Uncle Knucles said:I'm not saying it's been a negative force in my life. Quite the opposite, actually.
I'm 45 years old and started painting at 44, solely in an effort to flesh out my experiences in some way. I've always been a museum guy, always been very passionate about art, but this is something I never knew I was capable of or felt sufficiently motivated to try. But here I am now; I love it and believe it's something I'll do everyday for the rest of my life. This has been a direct and (I believe) positive gift that's come to me straight from the molecule.
But for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. My experiences have redefined my relationship with my death, but I wouldn't say they've made me less fearful - and quite possibly they've made me more so. They've alienated me at times from other people in my life and made me feel more separate from most new people I come into contact with. They've made me much more uncomfortable with certain priorities, material attachments, professional choices and aspects of my personality, but they don't provide a magic solution to figuring out the alternatives. They've made me feel insane at times. It ain't all elves and faeries.
My only advice is to heed the warning that this experience offers no answers at all - just an unending flood of questions. That can be uncomfortable, and I would say that for me that has definitely been the case. I'm no wiser now than I was before. I'm happier in some ways, unhappier in others. I wouldn't trade it, but it ain't always easy. Take it for what it is.
this resonates with me a whole bunch well said