Full member essay: My Path Thus Far.

[fractaloctopus]

I guess I grew up in a somewhat different household. My first taste of alcohol was when I was less than a year-old. I had colic quite bad, my parents were at their wit's end so my dad dunked my soother in his rum and coke as a last resort. I quieted down almost immediately and fell asleep. Whenever my parents were having a glass of wine with dinner, I had my own glass. It was no bigger than a large thimble at the time, but it made me involved and not excluded from something “adult.” It was never taboo. As I got older I could have a beer with my dad in the summer heat. I learned from early on that alcohol could very easily be used responsibly. As a consequence of this, once I got into high school I never really got into going to house parties to drink all night. It just didn't appeal to me. I saw drinking as a social thing, not a means to get hammered. Given the high school I went to (second from the bottom in the procession of getting expelled from school to school for that area) , this was not a normal mindset. This mindset also leaked over into drugs. Which again at my high school was not normal. Kids were always smoking pot and on more than a few occasions kids came to class on acid (and freaked out). My parents never did drugs around me (I doubt they did much of any drugs at that time anyway) nor did we ever “have the talk” about drugs either. I think they just knew that since I was going out getting hammered on the weekends, I probably wasn't doing any drugs either. They were right.

My first illicit substance was LSD. I was 22 years old. The girlfriend I was seeing at the time was into acid so it only stood to reason that eventually I would try it. It was love at first hit. It was the middle of summer; pretty much the perfect time to dose with friends. We wandered all over the city, from park to park, and ended up under a huge oak tree overlooking the beach. We lounged on the small hill under the tree as my girlfriend's roommate stood in front of us juggling. For at least an hour I felt like I was constantly sliding down the hill, but when I made note of it, I was always back at the top, starting to slide again. I think the hilarity of how convinced I was that this was completely normal operating procedure for hills made me fall in love with acid.

The relationship with the girl only lasted a few months, but I was nearly monogamous with acid for years. Very minor affairs with weed and the many faces of “ecstasy” occurred here and there, but acid was still my substance of choice. But it was never a truly serious, committed relationship. As I drifted in and out of the local rave scene and depending on the woman I was seeing at the time, my drug use waxed and waned.

A very good friend that I've known for years has always smoked pot since the day I met him. For years I never even thought about asking him what other substances he could get. Looking back it's almost laughable, but then again, I wasn't really committed to doing anything on a regular basis. Then I happened to ask him if he knew anyone that I could acid from. I didn't push the issue so it was probably a month or more before he mentioned it again. After being reunited with Lucy it felt like I was home again. Then he mentioned that he had mushrooms too. In fact he's pretty much always had a supply of mushrooms. Again it's almost laughable that I never knew about this previously. I had never been that big on mushrooms, probably because of the blinders that were in place for my first love: acid.

Having both acid and psilocybin at my disposal I began to really pay attention to the differences in the trips. Acid began to feel more and more clinical. Technological to the point of having next to no soul. It felt like watching a movie with no room for my interaction with it. Mushrooms on the other hand felt organic, bursting with life and information. I felt like I was in a one on one lecture with someone who was largely there to teach me, but who I could actually ask questions to and possibly receive answers. After almost two decades with acid, I finally broke up with her. Psilocybin now had what felt like an unshakeable grip on my heart and mind.

After a couple rather profound experiences with mushrooms I started to do more and more research into them. This led me to this site along with another. Of course I began reading more and more about DMT. I have always been searching for more and more profound experiences. As I am quite refractory with any drug I've tried, I was never able to reach the places that I had heard of. I have only ever hallucinated, actually saw something that wasn't there; once. Once in I don't even know how many trips of acid, mushrooms, MDA, and various mixtures thereof. DMT was obviously appealing. I knew nobody who did it. When I was in the rave scene I knew of several people who did it, but I wasn't in touch with them anymore. I asked around, but nobody I knew even had an inkling of who to get it from.

Enter The Nexus. I began reading through most every tek on this forum. At first they looked rather daunting. Then I really read them. They really didn't look that difficult. I took chemistry, biology, and physics all through high school and one semester into university. Doing an extraction looked more and more feasible. A bit more searching and I had all my materials. I'm five extractions in now. Yields are increasing and the processes are getting easier and easier. So far, I think Cyb's Max Ion tek is working the best for me. Snow in July is so incredibly beautiful to see.

My whole mindset on psychedelics has changed. Just a year or so ago if I had access to acid or mushrooms I would have had no qualms about doing them. Time would be found and certain plans sacrificed in order to trip. It was a purely recreational mindset. Now though? I could make a an excursion to hyperspace (or at least in that direction as I haven't broke through yet), but I don't feel any rush to do so. I'm more interested in letting the spice tell me when to visit it, not the other way around. I even find myself almost cringing because of the words “trip,” “drug,” and even “mushroom.” (Oddly enough “spice” just seems to work so well that I don't have an issue with it. Thanks Mr. Herbert.) Those other terms though almost seem derogatory for what they're referring to. Journey, excursion, substance, sacrament, psilocybin, and psilocin just feel like more worthy terms.

