I AM NOT YOUR TEACHER!

[sabela]

I tried DMT the other day on the advice of someone who felt it might have certain therapeutic effects for me, specifically related to combatting depression. I took a deep hit and immediately began to feel nauseous and intensely dysphoric. Then there I was burning in the fire - we were sitting round a big fire - and I was like, oh God, this is bloody awful, thank God it is just a drug and it will be over soon. In a way I was almost bored, waiting for the effects to wear off. Then the spirit that was in the fire sat up straight and addressed me, and warned me unequivocally, as if it were angry with me: "I AM NOT YOUR TEACHER!". I took this warning seriously and emerged from the trip strongly convinced that DMT is contraindicated for me, that the spirit of the medicine had somehow spoken directly to me, implying that to experiment further would be dangerous; I do have a somewhat shaky psychiatric history, so there is that to take into account. I retain an intense interest in the phenomenon and would like to remain part of this forum, and am even attempting the questionnaire in order to become a full member; after all, this thing is out there and even if I can only learn vicariously, at least I can still learn. I certainly have every motivation to shift my mind set; I have lived the hell of depression most of my life. I am aware that part of the challenge is to stand up and confront one's fears. On the other hand, discretion may be the better part of valour. In the end all I can say is that I had a really shitty experience and have no desire to go back there again. I am left feeling frustrated and disappointed, like a kid who has been left off the invitation list to a party! I am curious to know what anybody else has to comment on this. Any thoughts or suggestions?

 

[Fidelsbeard]

How much did you take and via what method?

 

[sabela]

I smoked it in a pipe... I do not know the quantity but I will ask... the source is someone I know well and trust implicitly and they said they have never seen such a reaction before

 

[Northerner]

I have been told by DMT entities before and not listened, and been severely punished.

I would heed the warning.

 

[sabela]

Thank you, you are confirming what I instinctually feel to be true, and I shall discontinue experimentation. May I ask, did you choose to continue experimenting with other entheogens? Is there something specific to DMT that is different from, say, Ayahusca or San Pedro or Mushrooms? I know there are many similarities between DMT and Ayahusca in the chemical composition, but DMT seemed to me to be the medium of a much colder, harder spirit... also, and forgive me if I am asking you something too personal, I do not expect you to reply if what I am asking makes you uncomfortable... you say you feel you were punished for not listening... can you describe in which way you were punished; was your life in consensus reality negatively affected in any way? Or did you just have bad trips when you experimented again? For me, the dysphoric feeling I had during the trip has persisted since then... but then this may simply be the common-or-garden depression I am so familiar with... I am truly searching for answers so appreciate any wisdom that comes my way as a result of this thread... experienced users, please forgive my naivety!

 

[DmnStr8]

I dunno.. I say go back. Just my personal feeling about it. Each to their own.

 

[Kable]

I'm on the try it again side. The bulk of my trips have been overwhelmingly positive, but I've had a handful where I thought a got a message that I was overdoing it, or DMT had taught me all it had to teach, or whatever. And I would think I should give it a rest. But then my vial had enough for one last hit and it seemed a waste to just leave it there, so I'd go back in a few minutes later and it turned to be one the best trips ever, and I'd feel just awesome afterwards. My take home was not everything you think you learned is necessarily right, and if in doubt hit it again to verify.

Besides, a lot (maybe all) of the message you think you are getting from them is likely coming from you, so maybe you just need some practice.

 

[Northerner]

Thank you, you are confirming what I instinctually feel to be true, and I shall discontinue experimentation. May I ask, did you choose to continue experimenting with other entheogens? Is there something specific to DMT that is different from, say, Ayahusca or San Pedro or Mushrooms? I know there are many similarities between DMT and Ayahusca in the chemical composition, but DMT seemed to me to be the medium of a much colder, harder spirit... also, and forgive me if I am asking you something too personal, I do not expect you to reply if what I am asking makes you uncomfortable... you say you feel you were punished for not listening... can you describe in which way you were punished; was your life in consensus reality negatively affected in any way? Or did you just have bad trips when you experimented again? For me, the dysphoric feeling I had during the trip has persisted since then... but then this may simply be the common-or-garden depression I am so familiar with... I am truly searching for answers so appreciate any wisdom that comes my way as a result of this thread... experienced users, please forgive my naivety!

I don't really know about the specifics betweens the different entheogens, though I have tried most... but DMT is the only one that has stood me down and told me exactly what I need to do and not do, literally. Rather than just being a washy wave of relief and potential riddles.

