Magic Monkey
Rising Star
This experience report summarises a series of psychedelic experiences during a period of 2 years with an emphasis on DMT. The report refers to experiences with several psychedelics because of the common phenomenon I experienced with all of them.
PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: focused on healing
(physical condition) Set: good
Setting (location): home; blinds shut; coloured light (pink nation)
time of day: any
recent drug use: LSD, Mescaline, DOB, MDMA, Ayahuasca, Changa, DMT
last meal: usually sober
PARTICIPANT
Gender: transgender (bio male, trans female)
body weight: 75-80
known sensitivities: none
history of use: experienced
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT, DMT/MDMA, Changa
Dose(s): 30-70mg, 45/150mg, up to 70mg
Method of administration: DMT vaporized, MDMA dissolved, Changa smoked
REPORT
I've been doing DMT and Changa seriously for almost oneahalf years now. First toke, using a cut PET bottle with alfoil, was pretty exactly two years ago. Before doing DMT on a frequent basis I experienced Ayahuasca journeys. Meanwhile I've vaped DMT and smoked Changa way more than 100 times. I'd guess it would be 130-150 times by now. I stopped counting at about flight no 75.
My major achievement using DMT is a psychotherapeutical one. Maybe I should mention that nowadays I'm doing psychedelics mainly in a spiritual and therapeutical sense, for healing purposes. 20+ years ago, when I was a classical 420 lad also using LSD frequently every 1-2 months, it was more of an experiment powered by curiosity and scientific interest.
I fucked up 10 years ago. Or maybe I got fucked up. On one side this is a legal question. On the other hand psychiatry considers it narcissistic if I blame others for fucking up. Unfortunately, I was trained in psychiatric nursing approx 20 years ago, so I am my own worst nemesis... Let's leave it at this: I fucked up about 10 years ago. Climax was 5 years ago when I ended up in a hostel run by the Salvation Army after my flat burned down. My advantage there was that I'm non-alcoholic, so the Salvation Army guys really liked me. That said, you can fuck up without addictions to alcohol or drugs. Then 2 1/2 years ago I took up psychedelics again. First, I had intended to do so at some point in my life eversince I stopped psychedelics and hemp about 20 years ago. Second, after fucking up now I needed to pull myself out of shit, wanted to get myself a life again. In the course of this psychedelics reuptake that, pulling myself out of shit, magically worked out. Psychedelics done right is medicine.
Now in the course of the psychedelic introspection of my fucked up life soon a side path opened. I experienced myself in another gender identity than the one given biologically. Once. Twice. Trice. I just took notice of the phenomenon. I know eversince that for a biological man I have some very feminine characteristics. That's nothing new to me. Yet I never considered myself "transgender", nor did I ever do any research on "transgenderism". I just accepted myself as I am. I considered some folks just dull and ignorant, the ones who expressed problems with my rather feminine characteristics that is, but also met enough people who left positive feedback about it.
Though it seems perfectly reasonable that psychedelics reveal your true inner self. It's your true inner self that is exposed to psychedelic experience. Whatever has been conditioned onto your self goes into background while under psychedelics influence.
Since I was focused on other life problems (the issues I considered to be the problems I need to solve), in the beginning I did not understand the meaning of experiencing myself as a female. It happened on three out of eight Ayahuasca journeys. The other five were entirely different experiences. It happened on several LSD trips. It happened on all of my two Mescaline experiences. It happened on DOB. And, in its very own modality, it happened on DMT. From the beginning. The entities from the spirit world confronted me that I am female.
This self experience happened on every psychedelic substance I know. The best is, it felt extremely pleasant. It felt right. And, as said above, being more female than male in various aspects of my life and personality, wasn't exactly new to me. Especially it wasn't a problem to me. I just ignored it throughout my life. Still, experiencing my femininity assisted with psychedelics opened a part of myself to my awareness. It had one great psychotherapeutical effect. I've stopped suppression of my female side. I've accepted it as very real. Subsequently, I have understood (and accepted) that, by definition, I have been transgender throughout my life, only I managed to hide it from everybody, almost (some folks addressed me as "Miss" anyway :d ). It's like you live your life, aware that you're pretty female in many ways, receiving respective feedback from time to time, but you're not aware of the exact degree of femininity and that, by definition, this degree corresponds to a trans personality. Psychedelics helped me to understand this because they let me experience my inner self. The trans awareness and identity is persistent. I've abstained psychedelics for a while now because I need to integrate this revelation, translate it to my life (
). The trans awareness and identity has been persistent during this abstinence. And I am happy about it.
