Help trying to end my road rage.

[FloorFan]

So, it feels weird writing about this, but I've noticed that I'm having more and more and worse and worse instances of road rage. I feel like a complete hypocrite because of it.

I hate tailgaters, yet when someone pulls out in front of me, I keep approaching at my current speed till I'm right on them. I've done way more than break checking when tailgated by SLAMMING on my breaks. I've purposely nearly clipped the front of slow cars in the left lane when I get in front of them. Yet when anyone does this to me I loose it.

Then I feel like a donkey and have to calm down like I'm jacked up to fight. I've yelled at people. When flipped off I even have gotten out of my car and had a heated yelling match about how they are behind me and legally it's their responsibility to react to the traffic in front of them. The list goes on.

I've never hurt anyone, have not had an accident, and I know I am fortunate for it.

The last week or so, I've been really trying to be calmer on the road. I realize one day I may piss off the wrong person, just as I've felt I was the wrong person other drivers have pissed off. Which is wrong and could lead to dark places.

I also feel I have a sense of "I'll teach them". I hate it. I almost wish there were no traffic laws so that I wouldn't have anything to "teach." I say almost as I know this is only addressing a symptom and not the problem. Plus, I've driven in Beirut, Lebanon, where there are no traffic laws (or even traffic lights or signs) and I'd still get ragey.


With that all said, I'm wondering if anyone might have some tactics, advise, or can just relate. I also hope writing this here really cements my will to be calmer, no, calm when driving. I really don't want to be the endangering, raged out hypocrite on wheels anymore. It really isn't me.

Thanks for your time. Any words, even how stupid I am for being a traveling tyrant, would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Hieronymous]

So you are conscious of these episodes and you don't want to behave like that anymore.

Why not make a conscious decision not to do it anymore, a bit like quitting smoking or any other behaviour that creates a feedback loop to perpetuate itself.

You are in control of your brain and your thoughts and your mind will go will go where you direct it. Without that level of conscious control over your thoughts our minds are like a monkey in a fruit shop - jumping willy nilly from one place to the next in an uncontrolled stimuli and response pattern.

Take charge and direct your mind where you want it to go, be aware of the stimuli and response effect and don't respond in your typical manner, respond in a controlled and directed manner.

Everytime you bypass this stimuli and response feedback loop you will gain strength and then you'll be well on the way to self mastery. Put that monkey on a leash while it's out in public.

 

[starway6]

I know exactly what your talking about!
I sometimes have that problem also...
I know one reason for it its called ..[IMPATIENCE!]..a big factor in road rage..
I have to comute every day 16 miles each way.. and cant stand to be behind a long line of slower moving cars and often use fast menuvers like getting into far right passing lane or just quickly passing every car I can..
I know this is ..[not smart].. and the first time i get a big fat speeding ticket ..
[or in a wreck]..then ill be the one who is sorry..
Just think about what your doing!.. and imagine what could happen if its not controled..and just try to drive slower..
I try to relax by putting on some relaxing music and drive slower thinking of how much gasoline ill save!
One way to slow down is drive something that is low on power.. then you cant speed!
Think about your actions you will get it right..

 

[wearepeople]

Take 10 deep breathes. Put on calming music.

Focus your energy on positive thoughts.

Find beauty in something that you can see.

~wap~

 

[FloorFan]

Speeding to me is an arbitrary term. I think people should be able to drive as fast as they safely can. This can be argued I know. My only issue with speeding is the cost of tickets. Autobahn sounds like heaven!

Hieronymous, I try! This has been a struggle of mine for some time once I realized my level of interaction with other drivers was becoming extreme at times. It hits so hard and fast that it's just a flood of emotion and I use my driving skills to "teach", or so my crazed "logic" at that time goes (my dad taught me to be able to handle any driving situation. Skids, slides, racing maneuvers, even cop pitting tactics.) I know all I'm doing is endangering myself and others. If everyone was taught to drive the way I was then maybe it'd be different. Like weight classes or skill levels. But either way, it's not good. It's the flood of rage that gets my goat.

I completely resonate with your statement as that's how I've rid myself of many habits and reactions I've deemed should go in myself. I have, a few times, been able to catch myself on the upswing of emotion while driving, and just calm myself. But I still feel jacked up. Maybe that's progress. I sure hope it is. I want to just feel like I would were I walking and had to move around a tree. I've never raged out to a tree.


starway6, add 10 miles and that's my one way commute. I get what you mean about impatience, but I really enjoy driving. It's long lights or traffic jams that make me inpatient. But driving at speed I'm fine with, yet the rage happens unrelated to patience levels. I've managed to speed in a station wagon. Speed I'm fine with. I don't speed in crowded traffic. I'm not justifying anything, just elaborating on my habits for disclosure purposes. I try to not endanger anyone, and that's why I'm so concerned and feel like a hypocrite when the road rage does happen. But yes, I am trying to think more of what I'm doing! Sage words! Thanks you.


wearepeople, (just read your reply the other day on what you name means I once read it as ware-people, like wolves that turn into people lol) I love focusing my energy on positive thoughts. I need to replace the vengeful, entitled thoughts with positivity. You are right. Maybe it can be a new trigger. Like, GRRRR leads to goosebumps, or thoughts of a autumn breeze. Then I might seek out what used to rage me. Kidding aside, when you said take 10 breaths, I actually started to feel relief, and I'm just typing. I'll try that! As obvious as it sounds, something like that just doesn't cross your mind at those times. I really like finding beauty in something I can see. I think that's the best advise of all. It's what I do when I'm not raging, it should do wonders if I start to.


Thanks everyone so far!

 

[jamie]

just dont do it, rather than endangering everyone else on the road. If you cant calm down you need to be off the road. Think of all the other people having to drive around you, when you are like that. There is no excuse, so remember that and just calm down.

Drive like this long enough, and someone is going to pull your right out of the drivers side window one of these days...seen in happen before. You endanger everyone else.

 

[un-known-ome]

Listen To Music. Done. That is the solution. Me? I recently drove 50 minutes, played a Jon Hopkins album, and I was too wrapped up in the music to give a shit about anything else.

 

[SpartanII]

What helped me was to reflect back on my behavior. I didn't like it so my will to change eventually grew stronger than my behavior pattern.

I contemplated on not taking the actions of other motorists personally. Seeing the Bigger Picture. Soon I practiced finding humor in situations that used to boil my blood.

Ultimately, isn't road rage a result of self-importance? Utilizing techniques to detach from the ego and nurture gratitude and self-love would be helpful.

I would recommend Mindfulness meditation, Single-pointed/concentrative meditation, contemplation on Gratitude lists/journaling, and just plain humor found in the ignorance (and arrogance) of other motorists!

You are in control of your brain and your thoughts and your mind will go will go where you direct it.

It's been said that one cannot control one's thoughts, yet can control one's reaction to them.

I don't know whether this is a fact or not, but it does make sense to me.

 

[hug46]

S

I'm wondering if anyone might have some tactics, advise, or can just relate.

Buy a motorbike. Then, due to superior power to weight ratio (a decent bike will do 0-60 in 3 to 4 seconds), when someone tailgates you, all you have to do is open the throttle and you are gone. Every journey becomes an adventure rather than just a commute to work. Not only that but other bikers wave at you when they pass, which also puts you into a more zenlike frame of mind when you reach your destination due to positive human interaction.
There are downsides like the weather and myopic car drivers. But i think that riding in the rain and snow and being in a defensive frame of mind in relation to other road users helps a rider to up their game.
Experienced bikers make better car drivers because they have developed their road sense.

Most importantly IT"S FUN!!!!!!

 

[corpus callosum]

Imagine you have 3g of DMT sitting in your shirt pocket whenever you are behind the wheel, and drive with the caution and awareness such a scenario demands.

 

[twofourtwo]

Take 10 deep breathes.

I 'suffered' from trichotillomania (the deliberate pulling out of one's hairs as a kind of nervous tic) to the point where I had no eyebrows left. What I would do was, I would feel my eyebrows, find a hair that somehow stood out, was longer or harder than the others, pull it out and then eat it. A bout of this would last for five or ten minutes and then I'd feel remorse over the lost hairs and the unpretty sight.

The solution I found a couple of months ago was to say a little 'prayer' every time I started to 'feel up' those hairs. In this case I said to myself: "I love all these hairs and I leave them in peace." It sounds cheesy, even to me and I made up this little prayer. But it serves its purpose to making an unconscious process, conscious- just like taking those ten deep breaths would do, with the added benefit of a positive affirmation.

