Forum N00b: How I Arrived Here

[LadyPharmacopeia]

Hiya!

I'm brand new to this forum and just thought I'd give a little intro on myself and what I'm doing here. For the sake of anonymity, you can call me LadyPharmacopeia, or any nickname or shortened version you can come up with :roll:

I'm 26 and live in California. I'm a pharmaceutical expert through first hand experience - I was started on SSRIs, benzodiazepines, central nervous system stimulants, amphetamines, and atypical antipsychotics at age nine. I've been on just about every psychotropic psychiatric medication that exists in my short lifetime. For the last three years, they've had me on a powerful opioid antagonist for my depression. My diagnosis is major depression recurrent to be specific. So yes, I'm kind of an unusual person.

Anyway, I love medicine, legal or otherwise. Recreationally, there's only a few things left I haven't tried and DMT is one of them. My friend has some and I've been doing research and reading through forums - as I came to discover, I've known of DMT's existence for a long, long time, but I had really never known any real facts or information about it until now... It sounds like it may be a lot similar to my salvia experiences, which I've had my fair share of at this point in my life, lol. Salvia is not my favorite, nor something I would do all the time, but I do still enjoy now and then, as in, every few years just for a kick if someone else has it or something.

My current list of medications right now includes Paxil 10mg, Xanax 4mg, Dextroamphetamine 40mg, Sonata 10mg, Suboxone 8-10mg, Diphenhydramine 75mg, Seroquel/Quietiapine 600mg, and Prazocin 5mg. None of these are MAOIs and I've been on these whilst using other tryptamines with no problems (in fact I've never had a bad trip that was induced by a well planned out adventure). Anyway, I'm still researching and somehow I ended up here, which is great... Does anyone have any valuable advice or tips for people trying DMT for the first time? I'm excited as from what I can see from the descriptions, it's powerful and hallucinogenic but supposedly unique in many ways.

I love hallucinogens and my favorite thing to trip with is 1/4oz of California gold cap mushrooms, dried. It's a high dosage, but I really enjoy the higher strength, the longer duration time, the more intense hallucinations and pleasurable euphoria. I know DMT isn't going to be quite like that, but if anyone could try to give me a comparison description of DMT vs. Psilocybin mushrooms, that would great. Btw, I've had intense hallucinations and full-blown delirium and psychosis before when mixing different hallucinogens and have had quite extensive experiences. I also have a babysitter who's used DMT on many occasions, both the standard and the 5-MeO-DMT version. He's provided me with the DMT and I'll be watched out for by someone who's trustworthy and has had previous experience so I'm expecting everything to go fine and am very much looking forward to this experience.

I noticed in some of the stories of people's trips that are posted in the Erowid Vaults that while on DMT, it is still possible to move around or get up and walk? (As opposed to Salvia Divinornum which lays you up for the duration of the trip either sitting or laying down). I wanted to ask those who are experienced with DMT, what would you recommend doing while on the trip? Is there anything that's particularly interesting or fun while experiencing DMT? (Ex. LED lights, techno, a Rubik's Cube, exploring outdoors, etc.). Sooo, thanks for taking the time to read my lengthy intro and I'll certainly post how my experience goes - I'll be trying the regular DMT (not the 5-MeO-DMT) via inhalation.

Peace,

--LadyPharmacopeia

 

[LadyPharmacopeia]

Ahh, I just realized... This post would've probably fit better in the intro essay area. Oops.

 

[Cosmic Spore]

Hello LadyPharmacopeia and welcome to the nexus.

 

[brokenChild]

Hai welcome.

Chronic depression is not healthy, and you're treating it the wrong way. I only know because I've had it, and have tried it. Pharmaceuticals, recreational, legal/illegal... for the last 14 years. In any case enjoy your stay

 

[d*l*b]

Greetings and welcome to the Nexus =)

I know DMT isn't going to be quite like that, but if anyone could try to give me a comparison description of DMT vs. Psilocybin mushrooms, that would great.

I have not tried the mushrooms you speak of but have had very DMT-like experiences with Panaeolus cyanescens (Copelandia cyanescens). I find these very similar to dosing DMT orally (pharmahuasca, I have yet to try ayahuasca).

I noticed in some of the stories of people's trips that are posted in the Erowid Vaults that while on DMT, it is still possible to move around or get up and walk? (As opposed to Salvia Divinornum which lays you up for the duration of the trip either sitting or laying down). I wanted to ask those who are experienced with DMT, what would you recommend doing while on the trip? Is there anything that's particularly interesting or fun while experiencing DMT? (Ex. LED lights, techno, a Rubik's Cube, exploring outdoors, etc.).

