Warm Greetings from the UK

[ArchetypalDreamer]

Hi all,

I came across this forum on Monday; quickly realising it was full of great people and superb advice, I wanted to sign up immediately. Alas, I had to wait until the next 'pulse' (great system by the way) so I've been quite excited at the prospect of becoming a member here all week!

So, a little about me...

I'm 28 years old, I live in the UK and I'm happily married. Almost six months ago, I became a father. I have yet to dream, though all things being well I should be introducing myself to Mother Aya this weekend. Sometimes life gets in the way, however - we'll have to see.

Why do I wish to take this journey? Simple - I have been in a rut. In spite of being married to a woman who is phenomenally out of my league in all respects, and in spite of having a gorgeous baby girl, financial security, etc. etc. I have been battling depression and low energy for some time. Here is an excerpt from a recent introduction I made on a forum not dissimilar to this:

...I'd like to think of myself as a reasonably rational person, albeit with an open mind and an interest in anything pertaining to the metaphysical... so I feel vaguely strange when saying this, but it is truth: I feel that Ayahuasca is calling me. Previously (well over a year ago) it had piqued my interest, then later held it. Very recently it began to dominate my thinking. Now, it calls me.

My current life situation (new dad!) dictates that I can't tootle off to the jungle to seek healing, therefore meaning I'll have to go for the solitary / at home approach, though my incredibly understanding wife is all too happy to sit with me.

Why? Bouts of depression (I recently came off ADs) at a time in my life when I should be happy; a loss of direction; crippling self-esteem issues which are buried so deep they're barely even perceptaible and, finally but perhaps most importantly, rediscover my connection to the universe and once again feel love not just for others, but also myself.

I'm fully prepared (I'm sure they all say that!) for what lies ahead. This is something I am taking with the utmost seriousness, and I am prepared to honestly and humbly submit myself. I'm 28 years old, so there's still time to do something about my life - I wish to rediscover my compassion and discover a new direction in life.

As I note above, I am fully prepared (as well as I can be) for what is to come. I am not here to 'trip'; I am here to heal and - hopefully - begin a long working relationship with Mother Aya. I feel there are a lot of demons within, and a great many fears to overcome. I know I am capable of being ten times the man I am now, but something holds me back.

It is with humility that I submit myself. I only hope that our first encounter isn't *too* intense - I've never done anything like this before :lol:

I would like to elaborate on dosage etc, but I don't want to accidentally breach the forum rules so soon. Needless to say, I'm going for the 'recommended' for newbies.

It's lovely to be here with you, and I hope we can enjoy some great discussion and perhaps even forge new friendships. I am here for the duration; there is much to be done and even more to learn. Here's to the journey!

Peace

 

[mr Whippy]

hi there please be careful with the dosage if you are new to journeys as you say you are,this could be a journey too far.dont do the breakthough amount at your first attempt. but if you have to then
keep your environment dark and calm...relax and give in to the journey six minutes and your back and will enjoy another 14 mins of experience before it abruptly ends.i don't think it will help your depression and if your taking maoi's as medication then double check you have read everything before doing it?.
take care my friend enjoy the dna spirals and hi-res graphics if you have a question to ask when there try to keep it in your mind before the journey starts.
regards from mr whippy

 

[Orion]

EDIT: whoops hit the post button too soon.

relax and give in to the journey six minutes and your back and will enjoy another 14 mins of experience before it abruptly ends.i don't think it will help your depression and if your taking maoi's as medication then double check you have read everything before doing it?.

I think you may be talking about the freebase experience whereas ArchetypalDreamer intends to experience ayahuasca. I would say both can be used for working with one's psyche and regain some control after deep self analysis. Personally I wouldn't go for a full dose straight away though if you have not tried it before, but build up to it over a few sessions.

Welcome to the nexus, good luck and safe journeys :thumb_up:

 

[ArchetypalDreamer]

Yes, apologies for that glaring omission - I wasn't able to concentrate fully on my post as there was a lot going on this morning. I should have waited until this evening really.

I've done my research, fear not! I came off my AD's way back in April; it took them a good while to work out of my system (I was having 'brain zaps' for over two months) but I'm free and clear now. I have also come off my allergy tablets; this is day three of not taking them.

Caffeine consumption was ceased at 11am today. The ceremony should - all being well - take place some time after lunch (12pm onwards) tomorrow.


[EDIT] Thanks Orion

Would it be prudent to PM somebody with my dosage, or is it safe to state them here?

 

[mr Whippy]

thanks for letting me know I am new to this forum what I read worried me so I thought I should post just in case..i think you have chosen well and have the knowledge to proceed safely depression is a terrible thing and if you can find peace along this path it will be life changing and forever.
good luck with tomorrows journey.not sure about dosages being mentioned sorry am new to this forum check with orion..
regards from mr whippy.

 

[Clockwork Maggot]

nice intro Arch, you sound a wee bit like me in some respects lol except I'm a tad older and way past the divorce stage:lol: .

I tried an aya brew with acrb but despite every effort to clean it up I couldn't hold it down long enough to get anything from it.

here's to your journeys success, both marital and aya :raise glass:

 

[ArchetypalDreamer]

Thanks CM!

