stuck in a loop forever god help me

[gooldteefs]

swim had the worst trip ever ,started with one big hit. mid way to inhaling i heard the wave sound ,mind you i was still inhaling, then wham it was like the computer screen kept blinking faster and faster. then i had a one thought like i opened a Pandoras box in my mind that now opened i couldn't close .. that kept looping. i thought i was going too be this way forever when i came to where i could see again i kept saying no NO NO i was so scared and i had a hard time trying to keep a grip on reality everything look wrong i thought i had fried my brain but the worst part was no control of my mind like the sense of telling yourself to just stop,,i couldn't
do it because i was stuck in that thought.i thought it would never end ....most terrifying mind F,,K ever ...

 

[Mindlusion]

Been there.

the worst part was no control of my mind like the sense of telling yourself to just stop,,

I remember a part of that one I had...

the trip ended with the sound of a voice yelling STOP STOP STOP, i couldnt even bear to recognize, that it was MY voice! Ive never heard myself like that before. like a trapped animal

All i can say, is, it gets better with time. I haven't smoked DMT in a long time though, I doubt you will for a while either.

I don't know if I believe the saying 'Time heals all wounds' but it certainly makes things easier

 

[Rideronthewheel]

Sounds like you were not mentally prepared for DMT. I'd even presume you didn't do enough reading about the experience either. If you smoke DMT and are so startled that you fight it from the first hit, you either did no meaningful preparation or have an extremely delicate psyche. From your post, it sounds like ignorance was the main problem. You demonstrated a lack of understanding of many key aspects of the DMT (and greater psychedelic) experience, from preparation, administration, to integration.

Firstly, paranoia about being stuck in the altered state is one of the most important things to be vigilant about. One is supposed to work to calm him or herself with the knowledge that the state is temporary.

Second and most important is that it's necessary to let go. This is a hard thing to do for many people, but it's fundamental to the psychedelic experience. It does become easier with practice, however. You're attempts at holding on to 'this' reality were futile and will always be so. Failing to let go in these altered states is like holding on to something grounded in a flood. Water and debris smash into you at tremendous speed and with unbelievable force. You are devastated from the experience when instead you could have let go and been carried away by the tide. The differences in this analogy being that the tide of a psychedelic experience always return you to where you began and that unlike in a real flood, once you resist in the altered-state, you are hard-pressed to free yourself even if you want to let go (hence your bad trip).

I'm not necessarily angered by your post but feel you need to be reprimanded in some way for your own good. Psychedelics and DMT in particular are not to be played with. If you don't know what you're doing or if you aren't ready to handle them, these experiences will be very emotionally and mentally painful. You're unpreparedness and ignorance have shot you in the foot. On one level, this is the kind of irresponsible use that people cite when they want these things to remain illegal. On another, I just don't want to see anybody do what you did. So read up and be careful. I don't think many people here will like your post, so you should really reevaluate your thinking about things and assess what you did wrong and how, if you care, to do things better in the future.

 

[haeratic]

sorry that happened to you mate. i remember getting into a negative thought loop on mushrooms at a show and it was the worst . i think it illuminated my mind set at that period in my life and I used it as a catalyst to start changing my mentality through other avenues aside from psychedelics. glad you are able to integrate and share the experience tho instead of bottling it in, and I hope your healing goes well.

 

[*oneironaut*]

Was this your first experience with DMT? It definitely does sound like you fought the experience tooth and nail..which as rider pointed out, is futile and a guaranteed set up for a bad experience? What has been your overall experience with other psychedelics such as LSD, Salvia, Shrooms or the likes.. how did you handle "bad thoughts" with those?

Hope you're next travels, whenever they may be, give you a smoother ride :thumb_up: my secret is always having the mantra "everything is fine" in the back of my mind... if you say it enough, you'll believe it

 

[m4gs]

Anything else involved?

Nitro and D always sends a loop.... Then again no2 is one big loop anyway so its not surprise.

 

[Mindlusion]

Sounds like you were not mentally prepared for DMT. I'd even presume you didn't do enough reading about the experience either. If you smoke DMT and are so startled that you fight it from the first hit, you either did no meaningful preparation or have an extremely delicate psyche. From your post, it sounds like ignorance was the main problem. You demonstrated a lack of understanding of many key aspects of the DMT (and greater psychedelic) experience, from preparation, administration, to integration.

