Bad experiences?

[B2vtree]

Soo over the weekend we were hanging out enjoying our time. We were having some really magical moments.. until we weren’t.. my girl came home super drunk & acted like someone I’ve never met. After my friend, her & I all took a good rip together. She began showing sudden ‘interest’ in my best friend.. I assume the level of intoxication is what fueled that. It was a side of her I’ve NEVER seen before. Of course this all began to unfold in front of me in the peak of my dmt journey.. It instantly felt as if my world was crashing down around me.. my heart was shattering in fast motion..
since then I havnt felt that same about the substance. I have tried doing it alone, with no one home. I’ve tried doing it together. I’ve tried different settings, talking about it, etc… but now. Each time I try. I get instant flash backs to what happened that night. Or worse.. just alll around negative experiences/ energy on my journey: It’s almost as if it, indefinitely ruined the entire experience for me… any thoughts or similar experiences out there? Any thoughts on how to turn this back into positive experiences..

Something so magical instantly turned to the most gut wrenching experience… both sides of it is quite sad really…

 

[SkunK]

Soo over the weekend we were hanging out enjoying our time. We were having some really magical moments.. until we weren’t.. my girl came home super drunk & acted like someone I’ve never met. After my friend, her & I all took a good rip together. She began showing sudden ‘interest’ in my best friend.. I assume the level of intoxication is what fueled that. It was a side of her I’ve NEVER seen before. Of course this all began to unfold in front of me in the peak of my dmt journey.. It instantly felt as if my world was crashing down around me.. my heart was shattering in fast motion..
since then I havnt felt that same about the substance. I have tried doing it alone, with no one home. I’ve tried doing it together. I’ve tried different settings, talking about it, etc… but now. Each time I try. I get instant flash backs to what happened that night. Or worse.. just alll around negative experiences/ energy on my journey: It’s almost as if it, indefinitely ruined the entire experience for me… any thoughts or similar experiences out there? Any thoughts on how to turn this back into positive experiences..

Something so magical instantly turned to the most gut wrenching experience… both sides of it is quite sad really…

Sorry to hear about this! What a unfortunate time to have to deal with such disrespect!

A couple questions, are you sure you saw what you saw especially being in an altered state? Sometimes the mind can manifest things...

second, if this truly actually happened, I'd be calling her my EX! and getting out of that death trap! Alcohol isn't an excuse to should such disrespect towards someone they say they love, doesen't matter how long one is together, or how much one drinks there is no excuse.

I went through a horrble divorse was with my ex for 14 years, raised the step kids and we also had two of our own. she ended up sleeping with my best friend of 25 years, He ceased being my friend and I nelly ended up doing a lengthy prison term, and went compleatly broke on lawyer fees to keep me out of jail.

Loved one and friends don't do that to someone they respect.

 

[LockedUp]

Soo over the weekend we were hanging out enjoying our time. We were having some really magical moments.. until we weren’t.. my girl came home super drunk & acted like someone I’ve never met. After my friend, her & I all took a good rip together. She began showing sudden ‘interest’ in my best friend.. I assume the level of intoxication is what fueled that. It was a side of her I’ve NEVER seen before. Of course this all began to unfold in front of me in the peak of my dmt journey.. It instantly felt as if my world was crashing down around me.. my heart was shattering in fast motion..
since then I havnt felt that same about the substance. I have tried doing it alone, with no one home. I’ve tried doing it together. I’ve tried different settings, talking about it, etc… but now. Each time I try. I get instant flash backs to what happened that night. Or worse.. just alll around negative experiences/ energy on my journey: It’s almost as if it, indefinitely ruined the entire experience for me… any thoughts or similar experiences out there? Any thoughts on how to turn this back into positive experiences..

Something so magical instantly turned to the most gut wrenching experience… both sides of it is quite sad really…

Soo over the weekend we were hanging out enjoying our time. We were having some really magical moments.. until we weren’t.. my girl came home super drunk & acted like someone I’ve never met. After my friend, her & I all took a good rip together. She began showing sudden ‘interest’ in my best friend.. I assume the level of intoxication is what fueled that. It was a side of her I’ve NEVER seen before. Of course this all began to unfold in front of me in the peak of my dmt journey.. It instantly felt as if my world was crashing down around me.. my heart was shattering in fast motion..
since then I havnt felt that same about the substance. I have tried doing it alone, with no one home. I’ve tried doing it together. I’ve tried different settings, talking about it, etc… but now. Each time I try. I get instant flash backs to what happened that night. Or worse.. just alll around negative experiences/ energy on my journey: It’s almost as if it, indefinitely ruined the entire experience for me… any thoughts or similar experiences out there? Any thoughts on how to turn this back into positive experiences..

Something so magical instantly turned to the most gut wrenching experience… both sides of it is quite sad really…

I'm so sorry this happened to you. That sounds really hard.

Relationship dynamic aside, I have had a similar experience. Psychedelics have always been difficult for me and I went from trying to do them recreationally (and struggling) to doing them in a group ceremonial setting (extremely tough) then opting for a one on one session with a facilitator (great for like a minute and then totally terrifying).

Regardless of setting, number of people or molecule - I seem to repeat the very first really hard hero dose of psilocybin experience in some form or another. Like my worst fear has etched itself into my brain and now it just plays like some terrifying record. I thought trying DMT on my own on low dose with a vape would be gentler but even that illicited the same exact experience, complete with all the visuals and heavy feelings of judgement and dread.

The feeling is overwhelming, and while I try to tell myself "this is just me" and try to remain curious the experience and cosmic presence I feel while on the other side is very convincing in the moment. It leaves me feeling scared and somewhat deflated because I just want to glimpse the good feelings and relief that others report.
It's been 3 years since I last dabbled and I thought being in a better space emotionally overall and having done a lot of deep work on myself generally, there might be a shift. Sadly not.

I would love to know how to rewrite this because the vision I have is super scary and I struggle to shake it. Scared that if I were to proceed I'd end up convincing myself the vision is real.