It's always weird when I am away for extended periods of time. There was an intensive for my Master's at Drala Mountain Center. Despite having some internet sometimes, connectivity was relatively spotty throughout. I couldn't get the site to load most days. That's completely okay, just a note.
Last Friday (not yesterday), leading up to this journey, I had smoalked changa that morning and had a light salvia ceremony. I wish I could share the pictures of us chewing and quidding these huge leaves. It was pretty funny. I tried so hard to keep all the saliva in my mouth, but I should've swallowed a little bit to keep everything in my mouth longer. It was really special, getting to pray over and pick our leaves from the plant my friend is growing (he has a lot of interesting and novel plants, including a large coca plant with a very special lineage). It was a nice reintroduction. While he gave me some dried leaf because he knows I want to make changa with it, I am feeling some reservations. I think I might just smoalk some changa after quidding it some time. I can even quid this dry material if I want. My buddy who kept his quid in about 10 minutes longer than I held mine definitely had a deeper experience. He had been swallowing small amounts of saliva the whole time.
The next day I had to finish packing and preparing for this trip before going to Shpongle, which was a surprise! I took 15mg of 2C-B. I almost settled on 10mg, but am so so glad that I bumped it up with a couple little bumps from an extra capsule I had brought. Unfortunately, with the person I went with, there was a bit of drama, some not on them and some definitely on them... I am mentioning this because I had told her earlier in the night that "I don't know if it's possible for me to have a bad time on 2C-B." That was put to the test, because it was both an amazing and shitty night. No regrets, I am still thankful and am looking on the night generally fondly. Simon almost always comes to the Fillmore for his birthday, so I am looking forward to next year. I felt very connected to myself exploring 2C-B in this setting. I love the combination of psychedelia and euphoria and how there seems to be an element of agency around it not had with many other psychedelics. When I wanna turn up and have a good time, this is my medicine for that now. It's such a well-rounded weirdness, I am only falling in love more.
Here is the latest release I stumbled upon today.
The next day, I had to head up to Drala. Picked up a classmate first. We had a great car ride up and were able to connect pretty deeply. We also ended up being roommates. While Drala, formerly Shambala, Mountain Center has some controversy surrounding it as a result of the actions and eventual reputation of Chogyam Trunpa Rinpoche, I still find the teachings, intention, and energy of this place to be very profound, special, and transformative. Drala is a 600 acre spiritual retreat in Red Feather Lakes, Colorado. That is one of my favorite areas of Colorado and I rarely get to visit it. Somehow my roommate and I got lucky with the only room out of the entire cohort to have a bathtub. I am glad, because we ended up letting people take baths who weren't doing well and needed them (and because I needed them). It was nice to have three meals accommodated each day and the food was pretty good. The grounds were nice, even if spread out. I wanted this to be a kind of vacation for myself despite being in class all day each day, so brought a big ol jar of mushrooms, changa, and enhanced leaf. Only one person aside from myself took me up on my mushrooms. My roommate had an amazing time with the enhanced leaf.
We ate and checked in and turned in relatively early the first night and I slept poorly, waking up groggy and having to function on only 4 hours of sleep. Class went well. During lunch, I walked to the smaller, Heart Stupa, spending a little time to meditate here.
On my walk up the steps I found this guy. A grounds-person said I could pick it. I am want to make Drala Vajrayana Changa with it.
That night, despite my fatigue, I was called to the Great Stupa of Dharmakaya. Relying on lunar illumination to light my way, I treked to the stupa, watching myself worry about the rare chance I come across a moose or mountain lion. I somehow forgot my knife and mace, which may not have helped much in a rare unfortunate eventuality such as an animal attack, but it would provide some ease. I imagined a mountain lion simply walking up beside me and walking with me until I got to the Stupa. It was a cold night, so I made sure to bundle up. The walk and curiosity of being in a new place helped me stay warm. I came around one bend and saw the Great Stupa illuminated in the distance. It was palpably powerful, the feeling of serenity and peace that befell me. When I approached, there were people studying inside and I didn't want to interrupt, deciding to wait another time to explore the inside. There had been a pair talking near the front steps to the Stupa, I recall saying something about "it's turtles all the way down" with respect to their conversation, then proceeded to slowly walk around the Stupa, admiring the 108 feet of healing beauty and... scoping out where I could get away with smoalking some CHAAAANNNNNGGGGGAAAAAA! I knew what I wanted to be in front of after the first lap: Chaturbhuja Mahakala.
I completed another lap, and the found a bench to sit on. I took my bag off, unzipped the top, and unzipped the bag with my changa pipe in it. I popped open the jar and quickly packed a small amount into the pipe. Because there were people inside and I could hear the pair walking as their footsteps crunched on the gravel, I wanted to be discrete. I took one 3 second hit and fell in quickly. The magnitude of the permutation of energy of the mountains, the stupa, and the energy of the retreat space made it so I didn't need a lot of medicine. I could feel so much. Something told me to look to my left (maybe Mahakala). There was a bench that I had missed that was directly in front on Mahakala. I got up and moved. The energy of the statue overcame me as I meditated on the deity. The couple came around the bend, and the gentleman of the two said something a little louder that his prior volume as they passed me mentioning turtles all the way down. I did my best to give a polite chuckle and nod before closing my eyes. A funny little moment that I inadvertantly set myself up for.
One of the main takeways that came from this experience was to trust in my leanings towwards things like paradox and my embodied understanding of it. My approach and orientation is a manner of the four karmas in a way, of which his arms represent (hooked knife: enriching, sword: magnetizing, Skull cup: pacifying, trident: destroying). Pretty much, I felt a lot of validation, inner
trust, and alignment, from our changa converstation.
I don't usually say things like this, but it seemed like the setting and environment of the walk back were made just for me. I was already loving the moonlight, as it is something that always replenishes me. But then a cloud descended on the mountain, creating a blanket of dense fog, making it hard to see very far in front of you. I was in this cool blanket of reflection sustained by the healing lunar rays. While I ended up taking a route that I didn't want to back because of the fog, it still helped me absorb everything I had just experienced, settling it into my system.
Relative to school, my aim was to work on being more comfortable with the participation that I provide. I can sometimes dominate the room, but I never want to steal time from others. All the same, everyone, professors included, tell me I always add valuable information and perspectives. One professor went out of her way to tell me she hopes that I am not holding back so that my peers have an opportunity to learn from me. Sticking with this approach was powerful in and of itself. A big lesson that culminated this week is to relax. I do well without thinking I am really trying hard, and I can soften into that. An example of this was when I told one of my professors that I didn't get any sleep, and she told me that I was fine to do what I needed to do and explicitly said she didn't care if I slept during the class. Granted, this professor and I are pretty tight.
My program is more contemplative than anything, which is something that I appreciate about it. It wasn't just my own processes that I felt transformed me, but also the interactions with my classmates in class and groups, and outside of class. I definitely formed some very strong bonds. We don't actually see each other much because most of our coursework and lectures are online. I am still integrating and processing, which is one of the purposes of writing this, but I definitely feel more confident and empowered, exercising a pleasant indifference in a lot of ways. It's a weight off. I have new practices that I am looking forward to implementing and will be carrying much of this experience with me the rest of my life.
On the second to last night, I went back to the Great Stupa alone. The weather was more temperate and the walk was shorter the second time. This time, absolutely no one was there. It was perfect. Just perfect. I went inside the Stupa. An amazing 20ft golden Buddha statue that greets you as you open the doors. Meditation cushions adorn the floor before the statue. I spent 20 minutes meditating here. I then take a look to admire the artwork and detail inside the temple. After, I went back out to see Mahakala, having another powerful and enduring changa conversation.
On the last night, after all of our toughest exams were over, we let loose a bit. I ate a small amount of mushrooms and ended up spending most of the evening with one person, growing very close. They are very special. Played music, danced, hung out, explored. Pretty chill.
I feel like I've made several changes within myself that I have sought and worked to make for a long time. One of my prayers at the end of our meditation class on the last day was for these transformations to hold and for realizations to remain. Due to the experience of another and me voicing a similarity in experience, as well as my boss getting in the habit of using the moniker, most of my classmates are calling me Void now. There was a lot of integrating that I wanted to do today, but rest comes first. I have been so tired all day. It turned out to not be much of a vacation, so not restful, but something better. I'll get to journaling about it and fleshing it out more tomorrow and in the coming days as I hit the ground running getting back into the swing of things. But right now, rest and care.