Firstly, paranoia about being stuck in the altered state is one of the most important things to be vigilant about. One is supposed to work to calm him or herself with the knowledge that the state is temporary.

Second and most important is that it's necessary to let go. This is a hard thing to do for many people, but it's fundamental to the psychedelic experience. It does become easier with practice, however. You're attempts at holding on to 'this' reality were futile and will always be so. Failing to let go in these altered states is like holding on to something grounded in a flood. Water and debris smash into you at tremendous speed and with unbelievable force. You are devastated from the experience when instead you could have let go and been carried away by the tide. The differences in this analogy being that the tide of a psychedelic experience always return you to where you began and that unlike in a real flood, once you resist in the altered-state, you are hard-pressed to free yourself even if you want to let go (hence your bad trip).

I'm not necessarily angered by your post but feel you need to be reprimanded in some way for your own good. Psychedelics and DMT in particular are not to be played with. If you don't know what you're doing or if you aren't ready to handle them, these experiences will be very emotionally and mentally painful. You're unpreparedness and ignorance have shot you in the foot. On one level, this is the kind of irresponsible use that people cite when they want these things to remain illegal. On another, I just don't want to see anybody do what you did. So read up and be careful. I don't think many people here will like your post, so you should really reevaluate your thinking about things and assess what you did wrong and how, if you care, to do things better in the future.

You got all that out of a few lines of text?

Your saying...., if you 'follow these simple steps' DMT will automatically be nice to you and teach you things? Do you know how stupid that sounds?

You have no idea that he did this out of stupidity. You don't understand DMT anymore then he does or the rest of us, I don't know either, maybe he WASN'T smart in the manner he dosed. but im not going to assume anything when DMT is involved.


DMT will kick the @$$ of any human whenever it decides too. It does not care if you decided to read about it, or do some 'meaningful preperation' ritual, or if you have a strong or weak psyche.

DMT does not CARE if you 'let go'

SERIOUSLY

DMT does not care if you mentally prepare yourself for it, or if your "vigilant" enough for it, because DMT knows your not anyway.

Sometimes, theres no telling, when, why, or HOW

EVEN IF YOUR ON YOUR BESTEST behavior...

DMT will just laugh in your face, and TEAR you a new @$$hole anyway.

From your post, it sounds like ignorance was the main problem.

:thumb_dow

 

[Orion]

Smoalk less, good vibes now

 

[haeratic]

gotta agree with mindlusion. just b/c you had a bad experience doesn't mean it must have happened b/c you're ignorant or inexperienced. problems with letting go and riding the wave can come up with even the most experienced and knowledgeable amongst us. & actually it can sometimes be those two things (experience & knowledge) that antagonize a bad trip, ie taking things lightly & lackadaisical b/c of how much exp you have, or being so knowledgeable that you start thinking too much during the trip.

simply said, it can happen to anyone no matter what level of knowledge and exp you're at. you can have hundreds of trips under your belt but go into an exp with a shaky mind set and get sent for a catastrophic ride. so we shouldn't pass judgement off on OP, but be kind and caring to this difficult situation s/he has come across, knowing that it can easily happen to anyone of us in the future.

much OP you'll make it through, it just takes a little time.

 

[Rideronthewheel]

Mindlusion,

Yes, I did get all that from the OP's words. I interpreted the way s/he wrote things too. It is only my opinion and a presumption, as I stated, but I don't think I'm off-base considering the post was made by a new member and originally posted in the "First Steps in Hyperspace" section. This suggests someone new to DMT was reporting one of his or her first, or the first, trip experience. My comments were all relevant. And I never called the OP stupid, Mindlusion. Ignorance is very different from stupidity.

Also, as I stated as well, my critical words were not out of anger, but out of a desire to help the OP. If my guesses are true about the OP, I'm of the opinion that he/she needs to have more caution and respect in dealing with these things. At no point did I suggest DMT or any psychedelic is easy to handle with a mere few preparatory steps. I know DMT is unpredictable and that even veteran users can have bad trips - but all evidence points to the OP being a first-time user.

