As it was time for my monthly ketamine exploration, I decided to combine it with 2C-B, as I had read interesting reports with that combo. I had a first experience one week ago with 30mg 2C-B and 150mg insufflated ketamine. It was interesting but I couldn't explore too much, as I was too focused on the belief that I was dying from the combo. It's very usual for me to think so and usually I can just let it be, but the uncertainty introduced by trying a new combo at high doses made it more difficult (it would likely have been more prudent to try less 2C-B, most reports mention 20-25mg, but I'm not too sensitive to it). I wasn't exactly scared, but did believe in the moment that I couldn't let go or I would surely die.
So, yesterday I decided to try again, as the effects were promising (I'll wait for the next month for further exploration).
This time I had a bit over 30mg 2C-B HBr in an enteric coated capsule. It started taking effect at T+00:40 . I was feeling a bit restless. To me, the 2C-B come up can vary a lot, from quite restless to just blissfully jumping into the semi-psychedelic state 2C-B induces. I was fully fasted since about 20 hours.
At T+01:20 I was near the peak and feeling much more relaxed. I then took 150mg ketamine HCl, insufflated. I put my open-eyes blindfold on, and it hit almost immediately. I could feel reality and my mind starting to fragment very fast.
I don't remember this first dose that well. I do remember that, even though I was without notion of having a body, I was feeling many "disembodied" physical sensations, like it can happen with DMT. Also, if I made an effort I could contact my body and move, without leaving the k-hole, so to speak.
For example, at one point I was feeling a vortex of energy that progressively moved towards the center of my field of perception. It started to feel very dangerous, and I got the idea that if I didn't handle it somehow, it was going to "break" me, whatever that means. Making an effort I could connect with my left arm, that moved immediately to the front of my neck. The vortex went away. It may have been caused by neck tension or a poor neck posture.
At about T+02:10 or so, I had regained enough control to dose again the remaining 150mg I had ready. I did it, not without difficulty, and this time reality really crumbled. I don't have a clear timeline of what came before and what came later (in general), but it's not too important, so I'll just write about the different fragments I remember in what feels like rough chronological order. Much is being omitted or has been forgotten. Also, the experience was highly delusional in that I believed everything I saw and experienced to be literally true. I'll talk about it as I experienced it, but that doesn't mean I believe it to be so.
At one moment, I went "outside" of reality. I could see the "membrane" of reality from the outside, containing inside all space and time. The feeling was of complete detachment, as my feelings, ideas, and memories had been left behind. There were other presences like me there, and they didn't care much about what was at the other side of the membrane, but they could see it. Later, I was pulled back inside.
At another moment, I could feel my consciousness flowing and moving around the world, interacting with other consciousnesses (embodied and disembodied) by merging with them at the edges, with many turbulences. There were also data flows coming from different computer programs, through the air and wires. The programs themselves were flowing through them, they influenced me and vice versa. I became "aware" of how that consciousness and information flow is constantly happening at every moment, just we are not conscious of it and attribute our beliefs and ideas to ourselves instead of the outcome of this flow. I became afraid of the effect of some programs I had running in my computer, and feared they would flow upstairs towards my consciousness (I was expanded beyond my house, but at the altitude of my second floor and above).
Later, my consciousness split into many different parts that flowed around, and other similar parts (but not mine) intermingled with them. I lost all ability to think, as I could only experience the different configurations of "consciousness blobs" that were continuously changing. When I could think for a brief moment, I had some concerns the blobs would "condense" into a configuration that was not functional, or incompatible with consensus reality, or just radically different from how I was before. Eventually some blobs condensed into just two big blobs that came together into my "physical field of perception", split on my right and left sides. I could feel it in the field-equivalent of my right eye, those feelings of that side being split and somehow related to ancient memories of extreme suffering, although I was not suffering at all in that moment.
At a different moment, I saw the "settings interface" for my brain. It was a big circle with a symbol resembling two swords, and many menu items coming behind it and rotating. There were many blue electric beams in the background. I could interact with it in a very complex way where many menus rotated and transformed at once. Unfortunately I lost focus and the experience charged into something else not as interesting, that I don't remember now.
Later, when the physical perception field was more aligned to my actual body and thus had its shape, there was a scanner on my right side, with a green alien-like being operating it. It turned on and green beams scanned my body in 3D. I could influence the scanner, and it could activate the negative sensations in my stomach that I get in certain trauma-triggering situations immediately, to the maximum degree possible. And it was equally easy to make it stop on a whim. It could do the same for the feelings of fear and physical unsafety in my chest, so I let it do it to a very intense degree for a while.
Those feelings disappeared quite fast, and I saw a very complex image with many wires, PCBs, etc. And in the center an astronaut with a screwdriver, telepathically letting me know that I was now "fixed".
At some indeterminate point, I went down a kind of rollercoaster. It was very realistic, colorful and fully immersive. The style was very alien and strange in design, with elaborate ornaments at the sides, but it seemed to be in this reality.
When I was having less effects and more back in my body, I opened my eyes several times, and could see my surroundings, being in a dark place (it was actually dark) but slightly different from reality. If I paid attention, it transformed in many ways that I could influence, and periodically it stopped being gray and became colorful psychedelic patterns, or Space with many stars. All this seemed extremely realistic and convincing, it took some work to remember that I was under drug effects.
I came back into my body fully (but with very poor control) at T+3:10 or so. I felt much less detached or uncomfortable than with only ketamine, and without any nausea. Once I was able to stand up, I was able to dance freely for the second time in my life, although not as wildly as when I combined it with DMT (where I accidentally broke some stuff from dancing in a frency). It was more similar to how I imagine it feels for people that like to dance, I could let it happen and it was fun, but I was not doing it like a maniac.
I was "fit to go outside" (with few to no people outside) at about T+05:00, and had quite noticeable effects until about T+7:00. I slept well and am feeling very relaxed the next day.
It was a very very interesting experience, and very intense too. Ketamine is never too visual for me, it's more usually just being a disembodied consciousness of someone who has died and is in a kind of limbo. This was something very different, it may be similar to what people who respond well to ketamine may experience. I also had a lot of "entity contact", which I don't usually get on classicy psychedelics, and sometimes get on ketamine but never to this degree.
It's interesting for exploring, but I'm not sure the experience is too useful for anything beyond that. Maybe to keep one philosophically open-minded about the nature of reality. And if I were stressed and/or feeling trapped, it may have felt freeing.
Despite what the astronaut may have assured, I'm pretty sure I'm not "fixed" in any way (nor expect any psychedelic experience to have that outcome, at least not by itself and not in such broad terms).
There's an element that seems riskier than the average psychedelic: how delusional and non-lucid it was. With psychedelics, one may believe what is experienced to be literally true in the moment, but somehow it's a different kind of belief than our day to day instinctive trust in our perceptions. In this experience, beliefs were most often literal in the way I instinctively trust my senses in my daily life, and often were about very concrete aspects of our world. It felt more psychotic than psychedelic at times. I think this would be significantly risky for certain people who already may be predisposed to this. And I would advise caution in general. Somehow, I don't feel with this one is as likely to go "back to normal" as with classic psychedelics.
An aspect that seems valuable is the high degree to which the experience is interactive and can be influenced, while still having its own dynamics (and at many points putting you or what remains of you totally at its mercy). It was also interesting how it was still possible to "contact" the body with some effort, although not really control it. And how the "somatic field" as an aspect of consciousness was very prominent despite one being completely disembodied.
I intend to experiment more with this combo and try to learn to get more out of it. That will be after a good tolerance (and health) break, given the large amounts of ketamine involved.
So, yesterday I decided to try again, as the effects were promising (I'll wait for the next month for further exploration).
This time I had a bit over 30mg 2C-B HBr in an enteric coated capsule. It started taking effect at T+00:40 . I was feeling a bit restless. To me, the 2C-B come up can vary a lot, from quite restless to just blissfully jumping into the semi-psychedelic state 2C-B induces. I was fully fasted since about 20 hours.
At T+01:20 I was near the peak and feeling much more relaxed. I then took 150mg ketamine HCl, insufflated. I put my open-eyes blindfold on, and it hit almost immediately. I could feel reality and my mind starting to fragment very fast.
I don't remember this first dose that well. I do remember that, even though I was without notion of having a body, I was feeling many "disembodied" physical sensations, like it can happen with DMT. Also, if I made an effort I could contact my body and move, without leaving the k-hole, so to speak.
For example, at one point I was feeling a vortex of energy that progressively moved towards the center of my field of perception. It started to feel very dangerous, and I got the idea that if I didn't handle it somehow, it was going to "break" me, whatever that means. Making an effort I could connect with my left arm, that moved immediately to the front of my neck. The vortex went away. It may have been caused by neck tension or a poor neck posture.
At about T+02:10 or so, I had regained enough control to dose again the remaining 150mg I had ready. I did it, not without difficulty, and this time reality really crumbled. I don't have a clear timeline of what came before and what came later (in general), but it's not too important, so I'll just write about the different fragments I remember in what feels like rough chronological order. Much is being omitted or has been forgotten. Also, the experience was highly delusional in that I believed everything I saw and experienced to be literally true. I'll talk about it as I experienced it, but that doesn't mean I believe it to be so.
At one moment, I went "outside" of reality. I could see the "membrane" of reality from the outside, containing inside all space and time. The feeling was of complete detachment, as my feelings, ideas, and memories had been left behind. There were other presences like me there, and they didn't care much about what was at the other side of the membrane, but they could see it. Later, I was pulled back inside.
