blig-blug's Ayahuasca experience log

[blig-blug]

XXI log update:

Dose: 230mg harmala freebase (from Rue) @ T-00:30 + 45mg DMT freebase @ T+00:00. Started at 6:30 AM.

I'm going back to my weekly aya/pharma schedule. This was supposed to be a re-introductory experience to get back into it, as I had resistance to it due to more time than usual having passed.

Once again, it didn't go very well. As I'm not in my village anymore, I had to get up early in the morning to avoid the noise. But due to the noise at night, I hadn't slept well at all, and I was very tired.

Somehow, I was having stomach disturbances before even having the harmalas (and I had forgotten the exercises @northape recommends just a few posts above, I just remembered about them when opening this thread). Since the previous evening I had been having mucus in my stool (it sometimes happens to me, I don't know why). And when I got up I was slightly nauseous and bloated already. You probably can guess where this is going.

About 40 minutes after taking the harmalas, I started having a lot of stomach discomfort. Bloating, pain, and general feelings of sickness. Those steadily increased until I was suffering considerably. It didn't get to be as bad as the time before, but it was pretty bad. This time it wasn't that painful, it was more that the bloating didn't seem to allow me to breathe well, and created a feeling of general malaise.

I was drifting in and out of different scenes, with very mild color (faded blues or grays) and realistic looking. Most of those showed daily life scenes on streets. I started feeling colder, but the DMT hadn't fully kicked in. Going to the bathroom (I had to go poop many times, it wasn't diarrhea) was difficult only due to the feelings of sickness, but the other effects weren't that strong so far.

About 2 hours after taking the DMT, I went to the bathroom once again, and while I was there suddenly the effects started becoming much stronger. So I hurried back to the bedroom. Laying down, I saw as if I were advancing on some kind of long corridor with sculptures of alphabet-like symbols to the sides. This wasn't very vivid but it was highly detailed.

I remember trying to figure out if I really was having those effects or I was just imagining it by "comparing what I was seeing" with what "was actually there" (all of this with my eyes closed), after a while I realized that what supposedly "was there" were actually more visions. This kind of loss of focus and slight confusion often happens to me when feeling very sick during the experience.

The stomach problems continued, and I was interacting with many visions in my mind, many of them of objects that I was manipulating for some end that I don't remember. I do remember thinking that I have to care better of my body (this hadn't come in a while during an experience, but I've been taking care worse of myself during these weeks of a lot of work). I also saw scenes of war, black-clad riot police, networks of mass control, all with a general feeling of hopelessness. Very BPM II according to Grof's classification.

A lot of what happened is very difficult to remember, because I was in a state of confused trance due to how sick I was feeling. The general feeling was one of darkness and no escape.

For some reason, this experience lasted much, much more than usual. With single dose pharmahuasca, it's rare that it goes beyond 2h (except for the effects of harmalas), and this time it lasted around 6h. Unfortunately the stomach issues only started improving as the effects became less pronounced.

I think a mistake this time was to not drink enough for the two last days. It seems that those days I didn't go to the bathroom enough due to that, and I think it may have contributed. Also, this time I tried having the harmalas as freebase, without converting into salt first. It may have contributed. Lastly, I wasn't feeling too good already beforehand. However despite that, I'm glad I had it. It was not a very clear experience and I had a bad time, but now I feel much better, and it got me back on track.

For the next times, I'll be careful with drinking enough and remember to try those exercises. I soon will start experimenting with B. muricata and D. cabrerana, those are likely to make me purge, and I believe that may help my stomach feel better.

By the way, some thoughts of appreciation and gratitude towards this forum and many of its users also crossed my mind at some points of this experience

 

[northape]

Intestinal problems tend to lead to very dark experiences. Oral brews respond best to a clean body and mind. Your experience is a perfect example of a cleansing ceremony. These ceremonies are usually tough and demanding. However, the medicine is still working on you, cleaning your body and mind. Even all the difficult material in visions is a symptom of that cleanse. We pick up lots of unnecessary baggage in our day-to-day lives.

If you continue drinking, expect changes in your life and behavior, whether you want them or not. It subtly pulls your lifestyle in the right direction. Teas from plants are even more forceful in that regard. Pharma can't impose the same level of control on you. Your body is most likely healthier than it was yesterday, and your mind should feel lighter too. Just view it in a very positive light.

