My HPPD story.

[The_higher_self]

Hello forum,

I will first start by saying I have been a member of the nexus for over a year, I have not been on for 6 months and have forgotten my username, email, and password, just my luck eh?

There have been some problems in my life related to psychedelics, but not just psychedelics, RC's. (Yes, I know, bad BAD idea.) after using 25i/25c around 10-15 times within a two month period I have noticed symptoms of hppd (hallucinogenic persisting perception disorder).

I'm not sure if it's getting better, I haven't used any psychedelic since April.

I can see splotches of color sometimes, and if I focus I can see the ground or walls breathe. Patterns really start to make things feel like I'm tripping. I have sort of a Static over my entire vision, it's not too bad. I sometimes see streaks of color and tracers. The most notable symptom however is my change in perception of reality. I can be sitting down or talking to another person and just feel like I'm not real, or it's not real life. I feel like my mind is in a totally different dimension, like I can't process reality. It's like I'm in a constant dream, everything has a fuzz to it like it's not real. I feel sometimes I don't know who I am or what I'm here for. I would call this derealization and depersonalization. I REALLY don't like this, at one point in time I didn't know where I was and I felt dizzy because of the derealization. It led to a panic attack. It feels like life isn't real and it's just drifting by.

And all of those symptoms are while sober.

If I smoke marijuana, I will start tripping. The walls start moving and words (like on a poster) start growing and shrinking and moving. I also see a grid of color everywhere.

I am quitting marijuana for awhile, and I'm going on a seven day organic juice cleanse. I will start exercising more. I'm hoping this will make my HPPD go away quicker, if it will. I have TONS of existential thoughts, all the time.

There is a mgmt concert in around 17 days and I'm thinking of taking mushrooms for this experience. I realize that hallucinogens caused my hppd but at the same time I have not done any psychedelics for some time and I won't be after this concert for a long time, if ever again. Do you advise this? Now I do not 100% believe in appeal to nature or naturalistic fallacy, but I am a big advocate of using nature when possible versus synthetic substances. Mushrooms are natural and I believe would be a better choice than an RC, in the way of it affecting my hppd and making it worse. What are your thoughts on this? Is anyone else experiencing hppd? Anybody recover from hppd?

Thank you very much,
Higher self

 

[anrchy]

If your wanting to take mushrooms at this concert I would weigh the pros and cons. It could make it worse or even solidify it. Is that worth it to you?

It also could have no effect, or a positive effect. So is it worth the chance that it might get worse?

Personally I think you should focus on exercise and eating healthy and integrating. It took me months and months to bring me out of derealization/depersonalization issues.

 

[expandaneum]

My advise, do not take any drug until your feeling better for several weeks/months. In my experience things only get worse if you continue. Especially the feeling of derealization and depersonalization can take long time to leave. Two very close friends have had this for almost two years(coming in flashes), and now it comes back full force after drug use.

So stay clean focus on other things like good food and exercise.

hope you well soon.

 

[The_higher_self]

If your wanting to take mushrooms at this concert I would weigh the pros and cons. It could make it worse or even solidify it. Is that worth it to you?

It also could have no effect, or a positive effect. So is it worth the chance that it might get worse?

Personally I think you should focus on exercise and eating healthy and integrating. It took me months and months to bring me out of derealization/depersonalization issues.

I feel as though mushrooms being a hallucinogen would make it worse for a short time if anything, but I rarely take psychedelics now, has been around 4 months, and the concert would be 5, after that I probably wouldn't do them for a year if ever again. I feel like that's reasonable, most people do psychedelics quite often, which worsens hppd in some, but I know of people doing psychedelics every few months and they are fine. I just want the experience of the concert to be incredible, and I don't take synthetic drugs like Molly.

 

[The_higher_self]

My advise, do not take any drug until your feeling better for several weeks/months. In my experience things only get worse if you continue. Especially the feeling of derealization and depersonalization can take long time to leave. Two very close friends have had this for almost two years(coming in flashes), and now it comes back full force after drug use.

So stay clean focus on other things like good food and exercise.

hope you well soon.

How often/what substances were your friends taking? Thank you for your kindness!

 

[Du57mi73]

I don't think you should take anything that can potentially bring you beyond repair, and any number of hallucinogens can do that to you whether its synthetic or natural. I would work on keeping myself healthy and not trying to trip at a concert, even if it is just ONE time. That one time might be all it takes man. Your mental health is more important than a hallucinogenic adventure.

 

[anrchy]

If your wanting to take mushrooms at this concert I would weigh the pros and cons. It could make it worse or even solidify it. Is that worth it to you?

It also could have no effect, or a positive effect. So is it worth the chance that it might get worse?

Personally I think you should focus on exercise and eating healthy and integrating. It took me months and months to bring me out of derealization/depersonalization issues.

