passiflora
Rising Star
My first several experiences with this plant were with commercial extracts. Overall I found it to be strange, confusing, and harsh, leaving me with little desire to try again. I ordered some plain leaf after reading more positive things about it, and recently got to try it.
I ground the leaf finely, packed roughly half a gram and did a 2 liter grav, in order to maximize the amount of smoke in one inhalation. Very quickly I started to feel the characteristic strangeness of salvia. My limbs felt like they were made of iron and I forgot I could move them for the first several minutes. Everything looked very warped, there were faces on the walls, and my depth perception was off.
I closed my eyes, and saw myself appear in a blurry, fluorescent meadow. In front of me was a female silhouette, but I could not make out her features.
"Why am I here?"
"You wanted to be."
Oh, right...
"You're afraid to go any further."
I was. That didn't mean I had control. Splotchy darkness began to spread in front of me. No! I wasn't ready. I forced myself to turn around and opened my eyes suddenly. I was back in the room. I tried to focus on the aloe plant, which was was waving its arms and trying to communicate. Faces on the walls loomed over me as I tried not to blink.
I knew I had to go back. There was something I had to see. I closed my eyes again, and returned to the meadow. She was still there, waiting, expectantly.
"Why am I afraid?"
"You don't know what to ask." She was bored, and clearly dissatisfied with my question.
"Should I come back once I do?"
"You could do that. Just make sure you're ready."
I left and opened my eyes. I felt a strong urge to write down the conversation, so I would remember. (But how could I actually forget?) I knew she wanted more of me than what I had to offer her at that moment. I felt how terribly afraid I was, of what I might see, but I also had a deep feeling that it was something I really needed to see. I knew that if I wanted her to show me, I would have to give myself over to her completely. But I also had the sense that she would be there if I were to return.
When I feel ready, I want to try to see her again. If I rush it and come back unprepared, she made it pretty clear that she'll be pissed.
I ground the leaf finely, packed roughly half a gram and did a 2 liter grav, in order to maximize the amount of smoke in one inhalation. Very quickly I started to feel the characteristic strangeness of salvia. My limbs felt like they were made of iron and I forgot I could move them for the first several minutes. Everything looked very warped, there were faces on the walls, and my depth perception was off.
I closed my eyes, and saw myself appear in a blurry, fluorescent meadow. In front of me was a female silhouette, but I could not make out her features.
"Why am I here?"
"You wanted to be."
Oh, right...
"You're afraid to go any further."
I was. That didn't mean I had control. Splotchy darkness began to spread in front of me. No! I wasn't ready. I forced myself to turn around and opened my eyes suddenly. I was back in the room. I tried to focus on the aloe plant, which was was waving its arms and trying to communicate. Faces on the walls loomed over me as I tried not to blink.
I knew I had to go back. There was something I had to see. I closed my eyes again, and returned to the meadow. She was still there, waiting, expectantly.
"Why am I afraid?"
"You don't know what to ask." She was bored, and clearly dissatisfied with my question.
"Should I come back once I do?"
"You could do that. Just make sure you're ready."
I left and opened my eyes. I felt a strong urge to write down the conversation, so I would remember. (But how could I actually forget?) I knew she wanted more of me than what I had to offer her at that moment. I felt how terribly afraid I was, of what I might see, but I also had a deep feeling that it was something I really needed to see. I knew that if I wanted her to show me, I would have to give myself over to her completely. But I also had the sense that she would be there if I were to return.
When I feel ready, I want to try to see her again. If I rush it and come back unprepared, she made it pretty clear that she'll be pissed.