Thank you for reading.
One love
Last Friday (not yesterday), leading up to this journey, I had smoalked changa that morning and had a light salvia ceremony. I wish I could share the pictures of us chewing and quidding these huge leaves. It was pretty funny. I tried so hard to keep all the saliva in my mouth, but I should've swallowed a little bit to keep everything in my mouth longer. It was really special, getting to pray over and pick our leaves from the plant my friend is growing (he has a lot of interesting and novel plants, including a large coca plant with a very special lineage). It was a nice reintroduction. While he gave me some dried leaf because he knows I want to make changa with it, I am feeling some reservations. I think I might just smoalk some changa after quidding it some time. I can even quid this dry material if I want. My buddy who kept his quid in about 10 minutes longer than I held mine definitely had a deeper experience. He had been swallowing small amounts of saliva the whole time.
The next day I had to finish packing and preparing for this trip before going to Shpongle, which was a surprise! I took 15mg of 2C-B. I almost settled on 10mg, but am so so glad that I bumped it up with a couple little bumps from an extra capsule I had brought. Unfortunately, with the person I went with, there was a bit of drama, some not on them and some definitely on them... I am mentioning this because I had told her earlier in the night that "I don't know if it's possible for me to have a bad time on 2C-B." That was put to the test, because it was both an amazing and shitty night. No regrets, I am still thankful and am looking on the night generally fondly. Simon almost always comes to the Fillmore for his birthday, so I am looking forward to next year. I felt very connected to myself exploring 2C-B in this setting. I love the combination of psychedelia and euphoria and how there seems to be an element of agency around it not had with many other psychedelics. When I wanna turn up and have a good time, this is my medicine for that now. It's such a well-rounded weirdness, I am only falling in love more.
Here is the latest release I stumbled upon today.
The next day, I had to head up to Drala. Picked up a classmate first. We had a great car ride up and were able to connect pretty deeply. We also ended up being roommates. While Drala, formerly Shambala, Mountain Center has some controversy surrounding it as a result of the actions and eventual reputation of Chogyam Trunpa Rinpoche, I still find the teachings, intention, and energy of this place to be very profound, special, and transformative. Drala is a 600 acre spiritual retreat in Red Feather Lakes, Colorado. That is one of my favorite areas of Colorado and I rarely get to visit it. Somehow my roommate and I got lucky with the only room out of the entire cohort to have a bathtub. I am glad, because we ended up letting people take baths who weren't doing well and needed them (and because I needed them). It was nice to have three meals accommodated each day and the food was pretty good. The grounds were nice, even if spread out. I wanted this to be a kind of vacation for myself despite being in class all day each day, so brought a big ol jar of mushrooms, changa, and enhanced leaf. Only one person aside from myself took me up on my mushrooms. My roommate had an amazing time with the enhanced leaf.
We ate and checked in and turned in relatively early the first night and I slept poorly, waking up groggy and having to function on only 4 hours of sleep. Class went well. During lunch, I walked to the smaller, Heart Stupa, spending a little time to meditate here.
On my walk up the steps I found this guy. A grounds-person said I could pick it. I am want to make Drala Vajrayana Changa with it.
That night, despite my fatigue, I was called to the Great Stupa of Dharmakaya. Relying on lunar illumination to light my way, I treked to the stupa, watching myself worry about the rare chance I come across a moose or mountain lion. I somehow forgot my knife and mace, which may not have helped much in a rare unfortunate eventuality such as an animal attack, but it would provide some ease. I imagined a mountain lion simply walking up beside me and walking with me until I got to the Stupa. It was a cold night, so I made sure to bundle up. The walk and curiosity of being in a new place helped me stay warm. I came around one bend and saw the Great Stupa illuminated in the distance. It was palpably powerful, the feeling of serenity and peace that befell me. When I approached, there were people studying inside and I didn't want to interrupt, deciding to wait another time to explore the inside. There had been a pair talking near the front steps to the Stupa, I recall saying something about "it's turtles all the way down" with respect to their conversation, then proceeded to slowly walk around the Stupa, admiring the 108 feet of healing beauty and... scoping out where I could get away with smoalking some CHAAAANNNNNGGGGGAAAAAA! I knew what I wanted to be in front of after the first lap: Chaturbhuja Mahakala.