I feel as though mushrooms being a hallucinogen would make it worse for a short time if anything, but I rarely take psychedelics now, has been around 4 months, and the concert would be 5, after that I probably wouldn't do them for a year if ever again. I feel like that's reasonable, most people do psychedelics quite often, which worsens hppd in some, but I know of people doing psychedelics every few months and they are fine. I just want the experience of the concert to be incredible, and I don't take synthetic drugs like Molly.

From personal experience taking any psychedelic while already having those issues is a very bad idea. It doesn't matter what drug you took to cause those syndromes. Dmt, mushrooms, lsd ect are most likely going to make it more difficult for you.

You need to come back to reality before you take yourself out again.

 

[SpartanII]

I can see splotches of color sometimes, and if I focus I can see the ground or walls breathe. Patterns really start to make things feel like I'm tripping. I have sort of a Static over my entire vision, it's not too bad. I sometimes see streaks of color and tracers.

Something very similar to this description began happening to me after taking LSD 2 to 3 times a month for several years in a row.

After a while I stopped paying attention to it and it kind of faded into the background of my consciousness. Now I don't notice it unless I look for it.

Personally, I've always just regarded it as a perceptual shift due to changing states of consciousness so many times, so often, and never really thought of it as a "syndrome" or "disorder". At times (especially if I would smoke weed or when I was sleep deprived) I was able to somewhat control/manipulate it.

 

[obliguhl]

I don't know, but if your current condition feels horrible to you, i would not take any psychedelic and potentially worsen it. Doesn't matter it the psychedelic in question is "natural" or not. If i were you i would not treat this as a syndrome which is detached from self, but as a new state of being which enables you to reorganize yourself. You talked about having deep thoughts a lot. Why don't you take the time to work through them? There is nothing wrong with having fun and psychedelic fuelled hedonism imho. But there is more to it and it makes no sense to me to repress that side. I would try to look at the opportunities this new state of mind has to offer. If you can't find any, look harder.

 

[hug46]

I feel as though mushrooms being a hallucinogen would make it worse for a short time if anything, but I rarely take psychedelics now, has been around 4 months, and the concert would be 5, after that I probably wouldn't do them for a year if ever again.

If i felt that there was a possibility that i would never want to take psychedelics again, i would not make an exception for a concert. Go to the gig straight and enjoy......

 

[anrchy]

I feel as though mushrooms being a hallucinogen would make it worse for a short time if anything, but I rarely take psychedelics now, has been around 4 months, and the concert would be 5, after that I probably wouldn't do them for a year if ever again.

If i felt that there was a possibility that i would never want to take psychedelics again, i would not make an exception for a concert. Go to the gig straight and enjoy......

+1

 

[Du57mi73]

Since you asked everyone for there opinion, and EVERYONE says its not a good idea at all, please listen to what we have to say. Your health is more important than drugs.

 

[Nathanial.Dread]

I'm going to agree with everyone else here and advise you NOT to take any more psychedelics, at least for a few months, possibly longer.

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is that, in addition to the HPPD and derealizations getting worse, you are at risk for psychedelic-induced psychosis or schizotypal disorders.

You already know that using psychedelics has somehow fundamentally changed the way your brain processes information and integrates reality, and it is possible that continuing to use could damage this even more.

Right now, a lot of the symptoms seem pretty low-level and manageable, however, if they could worse, you could be in danger of long-term issues with mental processing, including delusions, hallucinations, and thought-disorders.

I'm not saying that it WILL happen, just that it might.

It's not worth it, man. Take it from someone who has a lot of those symptoms ordinarily, it sucks.

Blessings
~ND

 

[The_higher_self]

I've decided to heed all of your warning and listen to my intuition and not take any psychedelics until I feel completely normal again. I don't want to break myself beyond repair so I'm hoping that in my case it is still repairable, I will give it lots of time, working out , and healthy organic diet. Hopefully thinks will get better and I can experience the mushroom again someday, i do have love for the knowledge mushrooms contain but I'm not willing to sacrifice my mental health. I'll probably just have a little herb before hand. Thanks all. Much love

 

[expandaneum]

Dont worry you will feel normal again. And in my opinion weed is one of the worst choises possible.
The friends, one had it after 1 gram of mdma ( to much) and the other one afther allot of things for to long. So there is not realy a rule of thum.

 

[Redguard]

Hello forum,

I will first start by saying I have been a member of the nexus for over a year, I have not been on for 6 months and have forgotten my username, email, and password, just my luck eh?

There have been some problems in my life related to psychedelics, but not just psychedelics, RC's. (Yes, I know, bad BAD idea.) after using 25i/25c around 10-15 times within a two month period I have noticed symptoms of hppd (hallucinogenic persisting perception disorder).

I'm not sure if it's getting better, I haven't used any psychedelic since April.

