Well, I appreciate you sharing, as your story is pretty inspiring, and points to the paradoxical nature of ocd, in terms of how solid it may appear despite being more like a mirage. I’ve experienced behavioral addictions in the same way - here one day and gone the next. