Crossroads - advice / opinions sought

[Purges]

Hi guys, basically I am looking for advice. I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life and am not sure which direction I want to take.

I have been unemployed for several months. A little background; My last job started off good, and then I was leveraged into a role that I did not want to do - cold calling people for 8 hrs a day and reading the same script over and over and over ad nauseam. I was told that I would be doing it for 3 weeks which I was happy to do because it would show that I could perform a variety of roles and was willing to help out with different areas of the business. After 3 months I realised that they had lied to me, and intended to keep me in that role. I was not happy, so spoke to my manager, who then called my agency and told them I had a bad attitude - I was promptly fired for speaking my mind.

Now as you can imagine this made me pretty unhappy. I had done NOTHING wrong, and was being treated with 0 respect, and I had no rights as I was with an agency. One day I had a job, the next BAM, nothing. Since this happened I have been very reluctant to go back to work for such a company (British Gas) and have been finding it very hard to motivate myself to look for work at all. I know I need to get back into work, but just don't know what direction I want to go in. This is also frustrating my (very patient and loving) Girlfriend, who I live with, although there is no real strain on our relationship as a result. Yet.

I am very good at keeping myself distracted from this issue, either by way of the Nexus (), my pet snakes, or DJing. I really enjoy my own company / space, and can sit and meditate, listen to music, read etc indefinitely it seems. My mind is on other things. My financial situation is not uncomfortable and maybe this is adding to the problem.

I have considered some sort of support work, maybe helping the elderly or disadvantaged kids, I have also looked into conservation, but decided that would not be in my best interests until I have a home of my own and am more settled. I am thinking of applying to be a bar tender at my local Ale bar, as I have a real passion for fine Ales, and figure that could be a way into the brewing industry. These are some of the ideas I have had. My end goal is to become as self sufficient as possible. I would like to set up some form of communal farm to feed our own community, with sustainable energy and a strong focus on creative practise. I know a few who would be keen to join me, but money is the main thing that would hold a project like this back - it would need a lot.

I REALLY don't want to go back into the back stabbing office environment, and forced to act like a robot for most of my day. It reminds me of being back at school, people can be so petty and sly. It drives me insane. My state of mind is generally pretty good at the moment, but this lack of drive and direction is new to me, I don't know how to get out of the slump.

So, thoughts and helpful criticism please. I know you guys are bright, well intentioned, and there are some intelligent, successful and ambitious people in this neck of the woods and I would really appreciate some pointers. I feel like I share my view of life and the world with more of you on here than I do with people I encounter in day to day life. I guess these sorts of feelings are what is driving much of the protesters around the world at the moment.

 

[Purges]

No advice? Nada?! OK then, fuggedabowdid....

 

[nen888]

..it sounds like you have to move in a new direction, one can't stay at a cross-roads for long, or one starves..
i don't want to sound trivial or parroty, but why don't you take a week or two out of the rest of the world and
meditate with the spice..? even, like, somewhere a distance from your usual surrounds..

really hope you reach a resolution...

 

[Felnik]

I think you have to ask yourself some questions ,
Like what do you really want to do with your life .
What's your passion ?

Whatever that is , no matter how ridiculous you need to
Take steps in that direction .

 

[jamie]

Sounds like you were working for a temp agency, no?

Ive been there enough times...middlemen/women who make a buck off of others need for a job. Sucks that often times when I have applied for jobs on craigslist I show up for an interview and it's a temp agency. They dont give a shit about you they are just there to exploit people need for a job and in turn companies love it because they then have to offer you zero job security and can fire you at any freaking time they wish..which you found out.

You might as well put some effort into just doing something you actaully think you can go back to again and again without hating it and feeling forced to go there. Ive done so much shitty work that I hated and I just get depressed durring those times after a while..Im not that kind of person, if I cant get morally behind the work I am doing I loose interest real fast. I decdided to just start a business with minxx making and selling raw organic foods to markets and stuff around here with minxx because I just cant be someone elses puppet anymore. It took many months and alot of $$ spent on permits and I had to tae 2 grand from the bank that has to payed back now, but it will be worth it.. I have to live but I cant just go off and do any job I find anymore and feel like myself while doing it. Once we start to make enough money from that I am going to get lots of crystals and copper and start making jewelery to sell online as well becasue I do it at home anyway in spare time and like doing it. Im thining of making biodegradable surf wax as well, though I need to figure that one out still.

There are ways to make a living beyond what the magority of people tend to do, where you really only have to answer to you. Just takes time to build it up and soem creative thinking.