I can see splotches of color sometimes, and if I focus I can see the ground or walls breathe. Patterns really start to make things feel like I'm tripping. I have sort of a Static over my entire vision, it's not too bad. I sometimes see streaks of color and tracers. The most notable symptom however is my change in perception of reality. I can be sitting down or talking to another person and just feel like I'm not real, or it's not real life. I feel like my mind is in a totally different dimension, like I can't process reality. It's like I'm in a constant dream, everything has a fuzz to it like it's not real. I feel sometimes I don't know who I am or what I'm here for. I would call this derealization and depersonalization. I REALLY don't like this, at one point in time I didn't know where I was and I felt dizzy because of the derealization. It led to a panic attack. It feels like life isn't real and it's just drifting by.

And all of those symptoms are while sober.

If I smoke marijuana, I will start tripping. The walls start moving and words (like on a poster) start growing and shrinking and moving. I also see a grid of color everywhere.

I am quitting marijuana for awhile, and I'm going on a seven day organic juice cleanse. I will start exercising more. I'm hoping this will make my HPPD go away quicker, if it will. I have TONS of existential thoughts, all the time.

There is a mgmt concert in around 17 days and I'm thinking of taking mushrooms for this experience. I realize that hallucinogens caused my hppd but at the same time I have not done any psychedelics for some time and I won't be after this concert for a long time, if ever again. Do you advise this? Now I do not 100% believe in appeal to nature or naturalistic fallacy, but I am a big advocate of using nature when possible versus synthetic substances. Mushrooms are natural and I believe would be a better choice than an RC, in the way of it affecting my hppd and making it worse. What are your thoughts on this? Is anyone else experiencing hppd? Anybody recover from hppd?

Thank you very much,
Higher self

This will be an unpopular opinion on the nexus but never the less here it is. Chances are you can take mushrooms without making hppd much worse. The question you have to ask yourself is, is it worth the risk? You seem to be stressing out over hppd and it's not the kind of mindset that makes living with hppd easy. It's because of your negative outlook that I personally wouldn't risk making it worse. Yet I am not you, and only you can make this decision.

I had HPPD once and I loved every minute of it. My visualization abilities went through the roof and it become a very.... important tool in my life in exploring my consciousness. I never stressed about it and I never stopped taking psychedelics because of it. I realize how much criticism this will get from the nexus but life is what it is, and this is my personal experience with it. The more you try to fight HPPD the worse it gets as well. Maybe try some meditation and see if that helps, I know it helped me out. Anyways, watch yourself, taking mushrooms could be a very good.... or an extremely bad idea :twisted:

 

[Du57mi73]

I get the feeling that a lot of us here have had hppd before. but the thing to remember is to allow yourself some recovery time.

 

[SpartanII]

Since you asked everyone for there opinion, and EVERYONE says its not a good idea at all, please listen to what we have to say. Your health is more important than drugs.

Actually, I never said it was a "good" or "bad" idea. Just stated my experience with some effects I had from LSD that resembled part of the OP's description of "HPPD".

Like I said, I never considered it a "disorder".

Sometimes it's convenient to place fancy labels on conditions/effects that we don't understand.:roll:

 

[universecannon]

I wouldn't take the mushrooms at a concert, if at all for a while, if you are struggling with this. It might help if you took them in an introspective setting but it could also just make matters worse.

This seems somewhat similar to something I went through in high school when i began experimenting with psychedelics. I say it all the time here but learning to work with your own energy and engaging in a number of different grounding techniques/activities can work wonders for dealing with this sort of thing...Especially yoga, meditation, good food (as i can see your doing), exercise, and time in nature. This shift in perception will fade in time, and if you center yourself and accept it for what it is while its there then everything will go much smoother, and you might even be able to get something out of it/learn.

On the topic of HPPD in general, I go into altered states spontaneously or willingly these days and don't consider it a disorder unless it causes problems for someone, since to me its more like building connections to other ways of experiencing self/reality. At first these other ways of thinking/seeing brought me anxiety but overtime things changed. But anyways here some of my very general thoughts on "HPPD". It might refresh your perspective somewhat and give solace by seeing some of the other ways people view it.

HPPD & DMT - Health & Safety - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

 

[thecrystalkid]

maybe try a tai chi class? very good at grounding you, your emotions, anxieties etc, and easing the energy flows in your body. i feel it might help if someone with these symptons was pro-active in some form of gentle physical/subtle energy management, like tai chi or chi kung, acupuncture or flower essences (which imo work quickly on the subtler bodies). tapping acupuncture points with a blessing to your body can give very quick results for calming yourself...i do it during journeys for immediate removal of struggle.plus organic diet is great. low and slow and gently does it.

some folk claim to have spontaneous occurences whereby they seem to suffer similar symptons, as a kind of physical awakening brought on by meditation etc, to HPPD. that said HPPD could be a bad thing only, i don't know, hard to say. certainly physical "awakenings", and i use the term awaken lightly, sound similar. i heard/read somewhere, that it is possible to rupture the cohesive fabric/structure of your energy bodies. how true i don't know. if it is, i feel that this, like most things, can be healed. if its an increase in physical sensitivity in general then it can be integrated. and yes, fear is the mind killer...worry will definitely perpetuate it. in my experience, worry creates like a brittle crystalline subtle energy web arounds the head which impedes general energy flow. atb