Why DMT Scares Me

[yatyas314]

I appreciate that and don't disagree, but at which point I feel kinda dumb, for why does it seem others are less inhibited than myself? Why am I unable to manage these as well as some others? That's why I try to keep the comparison out of it, because it's inaccurate, and when used to bolster, it's biased.

And thank you. It's not easy talking about this.

I would say its a miscalculation to think others manage these things better, maybe different but better is subjective. I often see people just move right past the harder work that we are speaking about and really never unpack it or understand it and maybe that's a great strategy for some, just not me and from the sounds of it you either. It isn't easy speaking about these things nevermind in a public forum, the anonymity here is key but I never go to use any plant medicine anymore without thinking of the dialogue here on the nexus and more specifically this exact thread. I encourage you and others to be more open this really is he purpose of a discussion board based on entheogens.
Y

 

[Voidmatrix]

I would say its a miscalculation to think others manage these things better, maybe different but better is subjective.

I would say how it's managed may be subjective, and how it is experienced is subjective, but there's an observational ostensibility that lies behind my statement. For example, say there are those that perhaps have the same degree of fear of anxiety, but by virtue of having deeper experiences (and by deeper I mean more immersed in hyperspace, more visual, etc) more often than I, have an observable way of getting themselves where they're going better subjectively for themselves than I subjectively do for myself. Another example is in redosing. For those that redose with seemingly no problem, provided they have the same degree and intensity of inhibition that I feel, they manage it better by virtue of allowing themselves to redose when I don't. Does that make sense?

It isn't easy speaking about these things

No, it's not. I have had plenty of people that seem surprised by this fear. Such that they say silly things like, "just do it," or flame me like that one guy did.

I never go to use any plant medicine anymore without thinking of the dialogue here on the nexus and more specifically this exact thread. I encourage you and others to be more open this really is he purpose of a discussion board based on entheogens.

One love

 

[yatyas314]

I would say how it's managed may be subjective, and how it is experienced is subjective, but there's an observational ostensibility that lies behind my statement. For example, say there are those that perhaps have the same degree of fear of anxiety, but by virtue of having deeper experiences (and by deeper I mean more immersed in hyperspace, more visual, etc) more often than I, have an observable way of getting themselves where they're going better subjectively for themselves than I subjectively do for myself. Another example is in redosing. For those that redose with seemingly no problem, provided they have the same degree and intensity of inhibition that I feel, they manage it better by virtue of allowing themselves to redose when I don't. Does that make sense?

Yes it makes sense I feel like this will be a two part reply, the one that it my initial reaction and the one a few days from now when I digest it all. When the appearance may not reflect the true reality is almost exactly what I was saying, I mean I have almost zero experience doing these with other people, literally 3 times in my life so personally speak from a place where I only infer or imagine how others manage the situations or depth of experiences that I have. I just think that because its voluntary stress and we have signed up for what comes as in we voluntarily partake in these medicines its a spectrum and evermoving target rich environment, and at least in the small time I have been gaining experience I will often redose pound my chest and look for god. At the same time I may more often take one hit and contemplate what in the heck am I doing and why am I here sucking on a vape/pipe.
Y

 

[ommani]

I have a project for work that is related to one of my hang ups and I think it'll be good way to cut the rope.

Overuse is a real thing and a real concern. It seems like the progression into overuse is abrupt. Naturally, it's good form to learn from the mistakes of others whenever possible. That said, all I want is to avoid this. This desire has transformed into a neuroses.

Overuse is the combination of dose and frequency. I dose often, so keep the dosage light as a means to avoid falling into the overuse category.

I am now tasked with writing a guide for overuse, listing different symptoms of overuse, with necessary descriptions of each symptom and steps to take to help remedy the situation. In doing this project, I plan to reflect deeply and see if I personally really have anything to worry about.

So called, “overuse,” only applies to those who are still living in the 3D matrix, and haven’t transcended to the 4th dimension.

 

[Voidmatrix]

At the same time I may more often take one hit and contemplate what in the heck am I doing and why am I here sucking on a vape/pipe.

I don't have this comfort with myself. I don't have this freedom. And this is why I talk about this, because what's going on is extremely subtle.

Here's what I mean. There's a certain freedom you allow yourself. Idk your history, as you may have overcome something that has brought you to this point of this freedom, but I am not there.

Growing up, my father liked coming up with sayings. Two come to mind at this juncture of the conversation. The first is, "do only what you know is right," which isn't a maxim that provides much space for learning. The second was "don't do something if you don't know why you're doing it." Also doesnt allow for learning, curiosity, or growth, but also doesn't give me the freedom that you have to suck on it wondering why you're doing it. In my system, not knowing why I am doing it is categorically wrong.

And I don't have to imagine other people's approach. I've read enough reports and been around enough users. But what gets me is the instances, intentional or not, where I come to feel shame for my inhibition when interacting with some on this topic.

So I still stand by my original statements of relative observation.

One love

 

[Voidmatrix]

Distilling, distilling, distilling...
Breathing, breathing, breathing...

This whole thread, relative to my posts and the information I've shared, is a big beautiful reflection of my trauma and mental health. Most things I add represent a symptom of something (like depression and/or anxiety, which themselves are symptoms of CPTSD). I see the world in a dangerous way. The inside of my mind is hostile and cognitively violent. That's what I am dealing with and what the space reflects to me in some instances. It's interesting to note that if I am doing very poorly and choose to smoalk, the space usually takes it easy. It's an interesting pattern. While on it's own level, DMT is still a non-descript amplifier, and it amplifies what is already sitting there. So I am tasked with mindfully engaging it.

As a mixed black man, I make sure to revisit black and African history and perspectives. Naturally, a resting righteous, indignant anger and rage become landmarks for my emotional landscape. The myriad of complex variables from centuries and generations long past perpetuate certain frames of minds within many black people. I may have mentioned this before, but there are constellations of these complex variables that lend themselves to what can be termed as a slave mentality... It's fascinating to notice the nature of colonial propaganda that is inherent to the stoking of this mindset. I desire to continue to break the chains and tear these bonds. I am free, I am sovereign, I am in charge, and I dictate for myself. I actually think I have done that last one pretty well in spite of what affects me.

I think I kind of need to take a stance. I think that there may be some "extra kind of space" that is hyperspace that is potentially as distinct from observation as our pragmatic reality may be. I think that this can be viewed as a spectrum of collaboration and co-creation, wherein, the bigger the dose, the more one is subsumed into another space without inputs and outputs from that individual's mind informing the space. It goes back to what I've said about walking through doorways that can be found within one's own mind. I feel that this is one of my most sacramental medicines and is my way of explore what may or may not be transcendence (whatever we want to make that mean). It's my fulfillment, my path, and my enjoyment. In line with breaking the slave mentality, I can be humble and confident, as they are not mutually exclusive.

Alright that's my ramble for the day.

One love