I'd say it was a fine comeback ceremony. It got serious right away, and that's okay. You've gotten many pointers on how to proceed. Work with plant teas for a while and decide what works best for you. Just continue with dedication and respect. You have everything you need on your path.

May medicine treat you well. Much love

 

[blig-blug]

It subtly pulls your lifestyle in the right direction

Yes, that's one of the effects I appreciate the most. The lifestyle and the mind. It's like arriving at a kind of checkpoint where you can assess in what aspects you have been in the right path, and what should be improved.

I'd say it was a fine comeback ceremony. It got serious right away, and that's okay

I agree. Despite the darkness of most of it, I wasn't too sucked into it.
And I don't think it's just bad luck that I tend to have so many stomach issues with oral brews. My stomach has always been at the center of most stress, anxiety, worry, negative emotions, etc. So who knows how much of these apparent side effects are actually originated in my emotions.

 

[northape]

And I don't think it's just bad luck that I tend to have so many stomach issues with oral brews. My stomach has always been at the center of most stress, anxiety, worry, negative emotions, etc. So who knows how much of these apparent side effects are actually originated in my emotions.

In retrospect, after most of my work with rue and barks was finished, I came to the conclusion that many of my problems originated in the gut. Medicine shows how the gut regulates the brain and produces a base psychological state. I'm most light and clear after a good medicine session. Eating food in the days after illustrates what works best for a stable psyche. Lots of purging during the years cleared my intestines from whatever was plaguing them. Nowadays, medicine usually cleans me thoroughly before allowing me to proceed any further.

 

[dithyramb]

I have also become highly picky in my diet after the basic transformation with ruehuasca.

First is the domain of type of foods - I eat no raw Garlic or onion, no fried foods, no oils other than olive oil, no dairy other than çökelek cheese, no industrial bread and almost no simple/refined carbohydrates. I eat lots of fruit, nuts, seeds. I eat a hefty serving of oatmeal everyday which I soak in cold water with vinegar instead of cooking. I prefer wild fish for meat.

When it comes to fermented dairy, I found the type of bacteria makes a huge difference, and a lot of yoghurts and cheeses disrupt my neurotransmitter balance (especially as a person on the autism spectrum). The safest is çökelek cheese and I try to stick to it.

Then there is the domain of energy, the way the food is produced. For me, as a rule of thumb I try to eat no industrially produced food at all. Wild foods (fruit/berries, mushrooms, herbs) are a joy to procure for me. For eggs and chicken, İ only eat free range village products. I buy all my food from the farmers market. Most restaurants, even when their food is delicious, I find has a suboptimal energetic imprint on the body. Apart from the sources of the ingredients, the way (energetically) a meal is prepared and cooked is a key factor.

And finally for method of cooking, I found boiling or steaming anything - vegetables, meat, fish - to feel the most wholesome on my body.

For healthy gut flora, having good contact with the soil is also important. A study found a big difference in gut bacteria diversity between city folk and rural folk. I literally place my hands on the soil twice a day during my earthing meditations.

 

[Transform]

I have also become highly picky in my diet after the basic transformation with ruehuasca.

First is the domain of type of foods - I eat no raw Garlic or onion, no fried foods, no oils other than olive oil, no dairy other than çökelek cheese, no industrial bread and almost no simple/refined carbohydrates. I eat lots of fruit, nuts, seeds. I eat a hefty serving of oatmeal everyday which I soak in cold water with vinegar instead of cooking. I prefer wild fish for meat.

When it comes to fermented dairy, I found the type of bacteria makes a huge difference, and a lot of yoghurts and cheeses disrupt my neurotransmitter balance (especially as a person on the autism spectrum). The safest is çökelek cheese and I try to stick to it.

Then there is the domain of energy, the way the food is produced. For me, as a rule of thumb I try to eat no industrially produced food at all. Wild foods (fruit/berries, mushrooms, herbs) are a joy to procure for me. For eggs and chicken, İ only eat free range village products. I buy all my food from the farmers market. Most restaurants, even when their food is delicious, I find has a suboptimal energetic imprint on the body. Apart from the sources of the ingredients, the way (energetically) a meal is prepared and cooked is a key factor.

And finally for method of cooking, I found boiling or steaming anything - vegetables, meat, fish - to feel the most wholesome on my body.

For healthy gut flora, having good contact with the soil is also important. A study found a big difference in gut bacteria diversity between city folk and rural folk. I literally place my hands on the soil twice a day during my earthing meditations.