Theoretically you could suggest that "true healing" would help to adapt the inner gender to biological sex. I have another opinion. Becoming aware, really aware, that I am transgender, was the best healing that could have happened to me. Of course, the psychosocial situation of trans people is very difficult in our society. Still, suppressing transidentity any longer would be even more devastating. And that's where psychedelics did a truly great job for me. I'm happy about myself.
Now for deemster. Y'all now deemster world, yeah? I love it. I really love it.
Deemster did a very special job in this psychedelic "full spectrum analysis" of my personality that revealed that I am transgender. A very special job. If you know the special psychedelic flavour of DMT compared to other psychedelics, you maybe can imagine how the brothers and sisters from deemster world told me blunt that I'm a girl... it was oh so lovely...
If I hadn't had enough evidence for having some very female characteristics, evidence I ignored before, I would have considered the phenomenon simply a hallucinogenic effect typical for psychedelics. But psychedelics really are about getting in touch with your inner self, right? And it seems perfectly sensible to me that a trans person would experience her / his true gender during a psychedelic introspection.
If it had happened only once or twice or so in the past two years I might not even have noted it. But it became the dominant subject of my psychedelic work. Finally, it just popped up everytime. And I liked it. I really did. And I managed to verify it. There were a lot of other signs, too, besides the psychedelic experience, that removed last doubts. This gender reality now also explains plausibly just almost every aspect of my fucking up.
I've now started to do deemster sometimes specifically to experience myself as female. Gender expression and role are very important, it's the way to experience inner gender. It's like oxygen. A total necessity.
In theory this could be a medical application for DMT, assisting gender congruent self experience for trans people. In my experience, though, the general requirements to handle DMT therapeutically and safely are very high. The patients have to be able to handle the sometimes bizarre, difficult, overwhelming experiences, translate them into their life, integrate them. Set and setting are extremely key to therapeutically constructive experiences with DMT, I think more than for any other psychedelic substance.
PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: focused on healing
(physical condition) Set: good
Setting (location): home; blinds shut; coloured light (pink nation)
time of day: any
recent drug use: LSD, Mescaline, DOB, MDMA, Ayahuasca, Changa, DMT
last meal: usually sober
PARTICIPANT
Gender: transgender (bio male, trans female)
body weight: 75-80
known sensitivities: none
history of use: experienced
BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT, DMT/MDMA, Changa
Dose(s): 30-70mg, 45/150mg, up to 70mg
Method of administration: DMT vaporized, MDMA dissolved, Changa smoked
REPORT
I've been doing DMT and Changa seriously for almost oneahalf years now. First toke, using a cut PET bottle with alfoil, was pretty exactly two years ago. Before doing DMT on a frequent basis I experienced Ayahuasca journeys. Meanwhile I've vaped DMT and smoked Changa way more than 100 times. I'd guess it would be 130-150 times by now. I stopped counting at about flight no 75.
My major achievement using DMT is a psychotherapeutical one. Maybe I should mention that nowadays I'm doing psychedelics mainly in a spiritual and therapeutical sense, for healing purposes. 20+ years ago, when I was a classical 420 lad also using LSD frequently every 1-2 months, it was more of an experiment powered by curiosity and scientific interest.
I fucked up 10 years ago. Or maybe I got fucked up. On one side this is a legal question. On the other hand psychiatry considers it narcissistic if I blame others for fucking up. Unfortunately, I was trained in psychiatric nursing approx 20 years ago, so I am my own worst nemesis... Let's leave it at this: I fucked up about 10 years ago. Climax was 5 years ago when I ended up in a hostel run by the Salvation Army after my flat burned down. My advantage there was that I'm non-alcoholic, so the Salvation Army guys really liked me. That said, you can fuck up without addictions to alcohol or drugs. Then 2 1/2 years ago I took up psychedelics again. First, I had intended to do so at some point in my life eversince I stopped psychedelics and hemp about 20 years ago. Second, after fucking up now I needed to pull myself out of shit, wanted to get myself a life again. In the course of this psychedelics reuptake that, pulling myself out of shit, magically worked out. Psychedelics done right is medicine.
