Intense Ayahuasca trip... but hard to integrate

[moyshekapoyre]

Hi folks. I finally did some ayahuasca (in bed, like an idiot, rather than outside in the spacious backyard where vomit would have been no prob).

The trip was more intense than I could have imagined from all the reading I did on it. It was like I was in every part of the universe, on every dimension, in every time, all at once. I also felt I was being guided by god-like beings. I kept trying to ask them important questions, like is there an afterlife, etc., but they kept telling me I was asking the wrong questions. In the end, the only real take-away I got from the experience is that everyone should do this drug at least once, because it is just absolutely incredible in terms of perceiving in a way that otherwise you could not even imagine.

However, that still seems a bit trivial. I mean I think there are a lot of experiences that everyone should get to have, but I thought there would be some special lesson to be learned here. At first I thought the lesson was that there are spiritual beings that really exist and want to guide me. But then I thought that's probably not true, and it's just an effect of the drug. After all, such guardian angels are doing a terrible job in Africa.

The only other lesson I could imagine taking away is that nothing here on Earth really matters all that much, since this part of reality is so minuscule compared to what I was shown on the trip. Like if I were an ant and I got to be human for a few hours... you know? But this seems like a horrible lesson! How could this help me in life? I want to make a difference in this world that I actually live in...

Maybe I should stop trying to treat this like a sacrament and just accept it as a therapeutic/recreational drug? Although I was warned on the trip not to do this drug for recreation (though maybe it's just because that's what I read someone else heard on their trip).

Has anyone gotten any real deep lessons besides just igniting an awe of the universe and your mind? I'm sure this has been discussed before, but I've lurked around a lot and couldn't find much.

 

[ms_manic_minxx]

Hi, and thanks for sharing.

Out of curiosity, what materials did you use, and how much did you use? I find too much DMT without enough vine makes the journey extremely overpowering and intense, but much less cohesive and incredibly difficult to understand. The vine is the "translator" of all such otherworldly things.

There are definitely many great lessons and healings to be had... no two journeys are ever alike.

What were your intentions? How did you prepare?

Also, it may take more time to appreciate, but sharing the perspective of other life on earth that most humans don't normally consider sentient can be quite paradigm shattering. These things can take some time to settle in... Sometimes, I don't realize how patterns of mine have been altered until I find myself enacting same situations differently. Some of Caapi's work is quiet, like the planting of seeds that blossom later.

It sounds like you had an amazing experience... may just need to relax and give it time. Spend time with nature.

 

[Shayku]

So, do you still step on ants?

 

[ms_manic_minxx]

That is a seriously fundamental question.

I once became a tree. I found myself in a forest of trees... and then I heard the chainsaws. The noise became so loud and maddening, it wouldn't stop, so I opened my eyes and looked at my hands. My arms, hands, and fingers looked like branches, my skin had turned to bark and I felt exactly what it was like to be a tree, rooted and entangled with other trees, all about to be murdered.

Since experiences like these, I have wept at the sight of trees being cut down, automatically, an instantaneous reaction from my body... something I never possessed the capacity to feel before.

Empathy for all creatures, great and small... a revolution from inside the heart... it is the only power that can truly change the world.

What would Cargill be doing instead if everyone involved felt this empathy? What would Monsanto be selling? The disconnect would disappear... I think it would make us all healthier and happier...

/going to end rant here before getting too passionately inflamed

 

[Ac30f5pade5]

I kept trying to ask them important questions, like is there an afterlife, etc., but they kept telling me I was asking the wrong questions.

How about the possibility that the questions you were seeking answers to are arbitrary? Some questions don't need answering or simply can't be answered. You see the question "Is there an afterlife?" as an important question, but I really don't think it is all that big of a deal. We KNOW we are here (or our mind convinces us we're here, where ever 'here' is), and we're stuck here until we move on. I say move on rather than end because we just don't/can't know if death is the end.

The only other lesson I could imagine taking away is that nothing here on Earth really matters all that much, since this part of reality is so minuscule compared to what I was shown on the trip. Like if I were an ant and I got to be human for a few hours... you know? But this seems like a horrible lesson! How could this help me in life? I want to make a difference in this world that I actually live in...

Everything IS; no one thing needs to be more important than anything else. It's not that nothing matters, but it's that everything matters equally without prejudice, in which case you would be correct in assuming there is no "special" lesson here, but it is a lesson. I try to take everything from around me in and learn from it, as lessons can come from anywhere in any form.