If you get a good vaped dose it is unlikely that you will be of this reality. By and large you will be pretty incapacitated but it is possible (for me at least) to get up and do things if the situation warrants it. The world around you will be rather different though!

I’ve been able to get out of my room and move a few metres to the toilet to be sick on a few occasions, it is not something I aim to do though.

I love popping on psychdelics so I have given that a try. I think it would not have been the easiest undertaking to stand up and do anything had I not worked out a good way to get up and get momentum during the come up (I sat on the edge of the bed and pushed myself up as I finished the hit). This was a strong hit and my room was no longer the place I launched from, however I was somehow able to dance the journey away without hurting myself on the many obstacles that were in that room, how that was possible I’m not sure.

DMT vaped has a rather short duration, if you get a good dose you will be fully occupied so you will not really be in need of any extras. Most of the time I tend to journey in bed in a silent, dimly lit room.

 

[a1pha]

My current list of medications right now includes Paxil 10mg, Xanax 4mg, Dextroamphetamine 40mg, Sonata 10mg, Suboxone 8-10mg, Diphenhydramine 75mg, Seroquel/Quietiapine 600mg, and Prazocin 5mg.

LadyPharmacopeia,

I get the impression you wear your medications like a badge of honor given the way you describe them, your username, and your avatar. This concerns me and no one here should be recommending you venture into DMT while on this very serious cocktail.

Before you even consider psychedelics you should first see what you can do about your current condition(s). DMT requires a somewhat positive and stable mindset to achieve positive experiences. Otherwise, you are asking for trouble.

This thread will remain open for now but is being watched closely.

Cheers and good luck,
a1pha

 

[brokenChild]

Chronic depression is not healthy, and you're treating it the wrong way.

I guess I should make this statement more correct.... the way you're approaching it/dealing with it through medicating, or self-medicating, is not treating it. I don't particularly care if you choose, out of conscious free will, to take one substance or another, but if you're taking these medications with the intent of treating depression (which I know is also a theoretical solution supported by the medical community), then you will never succeed. Not because you're incapable, but because the approach itself is faulty and offers no solution

 

[universecannon]

The choice is your of course but I personally think its pretty nuts to trip while on a pharma cocktail like that.

"Salvia is not my favorite, nor something I would do all the time, but I do still enjoy now and then, as in, every few years just for a kick if someone else has it or something. "

I really really advise against going into DMT (or other psychs) with the mindset that its just for kicks. Its a good way to get burned badly, and to be honest your pretty lucky to have gotten through a few salvia experiences without being royally smacked. I don't say this condescendingly or in some kind of paternal way, i'm just speaking from experience. A lot of the time when people go into it with that attitude they tend to be in for a rude awakening.

 

[No Knowing]

Im my life experience most drugs man made [excluding some of shulgin's creations] ARE NOT GOOD FOR THE MIND OR BODY.

Those that come from the earth will treat your mind and body well if you approach with respect.

That cocktail you're on is rather absurd. I can't justify filling someone's body with that many pharmaceuticals [so many downers too] for any long-term period. Especially for a mental problem like depression. Downright criminal how doctors just continuously proscribe more pharms for people, making them slaves to big pharma. And wow, you got started so young...

[Suboxone is comparable to a minor heroin addiction!]

[The withdrawal alone from that cocktail could kill you and if it didn't it would be quite a hell for a few months]

There has to be more holistic ways to treat your depression.

I gotta say you are only experiencing the surfaces of psychedelics when you do them because most of those medications suppress trips.

Also Paxil is an SSRI [evil evil drugs....seen friends and family turned into emotionless zombies on this one(heard withdrawal is gnarly too)] CANNOT be taken with ANY MAOI's

Welcome to the Nexus I hope you find what you seek.

 

[brokenChild]

All right, let's fix this thread.

The comments about the medications are really off point. Yes, she has a pharmaceutical cocktail that is fairly staggering, but it's not the essential problem. She is used to the medications she is on, so her system has assimilated these meds as "part of her daily life". She's not asking about trying ayahuasca, so any MAOI interaction is questionable at best (tho deserves to be questioned, since if she did try it, yes her health would be in considerable danger given the medication) So if anything, LadyPharmacopeia should find out if any of her meds are MAO inhibitors or RIMAs and if there's any other interactions between those meds and the remaining medication that she's on, because this is the essential physical health risk (worst case scenario, death).


