Aleph Omega
Rising Star
[Let me first say that this was not written for DMT Nexus, but I would like to use it as my introduction. I first came across DMT two and a half years ago. Actually my first introduction to it was an "Ayahuasca" mixture of Mimosa and Syrian Rue. Soon after, I found DMT crystals. I had some interesting first experiences with the small quantity I obtained, but no "breakthroughs." I have long thrown around the idea of extracting, but I always thought it took more skill and knowledge than I had. In the past few months I have been dying to have the DMT experience again, and low and behold, I found a link to a STB tek, and discovered DMT Nexus... I guess the time was right. And where there is a will, there's a way. 
- Aleph]
"Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water." - Zen saying
"When walking in the dark - close your eyes." - Buddhist saying
Can you dig it."
My meat is real.
My hands - how they move
balanced like lithe demons
My hair - so twined and writhing
The skin of my face - pinch the cheeks
My flaming sword tongue
spraying verbal fire-flys
I'm real.
I'm human
But I'm not an ordinary man
No No No"
- Jim Morrison
"IN THE BODY there are Niagras of alien beauty, alien dimensions that are part of the self, the richest part of life. I think of going to the grave without having a psychedelic experience like going to the grave without ever having sex. It means you never figured out what it is all about." - Terrence McKenna
"Everything you think you see, is just an echo of eternity." - Me
The following first person story is a piece of fiction. It is a bit of roleplaying and imagination, and any similarity between myself and the character in the story is merely coincidental:
Last night a friend and I got together to do some research on a molecule known as DMT. DMT should not be considered a drug, but rather an extremely powerful sacrament and spiritual tool. Some even say it is a gateway to another world. I would be liable to agree with them.
My friend, who I will hereafter refer to as Jane, had smoked before me. She had "broken through" to the other side, as it were, into the DMT realm, as she had on a previous occasion. On that previous occasion I mostly watched her and asked her questions about the experience, since we had only had enough to dose her. Afterwords, the words that she seemed to utter the most were, "Wow, Aleph. Wow."
Although she knew what to expect this time around, she was still very anxious. Her mind was settled, but her body held fear. After inhaling a few good hits of the smoke, she leaned back in her chair, closed her eyes, and I smiled as I watched her face... wondering what must be going on beyond those eyelids. After a few minutes, she spoke, describing colorful geometrical patterns moving in and out of each other in strange ways. She also described feeling the presence of some kind of being playing in the middle of this chaos, seemingly enjoying itself.
After a first failed attempt, in which I took a few solid hits, but had little effect other than giddiness, and the normal feeling of strangeness (as Jane looked on in disbelief), I decided to try again. As I loaded up the pipe, Jane was very reassuring: "I know you're going to do it this time. I'm good, I'm satisfied. Now I just want to see you get there. I want you to get where I got." The last time I heard such words of encouragement from a woman was during love-making, I thought to myself with stifled amusement. Funny to hear it in a different context, yet somehow totally appropriate. As I lit the pipe, Jane coached me further. I could hear her almost whisper in a soothing, and distant voice... "breathe, breathe... Good." She sounds like she's doing an impression of me, I thought, again smiling to myself. Another girl I had smoked with told me I reminded her of a child-birthing coach while she was hitting the DMT pipe. Now I saw the humor in getting a dose of my own medicine (literally). Jane was genuinely being a sweetheart though, and just because of her attitude I could tell that the time was now "right." Maybe it was just a mental thing, but somehow I had no doubt in my mind that this one was going to do it before the effects even hit me. After taking three big hits, I quickly put the pipe down in preparation, and stared into space for a moment, noticing that my vision was getting blurry as it often does when I dose... sort of like a television channel buzzing on slightly the wrong frequency. Automatically, I closed my eyes. The first thing I noticed was that my breathing changed. It often does that on DMT. Similar to when you are just about to fall asleep, and all of a sudden your breathing falls into a slow steady pattern. The body takes over: deep, automatic breaths. Powerful breaths. I could hear them, they were loud. My nose sounded like a vacuum cleaner. And then suddenly, suddenly, I was there, I was in the other dimension.
Some refer to it as hyperspace, some call it the "alien dreamtime," Jane referred to it as "the matrix." In my mind, the most accurate description of that place is, "Eternity."
I was in Eternity, with infinite patterns unfolding and folding back upon themselves, exploding and imploding in every direction, dimension, and conceivable configuration. The ultimate conceptual kaleidoscope. I heard Jane say something, I think, and I opened my eyes. All I could do was stare at her in wonder. At this point, I wasn't completely sure what was going on, or what I was looking at, and I wasn't at all trying to figure things out. I did see a girl in front of me though. The way she looked... well, let me say, people always look strange on DMT - everything does. To me, it's like this weird deja-vu feeling. Almost like I've seen this moment before... I've lived this before. I stared at her, she had a pillow propped up behind her head, she was wearing a hat, zip up jacket and jeans, normal enough, except something about the way she was sitting and arranged in my field of vision was as if she had been positioned specifically by an artist, with some kind of unfathomable artistic intent in mind. She was solid, she was there, but at the same time, it was also as if she was made up of shapes. Like an artist's exercise in drawing a person using geometrical shapes.
For some reason, this is the only thing I can conceptually compare it to, although she was not made of vegetables, obviously:
I stared at her and her cheeks were big round bulges as she looked at me, smiling. I think she was saying something, but I couldn't understand. All I could do was smile, and maybe laugh - at least I think I was smiling. At that moment, I was experiencing pure joy. Now that I think about it, I imagine that is what a child must feel like when it opens its eyes and sees its mother for the first time. Pure joy.
After a few moments of trying to contemplate this living shape in front of me, I closed my eyes again. Jane dissolved into the void, but at the same time, become one with the void. She was everywhere around me, multiple images of her, twisting and stretching into infinity. Blending with it, transforming with it, and yet that changing infinity was still somehow her, and she was it. Eternity again. Every possibility coming alive at once. The world as I knew it was gone, and that was perfectly fine. Nothing had meaning anymore, and yet it now had more meaning than ever before. The ultimate paradox. My ego seemed non-existent, though somehow I remember thinking to myself all at the same time, "if I died right now, that would be okay," "this has to be what death is like... God, I hope this is what death is like," and "this is more real than the real world, this IS the real world."
The configurations shifted, and I felt my head lurch down. When I opened my eyes, the patterns had merged with my field of vision... instead of seeing the patterns, then all of a sudden opening my eyes, and having the real world cut in... it was more like a transition. The shapes morphed into what I saw when I opened my eyes, which was a cardboard box which was next to me on the floor. A perfectly normal cardboard box, yet the insane chaos had coalesced, and distilled perfectly into a mundane box next to me in my room. At that moment, I understood. The chaos and the reality were one and the same. We only think they are different.
Being inside the DMT world is like being inside the mind of God, if you can imagine that. But when I opened my eyes, I opened them with the vision of God still intact. I saw the world with the eyes of a Buddha. I realized that there is no such thing as enlightenment. THIS is perfection. This moment. This sight, this sound, this life, this world. Everything REALLY is one. All energy is actually one. One energy makes up all things, constantly recycling itself to become everything. It is everything at once. It is me, it is you, it is the spoon. We are it. We are everything. Understand? Good... Play!
Be happy, be joyful. This is it, right now. This will always be it. This moment is eternity. And so is the next moment... Eternity. On into infinity. No break, no pause, no discontinuation. Just an eternal flowing, of the Tao, of yin and yang. The eternal movement (dance) of the All.
I don't see how any insight could be more profound, but if it can be, I look forward to it.
This entire scenario, this entire realization took place (as far as I can tell), in the span of a few seconds. Although time had no meaning in Eternity, I could still somehow tell that my experience there had been short... honestly, I could have just stayed in that place forever.
After I had this realization, I heard Jane say, "maybe you should lay down." This sounded like a great idea, so I hopped up, and somehow got into my bed all the while laughing hysterically. I'm not quite sure when the laughing started. Probably some time after I opened my eyes, and had that realization. But in any case, I was laughing hysterically and uncontrollably. I was in and out of reality. In Eternity, yet in the real world, both at the same time.
