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Worst first trip possible

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MonsterMike

MonsterMike

Rising Star
Hello everyone, this is my first post on here and i'm pretty dam scared right now.

The Good: I did my first extraction of DMT and I think it came out pretty well.

The Bad: I wanted to make sure I broke though on my first trip so I measured out 65mg and placed it on my enail. When I exhaled it looked super trippy, but I was disappointed that I didn't just explode from my body. About 2 seconds later that original thought went straight out the window and I was just sent into a different dimension. I can't come up with a single word to use because there is nothing I can compare it to. I though "wow this is crazy I need to know ...." and then BAM, I was surrounded by demons who were clearly here to ruin this experience. I remembered that I need to surrender and relax, but when I would see a pretty light and try to follow it the demons would surround me again. One of the demons looked like a rainbow snake, but it wasn't colorful and had a face that kept changing. I think this was the most powerful one,as it was able to control what I was seeing. It made a box and placed me inside it. I would compare this to being stuck inside an oven because it was extremely hot and I could see all the demons looking at me and telling me this was my fault. From the outside the box looked like a maze, which is why I don't think I was ever able to escape it.

At this point I'm freaking out, but I remember that it will be over in time. As I start to relax (hard to do when you have demons surrounding you and are all in your face and i'm being burned alive) I would see these little sparks of beautiful colors and I would get sucked into them and see other realities of myself where I took DMT and my parents could hear me screaming and they came to help me. It was super loving. Once I thought I escaped the demons I started to think "oh I hope I get my answer to life from this trip" and then BAM, right back into the burning box with the rainbow snake staring at me. It was letting me know that it was in full control of me. No matter what I did it wouldn't let me leave. I was crying, begging, and apologizing for being here and told the demons that I would never come back. The last bit of the trip that I remember is me just saying "i'm sorry...i'm sorry" over and over again hoping that this would end. They pretty much told me that if I ever took DMT again I would stay this way forever. I heard a gnome say "bye Bye", I opened my eyes, saw some scary colors and went back to normal. I watched the video of me that I took and I was silent the whole time except for a "oh no" and my eyes were rolled in the back of my head the whole time.

WTF... I don't know how to feel about this and I just wanted to document my trip to the best of my ability in case I forget about this later on.

Any insight as to what happened or what this snake was was would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks and much love!
 

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from what I have read and heard (so not from experience) maybe you had to much expectations? Finding answers, maybe even a meaning for life? You "wanted to", instead of letting it happen . (?)

Thats my intake, but I am still a rookie, so I am curious what others have to say so I will follow this thread :) thanks for sharing though
 
welcome to the nexus. you certainly decided to jump into the fire; not the best approach, to be sure - but i'm not here to lecture you. i might, however...

making sense of what happened is only for you to do. whatever icons or images that presented themselves to you during your journey are a product of your imagination, your subconscious and fears. the snake...the demons - they are you and what you have brought in from your past experiences in life. no one here can surmise what they might mean.

you have created a difficult situation for yourself now; you really don't have anything to build up to. most advice is to begin small to understand the terrain, develop some comfort and skill with the unusual and unique nature of the DMT experience. beginning with 10-15mg is almost always what is suggested...and for good reason. you now have a fear and associated imagery that will be hard to "unsee". you will probably approach further exploration (when you're ready) with an apprehension of revisiting that same terror. it will be hard to let go and surrender.

i really don't understand the mindset of wanting to go "all the way" the first time. reminds me of the drivel i read on Reddit. it's not about getting high...this is a powerful, sacred medicine. jumping headfirst into the ocean amidst the waves and strong currents is not how we learn to swim. giving a young child Joyce's Ulysses is not how we learn to read. we don't begin with calculus in math nor do we learn a Chopin sonata before learning scales.

i suggest you take some time and let this settle in. when you go back, start at the beginning. you can never undo what you did, but hopefully learn from it.

good luck on your path
 
i had a similiar trip a while ago but for me it was eternal slavery.

naturally, this is a very unpleasant state and so i tried to find answers and solutions.

while reading this book (title below) - funnily, he is talking a lot about "boxes" which he defines as self made traps of believes, which keep us in a state of illusion - and, how to escape them. it is in your control and only your's.

so, i hope while reading this, it will ring some bells and you can adapt the ideas and techniques to leaving that puzzle box:

"how i found freedom in an unfree world"; harry browne

there is a lot of, sometimes heated, discussion going on on the nexus, whether these beings are real or not. are they:

a) "real" (in their dimension, well i believe they are)
b) "evil" (haha, well, you can answer that for yourself)
c) "powerful" (for me, the only one that can give them power, are we ourselves)

as far as i see it, they are very, very tricky illusionists and in themselves, powerless. our thoughts and emotions can send us in a downward spiral, where *our believes* (which can be changed on the basis of facts and rational analysis) cost us the control over our behaviour. the book can help to change this to the better.

and i would take the warning seriously. thoughts are very powerful and if you are trapped in the believe that you will stay "there" forever, this definitly will bleed into your everyday behaviour, believes and attitude.

stay safe, you will make it through that experience. and this will help you develop your life in a way, you never thought was possible. just walk on, don't give up, accept bad days as well as the good ones and educate yourself.

good luck :)
 
MonsterMike said:
.. I would see these little sparks of beautiful colors and I would get sucked into them and see other realities of myself where I took DMT and my parents could hear me screaming and they came to help me..
Click to expand...

