NotTwo
Rising Star
This is only meant as an initial introduction to the subject but I feel I have to write some of it down now as I'm so massively excited by this new discovery. I feel like an astronomer who's just been given his first high power telescope or a particle physicist who's just been allowed use of the Large Hadron Collider. My apologies to anyone for whom this is well known territory and excuse this noob's ramblings on a subject about which he really knows very little!
Somehow or the other I missed out on the tens of thousands of ecstacy pills being distributed every weekend at clubs and raves in the previous three decades and was only given some to try out for the first time a few weeks ago. These are some of the results I had:
After a bit of experimentation to ascertain purity and appropriate dosages, I decided to go for 120mg on a Saturday morning when I had no outstanding tasks or responsibilities. At about 30 minutes I noticed a slight effect and decided to simply sit in formal meditation and watch my breath. By 45 minutes the effects were very noticeable and there followed a period of about 20 minutes or so of slight anxiety with dizziness and mild nausea. I went to the bathroom and had that feeling of having drunk a drink or two too many. I returned to sitting meditation and within a few minutes the discomfort eased. A clarity began to take over my thought process combined with a feeling of majestic well being. The next 20 minutes saw the sense of clarity expand to a level I don't believe I've ever experienced before. Control over what I thought, how I thought and the level of analysis/observation I could bring to any part of myself was unimaginably refined.
For the next hour and a half I was able to utilize this extreme clarity for a number of experiments. I assumed a more casual position sat on the bed and checked through the sensations in my body. I could feel tension in one shoulder, something that is more or less chronic in myself and related to stress and a whole gamut of largely unseen, unknown emotions. In this situation I was able to bring the emotions into sharp focus and simply hold them there as objects. I could see how they received their driving force from their connection to the "I" concept, what kept "me" going as "me". I released the link and let them exist as independent entities with no need to reject or hold onto them. The entities rejoiced in their new found freedom. I could see them going back to their own naive, simple origins from I don't know when. The reason for their existence was seen to be no more necessary and they dissolved back into the nothingness from which they had originally emerged. A euphoria swept over me as I felt the refound wholeness of that part of my body.
I could see there was still a small amount of internal dialog continuing, just the automaton turning over thoughts relating to what was happening and analysis of the process. I turned my spotlight attention onto this and without the slightest effort switched it off. An overwhelming silence ensued. A large part of what I considered to be "me" vanished along with the background noise. I looked at the more subtle items remaining that seemed to be related to the artificial sense of self. Each item was examined and released in turn leaving an expansive consciousness of the whole with no particular connection to any sense of personal self. This was very far from the type of ego death I've experienced through DMT - more a controlled adoption of a state where the whole took priority over the artificial self allowing silent abiding in this new found spaciousness. Thoughts of an egoic nature made an appearance from time to time but could simply be focussed on and allowed to leave - your best zazen session ever times a thousand :d
I went downstairs and found my girlfriend. We enjoyed some amazingly loving and erotic hugs and joked together about male sexuality (being mainly a matter of hydraulics
). The effects started to wear off quite quickly, a fair bit sooner than I thought they might. I was left with a warm glow and feeling of overall well being. These have continued for more than 10 days now. I am filled with optimism (probably also an effect of the medicine) that the potential for this substance correctly used is simply enormous. I've written a list of negative aspects of myself that I wish to examine using MDMA. Most exciting of all is what I think it can bring to my understanding of absolute truth, realization, the Understanding or whatever term you want to use for the reality beyond duality.
[Since writing the above I've had a repeat session using the same dose. More sessions to follow over the next few weeks. I remain convinced of the amazingness of this substance. At some point I'm also going to try vaping DMT during the heightened phase of the MDMA trip to see how this affects the control of the experience.]
Somehow or the other I missed out on the tens of thousands of ecstacy pills being distributed every weekend at clubs and raves in the previous three decades and was only given some to try out for the first time a few weeks ago. These are some of the results I had:
After a bit of experimentation to ascertain purity and appropriate dosages, I decided to go for 120mg on a Saturday morning when I had no outstanding tasks or responsibilities. At about 30 minutes I noticed a slight effect and decided to simply sit in formal meditation and watch my breath. By 45 minutes the effects were very noticeable and there followed a period of about 20 minutes or so of slight anxiety with dizziness and mild nausea. I went to the bathroom and had that feeling of having drunk a drink or two too many. I returned to sitting meditation and within a few minutes the discomfort eased. A clarity began to take over my thought process combined with a feeling of majestic well being. The next 20 minutes saw the sense of clarity expand to a level I don't believe I've ever experienced before. Control over what I thought, how I thought and the level of analysis/observation I could bring to any part of myself was unimaginably refined.
For the next hour and a half I was able to utilize this extreme clarity for a number of experiments. I assumed a more casual position sat on the bed and checked through the sensations in my body. I could feel tension in one shoulder, something that is more or less chronic in myself and related to stress and a whole gamut of largely unseen, unknown emotions. In this situation I was able to bring the emotions into sharp focus and simply hold them there as objects. I could see how they received their driving force from their connection to the "I" concept, what kept "me" going as "me". I released the link and let them exist as independent entities with no need to reject or hold onto them. The entities rejoiced in their new found freedom. I could see them going back to their own naive, simple origins from I don't know when. The reason for their existence was seen to be no more necessary and they dissolved back into the nothingness from which they had originally emerged. A euphoria swept over me as I felt the refound wholeness of that part of my body.
I could see there was still a small amount of internal dialog continuing, just the automaton turning over thoughts relating to what was happening and analysis of the process. I turned my spotlight attention onto this and without the slightest effort switched it off. An overwhelming silence ensued. A large part of what I considered to be "me" vanished along with the background noise. I looked at the more subtle items remaining that seemed to be related to the artificial sense of self. Each item was examined and released in turn leaving an expansive consciousness of the whole with no particular connection to any sense of personal self. This was very far from the type of ego death I've experienced through DMT - more a controlled adoption of a state where the whole took priority over the artificial self allowing silent abiding in this new found spaciousness. Thoughts of an egoic nature made an appearance from time to time but could simply be focussed on and allowed to leave - your best zazen session ever times a thousand :d
I went downstairs and found my girlfriend. We enjoyed some amazingly loving and erotic hugs and joked together about male sexuality (being mainly a matter of hydraulics
). The effects started to wear off quite quickly, a fair bit sooner than I thought they might. I was left with a warm glow and feeling of overall well being. These have continued for more than 10 days now. I am filled with optimism (probably also an effect of the medicine) that the potential for this substance correctly used is simply enormous. I've written a list of negative aspects of myself that I wish to examine using MDMA. Most exciting of all is what I think it can bring to my understanding of absolute truth, realization, the Understanding or whatever term you want to use for the reality beyond duality.[Since writing the above I've had a repeat session using the same dose. More sessions to follow over the next few weeks. I remain convinced of the amazingness of this substance. At some point I'm also going to try vaping DMT during the heightened phase of the MDMA trip to see how this affects the control of the experience.]
