a shaman to become comes to learn and share

[mnthn]

Hi everyone, it was the best title that popped into my mind so I decided to keep it

I've been coming here for a long time now and decided to join.
I have done quite the study on shamanism, religion and magick and have had wonderfull
experiences with psychedelics.
I do have a problem with hearing voices. This started after withdrawal from ritalin and perhaps usage of salvia divinorum. At least one part of the voices, the murderous ones.
Before I had the murderous ones I learned to enter a trance like phase, in this trance my true self can communicate with what seem to be and who proclaim to be dead people. These guys are quite fun, but for the murderous ones I'm always looking for a cure, I am on medication which helps and contradictory the voices seem to be stopped by ritalin. And other meds have proven they are fully depended on the dopamine receptors.
So it's a strange thing and not quite schizophrenia. But I will stay away from salvia for now. But it seems as an earthly thing because in my trance the evil voices are gone as well so there should be no trouble on the astral plane.

I am now returning to the shamanic approach to handle this problem at the core, and since my love for DMT and that it is known to cure others, there is nothing I could lose.
I've done truffels while hearing the voices and it all went allright with nothing too bad.
I did battle the great snake and saw amazing closed eyed visuals, after that there was what appeared to be telekinesis, even my voices were amazed that I was supposedly performing telekinesis while on shrooms.
I love to experiment, even before I heard voices I was into mushrooms and meditation and achieved wondrous things by meditation alone, even an OBE.
I have in fact learned to shut down my thoughts instantly on command, which really helps meditation and should help me a lot when using entheogens.

I am quite into DMT and haven't had a full breakthrough yet, but have acquired enough to last a while thanks to knowledge and help from our ancestors

well that's just a little bit about me, I've learned a lot from coming at the nexus and really like the maturity of the forum when it comes to entheogens
I would like a full membership to show some good input now and then on the right places

 

[travsha]

Hearing murderous voices sounds a bit worrisome.... I would be careful using DMT because I think DMT can really open you up to lots of things if you dont know how to direct the experience well.... I might not even want to work with psychedelics for a while if I thought they were causing murderous voices to talk to me.... A lot of risk involved there.

I have seen psychedelics heal mental disorders and make them worse. It can go either way, so you really need to be careful if you have symptoms similar in any way to schizophrenia. I think most people are fine working with psychedelics on their own, but in your case I might recommend a experienced facilitator or shaman.

If you think you might be called to work as a shaman at some point I think it is especially valuable to sit in ceremony with an experienced elder to learn from them. I drink alone and with shamans and I have learned tons from watching more experienced healers work. I know at least two who I could recommend for mental disorders because I know they have worked with them in the past and had good results. Both live in Peru though.

Whenever someone shows worrisome signs of mental illness or disturbance, there are two plants I would trust more then some others.... San Pedro is often more gentle and subtle, and is also really grounding. Also super positive and wont invite any bad spirits or energies. I think instead of opening you to outside forces it actually protects you. Rape' or hape' (same thing but different spelling) could be another option - less psychedelic but very meditative and clearing - some shamans in Brazil use this as their main or only medicine. It is a snuff made mostly from tobacco and also other herbs or ashes from trees. Both medicines are very grounding and clearing - very positive focused and protective.

With murderous voices I am not sure even San Pedro would be the best idea though.... I am wondering if you could do some ground work without plants and substances - do some other healing to set a foundation and get some stability, and then if you feel ready later to re-introduce the psychedelics and see how they affect you then.... Maybe Vipassana, meditation, holotropic breathwork, shamanic journey with drum, other shamanic healing ect....

 

[mnthn]

first of all thank you for your concern and of course for the tip about San Pedro.
I never had cacti before and do not know a whole lote about them, but will have a look!

I know it's quite the contraindication to take psychedelics while you are already experiencing murderous voices.
There are a few things I have to say about why I have chosen this path.

First the voices started during a period in which I busy with The Great Work, with amazing progression. After years of study of the many religion, alchemy, shamanism and magick (Thelema) I was finally taking things up for practice with Yoga and meditation.
Trying to achieve the Philosopher's Stone.
After many achievements I started to hear the voices of the dead in my trances.
But at one time the other voices started and everything went south.
This is were it first came to mind of it being forces trying to keep me from achieving the Work, in which case I must push on and defeat this obstacle, of course.
But on the other hand it could be that my medication that time in combination of salvia divinorum's upregulation of the dopamine d2 receptor might have triggered a mind state in which I created the voices, or a state that just makes me hear them.

But at that time, I was pretty much fully convinced it was all real.
The thing is that the voices pretend to be real people I know in real life, but they are vampires. It's a long story, but 24/7 there are 2 groups of people pretty much yelling at each other cause one half wants to kill me and abuse my ex-girlfriend and the other half is trying to protect me.
And I just know that in either the astral plane or the DMT space there should be someone who could finally tell me the truth behind the voices, if not help me get rid of them.
I would really love that.

I have tried literally almost everything. I have had a shamanic healing and entity removal, although I must say that I'm not quite sure about this shaman's power. It's not the kind of shaman that uses entheogens and she asked for a shitload of money.
She told me that the voices were entity attachments, but they never went away.
Now even she says it's mental .

I have tried many different medications, to finally have proven that ritalin makes the voices go away,
which by the way is contraindicated with psychosis, as well as entheogens
For this I even had to buy ritalin from someone off the internet, because my doctor wouldn't help me. When I told him that I tested it and it worked he became happy to lend a hand.
There are foods that seem to help, so it is a strange disorder, since raw meat and energy drinks as well make the voices go away. It truly seems to be depended on the amount of energy I have, when I'm tired or hungry the voices became louder.
So I will always have hope that I will cure myself from the voices.
Without the insight I delivered I would still be taking antipsychotics, while ritalin helps much better against the voices with much less side effects, there wasn't a doctor who would prescribe it even when I insisted, it took me 1,5 years to get the prescription and I was right all along.
In the meantime, I lost my house, my girlfriend (after 8 years together), friendships and soon pretty much everything else I cared about.

But I am doing allright though! I still love life and everything in it, that's why I want to pick up where I was before the voices started and do my best to help and heal others.
This method is conform my own beliefs in magick and shamanism and I feel that I might be able to defeat this obstacle whatever it may be and return to a normal life without any form of medication.

I'm sorry about the entire story, it's quite some.
I just want to make my intentions clear
it's not about spacing out on DMT and just having a good time, I truly belief it can help me on my path and perhaps open the doors to a cure as well

 

[mnthn]

on another note

I would really love to sit down with a true experienced elder Shaman, but
the problem is that I live in the Netherlands and there aren't many shamans around here.
The Shaman I visited might not have been a real or truly experienced shaman, and I really would prefer a shaman who uses entheogens to lift the veil.

So it seems like something I will have to do on my own, because I haven't got the money to travel to the rainforest to find a true shaman.
I really would love to though, but I just can't.

 

[Koornut]

First the voices started during a period in which I busy with The Great Work, with amazing progression. After years of study of the many religion, alchemy, shamanism and magick (Thelema) I was finally taking things up for practice with Yoga and meditation.
Trying to achieve the Philosopher's Stone.
After many achievements I started to hear the voices of the dead in my trances.
But at one time the other voices started and everything went south.
This is were it first came to mind of it being forces trying to keep me from achieving the Work, in which case I must push on and defeat this obstacle, of course.
But on the other hand it could be that my medication that time in combination of salvia divinorum's upregulation of the dopamine d2 receptor might have triggered a mind state in which I created the voices, or a state that just makes me hear them.

Do you have any fear of not succeeding in this work?

 

[mnthn]

No not really, I think that's mainly because it seems that I have succeeded in developing my astral body and thus pretty much have done the earthly part of the work.
In theory at least, but the thought helps it could be that I'm way off, but even then there aren't any worries, things are as they are.
But I haven't had another OBE or spend enough time in meditation to seperate my soul from my body again and I really have to test this stuff out.
I also want to test if the DMT world is anything like my OBE.

But I'm not worried about pretty much anything, might be the bliss of being able to shut down my thoughts
Even though I can hardly pay my bills or anything, I hardly worry and if I do I just shut down my thoughts and go do something else.

It's like being Zen all the time

 

[travsha]

I know there are lots of Ayahuasca shamans in Netherlands - or at least lots of ceremonies being held there for groups... I hear about them all the time...

The shaman you worked with sounds like she just does the core-shamanism thing.... It's not really the same, and whether or not that is really what she does, she doesnt sound very effective.

I never thought you were into this for the fun of it BTW - but even with good intentions things can go badly if you mix mental illness and psychedelics. They can help or harm in that situation, so just be careful. I hope things go well for you.

 

[mnthn]

thank you very much Travsha!

I will take another look at ayahuasca shamans in the Netherlands.
All I kept finding was Santo-Daime and other ceremonies of which none seemed to be guided by a shaman.
But I will keep on looking, I feel it is always better to do this kind of work with a professional whenever you can.
And of course would love to hear his/her opinion about me talking to the dead
I mean, if they truly are dead people that is

 

[Koornut]

@m
Your positivity is infectious

But alas, you have been through a difficult 8 years. While on the surface it appears to me that you have an effective mechanism in place that keeps you 'truckin on' (so to speak) , there are things deep down that are beginning to 'break free' and cause out of context chaos, of which I am certain you know more than I.

Everything we put in our body, be it material or abstract stays with us. So it is up to us to contextualise and continousely integrate these experiences; else we miss a major 'thing' that comes back at a later date with an appearance of vengeance, but it can be easily maintained and it appears you are on a solid path. Ask a million questions, expand your breadth of knowledge. The answers will not be what you expect.

Welcome to the nexus.

 

[mnthn]

Thank you very much Sphorange!

it weren't 8 years ( I corrected it in my post so that it reads better),
me and my ex were together for 8 years when I lost her thanks to the consequences the voices had.
The voices started about 1 year and 9 months ago.

