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My Illustrated Journal
- Thread starter daedaloops
- Start date
onethousandk
Rising Star
Very nice. Great combination of text and illustrations. I have never tried to draw while under the influence, mostly because walking takes so much effort that I couldn't imagine drawing. I'll have to give it a go next time.
awesome.
Mr.Peabody
Rising Star
Man, I got a kick out of reading your reports! You put such a light spirit into your writings, and then the drawings make it even better. You really bring back the sense of magic, which has always been my favorite part of tripping. I especially like the part about nature trolling you. That grass that tried to scare you , but then turned out to be cute, got me laughing. I laugh not because it is silly (although it is), but because I've been there! Often my dogs play tricks on me when I trip. They have a whole different nature about them when I am on a journey.
I've only had the pleasure of tripping outside a few times, but I'm with you. It always just seems so right!
I've only had the pleasure of tripping outside a few times, but I'm with you. It always just seems so right!
Thank you so much, Peabody, everyone. I really wish I had more chances to trip outside, it's just so .. wow. But now winter is coming again, maybe next summer..
The last month I've been meaning to write here my latest aya journey report, the one where i took 10g mimosa and laid my head on my laptop that had a random pattern generator running on it, to see if there was any anomalies. Yeah that sounds like a horrible set & setting, and that it was. I have absolutely no idea how to write/draw about that, I could use words like aliens, god, insanity, grave, multiverse bubbles, axis of fractals, time gravity, inevitability of existence, bla bla bla.. But it doesn't mean anything, it's just words, a crude form of poetry by humans. In fact I'm still not sure if I ever returned from that journey, I got an accidental peek at those things when they were building this reality back together and yeah it's a very good replica, but it's probably not the original one. What is the original anyway? Not that any of it matters, I'm really happy to be in this replica too.
The last month I've been meaning to write here my latest aya journey report, the one where i took 10g mimosa and laid my head on my laptop that had a random pattern generator running on it, to see if there was any anomalies. Yeah that sounds like a horrible set & setting, and that it was. I have absolutely no idea how to write/draw about that, I could use words like aliens, god, insanity, grave, multiverse bubbles, axis of fractals, time gravity, inevitability of existence, bla bla bla.. But it doesn't mean anything, it's just words, a crude form of poetry by humans. In fact I'm still not sure if I ever returned from that journey, I got an accidental peek at those things when they were building this reality back together and yeah it's a very good replica, but it's probably not the original one. What is the original anyway? Not that any of it matters, I'm really happy to be in this replica too.
An interpretation on the DMT/Apocalypse -synergy
This is my view of the events that occurred on 21.12.2012 and my attempt to express not so much the experience itself but the implications it can have on a persons life and views. Again, these are all just my personal observations and opinions, and they should be taken as a symbolic way to express the experience. In other words, an experience of emotionally absolute certainties with no objectively absolute certainties due to the nature of subjective consciousness. This will be a bit long but it will probably also be my last entry to this journal, so what the hell better to let out all that spiritual steam while I'm at it. (I recommend everyone to write more trip reports as it's a very important part of integration, these experiences can and will haunt you all the way to the grave otherwise.)
So I planned to drink ayahuasca one hour before the exact time of the winter solstice so that it would kick in at 11:11, but because the mimosa and rue had been sitting in my fridge for a few months and I had forgotten the gram/dl ratio, I decided to test it's potency the previous night by drinking just a little bit of them, but that already have me a really strong and heavy experience. For some reason my body started to think it was freezing, and the walls became a jungle and there was a lion roaring really loudly somewhere in my head or in the walls. For 2 hours I was shaking and being utterly terrified of the lion wishing it would stop. Finally it did and I promised myself to cancel the trip of the next day because I was convinced those 2 months had turned the DMT into something else, something way more potent and more physical than it should be. Now later thinking about it, and I've said this elsewhere, I think it's more that DMT for some people has a similar reverse-tolerance as Salvia, so that it's not affected by time between the experiences, it's just a matter of accumulating the number of experiences. Another way of putting it is like it's about slowly learning how to let go of the mental stubbornness that can prevent the effects from going to their true depth.
