1st DMT experience - trouble integrating

[Ajb]

Hi all,

I am new to the forum but have been reading around the forums for a while and have just joined up.
4 days ago i had my first DMT experience. (i dont drink or smoke weed anymore i will add) It was my first psycadelic experience and i have never tripped on acid or lsd or mushrooms before. Me and a friend MOD EDIT: Please no talk of procuring, thankyou of naturally extracted dmt which looked like ear wax. Im not sure what the exact DMT content amount was in the substance but i was advised to have roughly two matchead sized lumps.
I smoked the DMT on its own in a foil/plastic bong that i had made. It worked well. My first hit i had about 1 matchhead sized portion and the trip was nothing short of incredible. Intense patterns filled my vision and a euforic feeling thst words cannot describe.1 hour later My 2nd hit was about 2 matcheds in size. It was more intense and i was projected into a complex structure that bombarded me with knowledge... I dont think i broke through, if so, only momentaraly.

Its been 4 days now. First 2 days following i was ok, very astonished and seemed to be able go about normal life, but i had a lingering feeling like i was covering some concearn up inside. Last night, 3 days post trip, i had a huge panic attack and began to dry reach and my body was freezing cold, it was very frightening and unearving. Also last night, i had insomnia and intense dreams and awoke at least 7 times. Ive lost my appetite (which i can attribute to the panic attacks). This morning i had another panic attack and dry reached for about 1 hour and then began to cry.
Im deeply confused and scared at the moment. Im trying my best to let go of any fear i have. I seem to be suffering from a headache and my vision is blurring sometimes. Im finding it hard to focus on something but when i do i let go and feel better. The more i think about the experience the more raw emotion it triggers. If i think about the beautiful patterns made from love i burst out into tears.. Which is confusing.. But also When i think about the DMT visions or anything to do with DMT i start to get anxious and Panic.
I think i might be having some trouble intergrating back into reality with my trip. Maybe i smoked a bit too much. A part of me is calm inside and i get the feeling that its going to be alright. Although when i start to analyse the trip again i start freaking out.

Its unfortunate really as the trip itself was nothing short of wonderful. I have a highly analytical brain and i think that i am trying to understand too much...

Please be gentle with feedback as i am extremely fragile at the moment.. Any calming words of advice are very very much appreciated. At the moment, Im not planning on using anymore dmt.

 

[olympus mon]

I wrote a big essay On integration if you would like Ill attach the pdf.
Your going to be fine mate, just breathe. You didn't do too much nor damage your mind so don't stress about that.

DMT is intense. It is a full on game changer. It shatters what we thought we knew as reality and shows us what may be out there. I'll never forget my first contact with the other's and first Breakthrough. I did come to the point you are at, the line becoming razor thin as to what is real.

To help you better can you give us more information? Like what do you feel is the problem? What was so shocking in your journey? Have you ever conceived of such a place as hyperspace, the place we go on DMT?

 

[Ajb]

I wrote a big essay On integration if you would like Ill attach the pdf.
Your going to be fine mate, just breathe. You didn't do too much nor damage your mind so don't stress about that.

DMT is intense. It is a full on game changer. It shatters what we thought we knew as reality and shows us what may be out there. I'll never forget my first contact with the other's and first Breakthrough. I did come to the point you are at, the line becoming razor thin as to what is real.

To help you better can you give us more information? Like what do you feel is the problem? What was so shocking in your journey? Have you ever conceived of such a place as hyperspace, the place we go on DMT?

Thank you for your kind words.
I guess i am shocked by the journey as a whole. The fact that i saw incredible things that existed beyond our reality. I am really struggling to digest this. I am a very open minded guy and have often pondered the possibilites of conciousness and the universe for at least the last 2 years. The visions were just too sureal for me to handle i think. Although i was drawn to DMT and thought i had the mind to handle it, It has frightened me deeply.
I feel a wave of unease flowing through my mind, body and soul.
I live a simple happy life and i wish to continue that. A part of me wishes that i hadn't made the journey.

 

[TOXSIN]

My friend experience something similar, he was always the tough I don't have emotions type of guy who gave no care to anything/anyone he had a life changing DMT trip, and within about a month the change in him was obvious he actually broke down crying in front of me and when asked why he explained it as, him having had walls he built over years torn down instantly and slowly being flooded with feelings he felt he literally had forgotten/locked away on purpose. He is doing much better now, he eventually worked through it, as I imagine you will too, but having tried DMT as a first psychedelic must definitely have been intense, also acid and lsd are the same for future reference so if anyone tries to sell them to you as different drugs slap them in the face with the blotter sheet so hard they trip into next Tuesday.

 

[TOXSIN]

I wrote a big essay On integration if you would like Ill attach the pdf.
Your going to be fine mate, just breathe. You didn't do too much nor damage your mind so don't stress about that.

DMT is intense. It is a full on game changer. It shatters what we thought we knew as reality and shows us what may be out there. I'll never forget my first contact with the other's and first Breakthrough. I did come to the point you are at, the line becoming razor thin as to what is real.