Going on the assumption that this is present tense and that you live with your parents, that would make you fairly young I presume? - not actually asking your age/don't say. Obviously you can't take back the experience but I do think young people should wait until they're a bit older before diving in.

There's a mental maturity that generally comes with age which can really help in both deterring and helping one through a difficult experience, psychedelic or otherwise - young people identify with experiences in a very strong way (e.g teenage love).

You don't know they were demons. They could actually be guardians protecting you by keeping you isolated from outside influences, but your mind was projecting frustration, fear, etc on to them and the experience. Not saying this is what happened, just suggesting that you shouldn't necessarily take the experience at face value.
 
Great replies!
65mg for starters, that's buying a ticket for trouble like stepping into a Ferrari and push the pedal to the metal only to see if you can dive a car. Sorry to echo decdevil once more.

MonsterMike said:
...They pretty much told me that if I ever took DMT again I would stay this way forever...
Click to expand...
This is often a lie and a pretty typical one, it is a recurrent theme and that might comfort you. What is conveyed there is not necessarily the truth at all. There is the preconditioned stance that these threatening things (messages, entities,...) come from our own and fired back at ourselves as if it came from something else. Sort of in-trip "materialized" own fear so to speak for us to encounter.

Oh well most here have scars that will never go away but the lessons aren't and that's a good thing, we all have stepped over the line at some point, it happens sooner or later, well you had it soon. In that regard you're in good company of scar bearing people here ;)

Let it settle for a long time is my advise. It's okay to never do it again, it's okay if you take on the path later with more care for yourself. Any go from here is okay. Drag your banged Ferrari out of the guardrails, time will restore it by itself.
:thumb_up:
 
Jees said:
Great replies!
65mg for starters, that's buying a ticket for trouble like stepping into a Ferrari and push the pedal to the metal only to see if you can dive a car. Sorry to echo decdevil once more.
Click to expand...


65 mg... gah durn!!! Whaddayah tryin' to do?? Lose an eye(I)??? I guess it worked. Lol. I remember my first breakthrough. I proudly packed 50 mg.... but only got about half of it inhaled before i felt the sensation of: "i better put this down really quick..." When I returned, there was still enough remaining for a second breakthrough.

Anyways, too late to change what's already been done.

That DMT still looks pretty wet. Did you allow plenty of time for drying and evaporation of solvent? Even when DMT looks mostly dry, there's still likely residual solvent. I generally keep mine in a reduced pressure chamber for a week before ingesting.

Bad trips can happen. Good trips can happen. It's highly unlikely to revisit the same "entities" twice in a row... or you may never see them again, at all.

Fear, following an event like this, is pretty normal. I had my first "difficult" trip after about 5 months of frequent use. Similarly, I loaded too much DMT due to curiosity. After that, it opened the idea that any DMT experience could go south.

I never had anything deliberately tell me not to come back. Either translation is poor, or I'm stubborn, or it's not a "don't ever come back." More like, "why are you here asking 'what's next?' when you haven't done what you said you'd do a few times back?"

As for ultimate answers - prepare for THE ultimate answer!!!: there is none. Chasing this notion is like a dog chasing cars. What would a dog do when it catches the car?? Let's assume the car even stops so that the dog can catch it... does the dog even know why it's chasing the car? Does it know what's in the car?

Unfortunately, the reason that the car stopped was... because it was the dog catcher! The dog has no idea - it's just doing 'dog stuff.' Little did it know... the thing it was chasing is actually the thing it was trying to avoid. Now, the dog stands there as two men get out of the car. It's still barking loudly, because it doesn't know who the men are and what their purpose is. One man holds out a treat, while the other sneaks around and grabs the loops used to catch strays. Focused on the lure of the treat, the sneaky man slips te loop around its neck and throws it in a cage in the back of their van. They drive around for a while, and it's very hot in that cage.

The dog has no idea why it's there, or what it did to get there. It was just chasing cars... like the other dogs... the other dogs chase until a car get away. However, it sits there all day. No food. No water. Just heat and time.

After an unknown amount of time (the dog left its wrist watch at home), the men reappear. Scared, the dog begins to whimper. The men yell some things, and say something like, "we better not catch you back on the streets!" The dog has no idea. But.... they unlock the cage and step aside, revealing the dog's parents. They'd been looking for him all day and had been worried sick.

The dog steps out of the hot cage and is quickly embraced by its parents. It goes home, eats dinner, and goes to sleep. The next day, the dog goes outside and sits by the road... watching as the cars drive past. It wants to chase, but will it chase the chaser? Or will it chase another car that never stops? Hard to say....