When the next day did come, I thought about it some more and concluded that the famous "apocalypse" of 2012 comes only once during a lifetime, so I just decided to go with it. I was still utterly scared and anxious though, but I just tried not to think about it and just robotically automate myself to go drink the liquids. I went for double the amount than on the previous night because I thought that would atleast let me break free of my body even if it would be freezing again or something. After drinking the liquids it hit me that there was no turning back now, the apocalypse was coming one way or another.
So where do I begin?
The DMT molecule hitting your neurons with full force is a very interesting phenomenon. You know you are going to die, you're absolutely certain of it, you can feel it at the bottom of your gut. As an instinct I start to scribble and make notes nervously on my notepad to get my mind off it, but the feeling of dying is overwhelming in the atmosphere. The calm positive energy in the room starts to disappear like "Uh-oh, let's get out of here guys.." and the air becomes a vacuum, a storm of death is approaching and it's not stopping. Thinking that it's just a drug and that it's not a real death and that you'll always come back from it DOES NOT help at this point. This is time it's for real , this time I'm really going to die. And the mind is really clever in how it accomplishes that each time. As I saw that the space on the paper was running out with perfect synchronicity with the clock closing in on 11:11, I went pale from horror as I realized what the apocalypse really meant. All this time it had just symbolized the day I would kill myself and my whole life had been viewed through the illusionary lens of a madman. I was apparently writing my suicide note and although I couldn't understand the meaning of the melancholic words anymore, all I knew was that the writing space was running out real fast with just a few minutes left on the clock.
"Why is this happening? Why me? I don't want to die yet, please just a little while longer. Please please please. PLEASE."
Time dilation becomes very profound as the mind wants to spend its last moments trying to escape responsibility, so it just starts flashing back experiences it has already accumulated. It just wants to hide, it stretches on, using every trick it has, delaying the inevitable, gasping for air.
Then it comes. There is no way to explain what "it" is, but it's very similar to the following concepts: death, you, time, universe. And it has arrived.
"Look at me."
*ripping and tearing sounds*
"Why won't you look at me?"
*lion roaring*
"Don't look away. I'm right here. I need you to pay attention to me."
*violent knocking*
"Don't say you're tired and just wanna sleep. I am right here right now and I want you to LOOK AT ME."
*supersonic boom*
"STOP TRYING TO HIDE. JUST LOOK AT ME."
*massive thunder striking*
"PAY ATTENTION TO ME
RIGHT NOW."
. . . . . - - - ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ( ( (O_O) ) ) * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ - - - . . . . .
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(To try to put the experience itself into words is beyond absurd, what follows is a random collection of thoughts that were affected or created through the experience.)
I am the universe
There's no other way to put it. In a very real sense I am the universe, you are the universe, we are all the universe. Think about who you really are and why you are here, or what "caused" you to be here. Was it when your parents had sex? Or was it when they met each other and felt the hormones kicking in subconsciously informing them about a preferable mating candidate? Or maybe when your parents were born themselves? As you can see, there really is no separate incident that magically made you appear into existence, it's all linked together and all of the steps were required to get you to this point. If you follow that line of thought all the way back, you go through the whole evolution of organisms on earth, and before that the forming of planets and stars, all the way back to the big unknown often called the "big bang". But that's you. It's only separated from you in your mind, in the way your mind processes abstractions and labels them on different levels. But you are currently experiencing the "big bang", it never stopped, you are living it and you are it.
And this helps to bring up another perspective. Now you can imagine all your bodily senses as being mirrors to look at yourself, and if you think about that enough, their mirror-nature becomes really obvious. Each of your sense is a different type of mirror, showing you a very tiny part of yourself. But when combined with all the mirrors of other people and possible alien races out there, it is a very powerful tool for the universe to inspect itself, and to enjoy itself. Loneliness can come in many forms, but in this case it is not a sad thing at all.
