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Confused about breakthrough / chrysanthemum / waiting room

onomono42

Esteemed member
Hi there,
this is my first post on the forum :) I've tried DMT a couple dozen times over the last years, with some full trips, many medium dose trips & some minidosing for meditation or to give me a little reminder of the headspace.
What confuses me is that my experiences never resemble the typical stages people describe with DMT.
For me, the CEVs are never symmetrical (usually there is something like a pole on the right, fwiw :D), there was never a chrysanthemum or tunnel or some sort of waiting room, I think.
I'm wondering if what I'm experiencing are only the 'lower' beginning stages of a DMT experience or if I just skip the tunnel n stuff every time :D

It is difficult for me to visually imagine things, so I'm not 'prone to CEVs' on any psychedelic. If I take my experience yesterday as an example: After a vibe check with a low dose I decided to blast, loaded up the vaporiser & took hits with my eyes closed.
For me, there are barely any visual elements (maybe some 2D stuff) until there is a feeling of 'oh f*ck, I took too much' & a feeling of kind of falling asleep while suddenly being in this hyperdimensional room, with shapes, the feeling of a presence of some sort & an overwhelming sense of bliss that has me in tears a lot of the times. There is some crackling sound or something that sounds like sea gulls in the background or some metallic machinery sound. There can be little beings, sometimes it's a bit like a temple, sometimes it is sort of carnival-themed. Sometimes it's just completely chaotic geometric visuals & it's hard to tell if they actually look three-dimensional or if it's just a chaos screen.

However, with all of my experiences, I'm still kind of there in my human form, feel my body & the visuals are kind of hard to see, with still a lot of darkness in it. If I'm not in a dark room, I hardly see them. My strongest experience was my 'body' vibrating like having a cosmic orgasm, as if it were about to explode like a firework. That felt really close to giving up the sober idea of having a human body & life. Is that still considered pre-breakthrough or just pre-ego dissolution?

I am grateful for anything DMT showed me. I'm just curious where these experiences are in terms of intensity from your experiences. Could someone tell a little bit about these concepts of the different stages from their point of view?
Thanks for reading and have a lovely day
o
 
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That is a hard one. I stopped trying to match outside descriptions to my experiences. Different doses, routes, combos, sets and settings result in a different vision and feel for me everytime. Imagine between individuals?

For me the issue is not about communicating to others or naming it for myself. The issue is: can I remember what I saw and felt? How much of memory recall fidelity can I develop for this? This comes before language and it is really difficult for me.

My take:

- most of the times I am in my body kind of watching like you described. Maybe we could call it an integral ego. I call this the grounded state. Sometimes there is no proprioception for a few moments but cognition is kind of intact. So I never had a real ego-dissolution on dmeet as other stuff gets you to.

- took too much feeling is inevitable, it's called the Fear. Heart races and it takes some breathing to avoid panic. Similarly, there is the feeling of something big is about to or has happened. The Eschaton feel.

- closed eyes dark room, usual vision stages: from eidetic phenomena comes flame chrome rainbow colored OEVs until or abruptly to the chrysantemum which is a total 2D flowery or flamely visual field that flows in a fractal or kaleidoscope manner overtime then it details more until full 3D and then to the absurd theater mode where forms and beings are in and you are watching it in that space. It recedes backwards to chrysanthemum 2D then to flames and it recedes away from me into the darker baseline eidetic imagery.

- very rarely, the visions lunge at me or come at me really fast and when it stops it feels like I got somewhere. That is probably what breakthrough means. For example, the black and white chrysanthemum folds into a 3D neon tunnel which feels like I am going into when in reality it is coming to me in stereo perspective. Or the feel that you are going through a water or more dense layer.
 
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