One time I was locked in a dark room and told be an entity not to come back with alcohol inside me, that was it for the rest of the trip. I had to wait till it was over. The next time I did with alcohol it I heard "I TOLD YOU!" loud and clear and I was attacked my a scorpion like entity. It was terrifying. I was grateful I hadn't fully broken through as I was able to open my eyes and escape. It was still in the room with me, but didn't have the same power like it would have had if I was fully there. It was still a fearful experience though being ripped at and stung at by this creature. 6 months later or more I had forgot about the previous warnings... my body was taken and destroyed in front of me, and I was left in limbo. That one messed me up for a good long while. So yeah, I'll never drink and do DMT again.

If what is inside you is telling you no, just don't do it. It's really that simple imho.

Facing simple fear is another matter. But personally I wouldn't ignore a direct message.

 

[sabela]

Thank you for taking the time to respond in such detail! I think I will listen to the molecule!

 

[DmnStr8]

Just to play devil's advocate...

'I am not your teacher' could have many meanings. The message was not 'Do not ever come here again!'. I mean assign whatever meaning you want to the message you received. It was your message and you are the only one who can decipher it I am sure. However, keep in mind that this message you received could have been misunderstood or simply mean nothing at all.

How do you know this came from any kind of authority and if it did so what. Go back anyway! It is your right to have these experiences. I say F*&k the entity that directed this message at you. I would reply "I am not your student!". Just my take on it and I wanted to offer another way to look at it.

Go at your own pace and approach DMT in your own way. I am not trying to tell you how to go about your business in hyperspace. You may just get a wonderful experience your next go around. It is ever changing. Work on yourself and your mind before hand. Get your set and setting in a good space and try again. Thumb your nose at this so called messenger. Screw it.. if this ain't your teacher.. go back and find another one if that is what you want. I am not your teacher means nothing to me.

 

[TGO]

One time I was locked in a dark room and told be an entity not to come back with alcohol inside me, that was it for the rest of the trip. I had to wait till it was over. The next time I did with alcohol it I heard "I TOLD YOU!" loud and clear and I was attacked my a scorpion like entity. It was terrifying. I was grateful I hadn't fully broken through as I was able to open my eyes and escape. It was still in the room with me, but didn't have the same power like it would have had if I was fully there. It was still a fearful experience though being ripped at and stung at by this creature. 6 months later or more I had forgot about the previous warnings... my body was taken and destroyed in front of me, and I was left in limbo. That one messed me up for a good long while. So yeah, I'll never drink and do DMT again.

I can relate to this quite a bit. I used to drink a lot and the confidence boost from alcohol often gave me the courage to smoke some DMT. Many of the horrible trips are lost in fuzzy, buried memories but the ones that I did recall had a strong presence demanding, "Do not come here drunk!!"

I always had the sort of feeling that this was some part of me that was sick of the way I had been treating my body manifesting itself, but when it comes from a seemingly external source, it can be a bit frightening, to say the least. But I got the message. Like you, I will never drink and do DMT ever again. DMT quite literally (and almost single handedly) helped me quit alcohol for good, which was greatly needed in my life. So it shook me up, and "they" shook their "No-no" finger at me...but all in all, it was in the name of the greater good!

Go at your own pace and approach DMT in your own way. I am not trying to tell you how to go about your business in hyperspace. You may just get a wonderful experience your next go around. It is ever changing. Work on yourself and your mind before hand. Get your set and setting in a good space and try again.

I can agree with this here.

OP, if you want to explore DMT, I'd hate to see one off-putting experience ruin it for you. DMT scares me to death, no joke. However, I always feel that "scared" is the wrong word, more like it commands respect, sometimes forcefully, and that can be startling/jarring.

Finding the courage to take the plunge has always been a struggle for me and many many many people right here on this forum. You are not alone in your apprehension. It is powerful stuff! Search the forum for pre-flight anxiety to see what others have done to conquer (or at least manage) their fear when approaching the molecule again, if and only if you desire to explore more. There is no shame in stepping away from DMT for good if you feel like that is what is right for you at this time.

If you do go back, know your dose and start low. Good luck with whatever you choose.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[blue.magic]

This happened to me with Ayahuasca - one trip was basically "Don't fuck with me!!" followed by horrific visions - other trip was then ecstatic, then hallucinatory and then visionary.

DMT has many faces, like faces of rotating hyperdimensional diamond and our minds make futile attemps to reflects and give meaning to the incoming light from it.

