I am very very very worried, First time DMT experience

[fuzzyrider]

I took DMT for the first time, I felt like I died, and remmber vaguely what happened in my trip. I didn't feel like I lost my ego at all. felt eurphorically happy afterewards.

Well, I got home tried to sleep and got OVERWHELMING anxiety attacks that lasted 5-10 seconds..

I managed to get to sleep. THe anxiety was still there the next morning. I was gagging and feeling like puking but nothing would come up..
24 hours after that I feel like the anxiety has dimmed significantly BUT i have about 50% of the appetite i had before DMT, I feel depressed and really worried that I will be like this permanently.

pelase help me. Why am I like this?

 

[ymer]

I think you had a lot of healing to do emotionally and DMT just brought it up, for me it has been very medicinal emotionally, stay strong :thumb_up:

 

[fuzzyrider]

These passed 2 hours have been the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life.

I've been screaming, to the point of puking, crying, thoughts going through my head, going through everything that has happened to me.

After my dad passed away, i was suprisingly ok, everyday after that I would lie to myself, but I only realised this now. I would tell myself that I have greived, when i have not. I lived the same life before and after his death, not allowing time to myself to go through everything that has happened.

I supressed all my greif until this day, my whole life from the point he died has been a huge lie. how could I have fooled myself to thinking I was ok? My father was the only person who truley knew me for who I am, inside and out. he knew he was going to die but was in denial, he would ask me when he would be able to come home and who would drop him off in palitative care.

The trauma i experienced was so much I emotionally blocked myself from everything, even my loved ones around me, neglecting my girlfriend, neglecting my family. Just completely emotionally disconnected with everything.

I feel like after I smoked this DMT it has shocked my system into realising what I have done, and I felt a higher power telling me in a sort of sixth sense that they will take care of me, never would I have known that 'taking care of me' is finially taking care of myself.

I never knew this drug could have such a profound impact on my life.

 

[Grumpylilmoose]

May I ask, if given the chance would you have done anything different? Would you do it again?

 

[obliguhl]

this is seriously like ive been supressing everything i feel completely fucked

I'm glad you have found the reason for your anxiety so quickly. It seems that the bad is being exorcized. I hope this will be a healing experience for you. You now have the opportunity to deal with what has traumatized you and then put it aside for good. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad...i understand that this is not a easy situation to be in, but from now on, things will get better...

I felt a higher power telling me in a sort of sixth sense that they will take care of me

Yes, this is very common. Try to remind yourself of what they are offering you. You will be fine!

 

[Enoon]

These passed 2 hours have been the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life.

I've been screaming, to the point of puking, crying, thoughts going through my head, going through everything that has happened to me.

After my dad passed away, i was suprisingly ok, everyday after that I would lie to myself, but I only realised this now. I would tell myself that I have greived, when i have not. I lived the same life before and after his death, not allowing time to myself to go through everything that has happened.

I supressed all my greif until this day, my whole life from the point he died has been a huge lie. how could I have fooled myself to thinking I was ok? My father was the only person who truley knew me for who I am, inside and out. he knew he was going to die but was in denial, he would ask me when he would be able to come home and who would drop him off in palitative care.

The trauma i experienced was so much I emotionally blocked myself from everything, even my loved ones around me, neglecting my girlfriend, neglecting my family. Just completely emotionally disconnected with everything.

I feel like after I smoked this DMT it has shocked my system into realising what I have done, and I felt a higher power telling me in a sort of sixth sense that they will take care of me, never would I have known that 'taking care of me' is finially taking care of myself.

I never knew this drug could have such a profound impact on my life.

I hope this experience proves cathartic. I hope it gives you the chance to now move forward in your healing process and towards embracing life and love.

Accept the feelings you are having and let them out.

Have the courage and strength to face what is going on inside and out.

Much love and healing to you!

 

[Jahmie]

This has been an extraordinary set of posts to read, as I read through i was trying to think what advice I could give but wonderfully it seems you've already worked it out =] I think that higher power is always trying to help and guide us but it can be hard to realise, so I think it brings DMT and other psychedelics into our lives in order that it can speak to us more directly, that's what I see here. Regret nothing, I believe that same power will always bring us through a completely necceressary progression to get us exactly where we're meant to be with perfect timing. I wish you strength and hope you you're healing continues my friend =]

 

[Kobranek]

Fuzzyrider,

I feel your pain brother as I too have lost my father not from cancer but from liver cirrhosis, alcohol induced liver cirrhosis. I grew up with a straind relationship with him mainly from his alcoholism, lots of bad memories but there were the good ones too. It wasn't until I was already a young adult when we became very close despite our rough past by this time he was already badly sick and ended up detioriating within a couple years. The whole experience was very hard for me....too hard....and still is....I couldn't even be there for him during his last moments damn well knowing when they were, which I still have trouble coping with.

