Hello Nexians. I’d like to share some recent experiences, and ask if anyone else has had similar ones, and what I might be able to do about it.
I don’t want to come across as a dilettante, confidently assuming I know more than I do. So, to be clear, I’m new to this, and have tripped on DMT 7 or 8 times, on freebase that I extracted from MHRB.
In short: I don’t remember the most intense of my trips. I’m convinced that I go somewhere, as opposed to just blacking out, because on these occasions, I have come back laughing to myself contentedly. Something about existence being a bit silly, a bit ridiculous, like I’ve been taking it all too seriously. I don’t know where this would have come from, other than a message received one way or another.
Oddly, what I do remember is that, each time I do it, I remember thinking “oh, it’s like this, isn’t it? It’s all oddly familiar.” I remember my vision beginning to blur, the lights appearing to dim, hearing that rhythmic but not intrusive ringing in my ears, the room dissolving into mosaic patterns… and then nothing, until I’m back in my living room, enjoying the residual visuals as I gradually return.
It brings to mind that strange, anachronistic chapter in The Wind In The Willows, ‘The Piper At The Gates of Dawn.’ In it, the characters find a lost relative safe and sound in the company of the frightening but benevolent horned god Pan, who promptly wipes their memories of encountering ‘ancient terrors’. I’ve often wondered what Kenneth Graham was smoking when he wrote that (the chapter is, unsurprisingly, absent from most adaptations).
I know what constitutes a ‘breakthrough’ probably varies between people. If I consider the above my breakthrough trips, my sub-breakthrough ones have involved OEVs of DMT architecture around me, whilst I still remain recognisably in my living room. These have a half-remembered, dreamlike quality, and involved a lot of striped colours and swooping shapes, like carnival tents or a circus Big Top. The colours can vary but the theme is consistent. On one of these occasions, I encountered a female jester-type entity, although she didn’t say anything.
My amnesia hasn’t put me off tripping. I still feel as if I am getting something out of them, perhaps something quite important. But it is frustrating, as I’d love to remember them! One possibility I have been able to rule out is the quality of the spice. My partner has also tried it a couple of times despite initial trepidation (I didn’t want to pressure her one way or the other) and had quite a different experience to me. She describes being able to see ‘layers between reality’ and a female feline entity, like a big cat with a golden warrior mask. Odd, because we do not have a cat (quite the opposite, a canine being shares our living space).
My plan is to abstain from DMT for a couple of weeks or so, in order to think about my experiences so far, and to integrate them as best I can. It seems like a good idea to respect the substance by doing this. I remain grateful for my experiences, such as they are, and happy to have found DMT (or had it find me) at this particular juncture in life.
For now, though, I’d love any input that any fellow travellers are able to give. Have you experienced this? Is it likely to improve with use? Is there anything I can do about it? And, perhaps most crucially, does it matter?
I don’t want to come across as a dilettante, confidently assuming I know more than I do. So, to be clear, I’m new to this, and have tripped on DMT 7 or 8 times, on freebase that I extracted from MHRB.
In short: I don’t remember the most intense of my trips. I’m convinced that I go somewhere, as opposed to just blacking out, because on these occasions, I have come back laughing to myself contentedly. Something about existence being a bit silly, a bit ridiculous, like I’ve been taking it all too seriously. I don’t know where this would have come from, other than a message received one way or another.
Oddly, what I do remember is that, each time I do it, I remember thinking “oh, it’s like this, isn’t it? It’s all oddly familiar.” I remember my vision beginning to blur, the lights appearing to dim, hearing that rhythmic but not intrusive ringing in my ears, the room dissolving into mosaic patterns… and then nothing, until I’m back in my living room, enjoying the residual visuals as I gradually return.
It brings to mind that strange, anachronistic chapter in The Wind In The Willows, ‘The Piper At The Gates of Dawn.’ In it, the characters find a lost relative safe and sound in the company of the frightening but benevolent horned god Pan, who promptly wipes their memories of encountering ‘ancient terrors’. I’ve often wondered what Kenneth Graham was smoking when he wrote that (the chapter is, unsurprisingly, absent from most adaptations).
I know what constitutes a ‘breakthrough’ probably varies between people. If I consider the above my breakthrough trips, my sub-breakthrough ones have involved OEVs of DMT architecture around me, whilst I still remain recognisably in my living room. These have a half-remembered, dreamlike quality, and involved a lot of striped colours and swooping shapes, like carnival tents or a circus Big Top. The colours can vary but the theme is consistent. On one of these occasions, I encountered a female jester-type entity, although she didn’t say anything.
My amnesia hasn’t put me off tripping. I still feel as if I am getting something out of them, perhaps something quite important. But it is frustrating, as I’d love to remember them! One possibility I have been able to rule out is the quality of the spice. My partner has also tried it a couple of times despite initial trepidation (I didn’t want to pressure her one way or the other) and had quite a different experience to me. She describes being able to see ‘layers between reality’ and a female feline entity, like a big cat with a golden warrior mask. Odd, because we do not have a cat (quite the opposite, a canine being shares our living space).
My plan is to abstain from DMT for a couple of weeks or so, in order to think about my experiences so far, and to integrate them as best I can. It seems like a good idea to respect the substance by doing this. I remain grateful for my experiences, such as they are, and happy to have found DMT (or had it find me) at this particular juncture in life.
For now, though, I’d love any input that any fellow travellers are able to give. Have you experienced this? Is it likely to improve with use? Is there anything I can do about it? And, perhaps most crucially, does it matter?