Try again with different set and setting

 

[Kable]

I can relate to this quite a bit. I used to drink a lot and the confidence boost from alcohol often gave me the courage to smoke some DMT. Many of the horrible trips are lost in fuzzy, buried memories but the ones that I did recall had a strong presence demanding, "Do not come here drunk!!"

I always had the sort of feeling that this was some part of me that was sick of the way I had been treating my body manifesting itself, but when it comes from a seemingly external source, it can be a bit frightening, to say the least. But I got the message. Like you, I will never drink and do DMT ever again. DMT quite literally (and almost single handedly) helped me quit alcohol for good, which was greatly needed in my life. So it shook me up, and "they" shook their "No-no" finger at me...but all in all, it was in the name of the greater good!

I got the almost the same thing. There was a time I was drinking about a 6-pack a night. Not quite an alcoholic yet, but definitely more than was healthy. And DMT said, "knock it off or your are locked out of hyperspace." DMT only had to say it once. Interestingly it wasn't an absolute prohibition, just moderation with the rule 2 drinks at most a night. DMT has been happy with it since.

 

[brazilman]

I'm reminded of those movies where a kid wants to learn martial arts but the wise old man gives him a hard time telling him no until BOOM he is in and the kid turns into a kung fu master ninja.

 

[Metashaman]

It may have a different meaning like stated above. Did you go in with the intention of it to be a teacher? Somewhere in your subconscious? I've been told not to take it too seriously before in a stern way.

My atman, subconscious, superego - whatever will yell at me and scare me out of going further. It will start with things I need to resolve before I can relax. Then things I need to improve, Then things I have started doing better at since last time.

Then it breaks me down and tries to scare me out of taking more.. Or convincing me I've learned all there is too learn.. or that It's too soon.. anything to keep me … me.


I think Aya may be a good route to go if you are looking for a DMT experience with a guardian. I've never had issues with "her" around.. it seems like she is a "greater" entity and only the "teaching" things get in. But that is all me knowing about a deceptive mind and it could all be just me high staring into a bucket and not some mystical inner journey to the outskirts of existence.



/hugs.. this stuff can be terrifying.. but more often it is beautiful>
Personally I get more terrifying lately, but I purposely try to break myself down while "over there" to see what I am not seeing as it seems like even if it isn't mystical.. spending some time alone in your own mind can help you process through things you need to process to heal.

This journey is long, there are a lot of plant healers/teachers. Mescaline and Mushrooms are amazing as well in the right mindset.

I wouldn't stay away forever.. I would try other paths first though.. like maybe change (you can go slow) or Aya or mushrooms or mescaline.

(Fyi I'm an esoteric old hippy so don't take me too seriously), good luck on the beginning of a new path.

 

[sabela]

Just to play devil's advocate...

'I am not your teacher' could have many meanings. The message was not 'Do not ever come here again!'. I mean assign whatever meaning you want to the message you received. It was your message and you are the only one who can decipher it I am sure. However, keep in mind that this message you received could have been misunderstood or simply mean nothing at all.

How do you know this came from any kind of authority and if it did so what. Go back anyway! It is your right to have these experiences. I say F*&k the entity that directed this message at you. I would reply "I am not your student!". Just my take on it and I wanted to offer another way to look at it.

Go at your own pace and approach DMT in your own way. I am not trying to tell you how to go about your business in hyperspace. You may just get a wonderful experience your next go around. It is ever changing. Work on yourself and your mind before hand. Get your set and setting in a good space and try again. Thumb your nose at this so called messenger. Screw it.. if this ain't your teacher.. go back and find another one if that is what you want. I am not your teacher means nothing to me.

Thank you, this is an interesting take... I had approached the molecule reverently... as opposed to irreverently, which is how I approach so many other things in life... you have given me something to think about, much appreciated!

 

[greendude9]

Just to play devil's advocate...

'I am not your teacher' could have many meanings. The message was not 'Do not ever come here again!'. I mean assign whatever meaning you want to the message you received. It was your message and you are the only one who can decipher it I am sure. However, keep in mind that this message you received could have been misunderstood or simply mean nothing at all.

How do you know this came from any kind of authority and if it did so what. Go back anyway! It is your right to have these experiences. I say F*&k the entity that directed this message at you. I would reply "I am not your student!". Just my take on it and I wanted to offer another way to look at it.

Go at your own pace and approach DMT in your own way. I am not trying to tell you how to go about your business in hyperspace. You may just get a wonderful experience your next go around. It is ever changing. Work on yourself and your mind before hand. Get your set and setting in a good space and try again. Thumb your nose at this so called messenger. Screw it.. if this ain't your teacher.. go back and find another one if that is what you want. I am not your teacher means nothing to me.