Today should have been the day, but you know what? My gut (which is always right, seriously) is telling me that today is not the day. I'm mentally stressed, I feel like hell having come off my allergy tablets and I have a 'to-do' list as long as my arm. I thought I could at least brew it, but that doesn't 'feel' right either.

I think I would have been in a better place if yesterday had gone to plan. Unfortunately, my brewing time was spent (unavoidably) in the company of others, so it knocked me off schedule.

I've waited this long... may as well hang on until I'm feeling it, right?

 

[ArchetypalDreamer]

The time has come.

3x 3 hours over three days - currently 30 mins into the first. Unfortunately it's the only way I can do it.

An incredibly vivid dream last night showed me (I believe) that I am ready for the journey. I shall document it along with my experiences once this is all over. All being well, that'll be Saturday.

 

[ArchetypalDreamer]

Phase 2 well under way.

Excitement growing :d

 

[ArchetypalDreamer]

I return to you as a scorned boy...

I'm still a bit woozy from it all, so I'll give you a brief run-down:

- I needed more filtration, as the final brew was full of bits. This proved detrimental.

- THE TASTE! My word, the taste! Nothing but nothing could prepare me for the intensity. I thought I was able to stomach bitterness as I'm a prolific coffee drinker, only ever drinking it strong and black. This was something else entirely.

- I managed to keep some down for about 10-20 minutes, but unfortunately I lost some due to being a tad too eager; as mentioned above, I wasn't prepared for the taste and my gag reflex kicked in quite literally the nanosecond the brew passed my lips. This caused me to lose a few 'sips' straight off the bat. I wrestled with it the best I could but unfortunately it was too little too late.

- Being a little too over-keen was also an error. I began to feel a warmth inside of me (placebo, perhaps?) but I wanted to finish what was in the glass (I was struggling, seriously; there were only a few oz but my lord the taste )

I was feeling relaxed and good, but against my better judgement I thought "No, I'll finish it". I say "Against my better judgement" because my better judgement was saying "No - you have had enough. Seriously. You have... no... what are you doing? PUT THAT GLASS DOWN!"

Mistake!

Suddenly this "Whelp, now you've bloody done it!" sensation swept over me and within a fleeting moment it all came rushing back up through my system. Barf-o-rama didst commence. I felt rather stupid to say the least; 11-12 hours prep time and it's all over within the space of 30 minutes. Duh.

Whether it is down to the Aya (which I think I accidentally made WAY too strong - long story; bottom line = knackered scales) or down to my diet / lack of caffeine, the whole ordeal has left me feeling spaced out, peaceful, somehow more confident (I really, really went balls to the wall today - it was a huge leap of faith on my part) and also rather humbled.

I am a humble person by nature in many respects, but this has made me more so. It came with a flood of realisations. I intended to learn my place in the world whilst journeying with Mother Aya, but the premature purge left me with feelings of "Why are you asking me for answers to questions you already know, and why are you asking me for the path to walk when you are already walking it?" I realise that I've been so caught up in conversing with Aya that I've forgotten how to think for myself, inadvertently neglecting things in the day to day which bring me closer to my goals and fulfilment.

Sorry - this is really incoherent - my brain hurts.

Finally, I was left with the sensation of being a scorned child. You know how a toddler reaches out for something they really shouldn't have, and the adult taps them on the hand and says "No! That isn't for you!" Well, that's exactly how I feel.

I know some here will look at this experience as another idiot doing it wrong - and that's fine! To each his own, but to me it was more profound than that. It was more profound because I know my own mind, and I know that the sensations I felt today were not normal. I have the overbearing sense that today I was told "One day, but not today - you aren't ready for this journey".

Meanwhile I've started to feel happier, more relaxed, you name it. There has definitely been some easily discernible and positive effect on me... but as for going deeper... well, let's see what the future brings

Peace

- AD.

[EDIT]

P.S. - this was my first ever foray into anything even remotely related to drugs or psychedelics, some marijuana aside when I visited Amsterdam back in 2010. This is what I meant by "A leap of faith". For me it was embracing the unknown 100%

 

[Clockwork Maggot]

there's no such thing as an idiot doing it wrong, there's only safe and unsafe... since you're living to tell I guesss you're safe. At least you got something out of your brew :thumb_up:

my first go at brew didn't work and I purged it away but nvm... it's curious isn't it, that moment of self doubt when the new experience hits you and you know you're no longer operating quite.... "normally".

did you try stirring in egg whites to your brew after reduction? it helps with tannins increasing chzances of holding le brew in. I did it myself but possibly more eggs were warranted idk lol. I just plopped my egg whites in, looking back I should have stirred it to maximise the white's surface contacting tannins etc to absorb them, because it doesn't soak in so well, it's like a surface treatment.
gl with future trips, may your feet find you before you find your feet.:thumb_up:

 

[ArchetypalDreamer]

Nope, I hadn't even heard of the egg white technique! I added some vinegar to the mix whilst brewing (for the purpose of acidifying) but other than that it was straight up vine / chaliponga.

Thanks - here's hoping next time I can hold it down longer. Regardless of how quickly it all ended, it has had a lasting effect on me. I've definitely been a little 'out of it' for the remainder of the day, but I've been feeling warmer, more compassionate and in a better state of mind in general... I know my mind, so I believe people who say the brew always works.

Take care :thumb_up: