In dire need of some help..

[ghostsquall]

About a year ago this time I stumbled upon my first bit of DMT. Curious by nature, I purchased it and man it blew my mind. I had a great experience and I felt more positive then I've ever been in my life. Being naturally interested in discovering things I had no knowledge of, a few weeks later I decided to explore the world more. I purchased another dose and went into the woods by me by a lake and smoked it and holy hell...I had a beautiful experience. Something that can bring me to tears thinking about it. It wasn't a breakthrough but it was a lot stronger then the initial experience. The earth around me came to life and showed me that there is constantly a world around me that the naked eye cannot see.

Now, fast forward a few months to my next experience. It was around this time that I was browsing the Nexus a lot and looking into a lot of McKenna's work etc, so I was curious about breaking through. Very curious. I bought myself a decent amount this time, definitely more then I needed and decided to take a friend on the journey. So him and I ventured into a different set of woods that I was highly unfamiliar with, in fact I can't remember but I'm pretty sure it was my first time there.

I load up the bowl, smoke it and then take a huuuuge second hit. Gigantic. To the point where reality literally just turned to mush, all the color around me just faded to blackness. Images of a completely alien realm started to engulf me and I laid back...and blacked out. 100%. I have no recollection of what happened during that time but when I opened my eyes, I felt like there was a blinding white light on me and I was rocking back and forth slightly convulsing and puking on myself. Now I'm not going to get into what I saw during that time because this isn't a trip report, more like a call for help, but I'll just say they were the most vivid, terrifying things I've ever experienced. I had my head in my hands literally crying, begging for it to just be over so I could return to my normal state of mind but it wouldn't end. I've never before sat begging for my life but that night I did. My normal trips lasted about 5-10 minutes but this experience would. not. end. It was nearing 30 minutes when I had to start asking my friend if I would ever return to normal or if I was stuck in this mind state forever.

When I started to get a grasp on my human body again, it took me like 5 minutes to learn how to walk again, I had to basically chug a bottle of water to get the feeling of my organs actually like, functioning and feel the inside of my body, which then translated to being able to feel my limbs and such and then I could barely walk normally. When I walked out of the woods things were zooming in and out on me like I had no sense of depth and I still felt like I wasn't in reality. It took almost another hour before I was officially landed back on earth and could reflect on what happened.

Basically, ever since that day a year ago I've had the worst mindstate ever. The first week I was so terrified that I drank every single night because I wanted to feel a physical intoxication, so I could feel real. By this time I've gotten over all that, but every single day I think about that experience. Every day I walk around public and feel this feeling that I do not belong anymore. I have horrifying anxiety, I have random panic attacks, I have the most depressed mindstate I've ever experienced. Oh and I'd like to add that I was a very experienced psy user. Very very experienced. But never have I waited this long for the effects to wear off. It's not like...I have any super serious side effects, like I can still lead a semi normal life...but it is definitely preventing me from having a job, being happy and living an anxiety free, non terrified lifestyle.


I'm not sure what I'm asking for or what exactly I'm looking for, but this is not something I can just bring up to my family, friends or girlfriend. Nobody understands what I say when I try and explain the fact that my consciousness was trapped in an unknown alien realm for over 2 hours and tortured. Oh and I'd like to add, I can't ingest any sort of chemicals anymore. If I smoke weed, it makes me feel like I'm on some sort of psy, I've been smoking for 5 years and I've never experienced something as weird. Literally every single time I do, it's instant panic attack mode and I almost pass out. And that's basically as far as I've taken it because I'm too terrified of everything.

what do? :< if this is not the right area or forum please just inform me and move it, this is one of my first time's making a topic here because im desperate.

 

[xtals]

Hey ghostsquall, get yourself back to baseline. Either use Rhodolia Rosea Extract or Lithium Orotate to do this. Both can be ordered online and posted to most of the western countries. You will get better just remember that you won't be like this forever

 

[Purges]

Sounds like you seriously over loaded yourself there man. More does not necessarily = better with DMT, a decent set of scales is an absolute must as well. Any how, I won't lecture you.

I'm sorry this happened, it does sound fairly horrendous, but DMT can be pretty horrific at times. For your panic attacks etc, I would suggest seeing a doctor and maybe finding a way of negating these symptoms. Laying off any other substances will help your brain sort its self out with as little interference, also think about a good diet - this can work wonders for mood as well as of course general health - exercise also.

