sometimes it feels like the birds are waking me up gently so I can listen to them through DMT ears. it is glorious, as you say, sublime. you can almost take the notes apart in your mind, slow it down, analyze each little frequency! so glad you mentioned that! its all over my reports!!
-
Members of the previous forum can retrieve their temporary password here, (login and check your PM).
Any other daily travellers here?
- Thread starter Qoniaq
- Start date
yeah man! in my youth, RPGs were the video games. I GMed Warhammer, GURPS, TMNT, D&D, you name it. Vampires the masquerade, Warhammer 40k (i still have my armies in a box somewhere...heheh
Thanks for the awesome feedback. I get what you mean about sharing. However, I have felt...I don't know the word.. 'Calling' is not correct, it sounds woo woo and over spiritual, but....ok, Take some artists that get inspired by the spice, right? the Garces',the Incedegris', the Alex greys of the world. Maybe inspiration is more the word I am looking for. But they 'see' things there, right? And they have the artistic talent and presence of mind to then show us their vision. I feel a bit like that, but with zero artistic talent. What I have is an exeptional memory and discipline for record keeping. I have the impression (could just be my ego, I'm not placing a value judgement) that if I keep getting called in, and I keep getting the impression that what I am seeing, feeling, hearing, experiencing are not just meant for me, that I AM meant to share. -- I am reading this back and it sounds so egotistical, but it's not the vibe I get inside, I promise. -- I don't feel like any of the experiences I am having are meant to be kept secret. Each trip, I get insights I feel I am being told I should catalogue, record, keep as precise as I can. Maybe for posterity, maybe it's so my daughters one day will find them and learn a whole bunch about their dad they had no clue about. Maybe it's because I got my masters in Classics and history that I am so into record keeping, I truly don't know. Must be the museum curator in me....
What I can say, is if your trips and visions feel like they should be digested over long periods, held close to your heart, and kept to yourself, I totally get it. Do that! My buddy is like that. he shares with me, but that's about it. I do most of his journaling for him! ahha.
I was like that for decades. Kept it to myself.
Since then I have completed 2 integrator and facilitator courses with MAPS and a coaching course with Naturalistico (not nearly as involved as MAPS.), and I have become less shy about discussing. I have also been doing some work as a facilitator with some accredited therapists in my area who can prescribe Ketamine, and psylocybin. It has been eye-opening indeed, and I now see why diploma weilding psychiatrists are so important in the process. I was not ready for everything I saw in there. But nobody is ready to work with DMT yet in my clinical contacts. It will come one day. (NOTE: It pays tons!!! I highly suggest taking courses if it's something that titillates you! It may become my retirement plan, honestly) . It has shown me that the things we all see (And I include the Nexus travellers at large) are not as fringe as we think. There are enormous areas of overlap in our experiences that will only be indentified if we start noting, honestly, what we experience there. We need data. Lots of it, and not all from clinical settings. Not all from a McKenna-esque points of view either, and certainly not all ''As the molecule binds to the 5HT2a receptor, it causes a bla bla bla...'' either. Proper phenomenology. Real, honest reports. 1st person views of what actually happened. I have a lot of them, so I write them down.
The nexus makes it hard to actually meet up IRL, but if one day I could meet someone who does a harmala drink, I would love to try. I am open to all new experiences but prefer my 1st times with an experienced friend. (Keeping oneself curious is perhaps the greatest gifts psychedelics give us. Especially as we get older, and more blasé)
This is a public forum, I don't know you, you don't know me. We could both be completely full of it. I am aware of that. However, reading the responses here, I can't help but feel like maybe sharing this IS good. What if my posts and your gracious replies help someone here get through a difficult trip, and hard entry, or making sense of some of the weirdness the deemy world can present? Maybe it can make someone here fell like they are not alone in their desires, frequency, habits...you name it.
I see a real use in that. A strenght that comes from a community sharing what they lived. Let's be honest, how many people do you know IRL that are regular Deemers? I know .....1....yup. One single person. And he is my trip buddy and fellow chemist. I have initiated a dozen or so people over the years, and they were all pretty much one and done. 2 have come back and done it again, but I really onely know 1 person who is a regular. Given the fact that our community is not that numerous, public forums like this become one of our only meeting places. Discussion hubs. I feel like if you want to share, you really should. If you feel you are not meant to, then you definitely should not.
Soonish, I will choose a few trip reports to post, as they are written when I am done all dictation and cross-referencing, so you can see my format, record keeping and metrics.
In the meatime, here is the retirement certificate for last month's cart, X4P23C1. It was a fantastic cart for a 2nd and 3rd pull cart. As good as many 1st pull carts. It was a smaller 500mg cart made with only the 2nd and 3rd pulls of the 4th extract this year. X4-4th extract, P23-pulls 2 and 3, and C1-cart one of 2 (in this case pulls 2 and 3 mixed gave me 1.3gs. i put 500mg in C1 and put 700mg in C2, that was my buddy's cart) All carts share the same naming system for record keeping purposes. All that is missing from this particular report is the final empty cart weight, need to weigh it next visit to buddy's place. he has the scales. Probably this weekend.
It's Friday. May come back Monday with a full dose report...who knows.
Attachments
Now I have a little time to share and explore more about my regular use.
The weirdest part is that I had had many many doubts about what I was doing despite continuing to do it (an instance in which I am thankful for my stubborness). In this way, DMT and harmalas shine a light on the shadow of my self-loathing. I am not cool with myself. This is evident to me by virtue of how the space seems to treat and respond to me. It/they regularly try to coax me deeper, for what feels like their desires as well as my own. But I have relegated myself to low dose for about 5 years or so. My goal is to not blow passed the content that exists at lower doses that we can obstensibly avoid, given a stiff enough dose. Tangentially, my intent is also to condition my system to handle varying depths with regularity. [Paused here to smoalk]
[back from smoalking]
I am a responsible person, to a fault. I am also neurotic and lose my self-reference. Without an external standard, I've had to fight to learn to just trust myself.
My orientation to my frequency and depth has shifted and has become more accepting since my DMTx experience in February. I have yet to fully delineate the experience, but you can see some details of it here. It is very much my medicine. I am also a guide, and I talk about this a little bit in that same thread, but in a recent ceremony, I made clear contact, that only had validation for me. This was without medicine. I am very much on a path with this medicine and I see that now, with less doubt and more acceptance. I have apparently come to the point where the point of smoalking is being, and smoalking is prayer.
That said, even at the low doses I tend to play with, things are only getting weirder. Halfway through many changa experience of late have included experiences of a redose without actually taking any extra medicine. The medicine is also holding on to me longer. This is a reflection of years of regular use.
I am only ramping up. I have tried to shed these chains and armor for a long time, and now that they are coming off, I want to love and honor myself and fully dive into that. While I tend to be a one and done type (not because that's what I want, but because my inhibitions are that strong), sometimes doing so throughout the day, I want to make more of a habit of sitting with the medicine for longer periods. It's breaking the habit of doing the bare minimum for myself. And I can look back on my frequent use as a standard for being okay and what I am doing being okay. I learn a lot, about myself, and about that which is external to me, by continuing on. I don't think I could turn back now even if I wanted to.
Burning the candle at both ends.
One love
is asking where you did dmtx against the rules? delete this if it is. and how much did it cost you? legit curious and interested
I don't see it being against the rules to ask since we talk about retreats here often.is asking where you did dmtx against the rules? delete this if it is. and how much did it cost you? legit curious and interested
However, I have to think carefully about how to answer that question and the subsequent one without doxxing myself lmao.
I will say though, it is something truly and deeply special and hope that you and many others will be able to have that experience one day.
One love
if you feel comfortable with it, i would appreciate. maybe a message to not dox yourself? I feel you, whatever your call. cheers
I did a brief experiment after talking a bit about sub breakthrough experiences and how they can be just as beneficial as breakthrough doses. Previous image had only really gone for breakthroughs.
