Avoiding Psychosis

[mrheem]

I know this question has been asked probably to infinity, but I have a kind of unique perspective on this situation. I'll give you a little background just so you know where I'm coming from:

I've taken psychedelics a few times, not too much but enough to know what I'm dealing with. The first real intense acid trip I had was going overwhelmingly perfect until I smoked cannabis out of a gravity bong and my friend said "I feel like my mind is catching on to itself." At that point I understood EXACTLY what he meant to the point where I felt like he was speaking my thoughts. I could no longer discern myself from him and I felt that he was really just some sort of reflection of an aspect of my personality. I began thinking in loops and waves of terror rushed over me like never before. I thought I had crossed the threshold into insanity of which there was no return. I've concluded that I wasn't all that wrong with this thought, I was just looking at it from a naive perspective and that "sanity" is a more or less Western concept that comes from the necessity to function in a rigidly ordered society that doesn't necessarily value new concepts unless a significant amount of people can relate.

Anyways, after this experience that I eventually calmed down from I had a period of several months where I felt I was living in a dream like state and every once in a while I would feel that overwhelming terror and a sort of disconnect from the world. While in this dream-like state I experimented with DMT receiving very small effects, mainly just slight hallucinations and entering a dream like state where a snake like being of light with a mouth that looked like television static asked to come back to my dimension when I declined he (it?) kept pushing the matter, so I opened my eyes. It felt not necessarily evil, but its intentions were more than just curiosity, from my perspective at least.

I took acid again about a year later and this time it was much stronger and I found it the candy had been dosed a lot more than I had thought when I popped it. I was going through a weird time with my roommate where we were kind of together and she was acting weird about it that night and went to bed instead of hanging with me and my other roommate while we tripped, but regardless of the circumstances I ended up having a bad trip again this time it wasn't quite as bad as the first time and it went away before the acid wore off so I was able to "enjoy" the rest of my trip.

So the whole point of this is, I would like to take DMT again for spiritual and creative purposes and ideally I would like to break through; however in all my experiences with psychedelics I seem to always end up at this conclusion that the universe is infinitely lonely because everyone and everything is just a mirror of sorts, there is no real separation... I am afraid that when I take DMT and finally break through the experience might be so profound that I can't look past this realization and end up caught in an eternal (or quasi-eternal) state of extreme discomfort because if there is nothing else in the universe besides "God" or whatever you call that little spark and we are all reflections of a different aspect of it then I would feel overwhelmed by this inevitable lonesomeness. I just don't want to get stuck in a way of thinking that makes living in this present life seem like any less of a gift than it does to me right now, I would hope that DMT would enhance my life afterwards, but I've heard some horror stories (being raped by aliens, etc) that would pretty much be unbearable.

I'm hoping that one of you can either point to an error in my ways of thinking caused by some sort of delusion that I'm most likely overlooking or at least maybe you've encountered this feeling of realizing the universe is all one and how lonely that makes it and maybe you've come to peace with it which I would eventually be able to do.

Either way, if you took the time to read this I appreciate that hahaha my mind tends to trail off but it's always just making new connections and I forget where I was going before

 

[DreaMTripper]

Welcome to the nexus youve come to the right place
LSD is renknowned for providing opportunities for epithanys. I think you are looking at things the wrong way, being part of the multiversal river of consciousness means we are never alone!
The discomfort you felt is, I believe, the dissociation experienced because of the new you and old you conflicting slightly due to fear. Your ego was trying to keep the old self present as it was scared of what the consequences of this truth you learnt will be but its too late it cant win now.
We have a continous connection with nature while maintaining a certain degree of freewill. If hyperspace has taught me one thing its that in a way we are all creators of our own universes.
As for the serpent you have been lucky to be invited to the higher plain by mother nature herself! Next time relax and pay attention to whatever it is trying to show you information in hyperspace seems to be transferred through telepathy and the river of consciousness in my experience.
It seems it was trying to persuade you to enter hyperspace but your ego was controlling you through fear and didnt want to let go.
Before you go back to hyperspace or nearabouts try and integrate the truth you learnt that there is more to everything than you first thought but thats all we can know so try not to get stuck on certain thought up theories just be willing to learn more about everything, and to combine this with everyday, search the forum for integration threads im sure they will be of help to you.

This quote is well apt for temporary ego death too..

“The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life: your memories, your attachments. They burn 'em all away. But they're not punishing you,' he said. 'They're freeing your soul. If your frightened of dying, and your holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. If you've made your peace then the devils are really angels freeing you from the earth.”
― Bruce Joel Rubin, Jacob's Ladder

 

[The Day Tripper]

I've been there many times with psychs.

The paradox of existence/unnecessary existence.

I came to peace with it, as, yes, in essence, life is not much in the cosmic sense. But theres so much, so vast distances we have yet to travel, so many things to discover.

Western society needs love more than hate, compassion more than intolerance, cooperation more than war, and most of all, a sense of unity.

Bill hicks once said theres a choice between something like that. I've made mine. The meaning of life to me, after realizing how small and insignificant i actually am in the vastness of it all, is that i am something at least.

And the greatest gift i've recieved from my travels, is that love brings us together, we are and always will be together, and even if some may be misguided, confused, there is still hope.

But george carlin makes some good points, and has a good deal of commentary that i think is releveant, though cynical. Everyone has their purpose, the hardest thing to do is find out what yours is, and that may take your entire lifetime, but its there if you seek it.