I ended up developing a chronic thyroid condition a few years following his death. Noone knows how or why I developed it. I do it was from the way I had been dealing with life in general and the way I had been taking care of myself, obviously the way I had been going about things wasn't working.

I have been involved with psychedelics early in my teens with high dose lsd and mushrooms and it wasn't until I was in my late twenties when I was first introduced to DMT. DMT hands down shook my core like nothing else all my repressed emotions and memories came to surface which caused me to question everything. At first it was dowright ugly for me....I have contemplated suicide in my past and have gotten pretty close at times but something in me could never do that to my family. What really has helped me and continues to is respecting the integration process. Personally my spiritual belief system is a key component to my integration.

Take comfort in knowing that there are others who have gone through something similar and that it does get easier with proper integration

 

[Inner Paths]

hey guys, thanks for all your replies

Today I feel like more stable, i still feel pretty down and low. but its less swingy and more constant.
The anxiety feels like its its getting better, but im still anxious, more than usual. Especially if i think hard


I feel extremley senstitive, crying to anything, like i feel extremeley empathatic with anyone.

I watched a documentary about Saddam Husseins Son 'Uday Hussein' body double and cryed when he would talk about the torture. + I feel like tearing up to love songs.

Im usual not like this, I lost my dad back in january and that was the most traumatic thing, seeing him from 180 pounds to a frail cancer worn skeleton at 70 pounds shook my life.

If i had to pinpoint why I feel down its because I have the exact same feeling you have when you break up with someone you love. I'm trying to figure out wether or not it is my suppressed feelings about my dad, but I still cannot pinpoint.



I sometimes feel extremley happy and can eat but its only temporary

I'm an avid bodybuilder and I am still on top of my workouts, but still find it hard to eat.

I'm glad you found the reason behind your feelings. It doesn't make the feelings any less intense but it will make it easier knowing there is a reason behind why you feel the way you do and it will make you a better person for going through it.

I had a similar reaction about 7 years ago to a low dose of LSD. The duration of the trip was fine but within 24 hours after the trip the anxiety, panic attacks and inability to sleep set in. The first month after the initial anxiety was hard and I didn't know why I felt the way I felt until I had a moment of clarity and the walls came down to reveal what I had been denying myself: the opportunity to greave over the sudden passing of my father 5 years before.

For me, it took a good few years to resolve the grief and feelings brought up by the LSD, it really is amazing how much of a mirror to the deep self psychedelics can be, even at low doses. Make sure you keep carrying on with your everyday routine, work, pleasure, etc, as isolating will only make it worse. Give yourself time each day to feel your grief and real emotions and know that deep down you will come out of this okay, maybe even as a better, more integrated person that before.

Much peace and love from myself and I'm sure, every other beautiful soul here at the nexus. May your path of healing and ultimate self discovery lead you to happiness and contentment in the future.

 

[GossipWisdom]

just reading this post and I can tell you that I experienced almost a very similar reaction as you did fuzzy. my father also passed but it was a few years ago. When he died, i had a eulogy to give, a tribute video to make and 5 sisters and 2 young brothers who needed me for emotional support.

i felt i was okay with death and like you told myself 'i've grieved, i'm good'. When i finally broke through i immediately felt my dad's presence, something i hadn't thought about for a while. like your father, my dad went through a long illness and death, although you never want to lose someone, he was so sick it felt like a relief that we wasn't suffering anymore.

i would just tell you that you are not alone. i've found that the most challenging experiences with dmt take days, sometimes weeks to integrate and make sense. sometimes, i would be in the shower and all of a sudden... this realization will come and i will understand why the molecule showed me what it did.

Stay open brother. i believe the more you can embrace the experience, the more it will reveal to you. all the advise given here is right on point. get out in nature, sauna or exercise will do good...

the main thing i would add is try (as best you can) to let go of thinking about it somewhat, so new understanding can come in. i believe that when we do this, we connect with a larger part of ourselves. sometimes we have to stop the loop of thought to allow it in.

 

[Hieronymous]

alright thanks, but the thing is it did feel like i blacked and didnt remember anything for 1-2minutes.. all i remember was this eye shaped head shaped figure come into my vision. then I died. then as I came back I saw millions of shuttles filled with light overlap my vision, then i heard my friends voice?

That's interesting that you remember an "eye shaped head shaped figure" in your vision

I've practiced a lot of meditation of different kinds over the years, Chi kung, Tai chi and several incarnations of transcendental meditation and when I'm relaxed enough to get into the zone I see something resembling an eye in my minds eye - if that makes any sense.

As I'm entering into a deep state of meditation I'm sure I see my third eye open, like it's looking back at me at first and then it starts to look elsewhere.

It took me many years to get to the stage where that would happen and sometimes it doesn't happen at all.

Maybe you've just bypassed 10 years of spiritual groundwork and your mind can't put it into context so it's resulting in anxiety and confusion.

If I were you I'd look into different forms of meditation and try to find something that strikes a chord in you.

Maybe you have a latent gift that has been revealed by the spice ?