If there are no negative interactions, then the meds are not the problem; the next problem is the state of mind, or consciousness, going into the trip. The root of the issue, really, is the depression. A distorted disposition leads to a distorted trip. Sooo... how to rectify the situation? The answer to that lies somewhere before the age of 9, before these medications started, somewhere something went wrong in childhood... some event, some condition, or traumatic experience (possibly repressed) which grew into this chronic depression. Figure out what that event or condition is (would be somewhere in memory, even if forgotten or repressed due to initial trauma, can still be recovered through many avenues of approach), relive it, understand it, re-integrate it into your life and your wholesome health will return. And the medications will drop on their own accord, there will be no "need" to take them. Otherwise your medication is only dulling you out from the symptoms. If you drop the meds now, all that internal pain and suffering called depression is there again. It was there when you were on the meds, the meds just dull you out from it. And it will continue to be there until you fully understand it and dismantle it, meds or not. Does it suck? yes Will it be an unpleasant experience? absolutely. I know, been there. But it's the only holistic and real, permanent solution

The pain is an indicator. Think of it like this; you got bit by a poisonous spider. You don't realize it, but 3 days later the poison starts working, you start noticing the area around the bite is much more sensitive and more painful. So you go to the doctor. The doctor gives you some percocets or vicodin to make the pain go away. You go back home thinking that since you can't feel the pain, it must be healed. It's not, the poison is still in your system, and it's actually getting even worse, and it will continue to get worse regardless of how much pain meds you take. The meds are only dulling you out from being sensitive and aware of this pain and suffering, they will never be able to remove the poison; they can only alleviate the suffering a little. Find the poison, the root of the depression, before all these meds started. You will have to make a conscious effort, and it would be arduous and would take time, and patience, but is the only thing capable of providing total resolve.

Awareness is key, best of luck

 

[cubeananda]

Good luck, read these forums, vaping technique is no joke so try to find out what you can about it. If you ever have more friends giving you "changa" be careful it's not enhanced with harmala alkaloids. And considering the amount of hurdles in the way to experiencing ayahuasca... Good luck

Welcome

 

[uz1l0v3r]

Hi there, LadyPharmacopeia. There have been lots of words of wisdom for you, which is because people here are generally caring persons and don't want others to get hurt. Having said that, us humans are curious creatures, which is why we all sought out DMT (along with all the other substances we have taken), so I don't think your attitude is any different from most beginners. What I think you'll find is that your attitude to DMT to change radically once you've taken it a few times, even without breaking through. In that way, I think the "respect" it garners is self creating, unless the user is particularly unintelligent and foolish.

With regards to mushrooms and the ability to walk around - there are some qualitative similarities at a low dose of DMT, but they really are very different experiences. I'm speaking only as someone who has yet to break through. My experiences have been pretty alien and freaky, but breakthroughs are meant to be a whole other level. I have managed to get up and walk around on DMT, but only because I was either freaking out (my first ever dose, alone in my flat) or simply because I stood up whilst in my trance-like state and staggered around the room. 20mg or more should have you confined to your sofa or bed for several minutes.

 

[LadyPharmacopeia]

Thanks for all the replies! I really appreciate everyone's opinions. To those who are concerned about my medicinal lifestyle, well, to each their own - some people drink alcohol, some people use hard drugs, other people take antidepressants. I am a stable person and am informed on all my medications, their drug classes, chemical makeup and contraindications with other medications as well as things that would be classified as Schedule I. It really wasn't what my question was about - I just wanted to give an honest introduction. But thank you for caring (one can never complain about that, right?). And thank you to those posters who answered some of my questions about the DMT experience. Thanks for the warm welcome

 

[magic9]

I misunderstood. So you WANT to take these pharma drugs? Or you have convinced yourself that you need them and/or its safe to do so? Somthing i always struggle with is when a person who has been backed into a logic corner will then say "its a chemical imbalance" therefore they "need" the drugs.

 

[LadyPharmacopeia]

I misunderstood. So you WANT to take these pharma drugs? Or you have convinced yourself that you need them and/or its safe to do so? Somthing i always struggle with is when a person who has been backed into a logic corner will then say "its a chemical imbalance" therefore they "need" the drugs.