Now laying on the bed, I closed my eyes again and just observed. I saw psychedelic cartoon like patterns unfold in geometrical kaleidoscope formations. One of the images was almost two dimensional... it was very much like one of those cardboard pop-up books - that was the impression. As if it were popping up and at the same time going away, as if the page was turning. What I saw was a shape like a bush, but it was flat, like a cardboard cutout, and inside the bush, or perhaps behind it was the top torso and head of a man. As the image resolved itself, I recognized it was me! There were several of these me figures, all the same, identical. As I recognized it was me I was seeing, I smiled. The me figures waved to me as they "passed" by. I found this even more hilarious - it was a vision, but it was obviously meant to be humorous! It was as if my mind was playing with itself. Here I was in Eternity, and of all the things in the world, what do I see? Myself! How strange! I put my hands over my head, and laughed even harder at the humor in this.
I heard Jane say "I'm glad you're having a good time over there!" I'm not exactly sure, but I think I must have been writhing on the bed, having a laugh-gasm. I looked over at her, she was still sitting in the chair in the corner of the room. I couldn't see her features too well, but I imagine she made the statement with her eyebrows raised. I also couldn't help but think that she looked a little bit scared. I forgot that I was tripping, and that she was not experiencing what I was experiencing. She wasn't seeing what I was seeing. I do that sometimes. I was suddenly sad about that fact, and also slightly worried that she might think I was crazy, or strange. I honestly can't imagine what I must have seemed like. All I know was what it felt like to me. You know that scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit where he takes a shot of booze and flies up to the ceiling, bellowing like a steam-whistle? That's kind of what my brain felt like.
After a minute or more of this, and the closed eye visuals, and the laughing fits, I somehow came back down to reality. I talked to Jane, but found it very hard to put the experience into words. I'm not sure whether it's because the experience can't be put into words, or because the experience temporarily removed my ability to form words into cogent thoughts. In any case, let me try to explain a little more now.
This isn't exactly what I saw in the DMT realm, but it is close enough. Conceptually, this Alex Gray picture fits perfectly into what I felt and perceived:
All is one. One is all. Eternally.
The Shingon Buddhists of Japan have a concept known as the Two Worlds. They also have mandalas to represent both words. Followers of this sect of Buddhism often meditate on these mandalas in order to gain Enlightenment. The two worlds are known as the Kongoukai, or Diamond World, and the Taizoukai, or Womb World.
Diamond World
Womb World
These two worlds represent the yin and yang. The inner and outer. The subjective and objective levels of experience. The personal realm, and the "god" realm, if you will. The worlds are one and the same, just two different sides of the same coin. Meditate on them.
For now I will leave you with that... Take from it what you will.
The journey remains to be continued. As always.
- Aleph]"Before Enlightenment chop wood carry water, after Enlightenment, chop wood carry water." - Zen saying
"When walking in the dark - close your eyes." - Buddhist saying
Can you dig it."
My meat is real.
My hands - how they move
balanced like lithe demons
My hair - so twined and writhing
The skin of my face - pinch the cheeks
My flaming sword tongue
spraying verbal fire-flys
I'm real.
I'm human
But I'm not an ordinary man
No No No"
- Jim Morrison
"IN THE BODY there are Niagras of alien beauty, alien dimensions that are part of the self, the richest part of life. I think of going to the grave without having a psychedelic experience like going to the grave without ever having sex. It means you never figured out what it is all about." - Terrence McKenna
"Everything you think you see, is just an echo of eternity." - Me
The following first person story is a piece of fiction. It is a bit of roleplaying and imagination, and any similarity between myself and the character in the story is merely coincidental:
Last night a friend and I got together to do some research on a molecule known as DMT. DMT should not be considered a drug, but rather an extremely powerful sacrament and spiritual tool. Some even say it is a gateway to another world. I would be liable to agree with them.
My friend, who I will hereafter refer to as Jane, had smoked before me. She had "broken through" to the other side, as it were, into the DMT realm, as she had on a previous occasion. On that previous occasion I mostly watched her and asked her questions about the experience, since we had only had enough to dose her. Afterwords, the words that she seemed to utter the most were, "Wow, Aleph. Wow."
Although she knew what to expect this time around, she was still very anxious. Her mind was settled, but her body held fear. After inhaling a few good hits of the smoke, she leaned back in her chair, closed her eyes, and I smiled as I watched her face... wondering what must be going on beyond those eyelids. After a few minutes, she spoke, describing colorful geometrical patterns moving in and out of each other in strange ways. She also described feeling the presence of some kind of being playing in the middle of this chaos, seemingly enjoying itself.