I'm sure some one will come along and tell you that "You shouldn't be buying DMT when you can so easily extract it yourself, tut tut etc" - but I do think it helps you get a bit better acquainted with the substance before ingestion as well as help provide an appreciation for conserving the sacred material once you have it. Buying drugs of any form can be dodgy - how do you know it wasn't cut / contaminated with something?

I wish you a speedy recovery, and hopefully some other Nexians will be along with some helpful advice :d

Much love my friend, stay strong.

 

[polytrip]

I think you should try to seek a professional therapist. Sounds like there may have been an underlying problem of some kind that surfaced here. It could be a chemical imbalance that was already lingering.

Don´t try to be your own doctor if you don´t know what you´re doing.

 

[Voidwalk]

Ghostsquall, In my personal opinion, see a doctor, or a psychiatrist, probably the latter. I have a limited understanding of the functions that make these things happen and believe it is your best bet to finding yourself again.
I really do hope that your reality becomes manigable and surrounded with love once again, you're never alone.
Stay safe.

 

[Super Radical]

I've had terrible DMT experiences before with crippling real pain.
It was my own doing though, I had a stomach ache already and thought "I'll forget it when the DMT kicks in.", but no, the stomach pain turned into a monster I was trying desperately to escape from.
I'm usually good at just letting to but that time I couldn't, the pain was magnified incredibly, and my sense of time was gone so I thought it was forever. The elves were there, I don't think they were attacking me but they were closing in around me. I knew I was thrashing in pain around my bed but I couldn't stop it. I was just trying to escape. I've also thrown up on myself from some intense experiences.
These have never stopped me from going back to hyperspace though.

When I first did DMT there was a period of a couple weeks where I couldn't smoke weed afterwards because of a psychological aversion it caused. I also kept having to convince myself reality was real, but I realized that even if it wasn't, I still wanted to have the best experience in this life I could give myself.

DMT experiences can be like real life experiences. They can be joyous, exciting, fun, painful, terrifying, scarring, and healing.
Even if you set yourself up for a successful trip, things can still go terribly wrong. Same thing if you plan a trip to the Bahamas and a hurricane hits.
It can't hurricane forever.

I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression since I was 14, and still 'have' them at 22, and I've taken all sorts of medications to help, but the only thing I've found that has actually helped me in the least was DMT. I still have anxiety, but I'm much more able to talk myself down from it. I think it's from the mental strength it takes to overcome the anxiety involved with smoking DMT. As for the depression, I used to feel unimportant, like life was useless, especially mine. If there is anything I have gotten from DMT it was that I'm stronger than I have ever given myself credit for, and I am important to the universe, it loves me and I love it. I have never felt such an interconnected love between all things like with DMT, even a christian upbringing, no matter how many times I 'let God into my heart' I never felt the peace and love from the universe that I do now. I don't credit DMT as having done all of that, but some.

You are important to the universe, it loves you. Your a part of the same stuff we all are, even if you don't feel you belong, in a universe as huge as ours, there is a home for everybody.
If it wasn't for the painful experiences, I don't think I would have been fully prepared for the good ones.

 

[rjb]

This to me sounds like a medical problem:

If I smoke weed, it makes me feel like I'm on some sort of psy, I've been smoking for 5 years and I've never experienced something as weird. Literally every single time I do, it's instant panic attack mode and I almost pass out

DMT is not to be bought from the streets (as is the case with most drugs if you don't know the person selling them, and even then you might not be on the right side); it's so easy extracting your own, and also relatively cheap. Plus, you have the advantage of knowing 100% what you're consuming, and you get to learn one or 2 more things.

ghostsquall: You can try some meditation. It might help your anxiety and the panic attacks. But you have to be persistent with it, do it every day.

 

[ocean_of_unity]

This to me sounds like a medical problem:

This sounds to me like the words of a person who hasn't got a clue yet still feels compelled to provide a 'best guess' nevertheless.

Good luck OP.

 

[ghostsquall]

Hmm...lots of mixed responses. I know that I shouldn't have purchased the DMT off the street, but at the time I was so interested in trying it and it kind of just popped up somewhere so I felt like it was basically coming to me out of luck and some sort of fate. I also made my own purchase of Mimosa and other materials before hand to do it on my own, but I guess I just got lazy once I had easy access. I also had another friend that had a hellish experience and now he's been really off his entire life too.


If I were to see some kind of therapist or something, how would I go about that? I don't want to go there and explain to them my experience and why I'm there if I'm just going to be labelled as "crazy" and have them attempt to throw me on pills. Lots of people have recommended going on meds to fix it, but I'd rather conquer this with my own mind. I know I can find my own way to get over it, I'm just not exactly sure how to pursue it. Meditation seems like my best bet.

I'm thinking about contacting the person that I purchased it from way back when and asking about the way they extracted it. Would that be smart? Just to figure out if they knew what they were doing and all....hmmm.... I'm seriously just plain stumped. My biggest problem is this new perception I have on the world. Like not in an arrogant sense but I just feel like...I've seen certain things that the general population will never be able to understand/appreciate and it terrifies me, almost in a post traumatic stress disorder kind of way.

But honestly, most important to me is being able to smoke casually again heh. I mean, if you guys think it's smart to lay off for a while then I have no problem doing so. But I've always been really socially anxious my entire life and smoking was what kinda opened me up to the world and calmed me down. Now it's having the exact opposite effect.

 

[polytrip]

Well, what's wrong with visiting a doctor then? a profesional who can examine you in the flesh instead of from a screen and who could come-up with a professional diagnosis?

Isn't that the best way to sort out what's wrong?

 

[ghostsquall]

Well, what's wrong with visiting a doctor then? a profesional who can examine you in the flesh instead of from a screen and who could come-up with a professional diagnosis?

Isn't that the best way to sort out what's wrong?

I've gone to multiple doctors, cardiologists, etc and gotten many blood tests/ x-rays scans blahblah to test if there's anything major wrong with me. Even a tilt table test. They said I'm healthy and probably have anxiety....but I'm not sure. I feel like there's something bad going on, maybe I'll go for a second opinion.

 

[rjb]

ghostsquall, I feel for you. I really do. You can deal with these things, you have to see the positive parts of the experience. You are not some sort of sinner because you know more than others, you are blessed. Don't consider yourself alone. You're not alone. This whole community is all about support and understanding, because we all here know how important sharing this stuff is.

Sure, some people will probably never know about this stuff and that's a shame, but perhaps some would never understand the whole idea of this. That is why we need to believe for them, as well. We are living to expand our consciousness, to know more about ourselves and to learn those who wish to learn to do so, as well. This is how I see it now, after discovering DMT. Acceptance important, IMO.

I didn't say you should just stuff with pills, that's clearly not the way to go. I was thinking more about a counselor, someone who could understand this. Besides the medical tests, which you say are ok, and that's good. But you can also do this by yourself, as I see you believe you can make a change.

Take a break from all other substances for a while, and try to make as much sense as you can of what you have experienced so far. Ask questions, if you feel stuck. Meditation will help a great deal, just don't force it on you. Don't get frustrated, it takes a little while until you get it right. Read as much as possible about these things, and also perhaps I can suggest visiting the Quality Reports section, as well as the DMT Experiences sections, to better understand your experience.

Perhaps at some point you will be ready to dive in again. For now just take the time to integrate.

Also, it's not recommended doing DMT in unknown places. It's best to stick to a personal space, or a well known secluded place. Set & setting.

Love, man.

 

[ouro]

OP: it sounds like PTSD to me. You can do your own research on what people generally do to deal with that. Being honest with close friends and maybe even your GF might be a good idea, or some kind of therapy. There might be alternative more holistic therapists than psychiatrists in your area.

 

[polytrip]

This thread is disgusting. I think its extremely immature and disrespectful to the OP to have different responders put so much energy into disagreeing with each other.

OP: it sounds like PTSD to me. You can do your own research on what people generally do to deal with that. Being honest with close friends and maybe even your GF might be a good idea, or some kind of therapy. There might be alternative more holistic therapists than psychiatrists in your area.

Yes, it sounds like PTSD, but it can be anything realy. From lyme to MS, and the best thing you can do is to find out by going to a doctor.

