Why DMT Scares Me

[Voidmatrix]

Finally!

I feel steady. There's less doubt, and more leaning in. It's a nice change. I am where I am, doing the work I want and need to, and don't feel so much pressure for deeper experiences, but instead a pull toward them. There is a part of me that wants to sort of revisit depths of the past, but I think the pressure I've felt was moar of a pull, a gravitation, by the space. The worry is shedding more and more everyday. It's refreshing. And now, I can deepen slowly.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

I'm putting this here just so that I don't forget about it.

The shock of DMT is often termed ontological shock. But I think it's more than that. It's not just ontological. It's also epistemic, as well as existential. The ontological shock is the shaking and shattering of how we are accustomed to how reality exists. However, the epistemic shock is about what we feel we know. Thus, existential shock is a natural byproduct thereafter.

Thanks.

One love

 

[yatyas314]

Void now I am down the ontological rabbithole !

 

[blig-blug]

Thus, existential shock is a natural byproduct thereafter.

Lately, I've been feeling happiness as a byproduct of this. Even if I have no idea of what's ultimately going on, it seems to be good (whatever that means!). It contrasts starkly with the little dramas and stories we humans like to make for ourselves.

It's most likely that we will never know what it all is about in our narrow, human sense of knowing. It seems that in the face of whatever this is, we can only be humbled.

I share your desire to be able to explain and understand all this. We probably need to take it as a game or a dance, enjoying the fractal of infinite and contradictory possibilities. If we enjoy the dance, it's worth it.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Lately, I've been feeling happiness as a byproduct of this. Even if I have no idea of what's ultimately going on, it seems to be good (whatever that means!). It contrasts starkly with the little dramas and stories we humans like to make for ourselves.

It's most likely that we will never know what it all is about in our narrow, human sense of knowing. It seems that in the face of whatever this is, we can only be humbled.

I share your desire to be able to explain and understand all this. We probably need to take it as a game or a dance, enjoying the fractal of infinite and contradictory possibilities. If we enjoy the dance, it's worth it.

To clarify, do you mean that you have found happiness to be a byproduct of the aspect of existential shock?

One love

 

[blig-blug]

To clarify, do you mean that you have found happiness to be a byproduct of the aspect of existential shock?

One love

Yes. Not initially and not in the past, but lately more and more (the shock keeps happening every time).

Maybe it has evolved and it's a different shock now, I don't know. Another thing to not know

 

[Voidmatrix]

And my "need to explain and understand" in this context is related to client work. It's more about having words to apply, but not necessarily fully describe one aspect of the experience.

However, I appreciate the reminder to lighten up.

One love

 

[blig-blug]

It wasn't a reminder to lighten up, or that wasn't my intention at least.

What I meant is that I have the drive to try and understand. Maybe drive is a more accurate word than need. I know it's pointless, but I still keep going at it. Luckily I tend to not believe most of what I come up with!

I thought you may have that drive as well, based on your posts. But I know you know it's ultimately futile, impossible, and pointless. And that that's not a bad thing. That's why I mentioned the dance and game aspect of it, I think there's still a place for trying to figure it out even if we know we can't. As long as it's done with awareness and without losing sight that, at any given moment, we may be looking at only a small piece of a fractal that is infinitely complex and varied.

Regarding client work, I have no clue of how I would approach that. The balance between supporting them without influencing their interpretation has to be quite complex.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Lol, sorry if my tone seems off. I am awake much earlier than I need to be. Gimme a bit and I'll respond to this.

Just smoalked a small amount. Now to get up.

One love

 

[blig-blug]

No worries. My tone may be off too, I'm feeling a bit on the "cosmic" side of things today, so I'll do some exercise to see if I can get a bit more grounded.

 

[Sakkadelic]

What I meant is that I have the drive to try and understand. Maybe drive is a more accurate word than need. I know it's pointless, but I still keep going at it. Luckily I tend to not believe most of what I come up with!

That's where you find the hidden gems, attempting a futile endeavor while being aware of it, it keeps giving.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Alright, I have a second to start writing a response before guiding. Space feels so good right now.

It wasn't a reminder to lighten up, or that wasn't my intention at least.

I think we all know my neurotic ass needs the reminders, ha!

What I meant is that I have the drive to try and understand. Maybe drive is a more accurate word than need. I know it's pointless, but I still keep going at it. Luckily I tend to not believe most of what I come up with!

Yes indeed, I have this drive/impulse too. In high school I had a saying; "understanding is believing enough." And while futile, there's something we obtain by playing the game. But yes, my sketical, paradoxist ass knows it's pointless.

And now that my session is over, I can finish.

That's why I mentioned the dance and game aspect of it, I think there's still a place for trying to figure it out even if we know we can't. As long as it's done with awareness and without losing sight that, at any given moment, we may be looking at only a small piece of a fractal that is infinitely complex and varied.

The vastness I find scary, and have for a long time. But I am really feeling the discussion around dance, and game, as my goal is enjoyment at this point. I don't have to earn that, though my mind likes to think otherwise.

Regarding client work, I have no clue of how I would approach that. The balance between supporting them without influencing their interpretation has to be quite complex.

When we talk about dance, this is a dance. One wants to be informative without coloring experiences too much. Granted, most people have read trip reports, or heard some pundit talk about it, so they are already under the influence of the power of suggestion by the time they get to me.

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