I think it's very important that you would use a positive affirmation instead of a negative one; e.g. "I feel affection towards my fellow road users" as opposed to "I do not feel anger towards my fellow drivers." You'd of course use your own words.

It helped me to become aware of what was happening to me and transform it into something I was in control over. Got my eyebrows back since then, maybe something like this could help you too. In any case, good luck!

 

[DreaMTripper]

Chillout and be a responsible motorist and stop being such a dick youre not far off from getting a hiding.

 

[anrchy]

I had the same issues. I stopped looking at the clock, made myself drive like I have no schedule or need to be somewhere at a certain time. Let them go, be in your vehicle and just cruise to where you are going.

If you drive more passively you will notice a lot less aggressive driving from others.

If they tailgate, let them go by. They are probably dealing with the sane issues and its best to let them in front of you.

 

[hug46]

If you drive more passively you will notice a lot less aggressive driving from others.

I agree. When i drive my van i never go over 90mph as i don"t want to have an accident. I don"t clockwatch and just plan on getting to my destination when i get there.

Another hot tip is when you are driving look around and marvel at the beauty of your reality and how lucky you are to exist in it. Obviously keep your eyes on the road aswell. When you get tailgated, sing. If i get stressed when driving i sometimes sing All things bright and beautiful and try and focus my thoughts on fluffy animals and childrens laughter.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

Each little flow’r that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colors,
He made their tiny wings.
The purple-headed mountains,
The river running by,
The sunset and the morning
That brightens up the sky.
The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun,
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one.
The tall trees in the greenwood,
The meadows where we play,
The rushes by the water,
To gather every day.
He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

And he also made that A-wipe that keeps tailgating you.

 

[SpartanII]

Also, remembering that you're propelling a two ton chunk of metal at potentially lethal speeds in close proximity to pedestrians, objects, and other two ton chunks of metal is humbling...

 

[pitubo]

Here's a bit of well-meant practical advice dealing effectively with tailgaters:

Steer slightly to the side of the road, signalling the tailgater that you like him/her to pass rather sooner than later.

Don't compete with the tailgater's rage. Just let it pass. Enjoy the relaxation. Smile.

Maybe practicing the joy of driving while smiling will also help you being less of a tailgater yourself.

 

[pitubo]

Maybe I should say: turn the anger competition into "try to get the smile off my face" competition.

 

[FloorFan]

I like so many of these posts.

Hug, I do in fact own a motorcycle. But it's engine is dead for the last few months I miss it greatly! It did lesson the rage but it also would open up more, as things that are dangerous is magnified.

Spartan, I REALLY like what you have to say! I think it does have to deal with some sort, as much as I don't want to admit, of self importance. I like to think I'm not like that, but I can't deny that's how I feel at the time. Very insightful.

Music, got that covered. After market self installed system with bass. LOVE music. It does help most of the time. I'm off in song lands.

Chillout and be a responsible motorist and stop being such a dick youre not far off from getting a hiding.

This is potent and sounds like my father, and is correct. Not sure what is meant by 'getting a hiding.' I do need to not be a dick behind the wheel!

I'm very glad I made this thread. Hopefully it can help others, too, as evidence on the road indicates that it's an all too common plague. I noticed last night, after I wrote this topic at work, the ride home was different. More aware.

This is also the first time I've addressed this issue while not in or immediately after the moment. It is in my full consciousness now, and as G.I. Joe always said, knowing is half the battle.


Thanks again Nexians, much love!

 

[DreaMTripper]

Lol , always give yourself plenty of time to get places let other be the road dicks. A hiding is this

but worse.

 

[FloorFan]

Lol , always give yourself plenty of time to get places let other be the road dicks. A hiding is this

but worse.

HA! Love Monty Python Road rage feels like that. A battle of who has the biggest fish to slap with. Fish being a two ton careening roller of motorized metallic mayhem, or car.

Yesterday went well driving with all these Nexian notion in my noggin. Thank you all!

I even thought of it in a law of attraction kind of way while driving. Someone in this thread said I'd encounter less people driving like d'bags if I drove less like a d'bag myself. If what I'm doing/thinking attracts the same, that's some pretty good motivation to not do or think that way!



Again, I can't say thanks enough. Lots to think about and integrate. I'm trying, and that feels loads better than "RAAAAAWR!"