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Anger and frustration
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I know all about anger..To me it has been realy helpfull to look at things from a slightly different angle: most people that i tend to loathe are, when you take a closer look, not bad persons. Even people who, almost everybody agrees on, are evil characters, like hitler, stalin or pol pot, are rather very sick people than very evil people.
There is a whole host of psychiatric disorders that cause persons to behave in ways, normal people would consider to be 'evil'.
The actions of these people ARE evil, but the people themselves are not. They are just very disturbed souls.
People who suffer from these disorders are a minority in most society´s (though environmental factors do play a role. In america for instance, there are so many more psychopaths than in europe, that in america they´ve raised the bar for the predicate 'psychopath': an american has to score 30 on the standard test for psychopathy to be able to be called a psychopath, while in europe this is just 26 ), but because of the nature of their disorders and their tendency towards violence, they unfortunately have a disproportionate influence.
Yet they are a minority. They do not represent mankind at all.
There is a whole host of psychiatric disorders that cause persons to behave in ways, normal people would consider to be 'evil'.
The actions of these people ARE evil, but the people themselves are not. They are just very disturbed souls.
People who suffer from these disorders are a minority in most society´s (though environmental factors do play a role. In america for instance, there are so many more psychopaths than in europe, that in america they´ve raised the bar for the predicate 'psychopath': an american has to score 30 on the standard test for psychopathy to be able to be called a psychopath, while in europe this is just 26 ), but because of the nature of their disorders and their tendency towards violence, they unfortunately have a disproportionate influence.
Yet they are a minority. They do not represent mankind at all.
polytrip said:
I think sick people needs to be seen and accepted for their behavior or who they are (just as everyone else should be), not hidden behind a word of disorder (or order). Everyone has the right to make progress and develop into less destructive beings.
Osho suggests breathing and meditation. I was reading a quote and he says when you become angry with someone you must change your breathing. Try running around the house a few times and you will find that you are no longer in the same frame of mine. Why? Beacause you changed your breathing and had to focus on that. He aslo says that sadness is just anger turned inward and anger can be sadness turned outward.
I believe that we must learn to deal with all of our emotions, but anger and frustration can be particularily difficult. We need to learn to recognize it, feel it, and then most importantly, let it go. I have to ask myself, why am I angry? What is it that's really bothering me here? Is there something I can do about it or do I just have to let it go? Usually it would seem that my anger is ego driven or driven by self-centeredness.
For me, sometimes the biggest help in relieving my anger is just being validated. Telling someone why I am angry and hearing that I am right to feel this way, but in the end we have to let go of it and sometimes that just takes time. I have also learned that it is very important for me not to act on my thoughts when I am angry or frustrated. Usually it helps to give it a couple days, mabye talk to someone or the person that I am angry or frustrated with and then consider my options. I've nearly walked out on jobs and let other people get the best of me, but by confronting the problem head on, I am usually able to come to a much better solution.
I believe that we must learn to deal with all of our emotions, but anger and frustration can be particularily difficult. We need to learn to recognize it, feel it, and then most importantly, let it go. I have to ask myself, why am I angry? What is it that's really bothering me here? Is there something I can do about it or do I just have to let it go? Usually it would seem that my anger is ego driven or driven by self-centeredness.
For me, sometimes the biggest help in relieving my anger is just being validated. Telling someone why I am angry and hearing that I am right to feel this way, but in the end we have to let go of it and sometimes that just takes time. I have also learned that it is very important for me not to act on my thoughts when I am angry or frustrated. Usually it helps to give it a couple days, mabye talk to someone or the person that I am angry or frustrated with and then consider my options. I've nearly walked out on jobs and let other people get the best of me, but by confronting the problem head on, I am usually able to come to a much better solution.
Indeed. I find that a helpfull perspective. It turns hate into empathy. Most people that are hated, are as much victims themselves.empire said:
I've recently learned that distraction doesn't work, and that if I sit mindfully with my feelings of anger without automatically acting them out, it goes away quickly and doesn't get suppressed. When I feel better, I journal it and find the resentment that caused the anger. Meditation then releases the resentment.