 

[Purges]

Thanks guys, it measn a lot that you have taken time to answer my post

Nen - yes at the moment it does seem that I am some what 'starving'... I have been meditating with Spice approximately 1-2 times per week with Spice, but am yet to come to any real conclusions about my situation, although I know full well that I need to explore other avenues. I think I need to get back into my music, as this has always been a passion / talent of mine that I have some what squandered recently. I mean, I have a Bsc in Music Technology ffs! Maybe I do need to go somewhere more secluded to really dig around and find some answers, although I do spend quite a big portion of the day alone at the moment.

Felnik - As stated above, music is one of my key passions, as are animals, good food and beer (not to excess). The idea of helping people live fuller, happier lives also appeals to me, but I don't see that being a feasable option at this stage of my life due to long hours, poor pay and high stressload - I won't have time / energy to put into the things that I love. Maybe that is selfish, but that is how I currently feel - there needs to be an element of creativity for me to thrive, and I feel that environment would not offer that... But yes I agree, I need to start making steps SOON.

Fractal - Yes it was an agency. I am very reluctant to return to such a shitty deal. It seems that a lot of the work that I would be eligable to get at the moment is through an agency. I really don't want to be shat all over again and treated with such disregard as I was before. I too am not a naturally depressive person, but my last couple of jobs had me in some very uncomfortable states of mind - suggesting that it wasn't for me. I guess I learned the hard way by not listening to my feelings and just leaving.

I in fact left the job before the British Gas one because I could not "get morally behind the work I was doing". It then got near that point with BG. It is admirable that you have started your own business in such tough times and are following your interests. I think I need to take a leaf out of your book, I don't think I will ever be happy working for a big faceless corporation. I know I've got it in me to make a succesful future for myself, but its these first steps that are the hardest to make.

Lots of food for thought....

 

[Metanoia]

I'll just echo the advice already given, especially fractal's. Forget about those temp agencies. I really think they should be banned from operating. They can get you a job and cash quickly, but who wants to go from job to job, week after week, being treated like dirt? Because that's been my only experience as a temp worker. The agency treats you like garbage, and so does the employer.

So your passions are animals, music, and good food. You certainly have some options, if you're willing to work hard and put a lot of effort in. Those are also my passions, so I can tell you first hand, you can make it. I volunteer at my local animal shelter (sure, it's volunteer work and doesn't pay, but I like to think that I'm paid in joy from helping some of those poor animals) I also volunteer at a local soup kitchen pretty regularly. Again, joy in seeing some of those people have a good meal and just having someone to talk to. And music, well, I've played a few instruments for many years, and to make a few extra bucks on my days off work (now apprenticing as a sous-chef) I teach kids guitar lessons. The happiness and satisfaction I receive from seeing a kid "get it" for the first time is worth so much more than the money. Also, these volunteer jobs are good for getting you out of a slump, connecting with people again, and to put on your resume. The people you volunteer for will most likely give you a reference as well, which never hurts.

That's all well and good if you're starving, you're probably thinking. But if you really do enjoy good food (feeding people) and beer, you could probably get a job in a decent, locally owned restaurant or pub. It's hard work, and sometimes the pay isn't extremely good, but at least you'll be doing something you enjoy

 

[InneffableThings]

I would also echo the above. Eliminate all your distractions, and focus on what you want your life to mean in this world. Sit alone somewhere in the woods with nothing but basic sustenance until you have an answer. What do you feel you need to do? You must do? What do you care enough about you are willing to suffer great poverty and suffering for? When you are on your deathbed looking back, what will fill you with gratitude that you did? If you were going to die in three days, how would you spend your time so you feel complete, whole? So that you would die happy and in peace, knowing you've given everything you had? What about ten days? A month? 1 year? 20 years? What is the most beautiful vision you can come up with of what the totality of your life as an individual means? What means so much to you that you would die for it?

 

[Purges]

Most excellent advice here, thank you. The things that mean so much to me I would die for are my family, friends, and this beautiful planet. A big part of me also wants to fight for these ridiculous, damaging drug laws to be abolished, I feel that is something that needs to be changed SOON for the greater good of humanity, but I fear that may be like banging my head against a brick wall. Maybe I should just go for it, I could communicate my message through my music - I think that could be a good start towards my end goal.

So I have pretty much come up with a plan of action now I think! I will get a job at the fine ale bar around the corner and learn as much as I can about beer and the brewing process. Eventually I will brew my own ale. I will make music, and incorporate a message of freedom from oppressive laws. I will also start campaigning. I will continue to keep and breed reptiles and look into doing educational shows promoting conservation.

That is a plan I can follow and work towards. I love and / or believe in each of those activities, and I am sure that would lead to a fulfilling future. These are things I enjoy without money being involved, but if they can contribute, then really it is win-win.

Thanks guys, that really was the positive push I was looking for, my mind has become a little stagnant and short sighted in this department recently.