Finding the courage to go back

[VibeCatalyst]

Greetings all,

I am looking for any last insight before i take my next journey. After doing some research on the nexus for the past couple months I think i have found the courage blast off once again. My last two sessions were very life shattering and intense for me and I have been kind of nervous to travel again. The first trip was especially intense because I did not go into it with the intent to really breakthrough and I was also under the influence of other substances.

I had been at a music festival all day and have taken 3 doses of LSD earlier that evening. Afterwords me and my friends ended up going to my friend house and partied on some ketamine and nitrous oxide. We decided to have a spice session before going to bed. So my friend packed up the volcano vaporizer with the spice ( I don't know the dose). We all sat/laid down and we each filled up a balloon of Nitrous and a bag of spice vapor, and we then closed our eyes and inhaled them both in a few breaths and then I was off.

I have little memory of the journey, I know it started with heavy visuals of intense color geometric patterns ect... But then I was approached by what looked like some sort of gold and green octopus alien entity with many tentacles and color changing gem like looking eyes. It seemed to be very much concentrated on me and like it was scanning my soul or mind. This was very shocking to me and I tried to ground myself, snap out of it and open my eyes, so I did.

I was so shocked by the experience I almost tried to pretend it didn't happen and that a was just too high on these chemicals I had been doing. So I did not even share that part of the experience with my friends because I thought they'd might think I was crazy or something. I also had many thoughts on my life on earth and my ego so I talked about that A little bit and then decide I really needed to just sleep it off, so I did.

I have been searching the site for similar experiences and I have found much insight from them and from the advice of many others in response to their posts. I now know that there are many others with similar lives and experience as me and have been gaining the inner will the explore once again.

So if Anyone would like to give a few words of wisdom or advice I'd really appreciate any input.

Peace and love to you all.

Best,

VibeCatalyst

 

[Soy sauce]

Well, first off, I'm quite sure those other substances had some sort of affect on the spice trip, of course.
That sounded like a pretty intense period of time.

For me, for the past two weeks or so, I've had some pretty bad anxiety when it came down to traveling to hyperspace. I'd always tell myself, tonight'll be the night, I'll finally get over this. And then, when it comes right down to the minute, I'll end up backing out. Telling myself, it's not the right time. As my heart is going about 200 beats per minute.
I'm honestly not even sure where it came from, or what it's stemming from at all.

My buddy was suppose to come down for the night last night, and that was going to be his first time experiencing the spice. He didn't end up coming. And, that got me kind of down, because that was going to be my time to finally over-come this weird anxiety.

I decided, I'm going to do it weather or not he's coming. Buuuut.. maybe I'll dial it down a bit. So.. I did a little bit less than I normally dose. Maybe 20mg this time. Normally it's 30.

What a wonderful time I had! :d I thought, why was I even scared in the first place? And then I decided, well, I can still think completly rationally, and totally here, in the now, why not do a little bit more?

Oops..

I went right back into almost this same trip I had once before. I felt it in my lungs, almost like buzzers, one.. two?.. uh oh..
I only hit one, ever.
Crazy crazyyy patterns everywhere. Everything almost looked.. pixelated. And rapidly moving back and forth. And many other intense, and strong feelings. After a few, (I'll write a trip report eventually.) I came back to myself, and remembered, ohhhhh yeaa.. That's why I was frightened. I remember now. But.. this time, it, felt better. I felt, for lack of a better word, used to it.


All of that rambling basically means : try consciencly deciding to do a little less. Just to, dip your toes back in the pool, ya know. Dial it back, and it might just help you dive back in.

Most of all, take your time. It'll always be waiting.

 

[Acaterpillar]

For me, I simply have to go through the motions.

Forget your past experiences.

Bring the pipe to your lips. Light, and inhale.
The rest will follow.

Meditating before hand certainly helps calm the mind.

 

[VibeCatalyst]

Thanks for the input. Yes i think the other substances definitely had an effect on my trip and since then I've chilled out on the usage. heavily going to many electronic and jam band shows over the past years have definitely influenced me in getting into other substances. since that first trip I actually did meditate (sober) with my friend who has been getting into it and took a smaller dose in the form of a joint and the trip was very up lifting and positive, and has made me more comfortable again.

 

[Nils]

So if Anyone would like to give a few words of wisdom or advice I'd really appreciate any input.

The best advice I could possibly give you is to treat psychedelics with the utmost respect and humility. All of the substances you listed are powerful and mixing them (especially with something you have never tried before) is bound to create strange scenarios.

That said, DMT is plenty weird and sometimes terrifying by itself. A bit of anxiety is normal but should be a indication to not take the experience lightly. Reflect on your past experiences and consider what you are trying to get from the journey. The energy you put into it will be the energy you get out of it.

 

[VibeCatalyst]

Thanks for the advice, I will take it to heart for sure. I think I'm going to try again this weekend when the time is right..

 

[Mystic0]

My first DMT trip included the same entity you are describing right now, I was scanned, judged and then shown something I could only describe as "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!" without being able to verbalise any of my fear during the trip, I was picked up and slapped like a little boy because I thought I "knew" something about how the universe worked... how very wrong I was.

I've yet to jump back into hyperspace but.... tonight my Grandfather passed away and I was given the same test of anxiety I faced before going into hyperspace, the fear of change or the fear of the unknown. It's something we have to face, never conquer. Do not conquer your fears, merely face them and accept them for what they are and you will leave a better person with more humility and understanding.

I hope this helps you, as sad as it may have sounded, it wasn't meant to be. Face your fear and learn to only love.

Much love my friend, I hope you enjoy your next trip.

 

[VibeCatalyst]

Mystic0, my condolences for your loss, it seems like he has a special place with you, and you sound like a courageous soul. Thank you for the words of wisdom and hope, It's nice to hear similar experiences, and have the support of others.

Last week I went to another music festival, and I ended up taking some doses from a friend and had a great time. During my trip I thought about my lifestyle, and that I was doing a little too much parting and not getting enough mental, physical and spiritual growth. So I decided to stop taking non-herbal substances, start eating healthier, meditating, detoxing ( aside from herb) and exercising more. I also thought I would be beneficial if I waited another week or so on this "detox" before having my next spice experience.

Any other thoughts from anyone would be greatly appreciated...

I'll let everyone know how it goes... Until then... Peace and love

 

[River of Thoughts]

ah the notorious Octopus. *sighs* so you've met opti.

 

[Digital Machine]

This just my personal opinion and my personal take on how I deal with it, and I am sure others will differ from me. I personally love to party and ingest lots of things like the next person. One thing I don't do is mix partying with my DMT.

It has been made abundantly clear to me that this stuff is so different on so many levels I still can't wrap my head around it. Since I don't know for 100% certainty WTF is going on when one goes to Hyperspace/Outer-Consiousness/Dreamland/Just-Your-Mind/Astral-Plane/The Bardo...etc. I now treat DMT as humbly and respectfully as I would a sacrament. I also handle it and care for it as I do my loaded guns. :thumb_up:

 

[Guyomech]

The preflight jitters are normal, and a sign of sanity. My only bad spice journey was over 15 years ago, yet it still takes weeks of psyching myself in order to go. It just means that you are aware of the intensity of what you're about to embark upon. The only real answer is simple courage. I managed to overcome my trepidation about 10 days ago and the experience was wonderful. Intense, yes. Earth shattering, at least partly. Did I confront death? Of course. Did I get more questions than answers? Yes, far more... As always. But during the experience I kept thinking to myself,"What in the world were you afraid of? Imagine not having this amazing experience." The fear is a primate reaction, and you can learn to overcome it.