Thanks for this inspiring account of your baseline methods. Notes taken!

 

[dithyramb]

Just to be sure, this was a brief description of my daily diet. My preparation diet for medicine sessions is more strict, and I fast for at least 5 hours beforehand.

 

[Transform]

Just to be sure, this was a brief description of my daily diet. My preparation diet for medicine sessions is more strict, and I fast for at least 5 hours beforehand.

Understood! That's what I meant by "baseline methods"

 

[Mechanism]

Some years ago, I realized that this all-seeing eye or God watches me through my own eyes. There is no hiding because this presence is always here.
However, it's not something other or alien, but a deeper part of me. After that insight, I stopped hiding from myself. Occasionally, I would feel like someone was watching me, but then I realized that it was me

Oh, hello me. Me, me, me. What a pickle we've gotten ourselves into.

Anyway, sorry for the digression, I hate it when I interrupt myself.

Great thread. Self discovery really warms my heart. So many parallels that it can't be coincidence.

 

[Transform]

Some years ago, I realized that this all-seeing eye or God watches me through my own eyes. There is no hiding because this presence is always here.
However, it's not something other or alien, but a deeper part of me. After that insight, I stopped hiding from myself. Occasionally, I would feel like someone was watching me, but then I realized that it was me

Oh, hello me. Me, me, me. What a pickle we've gotten ourselves into.

Anyway, sorry for the digression, I hate it when I interrupt myself.

Great thread. Self discovery really warms my heart. So many parallels that it can't be coincidence.

Oh wow - I missed @northape's quote that you were responding to. I noticed this same thing when I was a teenager. Maybe I ought to have paid more attention to the idea, although forgetting may have been as much a part of the experience of life, just as I've often forgotten that many of my previous, er, behavioral aberrations were part of an uncontrolled and distinctly unsystematic psychosocial experiment.

In that sense, it's hard to say what difference an ongoing remembering of any of this may have made. There is little that can be changed about the past besides its interpretation.

 

[Mechanism]

Oh wow - I missed @northape's quote that you were responding to. I noticed this same thing when I was a teenager. Maybe I ought to have paid more attention to the idea, although forgetting may have been as much a part of the experience of life, just as I've often forgotten that many of my previous, er, behavioral aberrations were part of an uncontrolled and distinctly unsystematic psychosocial experiment.

In that sense, it's hard to say what difference an ongoing remembering of any of this may have made. There is little that can be changed about the past besides its interpretation.

You know, I'm noticing more and more people waking up to this. Even people you wouldn't expect, though they might describe it using different terms. I guess you could write it off as a quirk of human psychology but I don't think so. Maybe McKenna was right about his spiritual singularity.

EDIT: @Transform and @northape Hey, question for you guys: when you realized what was happening, did you feel like you could exert some control? Or did it feel more like you were watching a movie?

 

[blig-blug]

XXII log update:

Dose: ~55g red caapi (B. muricata) @ T-00:30 + 2.5g chalipanga @ T+00:00 + 2.5g chalipanga @ T+02:15 . Fasted for 24h. Started at 7:30PM.

This was my first experience with chalipanga. The red caapi this time was from a different batch than previous times, from a more trustworthy supplier. When drinking it, it tasted much more bitter than what I had before, pointing to a higher alkaloid content.

At first, as the caapi started having effect, I started feeling very comfortable, with a warm relaxed feeling. The chalipanga started then having some effect, and my vision field (with closed eyes) started glowing slightly, without any defined shapes. The chali effects were subtle, probably due to the low dose.

As the chali effects became more evident (but still weak), I started once again having some gas. After a while, I was having very uncomfortable sensations in my stomach, and some time later they started becoming painful. At this point, I tried to vomit, but there was no way anything would come out. I wasn't feeling any nausea, too. This time, I was trying to pay a lot of attention to the pain, and I could identify that the most painful sensation was at the top of my stomach, and was heartburn. So it was not caused by the bloating, although the pressure from bloating seemed to make it worse.

It may seem surprising that I hadn't identified the sensation as heartburn before. For most of my life, I have paid very little attention to my bodily feelings, and that's even more the case for my stomach. Only in the last few years I've been paying more attention, and now I realize that I was still ignoring the stomach for the most part. Probably because it's frequent that any uncomfortable or painful sensations there are related to uncomfortable or painful feelings.