I completed another lap, and the found a bench to sit on. I took my bag off, unzipped the top, and unzipped the bag with my changa pipe in it. I popped open the jar and quickly packed a small amount into the pipe. Because there were people inside and I could hear the pair walking as their footsteps crunched on the gravel, I wanted to be discrete. I took one 3 second hit and fell in quickly. The magnitude of the permutation of energy of the mountains, the stupa, and the energy of the retreat space made it so I didn't need a lot of medicine. I could feel so much. Something told me to look to my left (maybe Mahakala). There was a bench that I had missed that was directly in front on Mahakala. I got up and moved. The energy of the statue overcame me as I meditated on the deity. The couple came around the bend, and the gentleman of the two said something a little louder that his prior volume as they passed me mentioning turtles all the way down. I did my best to give a polite chuckle and nod before closing my eyes. A funny little moment that I inadvertantly set myself up for.
One of the main takeways that came from this experience was to trust in my leanings towwards things like paradox and my embodied understanding of it. My approach and orientation is a manner of the four karmas in a way, of which his arms represent (hooked knife: enriching, sword: magnetizing, Skull cup: pacifying, trident: destroying). Pretty much, I felt a lot of validation, inner
trust, and alignment, from our changa converstation.
I don't usually say things like this, but it seemed like the setting and environment of the walk back were made just for me. I was already loving the moonlight, as it is something that always replenishes me. But then a cloud descended on the mountain, creating a blanket of dense fog, making it hard to see very far in front of you. I was in this cool blanket of reflection sustained by the healing lunar rays. While I ended up taking a route that I didn't want to back because of the fog, it still helped me absorb everything I had just experienced, settling it into my system.
Relative to school, my aim was to work on being more comfortable with the participation that I provide. I can sometimes dominate the room, but I never want to steal time from others. All the same, everyone, professors included, tell me I always add valuable information and perspectives. One professor went out of her way to tell me she hopes that I am not holding back so that my peers have an opportunity to learn from me. Sticking with this approach was powerful in and of itself. A big lesson that culminated this week is to relax. I do well without thinking I am really trying hard, and I can soften into that. An example of this was when I told one of my professors that I didn't get any sleep, and she told me that I was fine to do what I needed to do and explicitly said she didn't care if I slept during the class. Granted, this professor and I are pretty tight.
My program is more contemplative than anything, which is something that I appreciate about it. It wasn't just my own processes that I felt transformed me, but also the interactions with my classmates in class and groups, and outside of class. I definitely formed some very strong bonds. We don't actually see each other much because most of our coursework and lectures are online. I am still integrating and processing, which is one of the purposes of writing this, but I definitely feel more confident and empowered, exercising a pleasant indifference in a lot of ways. It's a weight off. I have new practices that I am looking forward to implementing and will be carrying much of this experience with me the rest of my life.
On the second to last night, I went back to the Great Stupa alone. The weather was more temperate and the walk was shorter the second time. This time, absolutely no one was there. It was perfect. Just perfect. I went inside the Stupa. An amazing 20ft golden Buddha statue that greets you as you open the doors. Meditation cushions adorn the floor before the statue. I spent 20 minutes meditating here. I then take a look to admire the artwork and detail inside the temple. After, I went back out to see Mahakala, having another powerful and enduring changa conversation.
On the last night, after all of our toughest exams were over, we let loose a bit. I ate a small amount of mushrooms and ended up spending most of the evening with one person, growing very close. They are very special. Played music, danced, hung out, explored. Pretty chill.
I feel like I've made several changes within myself that I have sought and worked to make for a long time. One of my prayers at the end of our meditation class on the last day was for these transformations to hold and for realizations to remain. Due to the experience of another and me voicing a similarity in experience, as well as my boss getting in the habit of using the moniker, most of my classmates are calling me Void now. There was a lot of integrating that I wanted to do today, but rest comes first. I have been so tired all day. It turned out to not be much of a vacation, so not restful, but something better. I'll get to journaling about it and fleshing it out more tomorrow and in the coming days as I hit the ground running getting back into the swing of things. But right now, rest and care.
Thank you for reading.
One love
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