It must be realy frustrating that doctors haven't been able to find anything thus far. But don't give up. If doctors keep on searching but still don't manage to find a physical cause, they will eventually sent you on to a shrink or psychologist. People may have all kinds of prejudice against psychiatry, but in helping people out with serious problems, a good therapist is still the best bet.

Anybody can call himself an alternative healer. A psychiatrist or psychologist is someone who has a degree and is specialised in diagnosing these type of problems.

Finding out what's wrong with you may take a while, but it's the nessecary first step.

 

[Hyperspace Fool]

I've gone to multiple doctors, cardiologists, etc and gotten many blood tests/ x-rays scans blahblah to test if there's anything major wrong with me. Even a tilt table test. They said I'm healthy and probably have anxiety....but I'm not sure. I feel like there's something bad going on, maybe I'll go for a second opinion.

If you've alredy seen doctors and have ruled out anything seriously physical (which it doesn't sound like anyway), you have 2 major choices. A) You go to a therapist of sorts and work it out with analysis, drugs and maybe hypnosis or B) You go about it holistically with meditation and yoga

Other things might help the symptoms. Herbs, massage, wellness, reiki... a long vacation. But if you want to get over it completely you should consider one of the above 2 options. Frankly it isn't either or. You can do both. Personally I would do B whether or not I decided to try A. Find a Chi Kung master maybe and explain to him or her your anxiety. Learn some powerful breathing tools and work on it. Cultivate your inner confidence again.

Sounds like you got shattered. Not surprising really. But in this case, all the kings horses & all the kings men may not be able to help humpty... but he CAN put himself back together again.

 

[bill]

The same thing happened to me after ingesting an unknown amount of DMT (never again without a scale after that). I was having problems breaking through and pretty much went through one of those "fuck it" mindsets and loaded up. I was very amazed at first, but the stress and anxiety soon followed. I was still dealing with getting used to my new job, new bills and never being able to see friends and it made the whole situation a lot worse. I went from someone who loved psychedelics to someone who had to pull over and regain his composure just from thinking about DMT and other psy's. Even smoking weed would cause me to come to start entering a state that would freak me out. I was very concerned about my permanent mental health which scared me a lot. I don't know what fixed me, but I took time away from all psychedelics and DMT and started trying to go into a meditative state when I would start thinking about these things. Eventually I worked up the courage to try DMT again (small doses going increasingly larger) and now I'm cured.
I don't really suggest just jumping head first back into DMT, but finding out that DMT was truly my friend really helped me mend my relationship with the substance. I never really talked about it with my family or many friends though, but I honestly feel like I would have been a lot better off had I shared my problems with more people or a professional.

 

[ghostsquall]

Thank you for all the replies, especially the last one and the humpty dumpty reference.

I'm going to take it all into consideration, lay off any sort of mind altering substance including tobacco/cannabis and take up meditation. I used to be really into it when I was more of a psychonaut but I've gravitated away from the thought of it as I did with psychedelics. Tried it tonight and I've missed it a ton.

Again, thanks. It really means a lot to me that there are people that understand what I'm going through. It really is like being shattered to pieces and reborn into a scary new world, so it's good to have some sort of guidance when your soul is lost.

 

[thepureskunk]

Good luck man

Its always a shame to read these kind of stories. DMT has been so kind to me, but its strange that it can also do this. I don't know what the answer is as i haven't been where you have so i won't try to offer advice.

All I will say is good luck, stay strong and try to believe you will get through this and hopefully it will make you a stronger person.

Peace

 

[DMTripper]

Exercise (sweating), and a healthy diet is my miracle fix for anxiety, depression and general negativity. I'm not saying it works as good for everyone but definitely helps a lot.

I do yoga and a bit of meditation too and it all helps. Just watch out for pranayama. Can be dangerous for people not ready.

Hope you start to feel better soon. But believe me when you do, you will feel stronger than ever.

 

[MrLonely]

I just posted a question about being afraid of this happening to me.

That's seriously depressing. I hope everything works out good for you and it'd be nice to hear an update when it does. If that happened to me, I would seriously consider going down to the Rainforest in South America and seeing a Shaman. Agree with what the other posters said as well - eat healthy (preferably organic) and exercise. If all else fails, I would also consider going to the doctor and seeing if I could get some anxiety medication to help in that aspect. Anything to give you some relief and a head start in getting your mind back to normal. Good luck... Please let us know how things are going for you.