It seemed to calm down and improve a little, so I had the second dose of chalipanga. After about twenty minutes, a second wave of not too strong effects came, and with it much more pain. This time it was actually very painful. I tried changes in posture, rubbing my stomach, sucking my stomach in, to no avail. Changes in posture helped sometimes for a few minutes, but then it became the same. During this time, the caapi effects had become quite strong, and I had some of the spinning feelings I have with rue harmalas. This was not bad (I often enjoy it), but in combination with the pain it was not exactly pleasant.

After a peak of both pain and chali effects (the latter still weak), it seemed to improve a bit. As I seem to have mostly come down from chali, I went downstairs to see if my girlfriend was done with her experience (caapi plus freebase DMT in her case). As I laid down with her, my pain started to increase again, and suddenly I started having chali effects stronger than at any previous point, with colorful patterns. These were still not too strong compared to most of my experiences, but I was very surprised that they would happen at this point. The heartburn pain got worse and worse, and my breathing very heavy from it. I tried vomiting a couple times again, but it wasn't possible.

My thought process was this time more altered due to chali, but once again the pain made it very difficult to pay attention to anything else, so they were very disconnected. At one point I was thinking, for whatever reason, on a cup full of saliva in which harmalas were dissolved. As I thought of drinking that cup, I felt a sudden wave of nausea and had to run to the bathroom (I had forgotten to bring downstairs my puke bucket). I vomited a lot, much more than the liquid I assumed I had ingested. The very first part of it was stomach or bile acid and burned a lot, but surprisingly most of it was barely acidic at all, and it had the texture of caapi or chali. I don't understand how it's possible that only a very small part of it was very acidic.

After vomiting I felt much better. I still had some pain, and my oesophagus and throat felt burnt, but it was nothing in comparison. I could relax and ride the rest of the experience. It was never too intense on the chali side, but potent on the caapi side, more potent than my usual 230mg rue harmalas. At some point I feel asleep. When I woke up, I still had strong caapi effects, and it had been about 8 hours since I had it. Although it was late, I had to walk the dog for a while, and doing so helped me feel better overall. The next day, the heartburn was almost gone.

During these days, I've been paying attention, and I've observed that I often have heartburn for a few minutes during the day. It doesn't seem to be too related with eating at all: it happens in a fasted state as well. I wonder how long this has been going on: I see that my first impulse is to completely ignore it and try to direct my attention elsewhere.
That this happens is not surprising because many years ago, when I was in a very bad spot mentally, I had a binge eating disorder, and so I used to have strong acid reflux. These consequences aren't too surprising, although I'm surprised that it took me so long to realize this. Even though I would prefer reality was different, I'm grateful that I could realize this was happening. This is the second time a physically difficult aya experience helps me realize something about my health that was obvious in retrospective.

I'm being more careful with what I eat and how I eat it, and keep observing any heartburn sensations that may come up to try and find patterns. I've bought a medicine containing sodium alginate, and will use it in my next experience to see if it helps with the heartburn pain.

 

[northape]

As I laid down with her, my pain started to increase again, and suddenly I started having chali effects stronger than at any previous point, with colorful patterns.

Chaliponga gets stuck in the system sometimes, and eating a bit of food or massaging the gallbladder region helps it to flow. I think your moving around pushed it forward.

At one point I was thinking, for whatever reason, on a cup full of saliva in which harmalas were dissolved. As I thought of drinking that cup, I felt a sudden wave of nausea and had to run to the bathroom (I had forgotten to bring downstairs my puke bucket). I vomited a lot, much more than the liquid I assumed I had ingested. The very first part of it was stomach or bile acid and burned a lot, but surprisingly most of it was barely acidic at all, and it had the texture of caapi or chali. I don't understand how it's possible that only a very small part of it was very acidic.

Aya can provide all kinds of imagery when it's time to purge. It sounds like you had a nice, deep cleanse. Some people dislike the purge, but that is how the medicine works.
It feels like you could increase your dose of chali a bit. Caapi and chali form an alchemical synergy and promote even better cleansing and healing of your system.
It's hard work, but that's what healing is. Much Love

 

[northape]

EDIT: @Transform and @northape Hey, question for you guys: when you realized what was happening, did you feel like you could exert some control? Or did it feel more like you were watching a movie?

