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Significant other doesn't understand

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Jungleheart

Jungleheart

A baby jaguar who is very sharp.
Senior Member
Senior member
How many of you have significant others who don't understand your fascination with other realms? My boyfriend has never even smoked pot. And I've used a ton of psychoactives ever since I was a young teen, with great positive impacts on my life. Fortunately, my bf is a pretty upstanding guy so it's not like I think he needs to use psychedelics.

I am getting more and more interested in DMT related substances, and am not really sure how to broach the subject to him. I would absolutely love it if one day he broke down and tried some ayahuasca or went with me to the amazon or something like that. I'd like to be able to share with him on that level, but I appreciate having someone stable around.

Can anybody relate? What happened in your experience?
 
Hey jungleheart,

I would like to start off by saying welcome to the Nexus! I'm glad that you found this forum and that you decided to become a member. You will find that here lies a large community of very experienced people that are willing to assist you on your discovery of DMT, and any problems that you may encounter along the way.

Thank you for posting this question, as it is a legitimate one that many of us in relationships have had to answer in the past. I can of course only offer you my opinion, for what its worth, based on my experience with my girlfriend.

Relationships of all things, I believe, flower only when they are cared for with trust, respect, honesty, and acceptance. If you believe that your boyfriend, who sounds like a nice person, appreciates you not only as a woman but also as a human being, then he should have little to no issues with your personal interests whatever they may be (if they do not needlessly endanger your health of course). The best way to go about telling him would be honestly and sincerely, and show that this is something that you are serious about, not just some recreational drug to escape reality. By showing that you are responsible and by fully explaining everything to do with the chemical, as well as your interest in self-discovery and exploration, I'm sure he will understand. And if he doesn't, then he should at least respect your decision anyway.

As for my own experience, this is how I went about it. My girlfriend's only concern having never done any drug before was whether it was safe or not and if it was possible that I would be harmed in anyway. Now we journey together, and our relationship has become stronger through this trust in each other.

I hope this reply will be of some help to you. If you have any other questions whatsoever, don't be shy and ask!

Good Luck!
 
Maybe try having him read some trip reports..You can try having hime smoke a tiny bit of spice (like 10-15 mg--which is what my friend used to introduce his psychadelic-virgin friend) Then, if he digs it, go a bit higher each time..It's important to have him discuss how he felt after the trip..Make sure he understand that they cant really hurt you or him, and impress upon him how important it is to you for him to get a glimpse of the hyperspace..

My freind and his GF got lucky in that they both love the spice..she had never done it before, and now she is becoming a true convert..

There is a beginners guide to psychadelics in the files section of the nexus somewhere, try printing that out and having him read it..
 
Eternity,
I'm not sure I can convey to you how appreciative I am of the givingness of your response. I have been overextending myself lately, and it seems like the less I am able to take care of myself, the less people are willing to extend kindness to me. This is not surprising, I suppose, but I appreciate that you where willing to be helpful without expecting anything in return from me. It feels like a great relief to be accepted without having to meet some sort of qualifications. I know it sounds like I'm overreacting, but I've been really struggling to fulfill all of my responsibilities and still maintain a positive, loving attitude.

Anyways, I wanted to say that your comment indicates that positivity will come out of this situation. I think it would help for me to convey shamanic exploration in a casual way when talking about it to my SO.

Thanks and have a fantastic day :)
 
I hope he can learn to accept this aspect of you, and that it is something that brings you together rather than apart.

I recently split with my partner of four years, someone I was very close to. There were underlying issues in the relationship, but to some extent my journeys were the final straw for her. She felt very uncomfortable with the whole thing - I would explain clearly the process, the journeys, the whole thing ... but in the end, it was not something she could accept.

to be honest, it was a relationship that had probably come to the end anyway; and spice helped me to find a way to move on with honesty and without anger. It's been a weirdly positive experience.

I don't want to be negative here, jungleheart, or cause you any concern if this is someone you love ... every situation is different. All I wanted to share here was that if a partner just can't accept this, and as a result you as a whole, then it is possible to move on in love.
 
There was a really good thread a couple of weeks ago in the nursery about a similar question, how to talk to family about psychedelics and spice. It covered well different ways to start the conversation in the first place.

One thing to keep in mind is that if he's not comfortable with the topic of psychedelics, he won't be comfortable with what you're saying about it. I used to be young and naive, not too long ago, and if someone had run up and started talking about spice I wouldn't have gotten much good from the discussion, just because back then any conversation about "drugs" made me feel uncomfortable. Yet I got to know people who made the subject a comfortable one to discuss, even before I'd tried anything. Getting used to the topic, considering it's frequently a bit "taboo", is the first step towards acceptance.

Good luck!
 
88 said:
I don't want to be negative here, jungleheart, or cause you any concern if this is someone you love ... every situation is different. All I wanted to share here was that if a partner just can't accept this, and as a result you as a whole, then it is possible to move on in love.
Click to expand...

I'm very familiar with "moving on in love." I hope it doesn't come to that, and don't think it will, because both the lover and the drugs are making my life fantastic. :)
 
BananaForeskin said:
Getting used to the topic, considering it's frequently a bit "taboo", is the first step towards acceptance.
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I'll look for that thread you refer to. The issue of it being taboo is a good point. I'll be more cautious about bringing it up I think.
 