I agree with this to some extent. I believe it is a warning that should be listened to, but it doesn't necessarily mean to leave and never come back. I think what is important here is intention and expectation. I recommend looking inside yourself and asking what your intentions and expectations are. It's possible this message has manifested in response to an expectation or intention which doesn't synchronize with hyperspace so it is telling you to go back.

Definitely give yourself the time you need to reflect on this and yourself and maybe give it another shot when you feel ready. If you still feel uneasy about this message, possibly starting with LSD or psilocybin mushrooms would be a better step if you haven't experimented with them yet. I find DMT tends to be a very fast paced teacher and if you're not accustomed to psychedelics it can be too fast and you can go into it without adequate cognitive preparations.

I don't mean to imply that you're not ready. If you feel ready go for it, but don't ignore the message either. In my opinion DMT just wants to bring us all home. For some, you must face your pain within hyperspace before reaching home, for others, the spice might tell you to leave it for another time as there are other elements outside of hyperspace which need more focus before you can go home.

 

[sabela]

It may have a different meaning like stated above. Did you go in with the intention of it to be a teacher? Somewhere in your subconscious? I've been told not to take it too seriously before in a stern way.

My atman, subconscious, superego - whatever will yell at me and scare me out of going further. It will start with things I need to resolve before I can relax. Then things I need to improve, Then things I have started doing better at since last time.

Then it breaks me down and tries to scare me out of taking more.. Or convincing me I've learned all there is too learn.. or that It's too soon.. anything to keep me … me.


I think Aya may be a good route to go if you are looking for a DMT experience with a guardian. I've never had issues with "her" around.. it seems like she is a "greater" entity and only the "teaching" things get in. But that is all me knowing about a deceptive mind and it could all be just me high staring into a bucket and not some mystical inner journey to the outskirts of existence.



/hugs.. this stuff can be terrifying.. but more often it is beautiful>
Personally I get more terrifying lately, but I purposely try to break myself down while "over there" to see what I am not seeing as it seems like even if it isn't mystical.. spending some time alone in your own mind can help you process through things you need to process to heal.

This journey is long, there are a lot of plant healers/teachers. Mescaline and Mushrooms are amazing as well in the right mindset.

I wouldn't stay away forever.. I would try other paths first though.. like maybe change (you can go slow) or Aya or mushrooms or mescaline.

(Fyi I'm an esoteric old hippy so don't take me too seriously), good luck on the beginning of a new path.

Haha, I love esoteric old hippies and much appreciate the thought you have put into your response...

Yes, I did go in with the attitude of a student... isn't that what it's all about, learning about what's out there? And with an attitude of reverence... maybe doing things for fun is something I could try for a change, not take things so serious...

The Aya did feel more like my cup of tea, as it were... so I think I stick to that for now, and some shrooms, and some San Pedro... see where we go from here! So far I draw the line at Datura!

I am really enjoying this community, and am pleased with my decision to begin on this path... well, I did take psychedelics in my youth... long gone now... but now returning with a more informed mindset, and with the idea in mind that I could become more free, you know, of some of the pointless things which hassle me.

Thanks for the good wishes! And may the Force be with you!

 

[xss27]

I'm sure the person who recommended it to you meant well but people really should not be prescribing psychedelics, let alone DMT, for mental maladies. That just does not strike me as responsible advice or guidance.

You haven't said what has caused your depression but I don't believe medication of any variety is necessary - sometimes life shits on us, or beats us down over a period of time until we are no longer able to hold ourselves up. Time, self-love, love from others, determination and introspective thinking can accomplish what no medicines can.

Personally, I don't believe it was the spirit of DMT that spoke to you. It could possibly be entity related, but I think it's much more likely it was a part of your own mind acting in self-defense/preservation - the body and mind are highly intelligent in that respect.

If you haven't got your head on straight so to speak then why seek to blow it apart with DMT? Can you see the rationalization of wanting to use DMT to solve some issue whilst avoiding facing waking reality sober? Taking DMT is easy. Facing the world head on is the real challenge; changing your being through action/life is hard but the only real route to success.

 

[Lowtones]

There's a lot of great advice here. I just want to advocate for set and setting like many others here are. I have found that if I'm exercising regularly, meditating, and prepare myself and my space at least the majority of the day of (if not for a couple of days before) I have a much more pleasant and meaningful experience. Even then sometimes it isn't -pleasant- but I handle it better and get more out of it.

I also agree with the "go back when you're ready" part that many are saying here. It took me about a year to want to go back after an intense aya trip.