But what is the big bang anyway? It's a label we've created for the concept of one of the limits in our understanding of the thing we exist in. But it works in the other direction aswell, you can look into the future and see a very similar big unknown that your mind cannot handle fully. And it works not only time-wise, but also space-wise, if we zoom out from earth we reach the limits of the currently visible universe due to the apparent speed limit of light. And if we zoom in, we reach the quantum madness wall. They are all essentially the same thing, a bit like different paths to the same mystery. The mystery of the unknown. And a far stronger mindfuck than any singular effect of any psychoactive substance is the mystery of the unknown. It's the frontier of our adventure as conscious beings, and psychedelic experiences can take us straight to the edge of that frontier, DMT more directly and more unforgivingly than others. To use the famous "ant and a folded sheet of paper" -example, that's exactly what DMT is like, there's many long paths to the frontier of the unknown but DMT just folds the paper and creates a wormhole so that you, the ant, can get there instantly.
I am the jester
There is an unbelievable amount of beauty and ugliness, or love and fear, shown in the DMT experience. But there is also something "other". It's like the action of twisting, a very specific thing/atmosphere that seems kinda separate from all the dualistic extremes. I have personally associated this phenomena as the jester, because it behaves pretty much exactly like that if you try to convert it to anthropomorphic concepts. It's the thing that bends and twists everything, so that it's not all clear and straight. It's the illusion, the smoke and mirrors, the thing or effect that causes that nothing can be known with certainty. And it is also you, it's a manifestation of your awareness trying to label this twisting fog of uncertainty.
You can see a manifestation of this same effect in other everyday things aswell, for example the media/news is a lower level manifestation of the jester. They are showing you something, but they are twisting it and putting all kinds of dazzle and glitter on it to draw your attention to it more, but you can never be sure of what you're really looking at. It's not the "fault" of the media, it's just what it is, the tiger cannot get rid of its twisted stripes. I believe the jester is an essential part of awareness, you cannot possibly see everything clearly because that would override the point of having an awareness in the first place. The real question is, do I accept the jester for what it is, or do I try to fight it in a hopeless battle?
DMT Heaven
The DMT Heaven is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced, period. I've just realized that It has been there every time I've taken a heavy dose of ayahuasca, but it's just really hard to remember, it gets real cloudy real fast after it's over, moreso than anything else in there. The DMT heaven is alot like a place, but it's also a state and a thing and an atmosphere and various other things, it does no justice to it to label it simply as a place, but in a way it is also that so I'll use it for this description because it makes it alot easier to be translated. So imagine the most beautiful place you can, from your dreams or your childhood or your fantasies or whatever. At first it feels like there could easily be many of those places, but there is really only one, a place that is very "you". It's the place that defines everything who you are, in the positive side of the dualistic spectrum.
For me, it's surprisingly close to the traditional christian view of heaven, in the way that it has a very cloud-like and graceful feel to it, also it's like there's the most beautiful angelic choir singing deep in the essence of it. The cloudy fluffiness has a very color-sparkly feel to it aswell, like unimaginably pure and strong colors that are iridescently changing all around you and bathing you with the warmest of sunlights so that you are overwhelmed with amazement and emotion, your brain ripping apart into threads of superpink cotton candy from the uncensored beauty and euphoria. I didn't realize it before but this is actually the main thing in the Ayahuasca experience that always makes me cry, and it makes makes me wanna cry later when I try to remember it. I just cannot emphasize enough how BEAUTIFUL it is, the whole concept of it. I do have a certain imprinted memory about it that is alot like a visual memory, but it's like if it was a photograph and it was blurred just enough that I couldn't make it out. In a way it really annoys me but in a way I know the photograph couldn't really be any other way than it is.
Now if I talk about DMT Heaven then shouldn't I talk about DMT Hell aswell? I suppose I should, but I'm not going to because first of all I don't want to, and second of all it has alot of personal and private elements that I would have to explain for it to make any sense. But for a rough example just take the above description of the heaven and reverse it, so that it's hanging upside down from hooks and writhing in pain (symbolically speaking). Luckily though the hell is much more rare since its encounter frequency and depth can be greatly affected with Set and Setting.
The minds eye, the third eye
The minds eye is that thing that gives you the power to imagine things without getting direct sensory input from them. It's that thing when you drift off and daydream (or dream for that matter) and let your imagination wander. Inspect what happens in your mind when you read the following word: BANANA. Did you get a sort of yellowish feeling with a curved visual shape overlayed somewhere "inside" your head? Read it again and try to locate where it's happening. That's the minds eye at work. It gave you the power to inspect a previously-stored association to a very specific phenomena occurring on planet earth known as the "banana". The mind eye apparently works differently with different people, for example some might be more leaned towards form-based overall feelings, and some might be more into texture-based detail feelings, but it's the very same thing at work and it's not just related to the visual sense even though it's called an eye. And I believe that this is the same thing as the third eye, except it's running at a fraction of its potential at any waking hour. If you observe the psychedelic experience building up you can see that the minds eye is getting more and more active, and you can start to overlay your thoughts into your surroundings with the same mechanism that you saw the banana with. This progresses linearly all the way up the breakthrough event when you mind's eye is given full reign and your bodily senses are more or less shut off. When I say full reign I mean free from all abstractions or limitations, which makes the psychedelic experience seem more "crazy" and ineffable than the usual dream with a fairly linear storyline. But I really strongly now feel that they are based on the same mechanism. All of that which isn't sensory input from your body.
And as the breakthrough experiences demonstrates, the minds eye isn't only restricted to bananas or things that you have already observed. It can take these known associations and create something completely novel based on them, like extrapolating beyond a curve of known values. The mind has the power to become a supercomputer conjuring up countless of impossible concepts within a mere second of consensual time. This power is just cut off from us most of the time for obvious reasons relating to survival of the host body.
Now, I have no idea if the minds eye/third eye is somehow related to the pineal gland, but I suppose it could be and it's a fascinating theory. In a breakthrough experience I can often visualize the third eye, and it resembles a concept of a sort of "blind eye" hidden deep within yourself. What I mean by blind is that it invokes a similar feeling as when you're looking at the gray surface on a blind persons eye. What that means I'm not really sure, but it certainly seems to be a some sort of an extra sense similar to the eye, even if it wouldn't be a physically located sensory organ within the brain.
With practice and/or psychedelic experiences focused on the minds eye, you can train it to be more amplified even in waking reality. You get the ability to overlay things into your environment, it works most prominently on the visual sense but more or less on other senses aswell. For example, if I look at a corner in the room, and I try to imagine that there's a little gnome sitting there, it really does appear there, but it's not as "stable" as the rest of reality and it's like on another frequency. It's hard to explain but I can say with certainty that I didn't always have this ability or if I did then the strength of the overlaying was alot weaker so that I didn't really notice it before. But I think it's like a mental muscle and if you just keep training it, you can overlay more and more things into your reality with more and more stability, whatever you want and whenever you want to. And that sounds scarily appealing to me. Sure it also kinda sounds like a one-way ticket to the mental ward, but if it can be controlled then it will be more like a very powerful subjective tool, and I do believe it can be controlled.
The fear of Death, the fear of Life
Death, death, death, death, death. Death. That pink elephant in the room that is on everyones mind but nobody wants to talk about. What could be scarier than the idea of all this ending, you losing all your things and friends and experiences like they never even happened. But again, that's nothing more than the linear human processing of concepts, it tries to advance the timeline into the big unknown ahead and is met with uncertainty. The only certainty is that it comes for us all. So why even bother? Let's just end it now cause it's all meaningless anyway, right? Not so fast. An intense fear of death is exactly the same thing as an intense fear of life. If you cannot accept one of them then why would you even bother accepting the other one? But think of death as life's lover, they have the most absurd fights and sometimes just wanna break up and find other concepts to hook up with, but in the end they love each other so deeply, they are inseparable and they both know it. Life lives for death, and death dies for life. Poetry is really one of the only ways to explain it without getting your mind in a jumble, and still getting the message across.
Another way to explain the necessity of death is to imagine it as a vibration, life is the high peak and death is the low peak, and 1 run through life and death is just one wavelength in a cosmic vibration. The life peak just seems to last a really long time because we can't remember anything before it so it's all we know. And it doesn't mean that the previous peak that you can't remember was just you in another body, it's not implying reincarnation it's just implying that we are currently peaking and nothing else should matter from our perspective. When we'll go over to the death side of the vibration, it'll all be different and then it will be observed through a different set of rules. But how natural is the death peak if you just imagine it like that, and how needed it is, if there was only a never-ending straight line of life, then life would mean absolutely nothing.
Do not wish for death as that is the same thing as trying to get the end of the vibration as quickly as possible which is missing the point of the vibration, but do welcome death when it comes. When you see death, think of it as your lover that you haven't met in a long time, and after so many adventures in the realms of the living, you can finally fall into the loving embrace of your significant other, knowing that there are much more adventures to come but not in any way that you could wrap your head around currently, and isn't that the very thing that makes it all so exciting.
Your life as an organism
There is something very powerful about the concept of organic life. This is unlike anything else, this is the thing that makes your world go round and round. Whatever makes this possible is so mystical, so divine, that you just wanna burst into tears while laughing hysterically and screaming "I'm alive, I'm alive!". Put your hands on your head and feel the tightly packed neurons in your brain processing all this, THIS. Feel the organicness of your body and all the chunks of flesh and blood that combine into a pattern that makes you into you. We are unimaginably intricate machineries that have a fiery red gasoline pumping in our veins, giving us the power to traverse time and space, to create and to destroy, and to question our very existence. We are all gods in a very real sense, and once it hits you it doesn't let go ever, you get deeper and deeper into the mystery of yourself, chasing the elusive holy grail of answers. The chase is the most exciting thing that ever happened to you and the scariest thing that ever happened to you, you wanna explode with the sense of adventure and you also wanna go to sleep and forget it all. But it never stops and you can never forget.
Live your life to the fullest, knowing that you never know what's gonna happen next. Take control of your fractal tree of decisions and walk the path you always wanted to walk in a sea of infinite paths. Make your dreams happen right now because you might be dead tomorrow. Every dream is achievable because the paths for them already exist, you just have to take the plunge and start walking them. But once you do you will not be disappointed, because the path itself is a part of the destination. Whether you reach the destination node or not is completely irrelevant, when you are on the right path you will feel it and you will be free. Free to die and free to live.
Final words
I am going to take a really long break from heavy psychedelic experiences and just integrate this stuff as fully and as best as I can, it scares me so much how direct and how deeply connected it all is. The direct channel to heaven, but where there's heaven there's hell. It's all at the tip of your fingers encoded into a white crystal molecule among other things, and that in a way scares me more than anything. But it also gives me hope, it makes me laugh at the joke that I've never even heard. Such opposite concepts binded together, like perfect lovers. Heaven and hell, life and death, love and fear, always the same and always different, inseparable. It's a bit too much to handle at times and resembles the dead-end of insanity slightly too much to my liking. I think I'm too young and unstable for this shit, maybe I'll come back to all this when I'm older and more stable, hopefully not too jaded tho.
