Would you take it back?

[nexusdisciple]

If you could go back and never try DMT, would you? I'm guessing the answer is going to be a pretty resounding no because of the board we are on but I was curious if there was anyone out there.

My first breakthrough with DMT was the most terrifying experience of my life. I eyeballed a large dose and the universe pretty much destroyed itself over and over for eternity before I came back to my body. As terrified as I was, I also came back amazed. I did not plan on smoking DMT again. I took a good nine month break before trying again, and I've been working with DMT off and on for the past 5 years or so now.

Even with as terrifying as the first breakthrough was, it changed something in me. I felt as though as became aware of some higher knowledge of my place in the universe. Although extremely unpleasant, it is not an experience I regret or would ever take back.

But I digress, back to the original question. Is there anyone on here that if given the opportunity would close the doors that DMT have opened them too? The molecule definitely isn't for everyone and it wouldn't surprise me if one or two people regretted opening a metaphorical Pandora's box.

 

[Cosmic Spore]

If you could go back and never try DMT, would you?

I'm glad I've tried DMT, and would not undo it if I could.

 

[anrchy]

There were def times where this thought crossed my mind while i dealt with insanity and doubt during my integration of a large dose. I def feel like i know something, something deep and integral to the universe and all existence. Something im not supoosed to know.

Although right now, this second, i feel like this is how i am suppose to feel. That this knowing allows me to perceive life in the way it was meant. I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything.

 

[TreehouseChemist]

No way, DMT had a major impact on my life. Not so much from the experience itself, but extracting it was my first attempt at anything resembling chemistry, and I have been studying/practicing chemistry ever since (worked in a chem lab, got a chem degree, working on biochem). Never would have happened if I didn't try DMT.

 

[yamma1]

Not a chance, DMT has changed me, for the better. I feel a sort of connection, not just to the spice itself, but to ancient cultures, people of present times including people here on this forum.

I am more chilled than I ever have been, Things that bothered me in the past do not affect me now. People don't anger me half as much any more. No matter what they do.

Like others, DMT has opened ( or unlocked ) something in me. I feel as if I always had it. But now I can see it! Certainly is something I would NOT lock back up!

 

[darklordsson]

There were def. times where this thought crossed my mind while I dealt with insanity and doubt during my integration of a large dose. I def. feel like I know something, something deep and integral to the universe and all existence. Something im not supposed to know.

Although right now, this second, i feel like this is how i am suppose to feel. That this knowing allows me to perceive life in the way it was meant. I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything.

^ this is perfect! I wouldn't trade what I know now for the world! There's something deep I have come across and understand now, but just cant find the words! lol
Good one anrchy!

Gods speed!! -- dls --
|||
VVV great post btw! Awesome to everything that is and can be!

 

[○]

Nope.

There were times in the beginning, years back, where i questioned not so much my sanity, but my place in life and what was I to do now that I know that the things in my life that at one time I deemed 'important' are no longer bound with that title. Meaning took a new avenue in my life.

This whole role that everyone gets so bound up in in their day to day lives no longer appeals. All the outward forms of happiness no longer satiate that eternal witness within. Realizing that external things, while they are necessary and a great thing in and of themselves to experience, are not the say-all-end-all, and they themselves could and never will appease the hunger of the Self deep within. Finite things can and never will appease infinite hunger. The only thing that can appease infinite hunger is infinity itself - the Selfs longing for itself. While I enjoy life and all it's external modalities, I am in no means bound by them. Renounce and enjoy!

Realizing that this spectrum we're all within, is just one thin layer on a infinite number, and that infinity is our birthright. Realizing the eternal reality that forever sings it's story through the span of time. We're that song that sings itself.

Knowing all this has made this life infinitely beautiful. At first it was hard to grasp and fully understand, because the act of 'trying' to understand in itself was falling short and in turn can make one go crazy. But in accepting, letting go of all notions, and not 'trying' to understand it - it then opens itself up fully and completely, and it flows through you.

Being able to look at nearly every situation with an equal eye, an impartial attitude, and make the best out of what's given is one of the main gifts that i've received over time, and took me much time to realize - to not get wrapped up in and bound by dualistic thinking.

I wouldn't trade any of it.

 

[Beyond Me]

Absolutely: no

The "ego-death" is one of the most beautiful/terrifying sensations I have ever experienced in life.

I had only ever felt this way one time before having DMT and that was on the verge of death.

At the moment of truly feeling like my physical form was going to end, something beautiful but terrifying happened. after a silly inner dialogue, Family.. Friends.. Those were the two thoughts that came in.

Then suddenly, nothing.. I was surrounded by an empty space. Like a grenade went off and all I could hear was ringing (ironically DMT does this! sometimes). literally empty space.
What if this is who I am? I thought........................................................................................................A moment of utter-stillness inside of me --devoid of the chaotic (literally crumbling) external world-- came forward.

The scary aspect of this realization was faced for about a minute or two, I was suspended in a kind of limbo between being free/horrified at what the implications of being no-thing meant.

once this terrifying feeling left, what was left was this space. Like my body was on a stage, and my whole life I thought I was the body, but after this experience I saw how I was the stage that was temporarily manifesting as a form, body.


This lasted about three days until someone told me numbers were important to being happy. Almost immediately, upon believing that numbers are actually real rather than a linguistic convention, that this peace left.

No joke, DMT took me back to this place.

in truth, it was not it.
But it was the closest pointer back to the source I have ever found.

"The finger pointing to the moon is not the moon."

It takes you somewhere ineffable, but it is not the place.

My personal, purely anecdotal, unofficial, off the record (think I covered all the bases lol) opinion is that The spice takes you to the point where you feel like you're dying for real. Facing it for the first time, in the first person! i.e. The death of every form you have ever held onto.

Spice does this so many times you can't possibly even comprehend or remember it all. A switch that basically reads:

"All your thoughts are impermanent!"

gets Switched on, and you get taken somewhere else.. Shocking, Beautiful, terrifying. Every single sense-perception at once, and none of them experienced at the same time. Direction, space, time, combining, and separating simultaneously.

That's the closest pointer I can say about it in words, and it's pretty meaningless lol

How could I regret this? It brought me back.