Believe it or not, you have made a difference in this world since before birth, and you are making a difference at this very moment by just BEING. A little while ago, I had no idea you existed. Now, you've got me thinking. Thank you! You will continue to make a difference for as long as you're here, and even after you move on it won't stop.

 

[alzabo]

Those are some really good questions you bring up, moyshekapoyre!

Like minxx, I experience strong feelings of empathy after imbibing. Although unlike minxx I make my brews very heavy with dmt, this is just my peference and it truly does make the experience get psychically stormy at times!

At first I thought the lesson was that there are spiritual beings that really exist and want to guide me. But then I thought that's probably not true, and it's just an effect of the drug. After all, such guardian angels are doing a terrible job in Africa.

I like to use the ayahuasca experience to enrich my own personal mythology. Does it matter so much where the spirits come from? Whether they come from outside or inside your head, it seems to me that it's the messages they send that's important.

I find there are times when my thoughts are filled with good messages, feelings of empathy, clarity, love, beauty. Other times I have thoughts of hate, disgust, fear, and things that I would be too embarrassed to express on a public forum. I do my best to steer my mind towards the messages of positive intent and rejoice at all of the messages over all because in a more abstract way they simply show that my mind is capable of creating a diverse array of thoughts.

Has anyone gotten any real deep lessons besides just igniting an awe of the universe and your mind? I'm sure this has been discussed before, but I've lurked around a lot and couldn't find much.

The deepest lesson that comes to mind at the moment is rather simple. It occurred to me while I was peaking off of a ten gram mimosa brew and being flooded with just soooooooo much intensity of everything I found myself getting locked into unpleasant thought loops and my breaths came with great effort. At this point I decided to counter and told myself that no matter what happened, it would cause me to relax. Wow. As soon as I got that thought formed, the possibilities really opened up. The whole trip was transformed into a beautiful and epic story where I was completely centered. I kept getting these revelations about this or that but every time the revelation would transform into a question and act as a seed that would catalyze the next portion of the story.

The lesson I got from it was that if one can relax........wow! The possibilities just really open up!

 

[moyshekapoyre]

Thanks for continuing to converse with me, folks.

For the technical specifics, I did something like 50g of mimosa powder in a tea with the equivalent of at least 50g of caapi. I wasn't too careful on measuring so it might have been more, though I couldn't really finish it all either. Word of advice for newbie brewers: make it really watery, it's much easier to get down than if it's thick! Others here seem to be giving opposite advice for some reason.

Anyway back to the real issue.

Ms_manic_minxx asked what my intentions were, and how I prepared. Well, my intentions were to really just try to learn something from the trip that I couldn't learn in reality. To come away with something that I could explain to others, or that would at least make sense and be helpful to me in real life. Of course I also just wanted to know what the experience was like (and I doubt anything could top that experience!). As for how I prepared, well, I read for about a month on this and other forums about people's experiences with it. Is that what you mean by preparation?

Ac30f5pade5 said that "Everything IS; no one thing needs to be more important than anything else. It's not that nothing matters, but it's that everything matters equally without prejudice." Well, sorry, but I disagree with that and I think it is prima facie ridiculous. Actually, now that I think of it, I was kind of getting that lesson in my trip as well, but it just seems so wrong to me that I can't accept it. You can say that "everything matters equally" but in reality you only have time and energy to do a few things each day, so either you do nothing, or you work based on the assumption that some things are more important (like taking care of your kids, or other people's kids, rather than watching grass grow).

alzabo said that the lesson for him was the power of his own mind. I also got this lesson. And I also got the couple days of afterglow/empathy that alzabo mentions.

I think the reason that my main lesson was simply that everyone should try this drug is just that I find so many people are boxed in by their own minds, in the sense of thinking they can never leave their ghetto, or their job, or they are not creative, or whatever. Also the selfishness of so many people. I feel that ego death, and the feeling of unity with all things, would really help a lot of people. On the other hand, everyone I know keeps telling me that you have to be very careful using hallucinogens, because many people don't have the fortitude of mind to withstand them. So perhaps the very people who need DMT most would not be able to handle it. For example, my friend Mike has social anxiety disorder and HPPD (even tho he never did drugs), and he thinks DMT/aya would probably just make him worse. I can't say with any certainty that he's wrong. I definitely wouldn't want to be the one to blame for catapulting someone into (even latent) insanity.

My boss at work is native american (and an RPh). I told her about my experiment with ayahuasca, and she told me that her people keep hallucinogens away from youngsters and women due to fears of teratogenicity, and perhaps questions of disrupting developing brains. She thought I should wait until I'm in my 40s to try this again. She is a bit biased, because I happen to be dating her daughter. She knows the scientific research doesn't show DMT as teratogenic, but she values the wisdom of tradition. Personally, I'm not even sure I want to do aya/DMT again, given that it doesn't seem to yield any real lessons for me.

 

[ragabr]

There's a lot going on here.

I think that Ms. Minxx refers to the actual steps you took going into the journey as preparation. Did you set aside a safe space, clean it, take some time contemplating yourself and addressing the ayahuasca before ingesting it?

Actually, now that I think of it, I was kind of getting that lesson in my trip as well, but it just seems so wrong to me that I can't accept it. You can say that "everything matters equally" but in reality you only have time and energy to do a few things each day, so either you do nothing, or you work based on the assumption that some things are more important (like taking care of your kids, or other people's kids, rather than watching grass grow).

It's the same force driving the grass to grow as it is your children. As much as it seems the things we cling to have more importance than those we dismiss, the preference has no objective validity. Your life now depends just as much on the self-sacrifice of people like Martin Luther King Jr. as it does upon the travesties that occurred at Treblinka. Buddhists refer to this as dependent arising, and denying it acts as one of the core causes of fundamental suffering. The unwillingness to engage with this understanding leads to a lot of the terror surrounding ego-death experiences.

Regarding the claims of your boss, she clearly doesn't have any familiarity with the traditional uses of ayahuasca. It is often administered to women during child birth, and wiped upon the lips of infants after their first breath. Even in Christian oriented sects that use ayahuasca, children consume aya.

Honestly, it sounds like you're refusing to try to integrate the experience or let it interfere with your prior beliefs at all.

 

[endlessness]

while I agree there seems to be a certain resistance from you integrating the experiences and that a different outlook could be much more positive, I also think that ayahuasca and psychedelics in general arent going to be of benefit to all people in all situations. If you feel you dont get something out of these substances, if you feel they are not your path, by all means respect your feelings and dedicate your energy to something else in life.

and yeah, your boss doesnt seem like she has much clue on this because if one researches just a tiny bit, its a clear fact that indigenous people (including native americans) have used entheogens for millenia with no signs of ill effects. There are enough scientific studies and publications showing the relative physical and psychological safety of these substances, even with regular use. For example studies have been made with teenagers who participated regularly in ayahuasca rituals and they have scored just as well as a control group in all sorts of cognitive tests. Again, while I think its up to each individual to find their way and I dont recommend that young people (or anybody for that matter) takes these substances, I think everybody should respect each other's ways as long as they are not harming someone else. Those that dont take psychedelics should refrain from judging others that do or spreading misinformation regarding its use.

 

[moyshekapoyre]

I think that Ms. Minxx refers to the actual steps you took going into the journey as preparation. Did you set aside a safe space, clean it, take some time contemplating yourself and addressing the ayahuasca before ingesting it?

Yes, I set aside a safe, clean space (though probably picked too clean a space, given the vomit I produced). I did take time to address the ayahuasca and myself before ingesting. I felt that drinking the nasty stuff was some kind of preparatory ritual for the experience. It made me ready for anything, and I would have accepted a harrowing experience or a euphoric one.

Actually, now that I think of it, I was kind of getting that lesson in my trip as well, but it just seems so wrong to me that I can't accept it. You can say that "everything matters equally" but in reality you only have time and energy to do a few things each day, so either you do nothing, or you work based on the assumption that some things are more important (like taking care of your kids, or other people's kids, rather than watching grass grow).

It's the same force driving the grass to grow as it is your children. As much as it seems the things we cling to have more importance than those we dismiss, the preference has no objective validity. Your life now depends just as much on the self-sacrifice of people like Martin Luther King Jr. as it does upon the travesties that occurred at Treblinka. Buddhists refer to this as dependent arising, and denying it acts as one of the core causes of fundamental suffering. The unwillingness to engage with this understanding leads to a lot of the terror surrounding ego-death experiences.

