null24 said:
Holy cow, you know, had i not experienced something similar I'd probably react with sheer incredulity over your account, but... Yeah, although my experience occurred during the time i attended a methadone clinic (there's your standing in line analogue), and those i was cued with were addicts that suddenly had to find a way to fill the hole left by the absence of not only the substance, but the drama that accompanies the lifestyle. Honestly, many of us (self included) find ourselves making very poor decisions trying to fill that void. I don't have a clue what that motivation behind your retinue of jerks is, but you know... People.
.(*Some of them are friends with a vindictive, angry, and jealous ex-girlfriend of mine, take this as a warning, if you get involved with a crazy girl they will stalk you and cause problems for you for your whole life)
:lol:
Oh god, sorry, but I'd cry if I didn't laugh.

:|

:lol: :lol: :lol: :|
One the poorest decisions i made during that time was getting involved with a girl from the clinic. I'm not going to get into details, other than this to illustrate: at some point in time, unbeknownst to me, she went crying to a guy from the clinic, told him that i was making her prostitute herself pay for my gigantic heroin addiction and beating her all over her body in a way that prevented bruising, to explain the lack of wounds. She did this so that she could persuade him into giving her $100 to get a motel room to get away from me, i remember coming back one day all happy because some guy gave her a hundred bucks, i was suspicious, but... Blind. I only figured it out when i was attacked the guy, in her presence, and even though she said then that i hadn't hurt her, in his mind i was a controlling monster. And if course, word spread, but anyone who mattered to me knew the entire story but only bullshit, but impossible for my character .
Although at the time i did post here seeking advice, all the advice i should have ever listened to was that that all my friends told me the second they met her:"get away from her!". I was pulled in by professions of love, and sex, which at my age with a beautiful 25 year old girl was hard to resist.
That revealing how out of touch i was/am/can be with myself; despite having been on the path of entheogenic healing i was and am still capable of really messing things up out of far from enlightened sources. That said, this path has allowed to take stock of these things, some of the new glaring character flaws I've been able to address without having to go through consequences for repeating them, find their source and address the causes.
Oh geez, sorry for continuing this post into the wilderness...
And saddened that you're dealing with such jerks, eg.
I never talk about this, mostly because it really doesn't bother me, but also because most people will feel that I am somehow exaggerating or not telling the whole story... and because all that "drama" discussion and thought is bad mental hygiene, focusing on the negative acts of others that you would otherwise pay no attention to is letting them intrude into the sphere of conscious-being unwelcomed, by paying them attention, a person who would otherwise never cross your mind, has managed to slither their way into your thought stream.
As for the girl, I was with her for 3 years, we have been broken up for over 8 years, she broke up with me, because I didn't have any money at the time, but insists on slanderizing me and trying to turn others against me to this day...and everything she says is a terrible lie, designed to turn others against me and gain sympathy for herself, all these guys think they need to be "her hero" and go after her ex, they never even consider that they are being manipulated to enact her vindictive and unjustified victimization of an ex who really did nothing to deserve it, she doesn't want
anybody to even talk to me, and she will spread lies to keep girls from talking to me...it's ridiculous, it's "middle-school" crossed with "psychopath" behavior, the best i can do is ignore it, I honestly hope that she can eventually grow up and move on, and live a happy life where she doesn't ever think about me, but that's probably too much to ask...
I enjoy my solitude, and simply want to be left alone. I have a few close friends, and family, and research associates, but other than that I generally just want to be left to my business. I never talk to anybody unless they speak with me first, and I'm often so engrossed in my research to even take much mind of the others around me, I never bother anybody, I never do anything but read books, write in my notebook, and listen to music, how this bothers anybody is beyond me.
"Standing in a line analogue" is an interesting way of putting it, it's more like a homologue in this situation, it's one of the few topics which I'm apprehensive to discuss, so the less said the better.
... though you would assume that I would hold a good deal of resentment towards these people, that's not the case, when it comes down to it, I actually feel bad for them, I wish that they could be happy, I wish they could love themselves and be comfortable with themselves, because people who are comfortable with themselves, people who are happy, do not feel the need to treat others in such a way, specially just based on slander of for no reason at all, so rather than pray for negative things to befall these people, I pray for their happiness, "sarva mangalam" is a frequent mantra for me, which roughly means "happiness/fortune to all beings".
I'm really not interested in what their issue is, because honestly, it is
their issue, it has nothing to do with myself, I know I have done no wrong to any of these people or anybody they know, and I'm honestly so engrossed in my research that I don't even notice the people around me, and all and all their negative actions towards me are a minor nuisance at most, a good test of my commitment to my spiritual values, a good change to review wise individuals words regarding the situation....
I always feel like arjuna in chapter two of the gita:
Sanjaya said: Shri Krishna then spoke the following words to Arjuna whose heart was overwhelmed with pity and whose eyes were filled with tears.
Chapter 2 - Verse 2
Bhagavan Shri Krishna said: Arjuna, how has such illusion overcome you at this crucial moment? This is not appropriate for an honorable man, nor does it lead to higher planets. It is the cause of infamy.
Chapter 2 - Verse 3
O Partha, give up this unmanliness. It does not befit you. O chastiser of enemies, get up and do not yield to this petty weakness of heart.
...
Sanjaya said: Having thus addressed Shri Krishna, the vigilant conqueror of enemies Arjuna declared, “O Krishna, O Govinda, I will not fight!” and became silent.
Descendent of Bharata, there, between the two armies, Shri Krishna (Hrishikesha) smiled and spoke the following words to the grief-stricken Arjuna.
Bhagavan Shri Krishna said: While speaking like a wise man, you are actually grieving for that which is unworthy of grief. The wise neither lament for the living nor the dead.
...
O Partha, only the most fortunate warriors are favored with the opportunity to engage in such a war, which has come of its own accord to you as an open door to the higher planets.
Chapter 2 - Verse 33
But if you decide not to take part in this war of righteousness, your principles of dharma will be lost, fame will abandon you and impiety will be incurred.
Chapter 2 - Verse 34
For all time to come, people will speak of your infamy, and for one who is great, infamy is worse than death.
Chapter 2 - Verse 35
Illustrious warriors will believe that you ceased fighting out of fear. You will fall into disgrace in the eyes of those that hold you in great esteem.
- Chapter 2 - Verse 36
Your enemies will insult you with slanderous words, condemning your prowess. Alas, what could be more painful than that?
...
Chapter 2 - Verse 37
O son of Kunti, if you are killed you will attain the higher planets, and if you are victorious you will enjoy the Earth. Therefore, be confident of your success – stand up and fight!
sanskrit text...
Bhagavad Gita - Chapter 2 - Verse 38
Maintain equanimity when faced with happiness and distress, gain and loss, victory and defeat – fight, and in this way you will not incur impiety.
I remember that arjuna was
forced into battle, it was going to happen whether he wanted it to it not, he had no choice but to fight...and when put in such a position it's not violating your spiritual convictions towards non-violence and selflessness, but acting as the situation has forced you, leaving you with no other choice....
I only fear that I will be put in such a position, and will have to defend myself. I'm strictly committed to non-violence, to peace. I would rather separate myself from and ignore negative and violent individuals rather than engage them, like I've said, it's
their issue, not mine.
Buddhism has been an amazing help, as has the advice of the I ching, shamanic practice, the gita, and even terence McKenna...it seems that by trying to bring me down, they have inspired me to further educate myself and improve in spiritual and ethical standings.
I fully believe that we will all reap what we sow in regards to our karma, which gives me comfort, as well as further motivation to maintain my own good karma and block out the negative influences of intruders.
-eg