Me and my first time to take dmt or any psychedelics for that matter 🙃

[Sunshine1]

Hi I had some dmt with a sitter last night he was a stranger to me but I trusted him non the less, see I've being through the mental health system and was coming to the end of the road of ever getting better . Anyway the trip itself was fully about me and why I am the way I am. I have been going through a tough time with my SO lately and that had me in a very dark place too, even without the relationship issues I have always been off centre and felt almost faulty. I have been on prescription psych drugs for more or my life than not, everything from anti D's, antipsychotics, mood stabilisers and anxiety meds. I've always been a very private person and I know now this comes from fear of letting ppl in as that's when they can hurt you which is what it all boils down to.

The trip was an eye opener to me and I would like to go through it with someone of experience. See it was all about me and ppl in my life, a very emotional trip as far as I can tell but then I've nothing to go off as this is my first time to do anything of the sort, never done mushrooms, lsd nothing. Only hallucinations I've had were on xanax and sleepers all prescribed by docs. I've smoked weed and done coke but this is a whole new ball game for me.

Anyway if anyone is there and would go through some stuff with me that would be great I will check back often as I'm really interested in how much my trip is real even though I felt it real to me. I felt genuine all consuming love but also a death of love/spirit this was about two different ppl and they were prominent to the trip. It was amazing and no matter what happens I am ever grateful for the experience and will be returning to my sitter in a few weeks.

 

[Wolfnippletip]

You might want to try chat. If there's no one in the Welcome Room just start talking about your experience and be patient. It may take a minute but someone will be there soon. Welcome to the Nexus.

 

[Sunshine1]

Hi wolf thanks for the welcome I'm actually hitting the hay now but maybe you could tell me of your first trip? Or one of significance. I'm pretty New to all this an am quite intrigued as I never thought this would have had such a profound effect on me. Cheers and goodnight

 

[Wolfnippletip]

First trip was on a hit of Purple Microdot LSD a long time ago. My wise 14 year old friend said "It's not that big a deal, just take it before school". I did and made it to the bus stop before aborting that mission and walking back home through what looked like The Shire, told my mom I didn't feel well and had a life-changing experience tripping in my room.

You're in the right place to talk to people who can help you process the experience and give good advice on future ones. On thing I will say, without knowing your specifics is that if you are on any psychotropic medications you need to be extremely cautious about taking psychedelics.

 

[Sunshine1]

Hi I'haven't been on meds continuously in 6 weeks I took 0.5 mg of xanax four days before I took the dmt due to personal circumstances. Anyway when I went to my sitter he's an awesome guy btw He sat down with me and we had tea and a chat, I'd say he could sense my nerves. After chatting for a bit and him asking me what I thought was holding me back and causing my debilitating anxiety he prepared the smoke from me. I've no idea how much/what strength etc I just trusted him. He has been to Peru and is a big advocate of this way. But he was also a stranger to me and I was nervous but also wanted rid of all my illogical fears in life so I tried my best to relax. First time I took it in I got jelly body and could see the shapes and colours, black background with pink and purple vibrant triangles that wore off quick so I told him next. He was coaching me on my breathing and this time I took about three goes, one of them I couldn't even feel my lips or face I just heard him say inhale I don't even know if I was coz there was no feeling.

So I felt the light all inside through me it was the most amazing feeling, I had my eyes closed but I don't think I quite left my body, I could feel it in my lips it made me smile as if to say you need to smile and not to be sad. It's like I was fighting myself I wanted to let go but I was so confused. I imagined my sitter was not real, my life was not real, my boyfriend, my car, my mother all imagined. It was very scary and all I kept thinking was I don't understand, but then there was a voice saying it's ok not to understand and relax and close your eyes. My eyes were closed but they did flicker a few times. I seen the giant plant in the room, I seen my sitter burning some sage and infront of my in the kitchen. But I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I just kept thinking am I real, is this real, am I going to be here forever. And then there was love, all consuming love for myself, but it was like I was arguing with myself internally. I remember thinking my boyfriend is gonna be mad that I'm alone with this person and will think I'm cheating on him, that was the main problem with us he didn't trust me and made me feel bad constantly. Then came the death I can still feel/ see it. The love and light I had felt were replaced with black vines with faces and pain all twirling into each other and strangling life and love but the light kept draging me back. And I would look at the vines and feel the pain and then I thought of my niece and I hadn't talked about her with my sitter before but there was an overwhelming pure love that I felt and it felt amazing.

There was lots of other stuff that came through but I felt the love for my niece and the pain from my boyfriend dominated the time mostly. I interpreted myself as what I feel it is. My sitter talked to me after and made me feel totally comfortable in my confusion and put stuff bluntly to me too. What do you think wolf?

 

[Sunshine1]

Or if anyone else has any insights

 

[Sunnyside]

Or if anyone else has any insights

I'm by far the least-qualified person around here to offer insight.

So this is merely my ramblings.

You've found a good place to discuss these things.
Full of knowledge and love here at the nexus.

The only thing I might offer is to take your time and be patient. You've got time, and lots to work on, it sounds like.