To help you better can you give us more information? Like what do you feel is the problem? What was so shocking in your journey? Have you ever conceived of such a place as hyperspace, the place we go on DMT?

Thank you for your kind words.
I guess i am shocked by the journey as a whole. The fact that i saw incredible things that existed beyond our reality. I am really struggling to digest this. I am a very open minded guy and have often pondered the possibilites of conciousness and the universe for at least the last 2 years. The visions were just too sureal for me to handle i think. Although i was drawn to DMT and thought i had the mind to handle it, It has frightened me deeply.
I feel a wave of unease flowing through my mind, body and soul.
I live a simple happy life and i wish to continue that. A part of me wishes that i hadn't made the journey.

You opened a door that won't easily be closed if ever closed, you have to understand these things come with a price, and not all bad trip is a bad trip, just difficult read my signature, nature knows no good nor evil, only we as humans do, we create the darkness in our mind to shadow the good, without the bad though we would not enjoy the good times so much, and we would be desensitized give it some time do some meditation and don't trip for a while I'd say, and when you're ready again if not trying mushies or lsd, try oral dmt, (careful to research MAOI diet) as it comes on slower, and isn't such a mind fuck but its definitely not weak don't take me wrong. Just easier to integrate and more gentle than a rocket ride into the heavens. Words can barely do the DMT trip justice, so for now don't try to explain it, let it come to you as you will. Integration takes time.

 

[Jin]

I live a simple happy life and i wish to continue that

to tell you the truth in about 20 days you might not even remember what happened in the trip , i usually forget all about it within 20 days , at that point i usually smoalk again to remember

i would advice you to pay attention to sound at all times , a good way to learn paying attention to sound is to continuously listen to music , stop thinking and start enjoying yourself in the moment you are now by listenin to music

you might even realize its not the DMT trip troubling you but your own thinking and thoughts about what happened and the incredible awesomeness , and how it relates to the universe . life and so on ........

i have to say many of us can sometimes overthink ourselves to such discomfort and anxiety

i promise you it will pass , and sooner if you start paying attention to each and every sound ,

please dont think or talk to yourself if you do that ....just listen , use your ears

tell me if this helps

edit : remember your thinking process will try to fight and keep you from listening to the sounds continuously, no matter what thought comes up just let go and pay attention to the sounds at all times , you'll be fine in no time

 

[Ajb]

Thanks Toxcin.

I think that i am strong willed and i will see this through. DMT is the only psycadelic that ever interested me. I just wanted to give it a try and see if it was for me.
In spite of being an incredibly spiritual person, i now feel that the world of psycadelics is not for me. Although the world of DMT seems incredibly beautiful and unmatched by anything else out there, i prefer to focus on my physical life as it is full of the people i love and the things i love to do. I am entirely appreciative of what DMT has shown me. But i would like to absorb my experience and move on with my life.. If that makes sense

 

[olympus mon]

Ajb- I think you may be psyching your self out, no pun intended. I fully understand that it was an intense experience but stop for a min. I mean this. Literally stop for a min, turn off the monitor or close the lap-top. take a deep breathe and ask this one question.

"What in this moment right here and now is wrong?"

Do not answer about the past nor the future but right here and right now. What is wrong right this moment?

Im guessing the answer is nothing, usually is. I asked this to pull you into the present moment. We as people tend to dwell and stress over the past and future as the present moment passes by un-noticed.

Its all good my friend. Relax. Your a human being that took a psychedelic substance and had a TEMPORARY altered state.
You will be better off as a person for taking the plunge with the proper integration. have you read the PDF I attached, it will help you integrate by understanding the process and why its important.

 

[Ajb]

I live a simple happy life and i wish to continue that

to tell you the truth in about 20 days you might not even remember what happened in the trip , i usually forget all about it within 20 days , at that point i usually smoalk again to remember

i would advice you to pay attention to sound at all times , a good way to learn paying attention to sound is to continuously listen to music , stop thinking and start enjoying yourself in the moment you are now by listenin to music

you might even realize its not the DMT trip troubling you but your own thinking and thoughts about what happened and the incredible awesomeness , and how it relates to the universe . life and so on ........

i have to say many of us can sometimes overthink ourselves to such discomfort and anxiety

i promise you it will pass , and sooner if you start paying attention to each and every sound ,

please dont think or talk to yourself if you do that ....just listen , use your ears

tell me if this helps
edit : remember your thinking process will try to fight and keep you from listening to the sounds continuously, no matter what thought comes up just let go and pay attention to the sounds at all times , you'll be fine in no time

Thankyou so much Jin...
That is exactly what i needed.. Thank you so much...
I find that when i am focused on driving or listening to music etc i feel completely normal, therefore it seems to be my thoughts that i am damaging myself with.. Which is common for me as i tend to over analyse..
Many good vibes your way

 

[TOXSIN]

Thanks Toxcin.

I think that i am strong willed and i will see this through. DMT is the only psycadelic that ever interested me. I just wanted to give it a try and see if it was for me.
In spite of being an incredibly spiritual person, i now feel that the world of psycadelics is not for me. Although the world of DMT seems incredibly beautiful and unmatched by anything else out there, i prefer to focus on my physical life as it is full of the people i love and the things i love to do. I am entirely appreciative of what DMT has shown me. But i would like to absorb my experience and move on with my life.. If that makes sense

This makes perfect sense eventually the student finds the need to move away from his/her teacher, some people need more lessons than others some can manage with a single session.

 

[Ajb]

Ajb- I think you may be psyching your self out, no pun intended. I fully understand that it was an intense experience but stop for a min. I mean this. Literally stop for a min, turn off the monitor or close the lap-top. take a deep breathe and ask this one question.

"What in this moment right here and now is wrong?"

Do not answer about the past nor the future but right here and right now. What is wrong right this moment?

Im guessing the answer is nothing, usually is. I asked this to pull you into the present moment. We as people tend to dwell and stress over the past and future as the present moment passes by un-noticed.

Its all good my friend. Relax. Your a human being that took a psychedelic substance and had a TEMPORARY altered state.
You will be better off as a person for taking the plunge with the proper integration. have you read the PDF I attached, it will help you integrate by understanding the process and why its important.

Wow you were right.. Nothing... But my stupid brain wont stop thinking... And yes im going to shut down the pc and listen to music..
Yes i have started reading, thanks
Appreciate the help very much everyone.. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this so thanks...

 

[○]

Ajb,

First of all, welcome to the nexus.

I'l lget down to the nitty gritty. This experience, this thing we're imbiding in, is serious business. It's certainly not for everyone. Losing every shred of identity and trace of physical reality at the drop of a dime, is something to respect and hold with proper caution. DMT does some truly incredible things, and among one of those, it shows that there's more underneath these meat suits than previously thought. Take joy in what you've experienced, because, not many people have experienced what you have.

Your at a fork in the road. Continue use or (as you've noted) stop using the substance altogether. Many go through this, and many continue, given proper time and integration. Not saying you'll continue this path, because your entitled to walk in whichever direction you choose. Just know that MANY here have been in your shoes and understand, and we're here for you every step of the way.

I've been at this a little over 4 years now, and just recently, after close to a year hiatus I finally journey'd once again. "A year" without doing DMT. I"ve told myself time and time again that I won't go down this path anymore, although that never lasts hehe.

Any questions, thought, musings, throw them out on here, for it will help you. Much love to you fellow infinite being.

tat

 

[steppa]

stop for a min. I mean this. Literally stop for a min, turn off the monitor or close the lap-top. take a deep breathe and ask this one question.

"What in this moment right here and now is wrong?"

Do not answer about the past nor the future but right here and right now. What is wrong right this moment?

Im guessing the answer is nothing, usually is. I asked this to pull you into the present moment. We as people tend to dwell and stress over the past and future as the present moment passes by un-noticed.

This one is great. Thank you. I'll remember that. I'm sure this will come in handy at some time. If not for me, for others. Thank you!

 

[Ajb]

Thank you for your input tat.

Just a little update on how im travelling.

Ok its saturday now and has been a week since my journey. After a few huge anxiety breakdowns involving crying and screaming on tuesday, wednesday and thursday this week, i have had some moments where i feel completely back to reality. Yesterday, i was at work listening to music and had a period of about 3-4 hours of feeling very grounded.
I have reached out to a female sharman healer. She performed an enegry balance for me on thursday which calmed my energy down and also has been fantasic to talk to through this delicate time. she has advised me that im feeling this huge disconection between body and mind as i am usually a very grounded person who is very much in tune with his body and souroundings.

Some things that are worrying me a bit:
I am still experiencing a bit of derealisationl. My vision and other senses (besides touch) are very sensitive still.
As long as im busy or focused im fine, but when i have time to reflect i start to get anxious. (although with each panic attack i seem to be feeling better?)
Each morning i wake up with extremely depressed feeling which subside as the day goes on (id like to add that i am dreaming very heavily).

The thing that is scaring me most is my line of thought. Before i embarked on my journey i was very much a lateral thinker and often contemplated reality and the universe. I listened to alot of joe rogan etc. but i still felt in control of those thoughts and i could pick or choose weather i wanted to think about those things and there was still plenty room for thinking about things in my day to day life - training, girls, my family, food, work, friends etc. But at the moment its like my head is overloaded and flooded with thoughts about reality and dmt etc. I try to watch the football on tv which i stay focused for a bit and then the thoughts start flooding in again ((am i really here? Is there any point to life? Why do i care about living?)) these thoughts cause the anxiety but im getting better.. I think.
The thing is i dont mind having these thoughts in my head but i want them to be a part of my life, not my main focus.. And im hoping that they will subside over time and i can return to refocus more on the physical aspects... I guess i dont want to be walking around all day in a trance tripping out about reality too much lol..
Thats basically whats got me a little shaken..

Much love to all of you guys. Once again i truely appreciate any positive feedback.

Ajb