What also sucked...
When the voices started I was still busy on my first DMT extraction.
I had already spend almost a year doing research on DMT and was really into
shamanism, magick and mushrooms. I grew them myself back then.
I also took those in consideration for the voices but shrooms don't touch the dopamine receptors.
Eventually I lost it all in the process of being hospitalized and losing my home
So the entire time while I was on antipsychotics DMT became more and more of a dream that would never come true... but now I have meds that work just fine with DMT...

So eventually the TAO :thumb_up: came up with a nice 1.7% thrue an A/B on 500gr MHRB
he was so excited with the results, he had no idea he would reach the 1.7%

in the future I'll sit down with my good friend the TAO and enjoy the spices it brings
but I will have a thorough look for Ayahuasca shamans here in the Netherlands first

 

[mnthn]

I know I have to be really carefull with hyperspace....
I found the most interesting story, with which I somehow relate my own voices
in some way it feels familiar. Which is also the perfect note of caution for me.

[Report(s)] A warning to my fellow psychonauts regarding hyperspace entities (wall of text alert!) - DMT - Quality experience reports - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

I have no idea what I will find. All I do know is that I must be carefull not to be fooled onto the wrong path.
But I do have a feeling that it is the place to go if I really want to get any further with them. If not by 6 hour long meditation sessions, perhaps with DMT..

 

[○]

Not that im any professional, but personally speaking, id go live life, enjoy life in all it's beauty and stay clear of any psychoactive substances for the time being.

 

[mnthn]

I love and enjoy life and every little thing there is in it to it's fullest.
But the problem seems that I've reached a milestone in my spiritual awakening.
And I truly believe I can get rid of the voices and the meds which still are a pain for me if I take the time to fix this.
I've had to hear that I was going to be murdered, everyday for the last year and 9 months or so, so yeah I know how much importance there is in enjoying life.
Eventually I didn't even care about what I was spending or anything thinking I could be killed tonight and really should live life to it's fullest as long as I could.

And it's not just the psychedelic substances, because the weirdest things I have experienced sober and with most I wasn't even meditating when they happened.
I opened a door with meditation and seem to have found something that is trying to keep me from going further. And on the other hand there still seem to be forces pushing me further and helping me on my path.

From my religious and magickal perspective I do have a solid idea what it is and what I am supposed to do to make it go away, but it has been only since recent that I am able to think that way again. I can and will not make any religious statements about it.

For those who do want an insight about my beliefs, you can say that I am an omnist and am specifically interested in Thelema and carry a profound love for shamanism.

 

[mnthn]

I received a PM and am not able to PM back, but I do hope he reads this just so he knows I'm thankful

@smokerx

I want to thank you smokerx a lot for your message and helpfulness.
I cannot PM back, because I am still a new member, but I am grateful for your input

 

[travsha]

Be careful with Thelema - if you look at the people who practiced it they all lived very difficult and tortured lives in many ways... Seems to inflate the ego and create a lot of confusion without ever delivering what it promises. Some dark stuff there, hidden behind talk of "the great work."

I personally think the Golden Dawn and Theosophical Society are two of the worst things that ever happened to spirituality.... I blame both for the New Age movement completely. I wouldnt trust anything influenced by either one....

Old school hermeticism like the Emerald Tablet or Corpus Hermetica is pretty good though - Emerald Tablet especially has some beautiful wisdom.

 

[mnthn]

I never joined any thelemic group, I always kept it with study.
The study started out after Quantum Mechanics, I first went to shamanism, picked up folklore and then various ancient religion. After this came Alchemy followed by Taoism which was followed up by Thelema.
For me it was as if I was literally guided into an enormous study of religion and magick and I just went with it, my life quality became better and better after diminishing my ego and I never thought there would be such an obstacle.

 

[travsha]

You studied alchemy? Ever thought of making spagyrics with DMT containing plants instead of going for the DMT right away? Could be a safer alternative and a really cool way to connect deeply with the spirit of that plant... Spagyrics are really wonderful.

 

[Corax]

Hello mnthn,

and welcome to the nexus.

I do have a problem with hearing voices.

you probably heard about this, but just in case : have you heard about (no pun intended) the "Hearing Voices Movement" ? Hearing Voices Movement - Wikipedia
There's a pdf available on the internet http://www.psycope.co.uk/resources/...oping-with-Hearing-Voices - By Paul Baker.pdf
They apparently propose an interesting and non judgemental approach when the voices are a problem.

 

[mnthn]

@travsha, spagyrics is certainly a thing I have thought about but that part of alchemy is mostly a focus on learning how chemical reactions take place which they use in the term Solve et Coagula to describe the process of finding the Philosopher's Stone or better known as our astral body.
The thing I studied the most in every religion, as well as the underworld.

@Corax, thank you for your welcome, I haven't heard of this particular movement, but here in the Netherlands we have a movement which endorses the same ideals.
I too am a supporter when it comes to the voices not being a mental illness and certainly not schizophrenia which is said to be incurable.

Ah well... in the good old days I would have been burned at the stake for being a witch
i'm so happy it's 2015:grin:
( but then again, wouldn't we all?) :shock: