Exp. Report An important realization

[Nydex]

I'm at the tail end of a mushroom experience that led to a realization I want to share with you all, in hopes that it might serve as an example, or inspiration, for others to look deeper within and find healing.

I took 400mg of pan cyans (TTBVI) via LemonTek. While the peak of the experience was intense and beautiful in its own way, it is at the other side of the hill where, for me at least, most of the profound healing is found.

To preface this, I need to emphasize that I have been overweight for the majority of my life. The reasons for this have shifted over the years, but it has always been the worst right around the periods of my life where I've struggled emotionally the most. The realization this post is about isn't something that suddenly came to me. It has been gradually crystallizing in my mind over time, but today I think it finally clicked.

I turned inwards and examined my "snacking" habit, which has always been a part of my life, including right now, despite me being on a health journey and having lost over 55lbs (25kg) of weight and gotten in the best physical shape of my life. Today something became unavoidably obvious to me.

This snacking habit is a vestigial remnant of the coping mechanism that food was for me back when I was struggling mentally. During my darkest moments, food was the metaphorical shelter that protected me from the harsh elements of my reality. It was a necessary distraction from how I truly felt, and I say necessary because facing my emotions felt like too much to bear. Food represented the stone outcroppings on the vertical wall I was climbing, upon which I could rest my limbs a while and recover before moving on. And it was gradually destroying my health.

Now having walked a long path of healing thanks to psychedelics, and having taken a few major decisions about career and perspective on life itself, I find myself in a healthy place, healthier than I've ever been, both mentally and physically. I'm as happy as I've ever been.

And yet, the snacking habit remains. Like the ruins of an ancient fortress that once protected me from the world, now serving no other purpose than to mar the landscape of my soul.

Now I understand that it has served its purpose and is no longer necessary. And thus, I am compelled to commit myself to its demolition. I've talked about breaking and making habits on the forum before, I understand the "science" behind it. But without being emotionally synchronized to the purpose behind making or breaking a certain habit, the chance of success is low. Now I have accepted the fact that the habit needs to go.

It may seem like something simple and trivial to some people, and perhaps it is. But to me it means a lot, because it gives me a sense of progress into "putting myself back together". I hope this may serve as inspiration to someone out there to do the same, to let go of something that no longer serves them, or at least to not feel alone while trying to do so.

Thank you for reading. I love you all

 

[taita]

The feeling of actually being physically hungry is a sacred thing that most of us in the first world at least, almost never experience.

Blessings on your realization and healing journey. Thanks and gratitude to the medicine

 

[doubledog]

Imo this is true psychedelia - trivial, common, most obvious topics of our lifes somehow solved or clarified in an unexpected moments.
Best wishes to you.

 

[blig-blug]

I've been there too with food (in the way of binge eating instead of snacking), and sometimes still have minor issues, depending on my stress levels. I'm glad you have decided to keep improving in that aspect.

And thus, I am compelled to commit myself to its demolition

From my experience, I would advice to be gentle with yourself and look for balance. In my experience, on the long term it's more important to be able to stay the course and recover quick and without giving much importance from any relapse, than to strive for absolute perfection. Wanting perfection often means that, when you inevitably slip, you will be more likely to get thrown off balance (as "perfection" has been ruined) and fully relapse. Whereas recognizing that e.g. snacking a single day does no harm (of course if "single days" start to increase in number, it can change) and thus being able to not give it much importance is much more helpful in the long term.

Also, there's also the possibility of snacking healthy food in normal amounts, in a very conscious and aware way. I don't snack, but in my experience harmful eating behaviors usually go together with a lack of awareness of what one is eating. IMO the main point is to reframe the relationship with food as a whole rather than implement a specific behavior or rules.

This is based in my experience, of course.

Again, I'm happy to see that you got something very helpful from your trip, and wish you can continue improving mind and body

 

[blig-blug]

The feeling of actually being physically hungry is a sacred thing that most of us in the first world at least, almost never experience.

Interestingly, to people with overeating issues, physical hunger is much easier to handle than emotional "hunger" (as long as the physical hunger is by choice, of course). Nowadays I'm in a good place regarding eating, and it's still more difficult for me to not overeat in a given moment when I'm stressed, than e.g. water fast for a week.

 

[taita]

Interestingly, to people with overeating issues, physical hunger is much easier to handle than emotional "hunger" (as long as the physical hunger is by choice, of course). Nowadays I'm in a good place regarding eating, and it's still more difficult for me to not overeat in a given moment when I'm stressed, than e.g. water fast for a week.

I feel that. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is a not-so-secret human superpower imo

Psychedelic medicine paths lean into that space for sure. Like anyone, I struggle with ideas (and also the reality) of discipline, and I appreciate it much when the discipline for whatever supports the journey/creativity comes from a place of genuine desire and insight, or we could even call it spirit

 

[northape]

This one hits close to home. I've gotten 10kg (22lbs) heavier than I need to be this past half a year. Somehow it has become very difficult to fast, too.
Forest biking and workouts are back on the menu for me, hehe. Food has been a coping mechanism for most of my life, and I easily go back to it when stressed.
Honestly, that's a harder habit to kick than tobacco or coffee. Water fasts of a few days have helped me the most over the years. Somehow, when you abstain from food for a period of time, it builds self-confidence and the power to change. Exercise gives a similar result but takes more time, imo. May all go well for you

 

[Famili-a-rentity]

A very big thanks for sharing! I believe everyone has its unique path thet leads to realizing: there is something exist...a thought, an emotion. The medicine and we are fortunately here for those who want to change. This story is really worth to celebrate!

 

[Flufferus]

i have a terrible habit of eating in my sleep

i sleep with a bag of pretzels

despite that, i am down about 30 lbs over past 2 months

congrats on your weight loss! i am allready feeling abit better.

 

[universecannon]

Thank you for sharing your journey man. It's not easy to face aspects of our selves like this, and certainly not always easy to share that process with others, but in the end we really do all benefit

 

[Nydex]

despite that, i am down about 30 lbs over past 2 months

What weight did you start from? 30lbs over 2 months is borderline extreme weight loss, and usually a sign of an unhealthy approach, unless you started off very overweight of course. It's perfectly fine if you prefer not to discuss it, but I've had past experiences with severe rates of weight loss and I've seen the damage it can cause to a human, and the often inevitable rebound that usually happens.

And thank you for the kind words

Thank you for sharing your journey man. It's not easy to face aspects of our selves like this, and certainly not always easy to share that process with others, but in the end we really do all benefit

Thank you brother, means a lot to hear it from you. Indeed it seems like the hardest things to face are the ones we see in the mirror, but I view it as a necessary process.

 

[Flufferus]

What weight did you start from? 30lbs over 2 months is borderline extreme weight loss, and usually a sign of an unhealthy approach, unless you started off very overweight of course. It's perfectly fine if you prefer not to discuss it, but I've had past experiences with severe rates of weight loss and I've seen the damage it can cause to a human, and the often inevitable rebound that usually happens.

And thank you for the kind words


Thank you brother, means a lot to hear it from you. Indeed it seems like the hardest things to face are the ones we see in the mirror, but I view it as a necessary process.

thanks, yes im ok and relatively healthy. started at 250lbs and im 6ft so decently a lump. i came off a heavy duty psych med that made me gain a ton of weight, since coming off i only eat once a day now. its nice not being a bottomless pit anymore! usually i sit around 200lbs comfortably.

 

[Nydex]

thanks, yes im ok and relatively healthy. started at 250lbs and im 6ft so decently a lump. i came off a heavy duty psych med that made me gain a ton of weight, since coming off i only eat once a day now. its nice not being a bottomless pit anymore! usually i sit around 200lbs comfortably.

Good to hear, keep it up! I wish I had started taking care of my body earlier, but at least I started