Good thing we're not dogs. We can ifentify which car holds the dog catchers. However - there are plenty of cars that would pick up a stray, give it lots of love, and find its parents. If it has no parents... sometimes a lost dog might find a loving home by chasing cars....


You get my drift, yet? One bad experience doesn't define DMT. Go chase some cars. Bite some tires. Get hurt. Get healed. Have fun. Be scared. YOU ARE HUMAN! That's the point. If you live a life without chasing a few cars, you'll end up like one of those fat, deaf, blind, couch-dogs that live a long "boring" life.

Maybe it's just me... but, I risk the dog catcher for the chase. It ain't the catch... no... i don't wanna catch cars... i wanna see if I can run as fast as a car. If they start to stop... (ha) then i also want to know that I can run AWAY from the wrong car; rather than stand there barking at the two men getting out, with treat in hand...

Take care!
ACY

Oh, right... dog catchers don't rule reality... they are usually the police officers who cannot perform the job that they signed up for, so they are reassigned to that role. (This is true - there was an infamous police officer in my home town that was put on "animal control" duty after damaging his police cruiser.... he was removed from the animal control position after damaging the animal control vehicle. Lol... they put him on the night shift in the county jail. Even the jail-birnds mocked him. I don't think that he'd wanted that... he wanted to be the guy catching "bad guys" but guess where he ended up... in the cage with the rest of us. Only... lolololol... he's stuck there! By choice! I haven't been to that "hotel" in about 15 years, but if I had to guess - he's still right where I left him.)
 
[quote

As for ultimate answers - prepare for THE ultimate answer!!!: there is none. Chasing this notion is like a dog chasing cars.....]


Douglas Adams says the answer to the Ultimate Question about Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42. The real problem is that we don’t know what the question is. I am rather fond of that approach.
 
The main reason why this went wrong is because you started with the wrong dosage...you want to wet your feet not jump in the middle of the ocean. 10mg, then 20mg, then 30...this would have been much more pleasurable:)
 

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What experience do you have with other psychedelics? The previous post reminded me TMK said that the first few trips have a way of "cleaning out the drain traps" of your mind. When I first started back with psychedelics, after a very long gap I was seeing morphing alien/demon faces in my mescaline CEV's. They lessened gradually and now I almost never see any demon archetype imagery.

Just saying if you did that much DMT without first clearing the deck then I would be surprised if you DIDN'T have a scary experience. You might want to look at it as a psychic enema. Looking at the results you now know what your biggest fears are. That is useful information.
 
Hello everyone,

I first just want to thank everyone who responded to my question, as everyone here was very helpful on making sense with my experience. The comfort that I got just by reading the responses was unreal and I love all of you.

With that being said, a reoccurring theme that I keep reading is how I should have started at a lower dose before taking a large one. Looking back, that is definitely something I should have done, but my cocky ego got in the way and didn’t make me think twice. If anyone new is reading this, please take the advice of others and myself to start at a lower dose. Second, Ducdevil and 32211 really hit the nail on the head by explaining what this experience was, or at least what I believe it to be. I’m currently about to graduate college and about to get into the fulltime job life. Something I’m always thinking about and talking to others about is how crazy it is that people work 40+ hours every week for their whole lives at a job that they do not love. Additionally, I’m always talking about how we are not really free in the United States and that politicians are just trying to make us less free and it seems that no one really cares.

I think my horrible experience was a projection of my biggest fears, which is being trapped inside a life that I don’t want to live and not being free to do the things in life that I want to do. Being stuck at a shitty job my whole life or living in a world where freedoms are constantly being taken away.

So now what do I do with this information? I know what my biggest fear is now and I know that I can be in control of what I want to do with my life. The way I see life is like Russian dolls. The universe is the biggest doll, humans are next, then other life forms and so on until you eventually hit the thing that created everything (im going to use the word god, but it can be whatever you want). Every living/non living thing is a piece of this god, so in my eyes we are a part of god. I think prayer simply comes from being part god and manifesting our thoughts into our own realities. This “god” doesn’t need to answer our thoughts/prayers because we are able to answer them ourselves.

I think its funny, but I liked the idea that this was my “psychic enema” and a way for my body to “clean out the drain traps”. All in all, I think my horrible trip was really a blessing in disguise. I now have very useful information for what I believe in, what I stand for and what I want out of this life.

I hope this makes sense and doesn’t sound like gibberish, but its how I make sense with life and my experience now.

Thanks again everyone and much love
<3
 
"When you are silent it speaks, when you speak, it is silent." - Alan Watts

you see...this is the miracle of psychedelic medicine. the gains, the insights, the deeper inward knowledge and progress does not happen immediately. often, the greatest gains come days, weeks...even months after a session. there is a common expression amongst psychedelic therapists and practitioners, "the medicine doesn't always give you what you want, but it always gives you what you need."

the tone, the content and the vibe of your last post shows growth and insight. you see things differently. you are feeling things in new ways. you see yourself through a clearer prism.

bravo.

whether it was too big a dose or not can be debated. yet, it was what it was and here you are. receiving the gifts from the medicine when you expected otherwise.

they don't call it sacred for nothing.

peace
 
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