Honestly, it sounds like you're refusing to try to integrate the experience or let it interfere with your prior beliefs at all.

Yes, I know that I am refusing to integrate this part of the experience. It was a very objective truth. Obviously nothing is more important than anything else unless we want to be subjective about it. But if we are not subjective, than how can we live? How can we decide what to do with our time? Buddhists always seem completely irrelevant to me, I'm sorry. Personally, I think the world would be a better place without Treblinka and like atrocities. Maybe you don't, but you will never convince me.

I think that this objectivism can be a useful remedy only insofar as one is lost in subjectivity, to the point that nothing makes sense and depression ensues (i.e. "my gf left me so now the world has no meaning").

Regarding the claims of your boss, she clearly doesn't have any familiarity with the traditional uses of ayahuasca. It is often administered to women during child birth, and wiped upon the lips of infants after their first breath. Even in Christian oriented sects that use ayahuasca, children consume aya.

Thanks for that info. I've sent it to her.

 

[ragabr]

I also think that ayahuasca and psychedelics in general arent going to be of benefit to all people in all situations. If you feel you dont get something out of these substances, if you feel they are not your path, by all means respect your feelings and dedicate your energy to something else in life.

++

I apologize if I came off in an unwelcome way. It felt to me that you spoke at cross purposes, saying you wanted to integrate the journey but listing off what was communicated and why you were not interested in hearing it.

Yes, I know that I am refusing to integrate this part of the experience. It was a very objective truth. Obviously nothing is more important than anything else unless we want to be subjective about it. But if we are not subjective, than how can we live? How can we decide what to do with our time? Buddhists always seem completely irrelevant to me, I'm sorry. Personally, I think the world would be a better place without Treblinka and like atrocities. Maybe you don't, but you will never convince me.

Perhaps Buddhists are not completely irrelevant. Traditionally, morality practice comes completely separate from insight practice. The acknowledgement that the subjective self will still act, even when liberated from attachment led early Buddhist practitioners to train to act with compassion while still fulfilling their legitimate human roles.

I question the need for us to decide what to do with our time. It seems a hold over from Christian asceticism to me. The most creative people I know just do what they find joyful, and it seems to work out very, very well. The Taoist attainment of Wu-wei, doing without doing, comes to mind.

Would the world be better if Treblinka had never happened? We can never know. It seems to me though, that Gaia created a fever to burn out a cultural illness that would have destroyed humanity if it were allowed to linger below awareness.

 

[moyshekapoyre]

I question the need for us to decide what to do with our time. It seems a hold over from Christian asceticism to me. The most creative people I know just do what they find joyful, and it seems to work out very, very well. The Taoist attainment of Wu-wei, doing without doing, comes to mind.

Crack is joyful. Way more than DMT. But it's not a good use of one's time, according to my subjective analysis.
The sad truth is that much of what needs to be done in the world does not bring joy. We attempt to remedy this through the cash economy, so that essential tasks are rewarded, yet this has so far failed to solve many important problems in the world. So we must be more ascetic and less joy-seeking, if you ask me. That's not to say that asceticism itself is the goal, but rather the means. And yes, I do know a few people who get joy out of helping others... hooray for them. But the rest of us, who get more joy out of crack, sex, etc., need to stay disciplined in order to be proud of our accomplishments.

Would the world be better if Treblinka had never happened? We can never know. It seems to me though, that Gaia created a fever to burn out a cultural illness that would have destroyed humanity if it were allowed to linger below awareness.

This sounds awfully teleological.

 

[ragabr]

Crack is joyful.

Have never heard anyone speak of freebase cocaine as "joyful."

The sad truth is that much of what needs to be done in the world does not bring joy. We attempt to remedy this through the cash economy, so that essential tasks are rewarded, yet this has so far failed to solve many important problems in the world.

This sounds awfully teleological.

So we must be more ascetic and less joy-seeking, if you ask me. That's not to say that asceticism itself is the goal, but rather the means.

The dominant culture has been saying this for nearly two millennia. Working out real well don't you think? The largest organized group of people who said so brought us the Crusades and the Inquisition. Second largest group, brought us the Gulag. Third, the Great Leap Forward and the Cultural Revolution. Fourth, Treblinka.

Would the world be better if Treblinka had never happened? We can never know. It seems to me though, that Gaia created a fever to burn out a cultural illness that would have destroyed humanity if it were allowed to linger below awareness.