Hmm... This is going to be a long answer... So, both yes and no. I actually do have a biological illness. I've been a research patient in several studies at University of California at Davis Medical School. My body does not produce enough serotonin, dopamine, or norepinephrine. This is the cause of most typical depression, but it's almost always spawned by a circumstantial event. I was born like this, have never had any trauma, parents are still married, etc. etc. By the time I was able to speak, I started saying suicidal things (in a child's language at first, i.e. "Mommy, why can't I go to heaven right now? Then I won't have to worry about anything anymore cause it'll all just be gone." --Age 4). So at 9, after much pleading to be seen by a doctor, "I don't know what's wrong Mom, but people aren't supposed to feel this way. There's something wrong with me." --Age 9, I was seen by my pediatrician and was diagnosed with Childhood Depression. I went through many, MANY years of treatment before any actual research on my case was done. At age 16, *I* opted for Electro-Convulsive Therapy (ECT) because I had essentially tried nearly every psych med that can be prescribed as well as hundreds of cocktails of these different meds in attempts to produce results that would alleviate the symptoms; the ECT was my idea as I'd done a lot of internet research on what possibilities were left or available that I'd never tried; I was NEVER, EVER pushed into taking medications or receiving any psychiatric treatment that I didn't thoroughly understand or didn't want to take/undergo. My symptoms, when untreated, are not just an unpleasant feeling that causes some people to feel suicidal - I also experience leaden paralysis (difficultly moving around), inability to eat, and near muteness; I suffer from extreme anxiety as well, when untreated. My initial round of shock was only 8 treatments... I decided to discontinue after that because I felt that I had already received the max benefit and didn't want to undergo more than needed. The shock treatments helped considerably, but I still needed medication afterward. The medication worked much better afterward for awhile as well, which is to be expected if ECT is successful. At age 22, *I* opted for maintenance treatments and underwent 6 more, but experienced no results. At that point, I was considered completely treatment resistant, so they started prescribing me opiates with the idea that if I was just kept comfortably doped up all the time, then the best possible treatment had been achieved: alleviation of symptoms. Finally, TMS came about. (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation)... *I* opted to be a research patient for this, but before accepting me as a patient, they had to do a huge battery of tests to find out exactly what type of depression I had, i.e. what was causing it, where in the brain, and why. They finally were able to prove and confirm that I have a biological neurotransmitter deficiency as a result of slowed central nervous system functioning, particularly in the frontal lobe, but also in the hypothalamus (I also have Kleine-Levin Syndrome, but I'll get to that later...). So I went ahead and had 20 TMS treatments over a 4 week period. I experienced a profound relief in my symptoms. I would like to get more, but I cannot afford it as it's $7,500 a treatment and is not covered by insurance. Additionally, I've been overdue for maintainence TMS treatments for awhile now. I continued the opiate throughout this period and am now tapering off it for the first time in three years. I'm nearly off it, I might add. It also appears I may be able to get off my Paxil as well - I've been on a taper for that as well and I'm down to a microscopic dosage and am actually feeling better than when I was on it. That is something I had been hoping to experience at some point... Frequently after late, adult adolescence, patients with even the most difficult of cases are able to get by on less medication, and some are able to get off completely.

But then there's the KLS (Kleine-Levin Syndrome). I'm going to quote a Wiki article here as their description is probably better than the one I could give; "Kleine–Levin syndrome, KLS, or Sleeping Beauty syndrome is a neurological disorder characterized by recurring periods of excessive amounts of sleeping and eating. At the onset of an episode the patient becomes drowsy and sleeps for most of the day and night (hypersomnolence), waking only to eat or go to the bathroom. When awake, the patient’s whole demeanor is changed, often appearing “spacey” or childlike.[1] They also experience confusion, disorientation, complete lack of energy (lethargy), and lack of emotions (apathy). Individuals are not able to attend school or work or care for themselves. Most are bedridden, tired, and uncommunicative even when awake.
Most patients report that everything seems out of focus, and that they are hypersensitive to noise and light. In some cases, food cravings (compulsive hyperphagia) are exhibited. Affected individuals also tend to lose interest in hobbies and activities that they used to be fond of before. In males, instances of uninhibited hypersexuality during episodes have also been reported. In females, instances of depression have been reported.[2]
Affected individuals may go for a period of weeks, months or even years without experiencing any symptoms, and then they reappear with little warning. In between episodes those diagnosed with KLS appear to be in perfect health with no evidence of behavioral or physical dysfunction.
The cause of Kleine–Levin syndrome is not known. Thus, family support and education are the best management currently available."

