I will no longer evangelize

[OneIsEros]

I am reforming myself. The next post will give the story of why if you want to read it, but this is how I will be reforming:

I will never give someone either ayahuasca or mushrooms again (and I will not give anyone any other substance ever) unless they have a specific medical need they want to address, or they have a sincere desire to either recognize, manage, transcend, or dissolve any greed, hate, or delusion within themselves (i.e. a spiritual medical use).

And then, only if they do not have a personal or family history of psychosis, are on no medications, and are willing to commit to at least 30 days of 2 hour meditation sessions prior to a session, and to meditating during the session, and to continuing that meditation practise between any possible future sessions.

And then, the sessions will begin with a half gram of psilocybe cubensis mushrooms (the upper end of a microdose) or equivalent in ayahuasca, and if they want more, each session will only be increased by a half gram or equivalent in ayahuasca, one session at a time.

Other than that, I will only ever provide harm reduction information or services, and my use of such drugs will be personal and in solitude. I will never encourage psychedelic use.

I have over the years had people tell me that my proliferation of these things has broken their addictions, opened their spiritual beliefs, made them give up political nihilism, alleviated their depression, and more - and because of that, it’s not something I want to stop facilitating.

But I can’t in good conscience keep doing it unless the circumstances are as controlled as possible, and most of those positive experiences came about accidentally through recreational use - and I can’t in good conscience facilitate or encourage recreational use at all ever again, or any reckless medical or spiritually-medical use.

 

[OneIsEros]

All my life I have been a psychedelic evangelist. I have given away psychedelics to many people, and often for people’s very first time....

Occasionally people had rough times, but it usually smoothed out, even very intense experiences. I’ve had people tell me that psychedelic trips I gave them saved their life, or radically changed their ethical disposition for the better, or opened their religious beliefs, or broke their addictions, or healed their suffering.... It’s why I always did it.

I just heard from somebody who I considered a very close friend, a person who I was very close to.... after two solid years of not hearing from them, at all, and being very hurt and confused by their silence. They’d had an ayahuasca experience with me that, at the time, had been distressing, but afterward, they seemed to have recovered from....

After they went out of my life, months later, they developed PTSD. They’d been experiencing chronic, regular panic attacks from flashbacks to the terror they experienced that night with me, to the point that until two nights ago, if they even tried to reach out and explain why they had not been in contact, they would have a panic attack.... and they tried numerous times to contact me for two years. I loved this person. They were a cherished friend.... and I did this to them. I convinced them to do it, it wasn’t even on their radar before.

They had no family history of psychosis or bipolar. They had chronic depression, and that was it... and this was not something that exacerbated depression, this gave them a whole new set of problems to deal with. They were an adult in their mid-20’s, well educated, strong, compassionate, highly intelligent and rational.... far from the most risky psychological profile I’ve ever dished a mind expanding chemical out to - very far. And I hurt them, bad. I’m reforming, very strictly. I can never in good conscience risk anything like that happening again.

 

[dreamer042]

Had to edit your second post just a wee bit to fit in the rules, just a heads up.

I came to a similar conclusion. My use of these materials has grown more and more personal over the years, and while I'll still dose with friends and do group work, I don't push them on others, or even start the conversation about them anymore. I figure the genie is out of the bottle, if people really want to pursue these things, they'll find their way to it themselves.

Now when someone approaches me about psychedelics I keep my fool mouth closed and let them speak. It's kind of interesting to guage where people are at on their path and see what they are making of it all instead of immediately just launching into information dump mode like I used to.

To quote Orion "Those who speak don't know the score, those who know smoalk the moar" 8)

 

[OneIsEros]

"Those who speak don't know the score, those who know smoalk the moar" 8)

Ahahahahahahaha. That cracked me up