DMT as recovery?

[fantact]

Hi, this is my first post here, and I am seeking some help, I have been using LSD primarily for some time now, ive had a heavy run, a heavy break, and another heavy run combined with some other substances.
Ive been using, in order of heaviest use, cannabis, lsd, mdma, and to a lesser extent Changa, ive also tried some other exotics here and there, i must be the worlds luckiest "user/abuser" since i have an almost limitless access to all of these substances.
I do have an addictive personality but ever since i "discovered" the world of entheogens, ive been on a mad chase for the "key" piece of information, at the same time as i have been trying to heal myself through them, combined with the urge for negative attantion, somthing discovered later in the process, due to parental issues.

Lately i have been coming down with some heavy depression, i rarely get hallucinations from LSD, due to the reason that i dose low, and usually carry the load as "guide" for others, personality flaw or not i don't know but my LSD addiction has been due to the vast amounts of information and new knowledge that arises, i have always been kind of a knowledge junkie.
The difficult part seems to be delusions, i seem to be stuck in a negative feedback loop, making me paranoid, suspicious and generally in a negative mood, at the same time I am aware of this, and am trying to heal.
I have realized that i have put too much thought into others and too little into myself and my actions.
A guilty conscience is part of the problem, but should not be as heavy as this.

Weird synchronicities and weird "thoughts" coming from others(my empathy has been replaced by "mind reading" in my head apparently) are making me even more paranoid and afraid.

I have understood that i have to cut down the LSD/Cannabis/MDMA use, but i am very unsure about the changa.
I've fallen in love with the substance, dmt is so calming and soothing, i mostly smoke it for the relaxing effects, and mild hallucinations, mostly in combination with a european hashish/tobacco mix(a mixture i would love some feedback on the safety off)

Anyone got any insight? Advice?
Should i cut the changa completly or could changa(alone, no mixing) be a healing solution?

 

[Bill Cipher]

I would say take a break from everything, find some interests that are not drug related and maybe revisit them sometime down the line. You refer to yourself as an abuser, talk about your addictions to these substances, the need for negative attention, delusions and paranoia, and some kind of parental issues (which would indicate you're very young). This isn't a great jumping off point from which to approach these drugs, and especially DMT. Psychedelics can heal or harm. It's all in how you use them.

If it's feeling shady to you, you should really stop now before you find yourself badly bitten. There are "key pieces of information" everywhere life takes you; they're all over the place and psychedelics are just one way to put the pieces together.

 

[Psychonaut In Orbit]

I would say take a break from everything, find some interests that are not drug related and maybe revisit them sometime down the line. You refer to yourself as an abuser, talk about your addictions to these substances, the need for negative attention, delusions and paranoia, and some kind of parental issues (which would indicate you're very young). This isn't a great jumping off point from which to approach these drugs, and especially DMT. Psychedelics can heal or harm. It's all in how you use them.

If it's feeling shady to you, you should really stop now before you find yourself badly bitten. There are "key pieces of information" everywhere life takes you; they're all over the place and psychedelics are just one way to put the pieces together.

Some pretty sound advice here.

 

[oden]

i agree .. it may not be what you want to hear.. but i think you need a break.. get you mind,body,diet. you do seem like your heading for something bad.imo.. do you truly understand how important balance is..have more respect for yourself.. im not trying to bust your stones. everyone here is coming from a place of concern... but you seem to be heading to a dark edge . spice can give one hellava cosmic bitch slap... i leave you with this...healed people heal, hurt people Hurt.. wishing you well..Oden

 

[Ez]

I think before you can use these tools to help yourself, some serious inner work is needed. Putting the drugs down for a while and possibly coming back to them sounds like a good idea. Those things will probably always be available, but if your mind goes, it may take a long time to recover if ever. Meditation, yoga, art, music, therapy, are all healthy alternatives that can help you explore your mind.

If it's knowledge you seek, start reading or studying what you wish to learn more about. Learn everything you can about everything. Grow something special, learn a new craft, keep a journal- I find keeping a journal really helps me to see the synchronicities that happen in my life.

I got a good ol' fashioned bitch slap from some mushies and thought I would never eat them again. I stayed away from psychs for over a year and during that time I did a lot of the things that I mentioned. When I was finally ready, things changed in ways I never could have imagined. Treat yourself with respect and learn to live a healthy lifestyle as these guys have said - wise words indeed.

 

[fantact]

Thank you all for the answers, i am in a difficult spot right now trying to handle the experiences ive had, my intensions have always been spiritually rooted since i was first "turned on" but i seem to struggle with incorporating it, the universe seems to be trying to warn me off a bad path, and i really don't want to walk down a bad path, i have wanted to heal myself and others, maybe in the wrong order, but when i help others dealing with troubles i feel healed myself, ive always been kind of extrovert, but at the same time very introvert. I am really confused about many things.

A break is probably the solution, and i did kinda want to hear the opposite here, but i do realize it is the best way, i just feel bad having to part ways with the substances i have come to know and love.
Using DMT recreationally(smoking just a little to get relaxing effects) seems to put me in the "right" way, i become calm, collected, kind and feel generally much much better, i feel like a better person, and i do realize that that is the way i should become, DMT just seems to help me along the way.

But what ive realized that had put me in this way is that i havent deserved it, i have been trying to run away from myself and not accepting myself.
The whole bad experience really scared me, and pushed me into thinking hard about my conscience and actions towards others, now i just want to heal myself and the damage i have done.

Thank you all for the advice, might not be what i wanted to hear, but what i needed to hear.
I really do want to change, I am tired of being this way.

 

[jamie]

I would cut out the cannabis altogether..and then maybe dose a full dose of ayahuasca once a month or so. Forget the LSD and MDMA..too much LSD use in a short period of time tends to burn people out from what I have seen in others close to me who used it that way. Same with MDMA but to a much greater extent. If you abused MDMA that way you might seriousily want to rebuild your seratonin receptors with caapi.

Cannabis can burn you out and leave you depressed and addicted to it if you use it too heavily, while not realizing it. I used to smoke way too much of it and feel way way better now that I only smoke it occasionally, but I had to stop for about 6 months and then start smoking maybe once a month.

Forget about changa..forget about acid..forget about cannabis..forget about mdma..just forget all those things for now. If anything try a full dose of ayahuasca every month or 2 for a while and just take the rest of the time to reflect and eat good healthy grounding food and figure stuff out.

I can guarantee you a full dose of ayahuasca will leave anything changa can throw at you in the dust and you wont feel like you need to rush back out the next day to keep searching..you will want the time to reflect and integrate that thing. NOTHING compares..well maybe iboga.

That is what I would do anyway.

 

[onethousandk]

i have wanted to heal myself and others, maybe in the wrong order, but when i help others dealing with troubles i feel healed myself

The best way to heal people is to lead a fulfilling, happy life yourself and let others use that as a guide. As oden mentiioned, healed people heal. This is the way the universe works. You can't do anything for others if you aren't in the right place yourself. I love psychedelics, but sometimes a break is in order. Get your mind together through sober methods: yoga, meditation, creative output like music, art or writing. All these things help. Get to a place where you are at peace with yourself and your place in the universe and then dive in again. I promise it will be worth it.

 

[Ez]

there is nothing quite like a full blown aya trip and Jamie is right, it won't leave you wanting to just dive back in the next day...