So, to answer your question... No, and yes. No, I do not want to have to take these medications and I wish I had a medication-free life, but I cannot function without them - which isn't something anyone's convinced me of... I literally will become bedridden, unable to speak or move much and eventually on food tubes and a catheter. I have also had suicide attempts that were successful (ended up on life support and stuff). There are a very small, minuscule amount of us out there - that is, those with "Major Depression" that is actually a true biological condition and not based on a circumstantial issue or past trauma. As for whether all these meds are "safe" or not, that can only be known in the long-run as it varies from person to person. Everything I take is quite easy on the liver, mostly digesting through the kidneys and my sedatives and tranquilizers don't cause sleep apnea or anything dangerous like that (they can but I've been tested and do get tested regularly and everything has remained normal). I've never met another person who has KLS except on the internet. They treat that with an Elvis/Michael Jackson regimen... Uppers in the morning and downers at night. I prefer to only utilize this cocktail on days when I have something I have to get up early for, or when I have to maintain the stamina of being awake for 12+ consecutive hours. My preferred sleep time on days when I can just go with my natural flow are usually about 16-18 hours of sleep daily, with wake-time most often taking place during the night hours.

How this is related to DMT though is something else... Growing up with this problem predisposed me to develop a great interest in pharmacopeia - from the chemistry/biology/psychiatry standpoint. At a young age I was familiar with the effects of many psychotropic drugs that I learned as an adult weren't/aren't much different from many illegal things. In my later teen years, I developed an interest exploring and experimenting with those that couldn't be prescribed to me - initially in hopes of finding a "cure." (Have yet to find one, lol). I wanted to know more about pharmacology, drug interactions, and the possibility that there could be more Schedule I's out there that actually do have medicinal purposes. I also enjoy the experiences, of course. I've experimented with most everything now and have produced extremely long records of substance experiences (preparation, dosage taken, positive and negative effects, descriptions of hallucinations and dreams, what psychiatric medications I was prescribed at the time and when the last dosage was taken before the first dosage of the experimental substance, etc. etc.). So anyway, I'm now interested in DMT, have some, and a veteran tripper of DMT who's also my fiancé (and is therefore extremely familiar with my medications and my mentality with substances), who will be babysitting me.

I hope this clears up some of the confusion...

 

[Pup Tentacle]

Welcome to the Nexus

Thanks for taking the time to go into such detail.

 

[brokenChild]

It clears up some, for sure. The only things I'm still fuzzy on is the purely neurochemical approach at illness diagnosis. It's not giving you the full picture. What I'm saying here is, if I have some illness or emotional/psychological instability, it's going to express itself in my physical health as well, so the expression is multi-faceted. If you just treat the physical, you miss the the other dimensions associated with the expression, and so you will never actually treat the whole thing... other neurons will misfire and other chemical deficiencies in the brain will make themselves present, it's just one part of the whole

I can relate to your suicidal tendencies, I've had those since I can remember (first particular recall at age 6). I never took drugs for it, and this is not intended to be a statement of comparison in any way, I was just raised under different circumstances. At age 14 started self-medicating with everything under the sun. In any case, I'm fairly certain the answer to my issue lies in this block of memory that I'm missing, somewhere between toddler years and age 3 or 4. (My parents also said there was no trauma, until I personally have those memories, I do not believe anything anyone tells me about those years, not because I don't believe my parents, but because an unconscious action by them is not likely to be readily available in their memory) Everything else I can remember like it was yesterday, and I have a tiny toddler memory, but a good chunk in between is just gone, wiped out.

I'm simply unwilling to believe that you were "born" suicidal, that makes zero natural sense to me, so in my humble opinion you're still missing a piece of your puzzle somewhere. In any case DMT may be able to provide a different perspective on the problem, just use safely and responsibly. Meditation has personally helped me glean some insight into my issues as well, use everything you can

Best of luck, and I sincerely hope you find your cure



edit- one more thing, even the 9 months in the womb are significant (and influence your development). Things that your mother felt, or that influenced her at the time, may very well transfer over to the child during this time as well

 

[LadyPharmacopeia]

I'm certified in hypnosis (as well as spiritual therapy and a number of other metaphysical odds and ends), but my specialty is in past life regressions. I've seen a few clients get much better from realizing a trauma from a past-life that's effecting them in their present-life karma. I've often wondered about this with myself, but in order to get certified, I went through many PLRs and have had quite a few interesting memories, however, none have revealed anything very specific or led to any remarkable healings afterward.

 

[brokenChild]

lol I have enough trouble coping with this life

am aware of past life regressions and hypnosis, by the way the same techniques you apply to your patients in hypnosis to get them to recollect that information you can also use on yourself, and access unconscious spaces consciously, it takes some time of course, and I've never tried it just read about success stories. At least you're looking, sorry I couldn't be of more help

edit- when all else fails, let's try love

You said you had a fiance, check out this video, it may be able to help bring something up from the darkest depths while you carry on with your life

[YOUTUBE]

Or it may not, I don't know, but am a huge fan of use every tool available

 

[LadyPharmacopeia]

Aww, thank you!