DMT doesn't 'care' if you let go, you're right. At no point did I say it 'cares' about anything. I said it's a critical preventive measure to let go and not fight the experience, something the OP explicitely said s/he did not do ("i kept saying no NO NO i was so scared and i had a hard time trying to keep a grip on reality everything look wrong i thought i had fried my brain but the worst part was no control of my mind like the sense of telling yourself to just stop..." ). My advice is that which any prepared first-timer should know. Aware of it, one should not have the kind of experience the OP had unless he or she has a very weak psyche. My first time was incredibly intense, for example, and I too worried if I'd ever return to my normal state. But having prepared myself, I was able to calm myself and relinquish control despite the terrifying power and alienness of the experience.

Gooldteefs, if I'm wrong and it seemed like I attacked you unfairly, I apologize.

 

[Mindlusion]

You should not have posted such attacking words based on presumptions.

Being a new member on the forum doesn't mean hes new to DMT. "First Steps in Hyperspace" is the only section suitable for DMT experiences in the welcome section.

and again... DON'T make such statements without knowledge of the situation!
I don't think this is his first time smoking DMT.


How could the OP possibly believe you were trying to help him?
When you write him off like an ignorant kid that deserved what was coming to him. Even if your presumptions were right he doesn't deserve that. It's only going to make his feelings about the experience a whole lot worse.



I have one presumption and I think its true... DMT has never hit you like it has to this man.

It really doesn't matter if you let go or not. That side of you and everything surrounding it is obliterated a million times faster then you could blink.


--

I must also apologize, the post was written in a very irritable manner.

What im trying to say, is that, EVEN IF, the OP was not suitably prepared, understanding of the DMT experience.

It makes ABSOLUTELY no difference if one is experienced or not.

unexpected things happen with DMT

 

[DMTripper]

No matter how experienced you are or who you are, things like this can always happen when using psychedelics. That's why it's hard to abuse 'em and use them for recreation. Yes you can do that for a while. Sometimes for a long time but I don't know anyone that didn't one day get kicked in the nuts HARD!

When I was the most confident and really thought I was over bad trips and was kind of invincible, I had the most horrifying trip of my life. And I actually think my soul has never been through such a hell ever.
I can not and will never use DMT as a recreational drug. I've seen the dark side. And it's darker then I could ever imagine. It's darkness way beyond imagination.

 

[Mindlusion]

No matter how experienced you are or who you are, things like this can always happen when using psychedelics. That's why it's hard to abuse 'em and use them for recreation. Yes you can do that for a while. Sometimes for a long time but I don't know anyone that didn't one day get kicked in the nuts HARD!

When I was the most confident and really thought I was over bad trips and was kind of invincible, I had the most horrifying trip of my life. And I actually think my soul has never been through such a hell ever.
I can not and will never use DMT as a recreational drug. I've seen the dark side. And it's darker then I could ever imagine. It's darkness way beyond imagination.

Extremely well put DMTripper, I bolded the lines that stood out for me

Now I hope we can hear back from the OP and see how hes feeling about his.

 

[Rideronthewheel]

I'll admit I was a little quick to come to conclusions, but I tried to express my positive intentions.

I'm not necessarily angered by your post but feel you need to be reprimanded in some way for your own good. Psychedelics and DMT in particular are not to be played with. If you don't know what you're doing or if you aren't ready to handle them, these experiences will be very emotionally and mentally painful... I just don't want to see anybody do what you did. So read up and be careful...

I decided a serious response was necessary to what felt like was the OP's unserious approach to DMT (tough love). I'm sorry if I came off otherwise. In principle, I agree it's unwise to presume too much. But I stand by the things I said regardless of whether they're applicable for the OP in the end based on the content, context, and manner of expression of that first post oh his/hers.

And again, my opinion is that nobody should be clinging to reality and resisting the experience like the OP described, not that nobody should have a bad trip because they don't resist. To me, the OP's fierce resistance strongly suggests a mental unpreparedness for the experience and a general ignorance about how to deal with it. We'll see if he/she offers an elaboration.

 

[haeratic]

I've seen the dark side. And it's darker then I could ever imagine. It's darkness way beyond imagination.

As dark as that creepy f***ing guy in your avatar? :lol: Just playin', but yeah sh*t can get dark no matter who, what, or where you are. Even having a lot of dark & difficult trip experience doesn't prepare you for your next dark & difficult trip.