Now in the course of the psychedelic introspection of my fucked up life soon a side path opened. I experienced myself in another gender identity than the one given biologically. Once. Twice. Trice. I just took notice of the phenomenon. I know eversince that for a biological man I have some very feminine characteristics. That's nothing new to me. Yet I never considered myself "transgender", nor did I ever do any research on "transgenderism". I just accepted myself as I am. I considered some folks just dull and ignorant, the ones who expressed problems with my rather feminine characteristics that is, but also met enough people who left positive feedback about it.
Though it seems perfectly reasonable that psychedelics reveal your true inner self. It's your true inner self that is exposed to psychedelic experience. Whatever has been conditioned onto your self goes into background while under psychedelics influence.
Since I was focused on other life problems (the issues I considered to be the problems I need to solve), in the beginning I did not understand the meaning of experiencing myself as a female. It happened on three out of eight Ayahuasca journeys. The other five were entirely different experiences. It happened on several LSD trips. It happened on all of my two Mescaline experiences. It happened on DOB. And, in its very own modality, it happened on DMT. From the beginning. The entities from the spirit world confronted me that I am female.
This self experience happened on every psychedelic substance I know. The best is, it felt extremely pleasant. It felt right. And, as said above, being more female than male in various aspects of my life and personality, wasn't exactly new to me. Especially it wasn't a problem to me. I just ignored it throughout my life. Still, experiencing my femininity assisted with psychedelics opened a part of myself to my awareness. It had one great psychotherapeutical effect. I've stopped suppression of my female side. I've accepted it as very real. Subsequently, I have understood (and accepted) that, by definition, I have been transgender throughout my life, only I managed to hide it from everybody, almost (some folks addressed me as "Miss" anyway :d ). It's like you live your life, aware that you're pretty female in many ways, receiving respective feedback from time to time, but you're not aware of the exact degree of femininity and that, by definition, this degree corresponds to a trans personality. Psychedelics helped me to understand this because they let me experience my inner self. The trans awareness and identity is persistent. I've abstained psychedelics for a while now because I need to integrate this revelation, translate it to my life (
![Lipstick :lipstick: 💄](/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/nexus/unicode/64/1f484.png)
Theoretically you could suggest that "true healing" would help to adapt the inner gender to biological sex. I have another opinion. Becoming aware, really aware, that I am transgender, was the best healing that could have happened to me. Of course, the psychosocial situation of trans people is very difficult in our society. Still, suppressing transidentity any longer would be even more devastating. And that's where psychedelics did a truly great job for me. I'm happy about myself.
Now for deemster. Y'all now deemster world, yeah? I love it. I really love it.
If I hadn't had enough evidence for having some very female characteristics, evidence I ignored before, I would have considered the phenomenon simply a hallucinogenic effect typical for psychedelics. But psychedelics really are about getting in touch with your inner self, right? And it seems perfectly sensible to me that a trans person would experience her / his true gender during a psychedelic introspection.
If it had happened only once or twice or so in the past two years I might not even have noted it. But it became the dominant subject of my psychedelic work. Finally, it just popped up everytime. And I liked it. I really did. And I managed to verify it. There were a lot of other signs, too, besides the psychedelic experience, that removed last doubts. This gender reality now also explains plausibly just almost every aspect of my fucking up.
I've now started to do deemster sometimes specifically to experience myself as female. Gender expression and role are very important, it's the way to experience inner gender. It's like oxygen. A total necessity.
In theory this could be a medical application for DMT, assisting gender congruent self experience for trans people. In my experience, though, the general requirements to handle DMT therapeutically and safely are very high. The patients have to be able to handle the sometimes bizarre, difficult, overwhelming experiences, translate them into their life, integrate them. Set and setting are extremely key to therapeutically constructive experiences with DMT, I think more than for any other psychedelic substance.