XaniKi said:
Then I started thinking about all of the other people that could also see the sign flapping about, and how they neglected to do anything to fix the scenario, or to even notify an employee of what was happening. It was as if I could see that people just don't care about anything that doesn't directly concern them, or doesn't provide a material benefit. It felt like I could see people aren't willing to lend a hand, or spare a moment they had...
This kind of thinking is, I think, extremely common in the integration period after a big trip - good or bad.
A couple years ago I had a harrowing mushroom trip. Somewhere in the core of the trip was a "truthful" seeing that I could seemingly not turn off - I saw people as they truly were, at least from my altered perspective. People were not their bodies, not their personalities or histories or even actions. All of those things were just structure around the real thing, the awareness, the ball of light at the center. This struck me as unbearably tragic. To my eyes, nobody would ever be able to fully realize their connections to each other as long as we were all hung up on the outer layers, the bark. Lifelong, we build up our walls and focus on the division and fail to connect to that deep shared thing. I remember thinking "How will I ever be able to forget this? How can I un-know this terrible knowledge?" The trip got profoundly bad after this, but it picked up in a positive way later. However, it was the negative aspect that haunted me in the days to come.
For many days after, well over a week, I couldn't seem to see outside of this viewpoint of people as "drones" - as puppets of their own body chemistries and histories and selfish desires. It was unpleasant. I had intense nightmares for a couple of weeks. Even close friends to me - I couldn't face them, didn't want to - I didn't want to see them fitted into this terrible scheme. People seemed to me, generally speaking, an unfixable mess.
Here's the good news. That's one tiny vantage point of one angle of a wildly complex and colorful thing - the world of people. Reality itself seems to shift as we shift our own perspective on it. You may find yourself noticing lots of big things about people across the board. Aspects of humanity that may seem to be the case across the whole population. But the fact is, every person is, like yourself, fighting their own hard battle and winding their way around their own slice of the big labyrinth. Perspective is flexible.
There's a common meditation technique, I highly recommend you start something like this right away:
Consider putting on some relaxing music and sit or lie down comfortably. You aren't your thoughts. There's a space between thoughts, silent and relaxed - that's your home, that's where "you" reside. Sit and focus on breathing and relaxing. Try to relax, bit by bit, every part of your body. Focus your attention on deep regular breathing. Thoughts will still come. But rather than focus on the thoughts or allowing them to spiral and build, try to see them as clouds moving, or logs in a river, leaves in wind. Let them go. If a horrific, consuming thought comes to you - imagine it as just another log or cloud, no different than the others, no more deserving of a value judgment than any other thought. Observe. Witness. Be. Let everything go, just for a while, just during meditation, just to see.
It may seem paltry, but at the same time you may find yourself feeling a bit more calm during or after. Small though it may seem, this is an amazingly powerful tool. That and, as others have mentioned, healthy lifestyle. Make a serious project out of eating well and getting good exercise for a while. Meditate to calm. You'd be shocked how much these little things can impact your sense of mental and emotional health.
The hell passes. Eventually you'll be back to worrying about how you're going to get laid, or how you're going to get that rent check in, or leveling up in that new videogame to beat that one mission, and this harrowing misadventure will be another piece of your journey that shapes your strength.
Be well, buddy. It's shitty but this is quite commonplace in psychedelic country. That's not to play it down - We know, and some of us have been there, and it really can be a terrifying hell. The worst is over. You'll get through. Take care of yourself, we'll be sending good vibes.
