Using DMT: How does your spouse react?

[DmnStr8]

I started back with psychedelics after 20 years when my marriage was disintegrating. I thought, screw it, I'm going to do what I want. So I did. It was the best decision I could have ever made. At this point I will not defend my position. I am ok with disclosing my psychedelic usage to just about anyone within reason. There is a time and place for a conversation about psychedelics. I feel like my marriage could have survived had I married a more open minded and awake individual. My ex wife would never understand the profundity of these psychedelic experiences in my life.

Going forward I will NEVER go into a relationship with anyone if they are not OK with my psychedelic usage. There must be respect given. It must be validated. If not, I will continue alone. I can't stand it when someone takes the moral high ground on the issue of psychedelics. They judge something that they have never seen or experienced. They speak as if their way is the right way. Nothing could be further from the truth. I see them as stuck in the quagmire of our culture. I reject culture. Culture does not understand and will never understand these psychedelic experiences. They don't want us to go into these experiences because we may learn something they cannot. That right there is the truth to me. They don't know and never will. They are locked away. They are imprisoned by the culture we live in and I want nothing to do with someone like that.

I hope someday to meet a lovely woman who see me, someone who sees the importance of these experiences in my life. It is monumental. It is a validation I have never had in my life. I feel that this person I seek is headed my way soon. I want this kind of relationship in my life. Free from the cultural norms. Free from judgment. Allowing each person to be as they are.

 

[Achilles]

Me and my wife had similar issues... We got past it by agreeing that I would only trip a set number of times a month and I also stopped talking so much about my experiences... people who don't partake in our practices can get pretty aggravated when you talk about it alot lol... Just try to work with your spouse and see if you can find a nice middle ground that will allow you to practice without making any kind of hub bub about it... Try to paint it out as a hobby that you enjoy and would like to keep doing without upsetting your spouse and I'm sure you two will be able to figure it out. ☺ Good luck my friend

 

[Asher7]

Heh, yeah I've had people get mad at me. Something will come up and I'll just happen to mention, yeah this one time I took mushrooms and the universe opened up and I got this glimpse into a very profound mindframe where math answers just spewed out and all these revelatins just answered themselves. I took notes, look at this"

And they're just like, "why do you do that, you're gonna jump out a window dude or eat someone's face", totally dissmissive and derogatory.

They only know the news. They have no idea the revelations we're chasing. It's like being in a band, "why do you lug that heavy equipment and get all nervous man, you're going to injure yourself or have a breakdown".... they've never seen the concert, or even heard music in a lot of cases.

The magician is going to study magic, regardless of whether or not anyone wants to dedicate time to watching him pull a rabbit out of a hat. It just is what it is.

 

[Metashaman]

I got lucky. My wife used to use LSD in her later high school years off and on.
In general if I plan to trip I have some rules.

1. No kids around. Everyone has to be out of the house or I have to be out of the house.
2. Anything with an MAOI requires an external Trip Sitter.
3. It has to keep being "productive" towards moving the goalpost for being better at all my "hats".
4. Staying "safe". Grow what I can myself and when I have enough for a couple of months. Stop. No talking. This has actually moved to a "do nothing" state for the last 5-6 months as I found a "shaman" in Peru I can visit for Ayahuasca experiences. Seems to handle everything I really wanted out of all of this. I get to talk to my higher self and each time the messages are loud and clear.
5. Staying grounded (This is the one I have the hardest time with after Aya). Being able to return to work and keep things in perspective. Usually takes about 2-3 weeks after a "black out dose", 2-4 days after a "meh" dose. Things are very urgent as I come down and then fade back into normalcy a bit later.
6. No RC's as they seem to be personality killers. Seen 10 to many folks assume they were like natural substances and seem their lives go downhill. In general if I know someone that has real post tripping issues, or attitude changes for the worse it is too much LSD or an RC. I stick to Tryptamines and only from plants.

To reiterate what Dreamer said.. if it isn't helping you "chop wood and carry water", then why bother. These things can help you get a better understanding of culture and how to properly interact. Furthermore, it seems to give the ability to step outside of yourself. Whether it be anger or just impatience. I've been able to catch myself when I start getting "ticked off" and make it so I don't react negatively and attempt to understand where the negativity comes from. It's almost always from something wrong in the other person, so it's easier to give it a pass and not get involved in their own struggles.

~Fate

 

[Swayambhu]

This is truth. If you have to hide yourself in a compartment it is time to question the relationship.

I don't think so.

Discretion is not dishonesty.

My wife and I have been happily married for going on 20 years, and I think one of the keys to healthy relationship is allowing your partner leeway to pursue whatever hokey shit they are in to from time to time.

Whatever works for you, but I would hazard a guess that insisting on "full access" and approval of every one of your partner's interests is going to drive you apart quicker than allowing them space to do their own shit that you might find weird or annoying.

 

[brilliantlydim]

I've been able to catch myself when I start getting "ticked off" and make it so I don't react negatively and attempt to understand where the negativity comes from. It's almost always from something wrong in the other person, so it's easier to give it a pass and not get involved in their own struggles.

~Fate

Interesting, because psychedelics are helping me come down a similar path, referring particularly to your statement about finding the source of your negative feelings when such arise during a interaction with someone else.

The only major difference is in the conclusion. I have found that the negative feelings that I experience are coming from me and it is me that has "something wrong in"side to cause them. I wouldn't really consider it something wrong though, but perhaps something that I have not properly examined, acknowledged, or dealt with.

I don't think other people are able to cause or be responsible for our feelings, but this is just my take on it.

Sorry about the side track, interesting thread and was happy to read through it. I don't think I have much to add that everyone else hasn't already stated.

Bang on post 42nd of the dreamers.

 

[Metashaman]

Ahh yeah. Sorry I meant get ticked off at others behavior, rather than get involved I try to give them room to rant or be mad and leave that chaos with them.

 

[nan0tEch]

I've done a great deal of magic truffels with my wife and friends. And she loved it. But as far as DMT goes she seems to be afraid when i do it. I think it's al have to do with the fact that's it is home made stuff. I can understand the concern, but with all drugs you could buy on the street you don't know what you could get. That's one part of it. The other thing is it's not a social thing to do. And she would rater se me do it less. She knows me to well, if i have a new thing/hobby to do, i'm giving it like 300% so i have to find a way to keep a good balance.

If we are in company of friends she is always the one to bring it up. Hence the confusion for me

 

[Naut]

Can you demonstrate through your actions and lifestyle that this substance is contributing to positively to your life? Is using this substance taking away from being attentive to your responsibilities and relationship(s)? Is there a legitimate reason for concern on the part of your loved one (from their perspective)?

I applaud your entire response, dreamer, absolutely wonderful! We live astonishingly convoluted lives lathered in manifold degrees of interpersonal relationship folks... empathy toward your social environment is critical for developing a better picture of to act upon (cause living in deep in your own head can make even the most intrepid myopic). My journey through this flock has been an interesting one for sure. This is such a valuable topic!

 

[Sore]

This is such a valuable topic!

On a less valuable topic, favourite character and episode of Seinfeld & Ed, Edd n Eddy...GO!

 

[endlessness]

Can you demonstrate through your actions and lifestyle that this substance is contributing to positively to your life? Is using this substance taking away from being attentive to your responsibilities and relationship(s)? Is there a legitimate reason for concern on the part of your loved one (from their perspective)?

You can drop academic journal articles and screen documentaries till you are blue in the face, but it all comes down to actions. Are you living the lessons and becoming a better human being as a result of the widened perspective offered by psychedelics? Are you contributing to your community, caring for your relations, and achieving your goals? Are you closing off, isolating, and acting obsessive? How does your time reading obscure internet forums, playing with hazardous chemicals, and experimenting with dubious substances and paraphernalia look to an outside observer?

I ask these questions because I've found myself standing on both sides of the line of productive and unproductive/obsessive use of these substances, and I recognize where my use has been detrimental to both my relationships with others and my own well being. I ask because this is the questioning process I am consistently engaged in with myself. Generally I've been fortunate to be able to share these experiences with the people in my life and they have been interested in and supportive of my explorations, but sometimes even with their support, we may not be striking that healthy balance.

Integration is finding the way to walk with integrity in the light of the entheogenic revelation. When others can clearly see that in us, there is no moar questioning or concern. If we cannot fully embody that state, then perhaps it's worth re-examining our intentions and altering our behavior accordingly.

hozho naasha
❤

I think that's the key right here, very well said

 

[Jees]

For a bit of interesting contrast: I do not rate others impression as dependable gauging. Freedom allows me not-bargaining to fit in for the sake of social acceptation in both entheogenic cult and general society. The clutter of others' ideas about me is of no real interest, I'll take note nonetheless as there could be something in it.

In the tao-istic school I ran trough some years, it was clearly put that if you start to lift up the carpets of your life, you'll deal with all the dust you put under it for years or decades. It will be no fun and you'll look worse due the process of dealing with it all. Chances rise that your present-day relatives/friends are not going to like the works you started, chances rise they are part of that dirt. The potential realization for change will impact a lot. To shoot an arrow, it must first travel in the opposite backwards direction but that's to tension the bow. Chinese Traditional Medicine knows that a symptom might indicate a healing process while the modern western idea is always to cut out every symptom as the best of efforts.

All to say that 'walking with integrity' can mean different things, among them is the urge to avoid displeasing others, to fit in, so they say you're doing well. Pattern happiness, you tap my shoulder I tap yours.

Personal evolution, even very good ones, and entheogens can do that, might present you a social bill you're not ready to pay. Are you ready to loose the consent of others? Not too rare a serious evolution comes with crawling trough the dirt, no need to picture what others find of that. Especially in situations where people take advantage of you for a while, they will be at high guard to status quo that situation and condemn you growing out of that.

How can we make the difference between a straightforward tumbling down, or side effects of a positive evolution? Hard to say actually but I consider others advise not automatically as a good reference frame, little they know about their own life, but I like to think they mean well.

No way I mean to say that the more probs you have with others the more you are evolved.

 

[Asher7]

I can definately see that as being the case in some situations.

 

[Swayambhu]

How can we make the difference between a straightforward tumbling down, or side effects of a positive evolution? Hard to say actually but I consider others advise not automatically as a good reference frame, little they know about their own life, but I like to think they mean well.

No way I mean to say that the more probs you have with others the more you are evolved.

Lol!
Great post, Jees!