This sounds awfully teleological.

Or not at all teleological. We have many examples of complex emergent systems that demonstrate capacity for homeostasis. The assumption that it would require an ontological goal sounds awfully anthropocentric. Check out War in the Age of Intelligent Machines for an elegant investigation of some of these landscapes.

 

[olympus mon]

moyshekapoyre-

you were not looking for answers, you were looking for confirmation to your own current ideas and beliefs and when that didnt happen you refused what you got.
from all your replys i find it interesting you were even interested in ayahuasca in the first place. you attitude and ideas dont seem in alignemnt with much of what entheogens purpose. i mean comparing joy to smoking crack.... come one!
if you feel the need to pursue ayahuasca i hope you listen to it it may be trying to help you. you seem to have some walls that need to be knocked down or at least peek over and see whats inside.
good luck for me ill choose joy

good luck

 

[moyshekapoyre]

moyshekapoyre-

you were not looking for answers, you were looking for confirmation to your own current ideas and beliefs and when that didnt happen you refused what you got.
from all your replys i find it interesting you were even interested in ayahuasca in the first place. you attitude and ideas dont seem in alignemnt with much of what entheogens purpose. i mean comparing joy to smoking crack.... come one!
if you feel the need to pursue ayahuasca i hope you listen to it it may be trying to help you. you seem to have some walls that need to be knocked down or at least peek over and see whats inside.
good luck for me ill choose joy

good luck

I was not being consciously disingenuous. I was being honest with the problems I had with the experience and I wanted to know if others had come to any conclusions besides just going with the lesson that was given to me, and it looks like the answer is a negative. I think it is important to maintain a critical filter whenever one engages in new experiences, especially ones as potent as ayahuasca. Don't just accept whatever the drug tells you. But then again, perhaps it is all due to selection bias, as you say. People like me don't tend to try ayahuasca, I guess.

Now, as for crack being joyful.... a friend tried it (I'm too scared I'll get addicted) and he said it was like a thousand orgasms smacking him. You don't think that sounds joyful? Also, I don't think there's such a thing as a bad trip on crack, at least not the first time...

 

[ragabr]

Physiological arousal doesn't correspond with my understanding of joy, and I don't believe that fits it colloquial usage.

pleasurable feelings or emotions caused by success, good fortune, and the like, or by a rational prospect of possessing what we love or desire

It seems to me that you have come close to stereotyping people who engage with entheogens as uncritical. Why even go there?

 

[olympus mon]

moyshekapoyre-

you were not looking for answers, you were looking for confirmation to your own current ideas and beliefs and when that didnt happen you refused what you got.
from all your replys i find it interesting you were even interested in ayahuasca in the first place. you attitude and ideas dont seem in alignemnt with much of what entheogens purpose. i mean comparing joy to smoking crack.... come one!
if you feel the need to pursue ayahuasca i hope you listen to it it may be trying to help you. you seem to have some walls that need to be knocked down or at least peek over and see whats inside.
good luck for me ill choose joy

good luck

I was not being consciously disingenuous. I was being honest with the problems I had with the experience and I wanted to know if others had come to any conclusions besides just going with the lesson that was given to me, and it looks like the answer is a negative. I think it is important to maintain a critical filter whenever one engages in new experiences, especially ones as potent as ayahuasca. Don't just accept whatever the drug tells you. But then again, perhaps it is all due to selection bias, as you say. People like me don't tend to try ayahuasca, I guess.

Now, as for crack being joyful.... a friend tried it (I'm too scared I'll get addicted) and he said it was like a thousand orgasms smacking him. You don't think that sounds joyful? Also, I don't think there's such a thing as a bad trip on crack, at least not the first time...

i agree whole heartily not believing everything your feel or are told in an altered state. 100%. i was once told by the dmt BEINGS that my dog was actually a vessel to hold GOD and i chose to be born to be her caretaker in this life. and that God had to be embodied in this dimension at all times in order for the universe to exists.

that was quite a mind fuck! so yes i agree.

my comments were more about your over all attitude. your expressed outlook is very mechanistic and linear yet your drawn to ayahuasca which is anything but that. your words feel very "get up early, work hard, mow your lawn, wave to your neighbor have a nice day" kinda feel. im just not use to seeing too much of that in folks drawn to these plants and substances.