He was explaining to me basically about how he would do sub breakthrough doses daily for a bit then take a break go back etc. After doing my own experiment we both came to th3 conclusion that DMT id basically the only plant medicine that gets BETTER and easier to use over time.
I ran an experiment where I would do a sub break through experience sometime ij the morning or afternoon and an additional sub breakthrough before bed sometime. I did this for one full month with the final day being a full breakthrough dose.
As the days went by I could literally almost feel my body adapting to the dmt, I would need far less per experience to get where I needed to be for the experiment. It got to the point where i would actually almost accidentally breakthrough, hitting it and enjoying the experience was effortless.
I also had a few experiences during this time where I didnt SEE any entities sub breakthrough but would be shown small things or communicated with.
One of these experiences was actually the last day. I was getting ready to take my breakthrough dose and had spotify on. I took id say maybe 3 10 sec inhale hold release hits and the song on Spotify changed and then a song came on that literally said "okay, now that were all here" and the entity basically communicated to me that they wanted to do something for me to heal some of the pain ive been through and that it was safe and to trust them and basically it called upon me to push and breakthrough. And as I was going the songs that came on literally like felt like they were speaking to my soul and I was being embraced and hugged. And I eventually stopped hitting the pen and was jjst enjoying what they were showing me visually as well. And remembering to breathe and like fucking balled for 5 mins but like it was a happy crying. And all I could do in that moment was be like wtf. Thank you and sit there and try and fuckkng gather myself.
There were a few other instances where weird things like that occurred purely on sub breakthrough.
I will say...at one point I did experience daily nightmares for like 4-5 days straight idk if that correlated to the dmt use but I had thought about stopping the experiment as it kind of lined up that way not sure if anyone else has had that happen?
Also, now when I take breaks away from it its like I kind of just left off where I was. Id say it works even better coming back off a break now
I see it as mental purging. Stuck energies come to the surface in the form of dark imagery. It can happen during your journey or after it. We're full of it, and that's the main job of any true medicine - to cleanse us. After a hard and unstable period, people tend to become more in harmony with themselves and the world.
Panpsychic
Titanium Teammate
Yes, I get where you are coming from and the desire to share like Alex Grey and Robert Venosa shared their art. The difference is that art, though inspiring is not as challenging to peoples beliefs as they can simply dismiss it by saying they dont like or get the art style.
With written accounts, what you will find is people reference it their own metaphysical beliefs systems whether implicit or overt, and this is where the issues arise. A sizeable number of psychedelic users do it for the thrill and wonder without really dwelling on the larger implications, which is fine. Where your personal accounts may challenge belief structure is where there is resistance. So if its purely subjective experience of the trip it can be added to the database and people can enjoy or ignore it.
Where I have had an issue in the past and why I don't share large amounts, is because many of my experience go beyond the trip itself to where Jung stated the outer reflects the inner world; there is an ongoing transformation of consciousness induced by psychedelics and accelerated by meditation and conscious living, and this can include things like repeated synchronicity and precognition, areas which challenge assumptions about how the universe operates and as I have well beyond doubt regarads these things that have been proven numerous times to me, its not worth sharing for the inevitable questioning and doubts of others without the experiences and not operating from the true metaphysical framework the sacrament is revealing
I am in a related field so yes I agree and its something I will be more involved in future, its great that these means are available to help people.
I understand the sentiment and in ideal circumstances this is how it would be, but then you may well find yourself waiting for many years as its not that common even in the DMT space.
In line therefore with what we have been discussing regards being able to share with others online, I would like to take the opportunity to informally induct you into the practice of taking Harmala with DMT, using Peganum Harmala tea in particular. Consider it another avenue of possibility that has opened up in your quest.
There is plenty on here about how to prep the tea and dosages but feel free to ask. It is very much worth it and you are not undergoing the process alone as you can alwaya discuss with us.
I wrote previously about my feeling that it was the rediscovery of an ancient tradition and I believe this to be true based on current research.
What's also great is, you have the opportunity to seek out a special goblet or chalice for the purpose should you wish to partake.
I hope you do get that it's a framework that you've created for yourself. Even what you see in the medicine space is conditioned by you.
The same applies to myself and everyone else. We create stories to describe the indescribable. We create a path to reach something we already possess, and so on.
If you add a feedback cycle of support from a community, you will become even more stuck in it all. All that your ego needs to say is that no one gets it and your ideas are right.
No one knows anything here, and those who know remain silent. Once again, it's a diss unto myself first of all.
Panpsychic
Titanium Teammate
I would agree that "we" don't know anything. Ultimately it is "God" which knows. To the extent that we access and participate in this consciousness, then we get glimpses of this knowledge also.I hope you do get that it's a framework that you've created for yourself. Even what you see in the medicine space is conditioned by you.
The same applies to myself and everyone else. We create stories to describe the indescribable. We create a path to reach something we already possess, and so on.
If you add a feedback cycle of support from a community, you will become even more stuck in it all. All that your ego needs to say is that no one gets it and your ideas are right.
No one knows anything here, and those who know remain silent. Once again, it's a diss unto myself first of all.
That harmala card picture is really extra dope, though.
I'd say that we ultimately dissolve or melt into the Godhead. Our embodiment of the divine is in direct relation to how transparent or open the ego becomes. Yet, as long as we believe in a separate self, we're still in the conceptual box. My aim is to disassemble the ego structure, but I do agree that marinating in God-consciousness is actually the way. We can't get out of the box using the constructs of that very same box.
How are we to help awaken others, even those no where near the path, if we neglect to share, even just a lil, to plant the seeds in other minds, that will lead to peace and equanimity for all? Is it the challenge of your convictions that puts you off or the work that is entailed when sharing with those not in the know? If something has been "proven to you" repeatedly, isn't your resolve and stance pretty solid, such that what others who are naive have to share or challenge can't shake your frame? Don't get me wrong, yes know your audience, but it seems like there's something deeper mulling around under these statements.
One love
Panpsychic
Titanium Teammate
I don't recall, either in my statements here or in my general posting history saying not to share 'even just a lil'. In fact I would say I have shared quite a lot. There are however limits to sharing is what I am saying and each person has their own understanding of what they want to share, and to whom.
By all means express what it is you think may be 'mulling around'. Like I stated regarding precognition; actually I did share about some of these experiences early on, and they were attacked and attempted to be discredited by some. This is when I realized that:
- There are some things that don't need to be shared, or only should be shared with the appropriate people at the right time.
- Some areas that can open up with psychedelics, without one having had the exprience oneself, will seem impossible and improbable, and thus the responses one gets when one shares these are not suprising as each person will reference from their understanding, view and experience and sometimes it can unsettle people of something occurs outside this. This is something I have obseved not just here but sharing IRL.
- There may well come a time to share more. In fact this is common, that people can sometimes dwell and stew on certain things for years or even decades before they are ready to share. So for me, some of what I have experienced falls into that category, whereas other things do not, such as some of what I have already shared on these forums.
It's implied right here:
So again, why do their questions and doubts hinder you? Again, I agree, know your audience, not everyone is going to get it. But that's not really what you're focusing on, is it?
Relative to how you present yourself, in conjunction with the statements I am focusing on, it simply seems like there's something else going on, but nothing that I presume to know or see so well as to try and pinpoint for you. Perhaps the proof that informs your conviction isn't as conclusive as it may appear?
Is it perhaps that veracity of your position is challenged when people don't align with you? Most people, myself included, would gladly challenge the notion of "true metaphysical framework." Don't mistake the map for the terrain.
One love
I understand protecting oneself, but that doesn't seem to be what this is about.
I can relate to being hesitant to share weird experiences. But countless people here have shared weird synchronicities and seemingly precognition experiences etc. for years...and when the people sharing are clearly remaining open minded and aren't presenting it as the one "true metaphysical framework" and saying things like "proven" and "beyond doubt"...the reception here is likely to be far more reasonable and warm. A lack of opened mindedness to being wrong will often color peoples reaction more than the unique strangeness of the experiences shared
Similar threads