Always search and seek a way to love through the madness. A friend was murdered, and it caused a lot of grief, but I saw how it brought forth an outpouring of love from all angles. It made me smile in the end. I have since seen this magic happen surrounding my sisters death, nephews suicide ect....I started to wonder if the universe will flux in such a way, it requires more love in the system, and goes about ways of getting it, all the while teaching valuable lessons.
It's funny how what seems like a tragedy can really be a blessing in disguise and vice versa. Through the loss of a brother to suicide and the terminal illness of my mother, my family has never been closer and I have never felt more alive. These things teach us what is really important in life.
Nice!
Sometimes, when I feel like I'm angry or upset, I just think about the anger. I think about what anger actually is, and I realize that it's completely amazing that we are "intelligent" beings capable not only of being angry, but also of being aware that we're angry, and being aware that we're being aware that we're angry. The mind is an incredible thing. Reality is an incredible thing. It's all just so incredible, and when you truly realise that, anger is impossible.
If that all makes no sense, then I prescribe 2 hits of acid once every two weeks for 4 months, after which there should be some sort of follow-up appointment.
Almost makes me angry! :evil:
what about all the people that stand around an watch as one person gets the hell kicked out of them by many. or the ones that destroy an innocent. or the many that walk by someone layed out dead before them acting too busy to stop. i wish there was no anger just understanding. but it does not work that way. the thing that has always anazed me about some people.. i can understand how one lost minded soul fills his heart with ways to destory others.. what i can not believe is how someone can talk many others into it.. im not a fan of anger.. but i sometimes i understand its place.. they arrest people where i live for feeding the homeless in the park..but offer 2000 dollar reward to find someone who throws cats off a bridge... yes i think anger has its place.. even if it is only to bring shame to such behavior.. bad men rise when good men do nothing.. or women.. im not real good at turning the other cheek... the fight for good and evil is real.. anger is a part of that.. im not talking about some jerk getting mad over traffic or losing there luckt tee shirt. or some childish wim to not see what is worth there anger..how do we handle anger.. we get real about what is really worth it ... i handle my anger till i no longer can.. till you make me watch you wipe your ass on everything i value.. its like bullys if your telling me you only do it cause it was done to you.. well.. you knew it was wrong when it was happening to you.. same as child molester,s take some responsablity for your actions..YOUR ACTIONS.... sorry never gave someone,s daughter,son father, mother back..my goal is not to offend but to bring an understanding that anger does have its place. and sometimes through anger a change for goodness happens.. i handle my anger till the innocent needs it...its just my way..Oden
I've had to deal with a lot of anger and frustration in my life. From very early on in my life I was different that other kids. I had glasses, my hands were covered in warts(37 of them to be exact) and I suffered from rather persistent eczema. This resulted severe bullying at school and when I come home my oldest brother jumped me as well and since he was older, stronger and more authoritative he dragged my youngest brother into this as well. I had to face both the bullies at school and the bullies at home.
This lead to severe rage issues because my parents didn't notice any of this and kept on punishing me for my behaviour when I aggressively defended myself against my brothers. Instead of punishing them I received all the troubles.
The amount of rage and frustration built up over the years. My tempers got more violent and whenever enraged I'd trash things. I smash stuff, throw my glasses around in the hope they'd break, punched holes in walls, kicked through a door, literally smashed a chair on my older brother so hard it broke in half(it was a solid wood baby chair so that must have hurt) and hoping that my life would come to an end. The amount of pain and suffering was so great that I had a very strong death wish. During bullying I'd slip into a mental state of going berserk: things got black in front of my eyes and I'd just destroy. I remember various situations where I was bullied to a point where I remember being pushed and the next thing the bully having a smashed in face and blood everywhere. What happened in between? No idea.
This went on till I was about 17 / 18. In this time I got interested in new age things. Astral projection, energy bodies and various related subjects. I discovered meditation as a means to find peace in my mind and deal with my sleeping problems. I started to meditate on a daily basis. Each morning and evening I'd reserve 10 minutes to sit down and do Zen meditation. Through my meditations I experienced my first altered states of consciousness. I felt myself hanging outside my body, have flashbacks and 'epiphanies' by understanding how certain things had happened and how others perceived those situations. But my meditations brought something I had never experienced before: they brought me peace during the day and calmed me. It taught me to control my emotions and especially my rage. Things that would normally turn me into a raging ball of hatred no longer did so. Sleeping became much easier as I longer laid awake staring at the ceiling for hours wondering why everyone hated me.
That process was very gradual and took months. But even now, more than 10 years later and haven't properly meditated in years I still benefit from it. I should pick it up again.
To answer your question: What to do with anger and frustration? You embrace them. Even now I get angry at times. Instead of letting it sit and grow, I attempt to vent it before it consumes me. Sometimes I pre-emptive destroy something that I wanted to throw away anyway. Or scream, cycle so hard and fast that it hurts my legs. Anger is a powerful emotion that comes with a lot of energy. You need to release that energy by doing something intense, such as screaming or breaking things or through means of sports. Running, biking, anything that requires explosive energy.
To reduce the impact of how anger and frustration influences you I suggest either yoga or meditation. Something that allows you to focus your mind and attention on peace / calmness. These activities teach you how to let go of these frustrations in a way so it doesn't bother you. Check out Abc-of-Meditation.com is for sale | HugeDomains for some really good down to earth information on meditation and how to meditate. They approach it from a western down-to-earth approach without anything spiritual in it.
This lead to severe rage issues because my parents didn't notice any of this and kept on punishing me for my behaviour when I aggressively defended myself against my brothers. Instead of punishing them I received all the troubles.
The amount of rage and frustration built up over the years. My tempers got more violent and whenever enraged I'd trash things. I smash stuff, throw my glasses around in the hope they'd break, punched holes in walls, kicked through a door, literally smashed a chair on my older brother so hard it broke in half(it was a solid wood baby chair so that must have hurt) and hoping that my life would come to an end. The amount of pain and suffering was so great that I had a very strong death wish. During bullying I'd slip into a mental state of going berserk: things got black in front of my eyes and I'd just destroy. I remember various situations where I was bullied to a point where I remember being pushed and the next thing the bully having a smashed in face and blood everywhere. What happened in between? No idea.
This went on till I was about 17 / 18. In this time I got interested in new age things. Astral projection, energy bodies and various related subjects. I discovered meditation as a means to find peace in my mind and deal with my sleeping problems. I started to meditate on a daily basis. Each morning and evening I'd reserve 10 minutes to sit down and do Zen meditation. Through my meditations I experienced my first altered states of consciousness. I felt myself hanging outside my body, have flashbacks and 'epiphanies' by understanding how certain things had happened and how others perceived those situations. But my meditations brought something I had never experienced before: they brought me peace during the day and calmed me. It taught me to control my emotions and especially my rage. Things that would normally turn me into a raging ball of hatred no longer did so. Sleeping became much easier as I longer laid awake staring at the ceiling for hours wondering why everyone hated me.
That process was very gradual and took months. But even now, more than 10 years later and haven't properly meditated in years I still benefit from it. I should pick it up again.
To answer your question: What to do with anger and frustration? You embrace them. Even now I get angry at times. Instead of letting it sit and grow, I attempt to vent it before it consumes me. Sometimes I pre-emptive destroy something that I wanted to throw away anyway. Or scream, cycle so hard and fast that it hurts my legs. Anger is a powerful emotion that comes with a lot of energy. You need to release that energy by doing something intense, such as screaming or breaking things or through means of sports. Running, biking, anything that requires explosive energy.
To reduce the impact of how anger and frustration influences you I suggest either yoga or meditation. Something that allows you to focus your mind and attention on peace / calmness. These activities teach you how to let go of these frustrations in a way so it doesn't bother you. Check out Abc-of-Meditation.com is for sale | HugeDomains for some really good down to earth information on meditation and how to meditate. They approach it from a western down-to-earth approach without anything spiritual in it.
Anger has it´s place, but it´s good to reflect on it. Some things you can´t change anyway.oden said:
We can't control what happens in life, but we can control how we choose to respond to it.
Anger is an energy-draining emotion, difficult to control, yet possible once the ego has been sufficiently de-structured. Once the ego falls apart, as long as one doesn't take everything so seriously, there is only love.
Here are some quotes that I feel are relevant to this topic. You may disagree with some parts, but I wont' go off topic to debate them. I'm only posting them as something to consider since I personally feel there is much truth in them:
"Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it- what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone."
“He (Don Juan) said that a warrior had no compassion for anyone . For him, to have compassion meant that you wished the other person to be like you, to be in your shoes, and you lent a hand for that purpose. The hardest thing in the world is for a warrior to let others be. Only a sorcerer who sees and is formless can afford to help anyone——to his understanding every effort to help on our part was an arbitrary act guided by our self interest alone.”
"The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is
that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary
man takes everything as a blessing or as a curse."
"You on the other hand, feel that you are immortal, and the decisions of an immortal man can be cancelled or regretted or doubted. In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is not time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.
When you get angry you always feel righteous. You have been complaining all your life because you don't assume responsibility for your decisions. To assume the responsibility of one's decisions means that one is ready to die for them. It doesn't matter what the decision is. Nothing could be more or less serious than anything else. In a world where death is the hunter there are no small or big decisions. There are only decisions that we make in the face of our inevitable death."
"The hardest thing in the world is to assume the mood of a
warrior. It is of no use to be sad and complain and feel justified
in doing so, believing that someone is always doing something to us.
Nobody is doing anything to anybody, much less to a warrior."
- Don Juan/Carlos Castaneda
Anger is an energy-draining emotion, difficult to control, yet possible once the ego has been sufficiently de-structured. Once the ego falls apart, as long as one doesn't take everything so seriously, there is only love.
Here are some quotes that I feel are relevant to this topic. You may disagree with some parts, but I wont' go off topic to debate them. I'm only posting them as something to consider since I personally feel there is much truth in them:
"Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it- what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone."
“He (Don Juan) said that a warrior had no compassion for anyone . For him, to have compassion meant that you wished the other person to be like you, to be in your shoes, and you lent a hand for that purpose. The hardest thing in the world is for a warrior to let others be. Only a sorcerer who sees and is formless can afford to help anyone——to his understanding every effort to help on our part was an arbitrary act guided by our self interest alone.”
"The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is
that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary
man takes everything as a blessing or as a curse."
"You on the other hand, feel that you are immortal, and the decisions of an immortal man can be cancelled or regretted or doubted. In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is not time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions.
When you get angry you always feel righteous. You have been complaining all your life because you don't assume responsibility for your decisions. To assume the responsibility of one's decisions means that one is ready to die for them. It doesn't matter what the decision is. Nothing could be more or less serious than anything else. In a world where death is the hunter there are no small or big decisions. There are only decisions that we make in the face of our inevitable death."
"The hardest thing in the world is to assume the mood of a
warrior. It is of no use to be sad and complain and feel justified
in doing so, believing that someone is always doing something to us.
Nobody is doing anything to anybody, much less to a warrior."
- Don Juan/Carlos Castaneda
"what to do with it"
Channel it into something useful? I remember maynard talking about hate and anger being two different things, and that this is what you could do with anger. Channeling it can also reduce it and transform it.
I also suggest meditationg/yoga with or without low changa doses (or higher) everyday. Eating better. Exercise more often. Drink tons of water. read more books. hobbies you love ect.
good luck :-]
Channel it into something useful? I remember maynard talking about hate and anger being two different things, and that this is what you could do with anger. Channeling it can also reduce it and transform it.
I also suggest meditationg/yoga with or without low changa doses (or higher) everyday. Eating better. Exercise more often. Drink tons of water. read more books. hobbies you love ect.
good luck :-]
PrimateSphinx
The Rhythmic Dúnedain
as Malcolm X said "anger is a gift". I think the best thing you can do with your anger and frustration is to make into something constructive, but that's pretty much what UC just said. I come from a long line of angry Alabaman men so needless to say it was projected onto me and I have the same problems with anger and frustration. For me I usually play the drums when I am really angry, banging on things really helps me out and is very therapeutic. Maybe if your as fidgety and angsty as me taking up the drums or something loud could definitely help, but maybe you already have. Another trick to help with anger my old guitar teacher taught me is just simply yelling at the top of your lungs. It's not very constructive but I find that it helps get rid of the pent up aggression that most of us let stew inside and often once you get that out you can address what you are actually angry at in a calmer fashion. I think as long as you don't let your anger stew inside or let it turn into violence or hate you will be just fine. The problem is finding where to direct your anger in a way that is constructive but once you have that, the rest is easy, or at least easier. Good luck, also what Probe said i think is the best advice thus far, listen to yoda, he always has helped me out
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