your also confusing joy with pleasure. crack to some may be pleasurable, it may even be the most pleasurable thing they can think of but crack does not bring joy.
joy is a very powerful force emotion as much so as love. seeking and finding joy in life is not the same as seeking pleasure. i agree we should not live out life in pursuit of pleasure. it often does not serve us well and is usually an escape from feelings.

i can go on into a big explanation of how i feel joy is different and what joy exactly is but that would rob you of an opportunity to look at things in a different light and find your own differences. there's a whole lot to be said on this subject.

i leave you with a quote from another post on the subject. i want you to read this so you can see one example of how living a life following joy and not working so damn much for a bunch of shit we dont really need is EXACTLY what this planet needs

[/quote]
for me its very simple, service to others, feeling and seeking joy.

for me those 2 cover it all. understanding our physical universe and trying to understand the great mystery's of our consciousness and existence brings me joy. using psychoactive plants and substances helps me achieve understanding there for giving my life and existence depth and excitement. when i feel this inspired i have great love and compassion for other humans and feel the strong calling to be of service to them.

i truly wish you the best. everyone here does.

 

[gibran2]

A DMT experience is not a cosmic Q&A session. If you used DMT with the expectation that you could simply ask any question you wanted to ask, and “entities” would obligingly answer to the best of their ability, then it’s no wonder that you came away from it somewhat underwhelmed.

The beings, entities, forces – whatever you want to call the manifestations of intelligence that you encounter during a DMT experience – are not your servants. They don’t take orders. (And this is true regardless of whether or not you believe entities have independent existence and are “real”.)

As far as guardian angels doing a terrible job in Africa goes, I think you’ve come to a reasonable conclusion: there are no guardian angels. Not in Africa or anywhere else. This is why it’s so important for us human beings to take positive action whenever we can – no one else is going to save us. Isn’t that a good lesson to have learned?

You say that it appears as if nothing here on Earth really matters all that much. Another reasonable conclusion. “Mattering” – caring about things, being concerned about things – comes from within, not from the outside. The universe doesn’t care about us, at least not in a way that we can comprehend, but we are capable of caring about our miniscule part of it. An ant may not matter much to you, but to the extent that an ant can be concerned and caring, it is concerned about it’s immediate environment and it’s role in that environment. So here’s another important lesson you’ve been shown: “Mattering” comes from within. We are free to decide what matters. And since you are a part of the universe, whenever you express concern and caring you demonstrate that the universe is capable of expressing concern and caring.

Existence is a mystery. DMT allows us to become aware of our participation in that divine mystery. It doesn’t answer questions for us, or solve our problems. It helps us to open our eyes and minds and hearts in a way that allows us to find our own answers and solve our own problems.

I don’t think crack can do that.

 

[moyshekapoyre]

As far as guardian angels doing a terrible job in Africa goes, I think you’ve come to a reasonable conclusion: there are no guardian angels. Not in Africa or anywhere else. This is why it’s so important for us human beings to take positive action whenever we can – no one else is going to save us. Isn’t that a good lesson to have learned?

Yes, that is a good lesson, yet DMT taught me the opposite. This is what I don't like about DMT. It made me feel as if I had guardian angels (which is what religious people often feel). I don't like non-consensual reality. Well, it is terribly pleasurable, but it doesn't give me lasting pleasure (what you are calling joy, I guess). It just makes me more confused and tending toward illogical (magical) thinking.

So here’s another important lesson you’ve been shown: “Mattering” comes from within. We are free to decide what matters.

But I already knew that. It is quite obvious.

Existence is a mystery. DMT allows us to become aware of our participation in that divine mystery. It doesn’t answer questions for us, or solve our problems. It helps us to open our eyes and minds and hearts in a way that allows us to find our own answers and solve our own problems.

Ok, well it hasn't opened my eyes and heart to anything except what I consider to be illogical, magical thinking, which I would rather not engage in.

Even before DMT, I knew that existence was mysterious. This is obvious. Ages old.

If DMT in fact has helped you folks to find your own answers and solve your own problems... well, that is what I wanted to know. What exactly are you figuring out as a result of it? Is it just helping you to be more objective about the problems in your life? If so, then maybe that's why it's not helping me, because I think I'm already too objective, and am trying to be less so. Maybe what I need is ibogaine and not DMT?