At another moment, I could feel my consciousness flowing and moving around the world, interacting with other consciousnesses (embodied and disembodied) by merging with them at the edges, with many turbulences. There were also data flows coming from different computer programs, through the air and wires. The programs themselves were flowing through them, they influenced me and vice versa. I became "aware" of how that consciousness and information flow is constantly happening at every moment, just we are not conscious of it and attribute our beliefs and ideas to ourselves instead of the outcome of this flow. I became afraid of the effect of some programs I had running in my computer, and feared they would flow upstairs towards my consciousness (I was expanded beyond my house, but at the altitude of my second floor and above).
Later, my consciousness split into many different parts that flowed around, and other similar parts (but not mine) intermingled with them. I lost all ability to think, as I could only experience the different configurations of "consciousness blobs" that were continuously changing. When I could think for a brief moment, I had some concerns the blobs would "condense" into a configuration that was not functional, or incompatible with consensus reality, or just radically different from how I was before. Eventually some blobs condensed into just two big blobs that came together into my "physical field of perception", split on my right and left sides. I could feel it in the field-equivalent of my right eye, those feelings of that side being split and somehow related to ancient memories of extreme suffering, although I was not suffering at all in that moment.
At a different moment, I saw the "settings interface" for my brain. It was a big circle with a symbol resembling two swords, and many menu items coming behind it and rotating. There were many blue electric beams in the background. I could interact with it in a very complex way where many menus rotated and transformed at once. Unfortunately I lost focus and the experience charged into something else not as interesting, that I don't remember now.
Later, when the physical perception field was more aligned to my actual body and thus had its shape, there was a scanner on my right side, with a green alien-like being operating it. It turned on and green beams scanned my body in 3D. I could influence the scanner, and it could activate the negative sensations in my stomach that I get in certain trauma-triggering situations immediately, to the maximum degree possible. And it was equally easy to make it stop on a whim. It could do the same for the feelings of fear and physical unsafety in my chest, so I let it do it to a very intense degree for a while.
Those feelings disappeared quite fast, and I saw a very complex image with many wires, PCBs, etc. And in the center an astronaut with a screwdriver, telepathically letting me know that I was now "fixed".
At some indeterminate point, I went down a kind of rollercoaster. It was very realistic, colorful and fully immersive. The style was very alien and strange in design, with elaborate ornaments at the sides, but it seemed to be in this reality.
When I was having less effects and more back in my body, I opened my eyes several times, and could see my surroundings, being in a dark place (it was actually dark) but slightly different from reality. If I paid attention, it transformed in many ways that I could influence, and periodically it stopped being gray and became colorful psychedelic patterns, or Space with many stars. All this seemed extremely realistic and convincing, it took some work to remember that I was under drug effects.
I came back into my body fully (but with very poor control) at T+3:10 or so. I felt much less detached or uncomfortable than with only ketamine, and without any nausea. Once I was able to stand up, I was able to dance freely for the second time in my life, although not as wildly as when I combined it with DMT (where I accidentally broke some stuff from dancing in a frency). It was more similar to how I imagine it feels for people that like to dance, I could let it happen and it was fun, but I was not doing it like a maniac.
I was "fit to go outside" (with few to no people outside) at about T+05:00, and had quite noticeable effects until about T+7:00. I slept well and am feeling very relaxed the next day.
It was a very very interesting experience, and very intense too. Ketamine is never too visual for me, it's more usually just being a disembodied consciousness of someone who has died and is in a kind of limbo. This was something very different, it may be similar to what people who respond well to ketamine may experience. I also had a lot of "entity contact", which I don't usually get on classicy psychedelics, and sometimes get on ketamine but never to this degree.
It's interesting for exploring, but I'm not sure the experience is too useful for anything beyond that. Maybe to keep one philosophically open-minded about the nature of reality. And if I were stressed and/or feeling trapped, it may have felt freeing.
Despite what the astronaut may have assured, I'm pretty sure I'm not "fixed" in any way (nor expect any psychedelic experience to have that outcome, at least not by itself and not in such broad terms).
There's an element that seems riskier than the average psychedelic: how delusional and non-lucid it was. With psychedelics, one may believe what is experienced to be literally true in the moment, but somehow it's a different kind of belief than our day to day instinctive trust in our perceptions. In this experience, beliefs were most often literal in the way I instinctively trust my senses in my daily life, and often were about very concrete aspects of our world. It felt more psychotic than psychedelic at times. I think this would be significantly risky for certain people who already may be predisposed to this. And I would advise caution in general. Somehow, I don't feel with this one is as likely to go "back to normal" as with classic psychedelics.
An aspect that seems valuable is the high degree to which the experience is interactive and can be influenced, while still having its own dynamics (and at many points putting you or what remains of you totally at its mercy). It was also interesting how it was still possible to "contact" the body with some effort, although not really control it. And how the "somatic field" as an aspect of consciousness was very prominent despite one being completely disembodied.
I intend to experiment more with this combo and try to learn to get more out of it. That will be after a good tolerance (and health) break, given the large amounts of ketamine involved.
