Hello sighmon. First of all, and as others have said, we love you.
I am familiar with the hyperslap anxiety you speak of. The short recurring feeling/memory of loosing one's mind can be extremely stressful. You mention your concern is getting stuck forever in a never ending hell. I understand that, I've experienced that concern too.
Turns out that does not come to pass. Consistently we come back in some form or another. It's normal to fight the feeling or memory as it comes, but in my case I found that this 'reflex' is the worst thing one can do: fighting it will escalate the anxiety. Thanks to the help from folks on the Nexus, I've found that stepping back and observering/accepting helps integrate the new mindstate. With acceptance, axiety flips into meditation/introspection. Easier said than done though, but with this mindset, you can look forward the next time you feel these feelings start as an opportunity to try it out and practice.
I have to agree with Doc and DmnStr8. While the doctors you have worked hard with have the best intentions in mind and are deeply knoledgable in some areas, they lack psychedelic training. Not their fault: we are just getting over a very sad part of out history were psychedelics were improperly villified and criminalized. Fortunately, drug assisted psychotherapy is in final approval phases and trained physicians should become available in the next few years. Also, without wanting to sound harsh, I think you have an inflated ego issue. No biggie, I have the same problem . I think that continuing to work on the root cause of the social anxiety so benzos are no longer necessary, letting go of a big ego, and learning to accept and simply be grateful is all great advice that has been given to you.
I saw your argument about oneness arising because psychedelics reduce brain function. If I understood your argument, I think you got it backwards. Psychedelics have been shown to enhance brain function and creativity. It has been recently been measured that psychedelics can rewire the brain to overcome depression and there are anecdotal reports of them helping with stutter. So your argument should be flipped to say that psychedelics help us overcome our delusion of being separate which we experience when our brain capacity is lower in our usual non psychedelic state.
To boot, even self-limiting reductionist materialism (~science) itslef seems to go support the psychedelic experience of oneness: physicists believe that all the different fields and forces in nature may come from a single unfied one. They think when our universe began there was only one field. They've already merged several forces (strong/weak/electric/magnetic) and only gravity has resisted efforts to join into the oneness. There is a beautiful geometry that is present in pysics and it can be shown that the symmetry of time is equivalent to the conservation of energy and the symmetry of space equivalent to the conservation of momentum. Gravity itself has a geometric description.
I wish you the best in our beautiful journey through life. Cheers.
I am familiar with the hyperslap anxiety you speak of. The short recurring feeling/memory of loosing one's mind can be extremely stressful. You mention your concern is getting stuck forever in a never ending hell. I understand that, I've experienced that concern too.
Turns out that does not come to pass. Consistently we come back in some form or another. It's normal to fight the feeling or memory as it comes, but in my case I found that this 'reflex' is the worst thing one can do: fighting it will escalate the anxiety. Thanks to the help from folks on the Nexus, I've found that stepping back and observering/accepting helps integrate the new mindstate. With acceptance, axiety flips into meditation/introspection. Easier said than done though, but with this mindset, you can look forward the next time you feel these feelings start as an opportunity to try it out and practice.
I have to agree with Doc and DmnStr8. While the doctors you have worked hard with have the best intentions in mind and are deeply knoledgable in some areas, they lack psychedelic training. Not their fault: we are just getting over a very sad part of out history were psychedelics were improperly villified and criminalized. Fortunately, drug assisted psychotherapy is in final approval phases and trained physicians should become available in the next few years. Also, without wanting to sound harsh, I think you have an inflated ego issue. No biggie, I have the same problem . I think that continuing to work on the root cause of the social anxiety so benzos are no longer necessary, letting go of a big ego, and learning to accept and simply be grateful is all great advice that has been given to you.
I saw your argument about oneness arising because psychedelics reduce brain function. If I understood your argument, I think you got it backwards. Psychedelics have been shown to enhance brain function and creativity. It has been recently been measured that psychedelics can rewire the brain to overcome depression and there are anecdotal reports of them helping with stutter. So your argument should be flipped to say that psychedelics help us overcome our delusion of being separate which we experience when our brain capacity is lower in our usual non psychedelic state.
To boot, even self-limiting reductionist materialism (~science) itslef seems to go support the psychedelic experience of oneness: physicists believe that all the different fields and forces in nature may come from a single unfied one. They think when our universe began there was only one field. They've already merged several forces (strong/weak/electric/magnetic) and only gravity has resisted efforts to join into the oneness. There is a beautiful geometry that is present in pysics and it can be shown that the symmetry of time is equivalent to the conservation of energy and the symmetry of space equivalent to the conservation of momentum. Gravity itself has a geometric description.
I wish you the best in our beautiful journey through life. Cheers.