Where am I going with all this? I am in this for the long haul. I'm past my “honeymoon” phase. I still do these substances because I look forward to the experiences with anticipation as well as a healthy dose of fear to be honest, but it not just about having fun like it was in the past. I value the terrifying journeys as much as the ecstatic ones. I have definitely strayed from the path of pure recreational use to the path of consciousness and spiritual expansion. So in that vein, I would really like to be a full member of The Nexus. Just as I have finally found a home with the tryptamines Psilocin and Dimethyltriptamine, I feel like I have found another home in The Nexus. As you can probably gather from this post and my trip reports, I do rather like to write so I will hopefully be a source of good content on here. Also as I get more and more involved in doing extractions and possibly exploring other substances I would really like to be able to post in the appropriate sections.

Thanks.

 

[omaltfel]

yea, something calm in your writing. felt good reading it.

I grew up with alcohol at the dinner table too. I didn't pick it up later but I didn't pick up drugs either. I haven't done extraction of any sort, from what you write you're doing it patiently and it sounds like your life flow is silky. Cheers

 

[Al-Wasi]

Welcome.seems.like.you view these substances with the right mindset and I'm sure you will love the community here. I've been apart of.many internet forums throughout the years and I've never found a place I enjoy being so much. The fact that the mindset here is using the amazing teachers in the proper context and not just as a recreational party drugs makes all the difference. As many know if these molecules are used in that since they can and will teach you to respect them given time.

Personally I call this place home on the interwebs. Like minded people.are here and there is so much knowledge its unreal. Welcome,stay safe and have fun.

 

[fractaloctopus]

Thanks guys. I think the general attitude and feel around here is really where I'm also at right now. I see a great many people here with a large degree of reverence and respect for these substances which I think is what really needs to spread to push psychedelics beyond the "hey let's get totally blasted out of our minds tonight guys!" view that the mainstream has of them. I think it was Rick Doblin that said something to the effect that what psychedelics really needs is for more psychedelic people to "come out of the psychedelic closet" and start talking about the realities of psychedelics. I whole-heartedly agree with this sentiment. If more people would actually come here and read through some posts, check out some trip reports, etc, things could be so much better.

 

[omaltfel]

fractal, yes, I think lots of people have missed and do miss the point of psychedelics. As in you take something, you get out there and when you come back the reaction is... it's not that serious. or yea that was cool so what's next we get drunk? or just lack of interest in the matter.

Robert Lanza said if you talk to people about these sort of things, some will resonate with you because they have "it" in them, there's something inside already, a common ground of some kind. Others will think you're nuts, out of ignorance, fear, ego etc.

 

[FiniteFox]

Thanks guys. I think the general attitude and feel around here is really where I'm also at right now. I see a great many people here with a large degree of reverence and respect for these substances which I think is what really needs to spread to push psychedelics beyond the "hey let's get totally blasted out of our minds tonight guys!" view that the mainstream has of them. I think it was Rick Doblin that said something to the effect that what psychedelics really needs is for more psychedelic people to "come out of the psychedelic closet" and start talking about the realities of psychedelics. I whole-heartedly agree with this sentiment. If more people would actually come here and read through some posts, check out some trip reports, etc, things could be so much better.

So true. The people who the world needs to see are likely the people least likely to be seen. For me, my spiritual and philosophical side is kept private. How/who do you talk to about dmt? That part of me is vulnerable, especially since this stuff is not strictly legal.

 

[fractaloctopus]

Would I go talk to my boss about DMT? No. Maybe if I found out he was psychedelic then yes, but out of the blue? Definitely not. I don't need to lose my job over someone's blind ignorance. But would I talk about DMT to friends and (some) family? Most definitely. Not only to help erode some of the erroneous propaganda, but also just to put their minds at ease when they find out what I'm doing.

As for the legality of DMT. That is a non-issue for me as far as talking about it. I can't get arrested for talking about an experience I had months ago. If this were possible then pretty much every single person involved in the psychedelic community would be carted off to jail. Dennis McKenna, Graham Hancock, Joe Rogan, Amber Lyon, etc would all be incarcerated. The only way we're going to make any progress towards a psychedelics tolerant society is to talk about it and spread both the good and bad aspects of psychedelic usage. It's exactly what has been done with marijuana. People talked, showed it was more than just a drug to get stoned with, and where is it now? On the verge of being decriminalized throughout the States.

I know I'm starting to sound like some crazy zealot, but maybe it's what we need right now. Psychedelics could easily start the road to decriminalization/legalization by riding on marijuana's coattails. we just have to start to make our voices be heard.

 

[Beyond Me]

I have definitely strayed from the path of pure recreational use to the path of consciousness and spiritual expansion.

It's good to have you Fractal! feel almost kind of like you're returning back? Felt kind of that way to me. People who genuinely seek to experience something beyond themselves. It's a beautiful thing.