More and more, I feel that this whole life is out of my control. The voice inside just says that I can change something, but it doesn't look that way at all. I just watch this life happen; my character does some stuff, and the voice keeps saying, "I did it." When I connect with the awareness that knows and live from that perspective, life starts to flow, and stuff doesn't catch me that easily. Sure, strong emotions consume me and I forget about what's what for a moment, but like after a deep dive, I come back to the surface and breathe again.

Life just flows. What is that space of knowing where it all happens? Who is asking?

 

[ommani]

I’ve been working on adjusting my diet, as well. I think various physical issues can present opportunities for greater alignment, which may be amplified by the medicine.

 

[universecannon]

My partner had minor issues with heartburn for a brief time and psychedelics seemed to bring it to the forefront. Some diet adjustments like more raw foods and fermented stuff helped a lot and seems to have resolved it fairly quickly. A few bites of banana seems to help in the moment as well for her, and myself when I would get heartburn from freebase/pharma

 

[Mechanism]

I just watch this life happen; my character does some stuff, and the voice keeps saying, "I did it."

You mean your internal monologue not the awareness right? There seems to be a difference between thought and intent. Intent seems to come from somewhere else (the awareness you speak of?) while thoughts are executed by the body to carry out that intent.

Not sure, but intuition seems to come from the same place as the intent. Whenever you confuse intent/intuition with your thoughts the results tend to be suboptimal.

 

[northape]

You mean your internal monologue not the awareness right?

Yes, internal monologue

There seems to be a difference between thought and intent. Intent seems to come from somewhere else (the awareness you speak of?) while thoughts are executed by the body to carry out that intent.
Not sure, but intuition seems to come from the same place as the intent. Whenever you confuse intent/intuition with your thoughts the results tend to be suboptimal.

I suggest you open a new thread with your questions. It's getting far beyond the topic of @blig-blug's medicine log. I'll happily participate in the discussion, and maybe others can give you their take on it.

 

[blig-blug]

Chaliponga gets stuck in the system sometimes, and eating a bit of food or massaging the gallbladder region helps it to flow. I think your moving around pushed it forward.

It does seem to have been the case that it was somehow stuck. I did move a lot, tried different postures, massaged etc, but to no avail at first. Hard to know why it moved in the end. I'm very surprised I was unable to purge while in that state and with a significant amount of plant material in my system.

Aya can provide all kinds of imagery when it's time to purge.

This one may be worth it coming back for me if I can't purge next time. It makes me shudder and nauseous just to think about it right now haha.

various physical issues can present opportunities for greater alignment, which may be amplified by the medicine

Yes, I agree. Often when these issues appear I get somewhat annoyed because it seems to be "wasting" the experience in the moment, but afterwards I can appreciate that my attention seems to have been directed towards what I needed in the moment. Usually aspects that I tend to ignore, such as bodily pains and discomfort.

Some diet adjustments like more raw foods and fermented stuff helped a lot and seems to have resolved it fairly quickly. A few bites of banana seems to help in the moment as well for her, and myself when I would get heartburn from freebase/pharma

Thank you for these, that's what I'm going to try. @northape suggested me to get some kefir grains, so I'll try to find them. I've grown them in the past and really liked it, so if it could help it's a no brainer.

I suggest you open a new thread with your questions. It's getting far beyond the topic of @blig-blug's medicine log.

Don't worry about continuing here if you want to, it's still related in a way. If it gets very long it would be better to continue in a separate thread mainly for clarity.

 

[northape]

It does seem to have been the case that it was somehow stuck. I did move a lot, tried different postures, massaged etc, but to no avail at first. Hard to know why it moved in the end. I'm very surprised I was unable to purge while in that state and with a significant amount of plant material in my system.

That's why I add honey to everything. I brew aya plants together and add honey at the end of the reduction. You can add some to your chali tea. It just forces the body to digest, especially after a fast. And when chali is in the system, I have other things to pay attention to

This one may be worth it coming back for me if I can't purge next time. It makes me shudder and nauseous just to think about it right now haha.

Sure, use the image as a tool to induce the purge. I saw lots of nasty stuff before a purge. You can see the stuff that waits to be removed. Sometimes it goes so naturally that you have no time at all. The purge could be electric, with tingles throughout the body. You have a lot in store for you. I love a good heavy purge because I feel the best right after

Don't worry about continuing here if you want to, it's still related in a way. If it gets very long it would be better to continue in a separate thread mainly for clarity.

I feel that it's a topic deserving its own thread