Folks here are generally happy to discuss, and incredibly generous with their time.

Poco a poco.
Little by little.

Read. Explore. Ask. Ask a few questions. Ask a few more questions. Try to think up some more questions. Love life. Love yourself. Love each other.

Good luck.

And don't forget to thank the nexus. For everything.

 

[Sunshine1]

Hi sunnyside thanks for the replay I've read a lot about ppl and their experiences. I don't think my experience was anything too deep considering some of the things I've read, there was no aliens or goblins more of a nurturing pure life love like presence felt all through me. I had both a good and bad time but I take only good from it. It truly is like nothing I've ever experienced and I felt lifted instantly but there was also a lot of pain and it was like a fight between good and bad. I'm thinking it means that I need to reevaluate what I thought was love in the way I've perceived it from childhood and I've carried that perception all through my life and I've been wrong all along. It really was a journey deep into my soul and it can't be unseen or explained to anybody who I speak to in "real life" most ppl I know haven't done it and look at me like i have ten heads Much love man

 

[joedirt]

"The trip was an eye opener to me and I would like to go through it with someone of experience."

Welcome friend. There are many of us here who have quite a bit of experience and can help guide you and also reassure you.

I interpreted myself as what I feel it is. My sitter talked to me after and made me feel totally comfortable in my confusion and put stuff bluntly to me too.

DMT, by it's very nature, is an overwhelming all encompassing experience. It is probably the quickest, most direct route to the center of our being. The most important advice I can give is this. Give yourself some time and try to not form/hold many judgements about the experience. There is not doubt some insight to be gained (there always is), but likewise there is alway's an aspect of these experiences that need to be checked and grounded against our day to day moral compass.

I don't think my experience was anything too deep considering some of the things I've read,

Silly rabbit... these aren't experiences to be traded like playing cards on the school yard. Your experience was yours and yours alone. It was almost certainly exactly as deep as you needed to go the first time around. Far to many people get wrapped up in "Did I reach hyperspace questions". I know you are not doing that, but trust me on this... your experience was quite deep and quite humbling. It was yours and yours alone.

It really was a journey deep into my soul and it can't be unseen or explained to anybody who I speak to in "real life" most ppl I know haven't done it and look at me like i have ten heads Much love man

Indeed. Much love back to you.

Peace
-joedirt

 

[Sunshine1]

Hi joedirt thanks for the reply I do indeed feel like a silly rabbit See I went with the idea that this would do nothing for me as I've been so ill for so long but now I can see that I am a product of my environment/childhood and I feel I've wasted so much of my energy having the wrong notions of love and what love is and what love I've accepted because thats what I seen through child's eyes.

I take the whole experience to be true and real to me, I felt my whole life and the meaning of my heartache come through me. It was both extremely painful and totally beautiful and then the whole loss of reality that was just the icing on the cake, a complete mind melt or what's real/not.

The thing that keeps coming Back to me, it's been three days since I done it, is the vines and the pain, I could not only seen it I could feel it, it was like i had the worse cramps when I looked at them. It refers to my real life relationship that I now know isnt the right kind of love. I almost feel as I've been starved and I'm not prepared to be starved any further. This is what I meant when I said my sitter was blunt about things, I feel I've seen now what I've always tried to lie to myself that everything would be ok and no relationship is easy and everyone fights with their partner but it's all BS and lies I told myself to cope with the pain I've been in. I feel like my nieces love was pure love the love I should be feeling as I was the most amazing feeling and that the way I should be feeling, not the vines feeling.

I am trying to give myself time, but the time is now my friend I've been asleep and ignorant to my needs for too long and I deserve to be happy. I have taken from the experience compassion for others too who are asleep I was such a snappy person before this, I had come off all my meds and had the tread constant in my belly and I realise now that the snappy agitation that I portrayed was my inner turmoil, I feel more calm now and my anxiety is gone, I start a new job tomorrow and I'm not a bit nervous which would had usually filled me with panic. Now hopefully I can go in and smash it And get to know ppl and have a nice experience.

Much love

 

[obliguhl]

It has a way of revealing that what was hidden before, in a way that is right for you.
You can own the most beautiful diamond, but it won't sparkle if you do not wear it in the sun.
But the way you are hiding yourself from your most fundamental truth, can be done away with. It's a piece oof clothing if you will, but you can decide to stand naked anytime.
To be shown that is very important, spectacular and potentially life changing. Your experience is not over yet as it will unfold more and more within the next weeks, maybe even months...

 

[Sunshine1]

It has a way of revealing that what was hidden before, in a way that is right for you.
You can own the most beautiful diamond, but it won't sparkle if you do not wear it in the sun.
But the way you are hiding yourself from your most fundamental truth, can be done away with. It's a piece oof clothing if you will, but you can decide to stand naked anytime.
To be showned that is very important, spectacular and potentially life changing. Your experience is not over yet as it will unfold more and more within the next weeks, maybe even months...

I just wanted to quote your entire reply it was so beautifully written. I started a new job today and wasn't a bit nervous not like me (the old me ) I keep smiling fro no reason, I fear ppl will think I'm insane but little do they know