For now I'll just grab what I can from the experiences that I've accumulated so far and will use them wisely to shape my path and have a happy life full of adventure, building things and creating art that might have even the slightest chance to inspire people to do the same (as in, to do what they love) and to recollect that tiny little message hidden in the back of their minds, signed by a name that is twisted and blurred just enough that you can't make it out. And the message reads:
"It's all gonna be ok, I love you."
[YOUTUBE]
Thank you for reading, and a happy adventurous new year to everyone.
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Wow daeda...how did I miss this thread...
Can I come and live in your mind...please?
Can I come and live in your mind...please?
Wow... thank you for your detailed accounts of these inspired journeys. Very pure, high stuff to experience, indeed! I think it's fair to say that we love you very much for sharing, REALLY, and we are each one of us, in our own unique ways, going through the very same types of spiritual growth cycles. It's so truly amazing that so many folks are awakening in this pivotal time period. I joyously salute your profoundly beatific visions and insightful epiphanies! Om Shanti...
Beautiful Daeda... Epic. Thank you for sharing.
I took a long break too. Over a decade with a couple minor exceptions... Only been back in the saddle a few years, and with a much different outlook. During that whole time, I always thought of myself as a psychedelic individual. There are just many parts to that role, with regular active tripping being only one of them.
The truth is that integration never stops. In a sense it never even really slows down. To make yourself one with all that is many lifetimes' work. And you've gone deep, and pinned a lot of it down with words and pictures. If you spend the rest of your life making art just based on what you've already seen, you'd never run out of material.
I took a long break too. Over a decade with a couple minor exceptions... Only been back in the saddle a few years, and with a much different outlook. During that whole time, I always thought of myself as a psychedelic individual. There are just many parts to that role, with regular active tripping being only one of them.
The truth is that integration never stops. In a sense it never even really slows down. To make yourself one with all that is many lifetimes' work. And you've gone deep, and pinned a lot of it down with words and pictures. If you spend the rest of your life making art just based on what you've already seen, you'd never run out of material.
Guyomech said:
Me too. My most recent sabbatical lasted almost 18 years... but as you say, being a psychonaut is as much about the direct chemical interaction while tripping one's brains out, as it is about integrating the powerful lessons. I chose to walk the road I walked for a number of specific reasons. The primary catalyst for my decision was after a looooooong summer where I had many profound LSD and "magic" mushroom sessions.
At that point in my dream of existence, I had also been on entheogenic sabbatical for just about 5 years (with the exception of some occasional Ganja). More than anything else... I wanted a healthy break from the overwhelming intensity!!! I was dosing pretty heavy in those days. Besides, how many times does one need to go to the proverbial well, before seeking to actualize the very same states in one's "normal" life?
From 1976-1986, I had dosed on LSD more than 500 times, eaten mushrooms more than a 100 times and had also had a relatively small amount of interactions with mescaline and peyote (for whatever reason, availability was scarcer in my tiny little world, during the late 1970-through-middle 1980s). It's impossible to say how much information was transmitted to my brain in those days. Much of it sits patiently awaiting my full digestion, to this very day. :shock:
But as we all know very, VERY well, the experience does not end when we "come down", it needs throughout integration and cultivation to transform our consciousness. After a heavy decade of psychonautical exploration, coupled with daily meditation, I stopped myself from imbibing psychedelics. The first time, that is.
Well, through contact with some good friends who religiously followed the Grateful Dead and the National Rainbow Gatherings (which was happening in Vermont, during July of 1991). I was once more in full psychedelic flight! I've never had so much liquid LSD in my life! I danced with the White Wolf and had a total whiteout experience, which dissolved my sentience into the effulgent Grid of The One.
I seem to have hit total saturation point and experientially, felt I lived what must have been a thousand lifetimes... in just shy of 20 hours time. We've all been to this point at pone time or another. It was every bit as powerful and inter-dimensional as vaporized DMT. I was so shattered by the shift, that it has taken me 21 years to sort it all out properly. From abstinence to overindulgence? You betcha! 8)
This middle phase of entheogenic shamanism lasted about 18 months or so. But it abruptly ended after I obtained a whole sheet of super-clean blotter acid (from the last tour of The Dead, still with Jerry around). I ate the entire sheet of 100 hits in less than 60 days, while holding down a full time job. Then I felt prepared enough and fearlessly consumed a full 1/4 oz of fresh, very potent shrooms (cyans)... and honestly, I thought I would die for sure!!!
But no matter how many times we approach such a state of mind, we seem to forget that we will return to the material paradigm. I vowed never trip again, as I was actually commanded by the Mushroom Goddess to do other work. This "work" involved keeping both feet firmly on the ground of Mother Earth. Said journey did not include imbibing of Sacred Medicines. I was to take the path and, "Await the Calling".
17 & 1/2 years later.. I surely heard The Calling, quite loud and very clear!!! One of my Tai Chi Chuan teachers gave me a gel capsule filled with DMT crystals and KABOOM!!! Well, the rest is just history and I still am working with Sacred Medicines (or are they working through me?), three years later.
I surely did not intent of derailing this wonder thread, so lease forgive me this indulgence. I would like to take this time to get a little bit sentimental and sincerely say, "Thank you folks for your presence in my world and I love you all, despite the anonymity thing, and respect the power and content of your spirit voyages". You are more than colleagues, you are my extended family members, one and all.
Ditto Guyomech, I feel the same way. At different points in our journey we may (or may not, it's an intrinsically personal thing) feel the urge for sabbatical from psychedelics. I've had a few stretches and who knows... I may never imbibe again. Conversely, I just may end up doing so this coming weekend. At this bend in the road I have some Ayahuasca sessions pulling on my heartstrings.
daedaloops, your exceptional trip journals are PURE GOLD! You've inspired me to once more, start up with mine. Your combination of words and pictures is most exquisite, friend. Thank you for sharing such profound wisdom. :thumb_up:
This is the only recent piece of artwork I have drawn during a spirit voyage. 7 grams of psilocybe cubensis, following a cup of banisteriopsis caapi tea. granted it was probably a tad too much but my old college roommate was up for our 33rd year college reunion party and he wanted to go waaaaaaay deep. Oh yeah... it was a most potent shift! I started drawing this picture as I was getting off and obviously, laid it aside for about 3 or 4 hours, until post-peaking, when navigating a set of colored pencils was once more possible. For whatever reason, I have always loved drawing humanoid faces in altered states of mind (and heart) and thought you might find some soul resonance with it.
Again, thank you for sharing your deep experiences, please do keep it up!!!
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Wow loops, incredibly amazing accounts of the deep end. :thumb_up:
You've inspired me to take a journey here in the coming weeks. My last experience with rue/mhrb was with 225mg purified rue alkaloid and 3g mhrb. Aside from being one of my most insane oral experiences (visually and all), it taught me a lesson in very much the same way as it taught you....everything seems to be made of 'love'....not your everyday conception of the word. Literally, everything in the perceivable universe including ourselves is made from the deepest, purest form of 'love'. When I had experienced this teaching first hand on rue/mhrb I started to cry intensely. The message hit home. I'm glad you've had such profound experiences.
I remember during the peak of the experience I had opened my eyes and the most godly, magnificent chandelier dropped in the middle of my bedroom and started spinning, rotating in every conceivable fashion, spitting out endless realities/universes, all of which I inhabited...true infinity. "This is creation, this is you, this is love"
Enough rambling. Keep the experiences coming. I loved reading every single report, especially the outdoor accounts.
Tat Tvam Asi
You've inspired me to take a journey here in the coming weeks. My last experience with rue/mhrb was with 225mg purified rue alkaloid and 3g mhrb. Aside from being one of my most insane oral experiences (visually and all), it taught me a lesson in very much the same way as it taught you....everything seems to be made of 'love'....not your everyday conception of the word. Literally, everything in the perceivable universe including ourselves is made from the deepest, purest form of 'love'. When I had experienced this teaching first hand on rue/mhrb I started to cry intensely. The message hit home. I'm glad you've had such profound experiences.
