt no need to fear and I felt complete trust in the guardian entities around me. Much larger than my physical parents, but I also in retrospect recognize the concern and love my mother felt in that situation, which may have contributed as well as my lack of fear to a safe drive in a more or less tense situation for the driver.
Wherever I was, on a freeway, on my way to a hospital, waiting in the waiting room, I was completely trusting in the fact that where this is I need to be there.
I signed the forms not with my name, but with the only symbol i could make out: A Smiley Face. I was soon led to my very own bed. On this bed I sat, very serene. I found myself channelling reiki energy at moments when the forces made it seem appropriate. The doctor saw a kid that he needs to tell people to do stuff to; draw my blood, give me water so I can pee, check my blood pressure, make me pee. The works.
I saw a dancer made of buddha, I saw eyes like black discs in every person I saw. The doctor seemed to be flipping a set of many lightswitches atrandom times and it made no sense to me. His final switch combination consisted of all the lightswitches in the down position except for the last one. This seemed very significant in some symbolic way.
Prior to this experience, I had felt that at some point soon I would be bitten by a snake. This was information I recieved during a lesser dosage of metocin. When the nurse came with the needle I immediately fell into a trance. and Very lovingly, sensuously, offered my arm to the nurse. I enjoyed the poke of the needle. It was the snakebite I had felt coming.
At this point Im utterly convinced I am experiencing a video-game type reality. Where externally the world goes on, and internally the head make deep connections made of barely intelligible relationships and eventually connects to another ring which is even deeper within ones being.
I am guided by wheelchair into the ward. Everyone is sleeping, snoring very loudly. I am handed a pamphlet about schizophrenia, and the truth about my position begins to seep in. I warn the nurse that there is definitely no way I will be able to find my room. And so she escorts me and offers me my "medicine."
Apparently she didn't feel i was in a state of mind to understand what the fructos these pills would do to me, and so I simply took her pills, chewed them with an open mouth and swallowed without even a hint as to the bitterness of her antipsychotic meds.
I looked down from my bed, the carpet was the river styx. My fellow ward mates slept so loudly. Every one of them snored! A room full of 8 snoring people and I'm talking to aliens on a heavy-tryptamine.
I found I was spinning a wheel, I made a circular motion slowly with my hands at the nurse. I informed her that I was keeping the wheel of life going.
The last thing i experienced before I slept was another voice whispering to me "take yourself out of the situation, just be."
Somehow I proceeded though my week long stay in the psych ward, trying to figure out all the things that would make me look normal. My drive was simply to hide the fact that I probably am far crazier than I would ever want the greedy doctors in the psych ward to know. And I made friends too. Strangely, not being in control of my actions, but just chillin out really seemed attractive to some of those people. I was definitely tripping for 3 days.
I took a shower that I thought the illuminati were going to make boiling hot, so i grabbed a large plastic trash can, and took a shower with the lid on and only let through a little water so i would look wet. I thought I was so clever. I defeated the boiling hot water. Strangely, that water was definitely a normal temperature the next day.
Eventually I made it out alive and without any prescriptions for anything and I've found the experience a blessing. There are three paths. One where your Reality Is Reality. Mundane, simple. Another where your Reality Is and you exists in a fantasy.
The third option is to bring your fantasies into reality. And that is a dangerous blade to walk upon my friend. With the right outlook, the deepest insanity can turn into a simple method of enjoying one's self. Free to be batshit crazy.
I talk to aliens, I am a demon, my older brother invented heaven, I am a writer of a movie for myself, in all the various manifestations of myself. one and all are welcomed to see my life flash before my eyes. But I really just want to conjue up vibes because that is beautiful.
Honestly if you read this, thank you and hopefully you drunk me. I dig you man.