BananaForeskin said:
There was a really good thread a couple of weeks ago in the nursery about a similar question, how to talk to family about psychedelics and spice. It covered well different ways to start the conversation in the first place.
Click to expand...

I looked for that thread pretty hard. If anyone can find it, please let me know :)
 
jungleheart said:
both the lover and the drugs are making my life fantastic. :)
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here's hoping all three of you live happily ever after - like a fairy tale with elves and everything :d
 
88 said:
jungleheart said:
both the lover and the drugs are making my life fantastic. :)
Click to expand...
here's hoping all three of you live happily ever after - like a fairy tale with elves and everything :d
Click to expand...

I honestly believe that for those who are diligent, life can be a fairy tale. It has to do with archetypes and things like that.

Thanks for your blessing!!!! I'm sure it helps.
 
Well, my fairy tale dream involves sharing those dimensions with a significant other: Therefore I think you should break up with your Boy Friend immediately and date me.:oops:

Just kidding.
I'm just lonely, spring is here and It is so hard just to find a decent conversation let alone an enlightened girl friend around here. Maybe I am not trying hard enough.

But honestly, now that I have gotten that off of my chest, let me just probe the question/dilemma for a moment. Do we-- and obviously I realize we cannot generalize these kind of things-- need to be able to share the same dimensions with lovers and friends to find ultimate fulfillment in the relationship? I tend to think we (I rather) do. But that's partially because I have had an experience laying next and close to a friend during ceremony-- and although-- we weren't lovers, and probably never will be-- the experience as a shared communion so much transcends any interaction, intellectually, physically (sex-wise), or Heart-connection-wise, spiritually, of anything I have ever experienced-- maybe short of being nourished by the breasts of my Mother which I can not remember. And now deep within my Heat I long to return there-- to that place of co-immersion in the warm love and light of the creator. IT can be literally like becoming ONE with another.

And we all need to experience that one way or another.

And unfortunately, short of a near death experience-- which doesn't usually happen together-- or some rare miraculous sudden kundalini awakening-- and even that doesn't happen together-- but can, I suppose, in some Tantric positional variation of momentary enlightenment-- it may not happen without the aid of the plant kingdom... Sorry for the Ramble, this one really got me going. Good Luck, try to open his mind, trick his ego, adn once that's dissolved he will understand what true togetherness is about. Didn't mean to sound so arrogant there. Sorry... Peace...
 
My wife has never ever used any kind of drugs. She even spent a year in Jamaica without smoking a single joint :p hahaha But she supports me in whatever I'm up to and trusts me. But it took a lot of time to earn that trust especially because she grew up in Caracas Venezuela which is currently I think the murder capital of the world. (at least was that a year ago)
And over there drugs are just drugs, and only the people in "the drug world" uses drugs. Mostly cocaine and then they kill each other :( It's a crazy situation there. The crime rate and the violence are mostly because of cocaine but authorities just look at all drugs the same. Being busted with pot is the same trouble as being busted with coke or heroin even.
So it took my wife a while to get used to me smoking pot and eating mushrooms once in a while. But she's very understanding and I gave her the time she needed to accept what I was doing. I've NEVER pushed her to use any of my stuff but she has told me she wants to try out my pot some day (I used to grow my own). But I don't smoke pot now so I'll just introduce her to spice in stead :)

So my advice to you is just to take your time and be patient. Things tend to happen when they are supposed to happen.

Good luck
 
My wife and I always did "stuff" together. Spice is the only substance that she hasnt persued with me.

At first she was a little worried about what this was going to do to me. After a while she accepted my working with spice and she has noticed it has done me a world of good.

I have had it easier as she has dabbled in a few other drugs, but I do agree with DMTripper, "just to take your time and be patient. Things tend to happen when they are supposed to happen." If your loved one really loves you they will learn to be supportive in what you are doing.
 
plumsmooth said:
Do we-- and obviously I realize we cannot generalize these kind of things-- need to be able to share the same dimensions with lovers and friends to find ultimate fulfillment in the relationship?

Good Luck, try to open his mind, trick his ego, adn once that's dissolved he will understand what true togetherness is about.
Click to expand...

I'm planning on easing him into it. He is very alternative minded, never voting, building bikes, and things of that nature. So I'm sure it would appeal to him if it weren't SOO taboo. He's an ex-Marine, and identifies a lot with that, so I can't say for certain he'll ever do any drugs.

Either way, he stimulates my whole mind when I'm with him in ways no one ever has, so I wouldn't really mind if he never did anything. It's good to have a stable constant in my life other than drugs.

On the not having a girlfriend thing, I finally met this dream guy after deciding to be celibate for the next 20 years! Haha. I decided that I wanted to meet someone fall in love and have kids when I was 35 or 40. With that intention, my imagined dream-husband showed up waaay early! I almost think that when you make a resolve not to date, or that you don't want a girlfriend, the universe tests you, saying "You suuure you don't want a gf?"

Either way, I've dated a lot, and in the past I have known by this point in the relationship whether it was going to work or not. And this is the only one that really works. I think the whole deciding to be celibate thing to focus on God really put something good out in the universe for me.

Good luck, be diligent, and you'll get there yourself :) In the mean time, pursue your passions, because women think passionate men are sexy 😉
 
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