- Merits
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You could have let him enjoy his honeymoon. Why shatter the illusion right away? He has changa for it
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Why DMT Scares Me
- Thread starter Voidmatrix
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- dmt
- Merits
- 455
Touche... my bad.You could have let him enjoy his honeymoon. Why shatter the illusion right away? He has changa for it
One love
Its been since Nov 18th, and the fear has been heavy. I am looking for an assist. I have been ruminating the hours before my session would begin and I just have found reason after reason hat its not time or things are not "perfect" whatever that means ... I have the last of my changa supercharged loaded in my GVG and Yocan on standby yet I let it sit in my cupboard and feel disappointed that I could not get my life in order to have a full on session. Any words of advice or input would be greatly appreciated.
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- Merits
- 1,539
If I were you, I would take a step back and evaluate why you feel such a strong desire to use DMT. Instead of slipping into a kind of obsession around it, you could also consider that maybe, at this point in your life, it simply isn’t for you, and that it’s okay to set it aside for a while.
A year from now, you may feel very differently. Your fears might be more under control, and it may no longer feel like such a big issue. I don’t see why you would need to force yourself, or trick yourself into liking it, or into finding the “right” moment to use DMT. There is no reason to put that kind of pressure on yourself.
From my perspective. Just let it be, focus on other things in life. Then, after six months or a year, you can reassess whether you still feel that you need DMT to have a place in your life.
- Merits
- 1,336
I agree with @Varallo, I think it depends above all on the reason to do it.
For example I currently fear high vaped DMT doses as well. My reason to do it would be curiosity and exploration. Not a good enough reason for me to force myself, so I'll wait for a different period in my life.
I also have to force myself to take pharma/aya doses. However that is currently very beneficial to me, and so it makes sense for me to do so. Also, it's more dread (at the potential physical effects) and uncertainty than fear.
You're the only one who can decide what is worth it to you, how, and when. But in order to do so properly, you must be very clear about your reasons and/or goals.
For example I currently fear high vaped DMT doses as well. My reason to do it would be curiosity and exploration. Not a good enough reason for me to force myself, so I'll wait for a different period in my life.
I also have to force myself to take pharma/aya doses. However that is currently very beneficial to me, and so it makes sense for me to do so. Also, it's more dread (at the potential physical effects) and uncertainty than fear.
You're the only one who can decide what is worth it to you, how, and when. But in order to do so properly, you must be very clear about your reasons and/or goals.
- Merits
- 455
This is normal. Lean in.
Pull them out of the cupboard and set them somewhere you will see them. This creates a bit of a pull using the inverse of "out of sight, out of mind." You're more likely to make it a reality when you can see the devices irl instead of in your head as you think about grabbing them.
Lastly, lower the dose and lean in. You don't have to finish what's in your devices.
One love
- Merits
- 455
I share this from personal progress I've made in a similar regard.
For me, I am not really that scared of DMT and hyperspace. You get me with the right people, and things are golden and I am going for it.
However, what's telling is how this stance completely disappears when I am alone. I don't like that. This indicates that it's not so much DMT and hyperspace I struggle with but instead aspects and dealings with myself that DMT is able to highlight. To be direct, having been delayed in ways that curtailed autonomy and sovereignty, there's a deep part of me, in my subconscious and nervous system, that still feels the need for permission. Because I am a grown ass man and don't need permission, yet never learned what it feels like subconsciously and in my nervous system to comfortably act on my autonomy, there is tremendous fear.
One love
For me, I am not really that scared of DMT and hyperspace. You get me with the right people, and things are golden and I am going for it.
However, what's telling is how this stance completely disappears when I am alone. I don't like that. This indicates that it's not so much DMT and hyperspace I struggle with but instead aspects and dealings with myself that DMT is able to highlight. To be direct, having been delayed in ways that curtailed autonomy and sovereignty, there's a deep part of me, in my subconscious and nervous system, that still feels the need for permission. Because I am a grown ass man and don't need permission, yet never learned what it feels like subconsciously and in my nervous system to comfortably act on my autonomy, there is tremendous fear.
One love
- Merits
- 1,336
In my case it's the same, with any psychedelic. Any fears or difficulties are about something in me. At the same time, that's what has made it valuable for me.
- Merits
- 455
This has bled into all psychedelics for me. And while, yeah, weird, wild, dark shit can come up, but that isn't what hinders me, as my goal is to be able to steel, handle, and embrace those realms too.
Not all demons are evil.
One love
I can very much relate to your statement about being alone and permission. for me it feels like permission to be loved or being loved. In fact I consider any of these modalities as self love and taking them is about self love and acceptance of what comes. the feeling of separateness when I am alone is probably what the hesitation is, I often just revert back into my old patterns and just say try again tomorrow. I had never considered that it could be as deep as the nervous system and how you interpret the signals that you recieve. Thank you to everyone who has chimed in and offered your time and thoughts.
Y
Maybe I did a bad job articulating why I like to use DMT, I love exploring my mind and hyperspace. In fact its really the only thing that scratches that itch I have for adventure anymore. I think what has been holding me up upon a night of meditation on this subject is that I have not felt like I have the agency in my life that I normally have due to circumstance and compromise in my life that are new to me.
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- Merits
- 455
This is why DMT and harmalas specifically are sacramental to me, in any ROA. The way they uncover depths and nuance of things going on inside us at an accelerate rate is astounding.
However, if considering things on a biological level, The Body Keeps the Score highlights how we store psychological material physically in our bodies. Somatic processes help to explore and process this material, that can manifest on the body level in numerous ways. That said, another nice thing about low dose, is that it is easier to have somatic experiences that bring one to greater equilibrium and homeostasis.
I'd say pay attention to this. I know that this is something that impacts my comfort and depth as well, and it seems worth seriously evaluating.
One love
I have really thought a lot about this, I almost sent you a dm but then thought that this was the right place to discuss it. As previously mentioned I really like Dmt, because it goes straight to flood dose and the sessions are never the same. I love to adventure and discover new things and experience life, I have to say that I feel the most alive on flood doses of psychedelics. Its hard to describe my use/desire as obsessive, I understand that I am writing this on the nexus so at some level we all have this one thing in common. I appreciate the feedback its been on repeat all day and I finally have had enough time to really sit and write this all out. All of that said today ended up being awesome and I took Voids advice and am staring at my GVG and Cylo finishing up this thought and heading out to my sanctuary.
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Update 4 hours later just finishing up..... lots to unpack. First time I bellowed out the pain and showed my teeth like an animal. feel very depleted and want some sleep. I am very grateful and humbled by this community.
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- Merits
- 1,539
I think I understand you very well when it comes to the search for adventure and the wide range of experiences.
A long time ago, I also went through a period where it felt too scary to engage. What helped back then was taking a longer break and deliberately shifting my focus toward a different way of living. After about a year of that, the fear I had didn’t feel as big anymore, it had changed in a relative sense. That’s where my advice comes from.
I fully understand that your way is your way. What ultimately worked for me, and it’s something I still do. I usually take a few lower doses first and then decide if I want to go further. So far, that’s remained a very practical strategy for me.
Anyway just great to hear that you’re finding your way
- Merits
- 455
I appreciate you guys naming the aspect of being adventurers and explorers. I am as well. But I feel so far removed from that part of me. It's a part of me I have been trying to get back to for a very long time. And it's something that is important not to forget about, imo.
One love
One love
- Merits
- 455
Given recent additions to the conversation, I think it's fair to say that it has been important for me to do so much low dose in that that will help one to work on sovereignty and agency, rather than being launched into the uncontrollable rapid flux. The approach allows me to really learn and feel what it is like and means to give to myself.
One love
One love
- Merits
- 455
I'd have so many more "breakthroughs" or depth experiences if I weren't so stubborn. I am in a meeting for our DMTx program, and am realizing that I am not that nervous for my potential opportunity. Why? Because I'll have support that I do trust... That's telling and it informs me that I am on the right track in diagnosing and understanding the hindrance I feel when I am alone: I was conditioned to not be cool with myself.
DMT now is me being cool with myself
One love
DMT now is me being cool with myself
One love
TransistorBass
Resting Yoga Face
- Merits
- 1,201
You'll be live streaming your experiences, yeah?? 
I think DMTx sounds like a nice idea apart from the bit where I'd have a needle fixed into my arm no doubt in the bendy bit so I'd be stressing about bending my arm too much. Unless its a back of the hand insertion? And can you request a slow build versus a particle accelerator? Feels like so much you'd miss if its blast-off and hold her steady!
I think DMTx sounds like a nice idea apart from the bit where I'd have a needle fixed into my arm no doubt in the bendy bit so I'd be stressing about bending my arm too much. Unless its a back of the hand insertion? And can you request a slow build versus a particle accelerator? Feels like so much you'd miss if its blast-off and hold her steady!
- Merits
- 455
It'll be filmed, but I don't know if I will be able to share that. I will a have a detailed report based on the video and my own recordings as well.You'll be live streaming your experiences, yeah??
I think DMTx sounds like a nice idea apart from the bit where I'd have a needle fixed into my arm no doubt in the bendy bit so I'd be stressing about bending my arm too much. Unless its a back of the hand insertion? And can you request a slow build versus a particle accelerator? Feels like so much you'd miss if its blast-off and hold her steady!
Regarding your questions, the needle goes in a vein that's easy to access, anywhere in the forearm area down to the hand, so there are options.
And we employ many different ways of allowing journeyers to interact with the space. Typically a bolus, followed by a steady flow at a certain rate, and when ready another bolus followed by an increased flow, and if it becomes too much, we lower the flowrate. A lot of agency retained in these experiences.
One love
- Merits
- 455
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