For me, my spiritual and philosophical side is kept private. How/who do you talk to about dmt? That part of me is vulnerable, especially since this stuff is not strictly legal.

I wouldn't talk about the spice in particular, but you can talk about entheogens!
Substances that when used spiritually can reveal to you a glimpse of something else, and how those changes can benefit you psychologically/spiritually in good and bad ways. Just educate people with the reality.

Recently I have observed that people who have a hard time accepting the reality and use of entheogenic substances have one thing in common:

They all seem to fear becoming addicted. This, because the reality of addiction is not yet properly understood. Utterly misunderstood views of addiction eventually lead to erroneous views of Entheogens.

A post about addiction was just recently added by endlessness; Recent findings about what addiction really is. I don't mean to threadjack, but Heres the thread if you're curious: http://www.substance.com/most-of-us-still-dont-get-it-addiction-is-a-learning-disorder/9176/

I even find myself almost cringing because of the words “trip,” “drug,” and even “mushroom.” (Oddly enough “spice” just seems to work so well that I don't have an issue with it. Thanks Mr. Herbert.)

So Do I, something about it is so reverent... You truly respect the spice.

Good luck, now I'm going to go read your journey reports..

 

[fractaloctopus]

It's good to have you Fractal! feel almost kind of like you're returning back? Felt kind of that way to me. People who genuinely seek to experience something beyond themselves. It's a beautiful thing.

I wouldn't say that I feel like I have returned, but I definitely feel like I'm moving towards where I am supposed to be. Which may very well be a return of some sort when I think about it. I do subscribe to the theory that our brains are merely antenna, picking up fragments of the collective consciousness that permeates all existence. So if that is the case, maybe I am returning. Returning to a state the consciousness experienced far more fully in millenia-past.

Recently I have observed that people who have a hard time accepting the reality and use of entheogenic substances have one thing in common:

They all seem to fear becoming addicted. This, because the reality of addiction is not yet properly understood. Utterly misunderstood views of addiction eventually lead to erroneous views of Entheogens.

That question of addiction is probably the main reason why if I were to be talking to someone about these substances that I would definitely mention DMT. What better example to raise? It's arguably the most potent psychedelic known and it is entirely non-addictive. I would even give my personal example that with other psychedelics, if I have them in my possession I will want to use them. Not fiending for them or anything, but if I have mushrooms I will find the time to do them fairly quickly. But with DMT it's entirely not like that. I have access to it, but I'm not drawn to do it right away. Even sub-breakthrough experiences are profound enough that I want to take time to fully process them before I undertake the next one.

So Do I, something about it is so reverent... You truly respect the spice.

Good luck, now I'm going to go read your journey reports..

Thanks. I hope you enjoy them. I not only enjoyed writing them, but I also rather enjoyed doing the "field research" for them.

 

[darklordsson]

I too can understand the standpoint your all talking about as well, last time I blasted off, before tonight was a month ago, I find it to be whenever it calls me back, its not frequent in the least bit, or addicting to me Im addicted to knowlage:d . some people get a batch and do it in one night, I like to have time for integration and growth as well.

As for talking about them to people they really need to know you outside of the fact that you/we are entheogenic people. Let them see the true you, before you explain the benefits of what these wonderful substances do and help with. That's what I've found, some respect you for diving into the unknown, others down right despise that your doing it. Know them first before you make the decision to let them in on the little secret. Its a shame not everybody respects these opinions though.

But time and patience, eventually, people will see. Best wishes guys!

 

[fractaloctopus]

As for talking about them to people they really need to know you outside of the fact that you/we are entheogenic people. Let them see the true you, before you explain the benefits of what these wonderful substances do and help with. That's what I've found, some respect you for diving into the unknown, others down right despise that your doing it. Know them first before you make the decision to let them in on the little secret. Its a shame not everybody respects these opinions though.

But time and patience, eventually, people will see. Best wishes guys!

Oh yeah. Don't get me wrong. It's not like I go up to perfect strangers and start talking about psilocybin and dimethyltriptamine. But with people I know and that I know who know me well, I'm quite open about it. As soon as I started talking about it lately with my dad he said that he had seen a very definite positive change in my person as of late and was wondering what was the cause. That's with me being a fairly positive, giving person to begin with. That opened up a whole discussion about psychedelics and their benefits and possible downsides. After which, his girlfriend (she's in her late-50s) is thinking of trying mushrooms. I am of course giving her tons of information to read over first so that she can make a properly informed choice on the matter.

As Dennis McKenna is fond of saying, "We're made of drugs" so why not discuss them? Plus I think that a good starting point for getting people to understand where everyone sits in this discussion is to point out that pretty much everyone (at least in Western society) is a drug addict. Caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, sugar, etc are all drugs that can be highly addictive and quite damaging in various ways. So why should anyone have a problem if someone's choice of drug is non-addictive, non-harmful, and in many cases not even habit forming?