I remember during the peak of the experience I had opened my eyes and the most godly, magnificent chandelier dropped in the middle of my bedroom and started spinning, rotating in every conceivable fashion, spitting out endless realities/universes, all of which I inhabited...true infinity. "This is creation, this is you, this is love"
Enough rambling. Keep the experiences coming. I loved reading every single report, especially the outdoor accounts.
Tat Tvam Asi
Thank you all ,and thank you Rising Spirit for sharing that. It's very comforting to know that these are normal cycles in the life of psychonautism, I'm not alone, this is indeed like a family. I've felt very unstable after that last experience and had a sort of psychosis for a week where reality became really loud and intense and I was seeing rather disturbing things and could hear the thoughts of people walking in the street.. Like it felt like having a consciousness alone was really hard work, unbearable. But now it has stabilized and I feel better, and the thing is, I already miss ayahuasca so much. It's a very similar feeling as missing your mother, very deep and emotional, a bond that will always be there. But at the same time I am intensely terrified of it and I know I won't be going back there anytime soon. It's really hard to understand how it's possible to miss something so much while trying to stay away from it as long as possible. I'm torn between opposite sides, but I just keep on walking cos it's all I can do.
And btw your drawing is really beautiful, I believe I've seen it in the art subforum before. I really recommend you to draw more you have a truly peaceful and gentle touch to it. I recommend everyone to draw more, especially while tripping. It's a surprisingly meditative thing and you can get completely lost in curves and patterns and colors and the infinite possibilities of what can be added to the paper. It can be one of the biggest sources of euphoria if you just let go of thinking and get immersed in creating something that has never existed before, through pure intuition and feeling.
And btw your drawing is really beautiful, I believe I've seen it in the art subforum before. I really recommend you to draw more you have a truly peaceful and gentle touch to it. I recommend everyone to draw more, especially while tripping. It's a surprisingly meditative thing and you can get completely lost in curves and patterns and colors and the infinite possibilities of what can be added to the paper. It can be one of the biggest sources of euphoria if you just let go of thinking and get immersed in creating something that has never existed before, through pure intuition and feeling.
Already a classic thread, Daeda. Thanks for the inspiration and all the treats, really enjoying this :thumb_up:
Parshvik Chintan
Rising Star
IMO, 0 would equal multiple infinities (arguably an infinite amount of infinities) it would at least be a positive and a negative (0 = -∞ + ∞) infinities. anti-matter would not be nothing (zero) it would be un-thing or anti-thing, so much of a thing that it violently reacts with matter (think of matter as having a positive charge and anti-matter having a negative) as they cancel each other out.daedaloops said:
very well written trip report! thanks for sharing it
“All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particle of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together. We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent mind. This mind is the matrix of all matter.”
― Max Planck
daedaloops said:
“All matter originates and exists only by virtue of a force which brings the particle of an atom to vibration and holds this most minute solar system of the atom together. We must assume behind this force the existence of a conscious and intelligent mind. This mind is the matrix of all matter.”
― Max Planck
Tsuchinoko
Rising Star
Stunning. I fucking love the old-fashioned in-the-trenches style scientific documentation.
I like the cut of your jib.
I like the cut of your jib.
daedaloops said:
This definitely is an aspect that one must learn to integrate. Realizing that all "really is connected", especially at a level that goes beyond the world of matter, but greatly into the world of mind, for we are all linked. Going to grocery stores are a trip for me.
Sensitivity is up a millionfold. I do meditation wherever I go, whether im walking in a grocery store, standing in line, in day to day traffic, I do this to keep myself constantly centered, which greatly helps in subsiding the intensity that I can feel when being ultra receptive, whether it be brightness, color, sound, or the intense aspect of feeling connected with everyone around me, this helps tremendously.