After a first failed attempt, in which I took a few solid hits, but had little effect other than giddiness, and the normal feeling of strangeness (as Jane looked on in disbelief), I decided to try again. As I loaded up the pipe, Jane was very reassuring: "I know you're going to do it this time. I'm good, I'm satisfied. Now I just want to see you get there. I want you to get where I got." The last time I heard such words of encouragement from a woman was during love-making, I thought to myself with stifled amusement. Funny to hear it in a different context, yet somehow totally appropriate. As I lit the pipe, Jane coached me further. I could hear her almost whisper in a soothing, and distant voice... "breathe, breathe... Good." She sounds like she's doing an impression of me, I thought, again smiling to myself. Another girl I had smoked with told me I reminded her of a child-birthing coach while she was hitting the DMT pipe. Now I saw the humor in getting a dose of my own medicine (literally). Jane was genuinely being a sweetheart though, and just because of her attitude I could tell that the time was now "right." Maybe it was just a mental thing, but somehow I had no doubt in my mind that this one was going to do it before the effects even hit me. After taking three big hits, I quickly put the pipe down in preparation, and stared into space for a moment, noticing that my vision was getting blurry as it often does when I dose... sort of like a television channel buzzing on slightly the wrong frequency. Automatically, I closed my eyes. The first thing I noticed was that my breathing changed. It often does that on DMT. Similar to when you are just about to fall asleep, and all of a sudden your breathing falls into a slow steady pattern. The body takes over: deep, automatic breaths. Powerful breaths. I could hear them, they were loud. My nose sounded like a vacuum cleaner. And then suddenly, suddenly, I was there, I was in the other dimension.
Some refer to it as hyperspace, some call it the "alien dreamtime," Jane referred to it as "the matrix." In my mind, the most accurate description of that place is, "Eternity."
I was in Eternity, with infinite patterns unfolding and folding back upon themselves, exploding and imploding in every direction, dimension, and conceivable configuration. The ultimate conceptual kaleidoscope. I heard Jane say something, I think, and I opened my eyes. All I could do was stare at her in wonder. At this point, I wasn't completely sure what was going on, or what I was looking at, and I wasn't at all trying to figure things out. I did see a girl in front of me though. The way she looked... well, let me say, people always look strange on DMT - everything does. To me, it's like this weird deja-vu feeling. Almost like I've seen this moment before... I've lived this before. I stared at her, she had a pillow propped up behind her head, she was wearing a hat, zip up jacket and jeans, normal enough, except something about the way she was sitting and arranged in my field of vision was as if she had been positioned specifically by an artist, with some kind of unfathomable artistic intent in mind. She was solid, she was there, but at the same time, it was also as if she was made up of shapes. Like an artist's exercise in drawing a person using geometrical shapes.
For some reason, this is the only thing I can conceptually compare it to, although she was not made of vegetables, obviously:
I stared at her and her cheeks were big round bulges as she looked at me, smiling. I think she was saying something, but I couldn't understand. All I could do was smile, and maybe laugh - at least I think I was smiling. At that moment, I was experiencing pure joy. Now that I think about it, I imagine that is what a child must feel like when it opens its eyes and sees its mother for the first time. Pure joy.
After a few moments of trying to contemplate this living shape in front of me, I closed my eyes again. Jane dissolved into the void, but at the same time, become one with the void. She was everywhere around me, multiple images of her, twisting and stretching into infinity. Blending with it, transforming with it, and yet that changing infinity was still somehow her, and she was it. Eternity again. Every possibility coming alive at once. The world as I knew it was gone, and that was perfectly fine. Nothing had meaning anymore, and yet it now had more meaning than ever before. The ultimate paradox. My ego seemed non-existent, though somehow I remember thinking to myself all at the same time, "if I died right now, that would be okay," "this has to be what death is like... God, I hope this is what death is like," and "this is more real than the real world, this IS the real world."
The configurations shifted, and I felt my head lurch down. When I opened my eyes, the patterns had merged with my field of vision... instead of seeing the patterns, then all of a sudden opening my eyes, and having the real world cut in... it was more like a transition. The shapes morphed into what I saw when I opened my eyes, which was a cardboard box which was next to me on the floor. A perfectly normal cardboard box, yet the insane chaos had coalesced, and distilled perfectly into a mundane box next to me in my room. At that moment, I understood. The chaos and the reality were one and the same. We only think they are different.
Being inside the DMT world is like being inside the mind of God, if you can imagine that. But when I opened my eyes, I opened them with the vision of God still intact. I saw the world with the eyes of a Buddha. I realized that there is no such thing as enlightenment. THIS is perfection. This moment. This sight, this sound, this life, this world. Everything REALLY is one. All energy is actually one. One energy makes up all things, constantly recycling itself to become everything. It is everything at once. It is me, it is you, it is the spoon. We are it. We are everything. Understand? Good... Play!
Be happy, be joyful. This is it, right now. This will always be it. This moment is eternity. And so is the next moment... Eternity. On into infinity. No break, no pause, no discontinuation. Just an eternal flowing, of the Tao, of yin and yang. The eternal movement (dance) of the All.
I don't see how any insight could be more profound, but if it can be, I look forward to it.
This entire scenario, this entire realization took place (as far as I can tell), in the span of a few seconds. Although time had no meaning in Eternity, I could still somehow tell that my experience there had been short... honestly, I could have just stayed in that place forever.
After I had this realization, I heard Jane say, "maybe you should lay down." This sounded like a great idea, so I hopped up, and somehow got into my bed all the while laughing hysterically. I'm not quite sure when the laughing started. Probably some time after I opened my eyes, and had that realization. But in any case, I was laughing hysterically and uncontrollably. I was in and out of reality. In Eternity, yet in the real world, both at the same time.
Now laying on the bed, I closed my eyes again and just observed. I saw psychedelic cartoon like patterns unfold in geometrical kaleidoscope formations. One of the images was almost two dimensional... it was very much like one of those cardboard pop-up books - that was the impression. As if it were popping up and at the same time going away, as if the page was turning. What I saw was a shape like a bush, but it was flat, like a cardboard cutout, and inside the bush, or perhaps behind it was the top torso and head of a man. As the image resolved itself, I recognized it was me! There were several of these me figures, all the same, identical. As I recognized it was me I was seeing, I smiled. The me figures waved to me as they "passed" by. I found this even more hilarious - it was a vision, but it was obviously meant to be humorous! It was as if my mind was playing with itself. Here I was in Eternity, and of all the things in the world, what do I see? Myself! How strange! I put my hands over my head, and laughed even harder at the humor in this.
I heard Jane say "I'm glad you're having a good time over there!" I'm not exactly sure, but I think I must have been writhing on the bed, having a laugh-gasm. I looked over at her, she was still sitting in the chair in the corner of the room. I couldn't see her features too well, but I imagine she made the statement with her eyebrows raised. I also couldn't help but think that she looked a little bit scared. I forgot that I was tripping, and that she was not experiencing what I was experiencing. She wasn't seeing what I was seeing. I do that sometimes. I was suddenly sad about that fact, and also slightly worried that she might think I was crazy, or strange. I honestly can't imagine what I must have seemed like. All I know was what it felt like to me. You know that scene in Who Framed Roger Rabbit where he takes a shot of booze and flies up to the ceiling, bellowing like a steam-whistle? That's kind of what my brain felt like.
After a minute or more of this, and the closed eye visuals, and the laughing fits, I somehow came back down to reality. I talked to Jane, but found it very hard to put the experience into words. I'm not sure whether it's because the experience can't be put into words, or because the experience temporarily removed my ability to form words into cogent thoughts. In any case, let me try to explain a little more now.
This isn't exactly what I saw in the DMT realm, but it is close enough. Conceptually, this Alex Gray picture fits perfectly into what I felt and perceived:
All is one. One is all. Eternally.
The Shingon Buddhists of Japan have a concept known as the Two Worlds. They also have mandalas to represent both words. Followers of this sect of Buddhism often meditate on these mandalas in order to gain Enlightenment. The two worlds are known as the Kongoukai, or Diamond World, and the Taizoukai, or Womb World.
Diamond World
Womb World
These two worlds represent the yin and yang. The inner and outer. The subjective and objective levels of experience. The personal realm, and the "god" realm, if you will. The worlds are one and the same, just two different sides of the same coin. Meditate on them.
For now I will leave you with that... Take from it what you will.
The journey remains to be continued. As always.