I will say though, that being a novice does definitely contribute to the likelihood and level of resistance to the experience. I don't think Rideronthewheel was wrong with his post, just that it doesn't necessarily apply.

 

[Pandora]

Hello gooldteefs,

Thanks so much for sharing this - I'm sure it wasn't easy.

Rough rides and thought loops are particularly difficult with DMT due to the time dilation issues in my experience.

One thing that crossed my mind upon reading your report was, "Do you meditate much?" I was thinking that if enough of "you" was still intact during this DMT trip and letting go didn't seem possible, perhaps meditation might have been a tactic to try. Take your attention purposefully away from your loop and apply it to your breath, etc. Just a thought . . .I know each traveler must find their own path.

Please don't be afraid to talk more about this and the feelings that come from it. Speaking for myself, I have often found that great personal insights and growth result from long term integration of difficult DMT trips.

I do hope you will take good care of yourself in the aftermath. Regular sleep as well as good, nutritious meals. Exercise, getting out, sex/masturbation, etc. Do things that really embrace life. In my experience, this can be very helpful after a rough psychedelic experience.


And yeah, too many assumptions were based on a minimalist report. Also, it behooves one to remain respectful and humble - that "n00b" freaking out in First Trips in Hyperspace could be in his mid 60's, with a TREMENDOUS amount of psychedelic and life experience under his belt, but happens to not be good at typing fast. We just do not know.

It's also very important to remember that what works for one may not work for another. For all those who claim letting go and surrender are the only way, I have met a small minority who said they never do that, don't need to do that, etc. Very, very experienced travelers. Thus, in deference to these facts, I feel it is important to soften strong statements with phrases like, in my opinion. And if it's a lot of strong statements, then the in my opinion, or in my experience, etc. statements should be frequent. In my opinion.

gooldteefs, thanks again for sharing this. In case you haven't seen this very well written document, here's a link to the Integration area of Health & Safety DMT-Nexus Wiki:Health and Safety - DMT-Nexus Wiki .

I do hope you will keep us posted as to how you are doing in the time ahead. If you want some immediate live support, visit us in the chat room, okay?

 

[haeratic]

I'm not necessarily angered by your post but feel you need to be reprimanded in some way for your own good.

I decided a serious response was necessary to what felt like was the OP's unserious approach to DMT (tough love).

Don't think s/he should be reprimanded for having a difficult experience. & doing so would probably not be for their own good. Also, didn't get the impression that s/he was lacking a serious approach. In fact there was no clear approach stated, but simply the difficult results. OP needs to give some better context to the situation (set and setting) before we can determine diagnosis. Until then it's love and support , however possible that is over the internet :? .

 

[entheogenadvocate]

I'm so sorry this happened, Gooldteefs. I wish you much healing and peace. I've had some very rough rides, but I've only experienced getting caught in loops with salvia.

As others have said, time can help get over the intensity of the experience. However, I've also found that after a few really rough rides, the longer I stay away from the medicine, the more anxious I can feel about the past experience. The fear can start to feed on itself.

It's different for everyone, but when I feel that fear is overtaking me, a REALLY light dose (5-8 mgs) can help provide a lot of healing and help me recover from the past terrifying journey.

Get a lot of good rest, and exercise to the point of exhaustion to burn off the fear and anxiety. Write down your thoughts and reflect on them. Feel free to post your questions and concerns here. You've got friends here that know what it's like to have gone through what you have.

Peace and Healing

 

[Rideronthewheel]

Gooldteefs, I just wanna apologize for my attitude earlier. I was unable to sympathize with you because I haven't had a bad trip before. It seems those who have understand better what you went through and know the kind of advice and guidance you need at a time like this. My criticisms were uncalled for regardless of anything else. I've seen some people react pretty strongly to irresponsible use of DMT on this forum before and I felt I was responding appropriately. But I shouldn't have formed such strong conclusions and responded so coldly. I missed the real point at hand which is that you had a traumatic experience and are not well because of it. I'm sorry for my attitude and that you went through this. I hope you can share more and that you recover from your ordeal.

 

[haeratic]

you're a good person Rideronthewheel.