That sounds like you didn't have enough MAOI. Caapi can vary in strength a lot, I recently had 75g of B. muricata and it was not particularly strong. It's very very unlikely that 20g caapi would be enough, or 20g caapi with 1g rue.
However your MHRB dose was quite high, so it has probably been for the best that you didn't have enough MAOI. For the first time, do not try more than 3g MHRB. This can be extremely strong for some people already: my girlfriend regularly goes out-of-body with under 2g (she's particularly sensitive).
So, if you're having only caapi, you need at least 50g per person, and likely more depending on its strength. If you're having only rue, you need at least 2g. And with those doses of MAOI, you would be wise to try under 3g of MHRB per person for the first time. Particularly your wife, who seems to be more sensitive to it. 10g MHRB with enough MAOI is a very extreme experience.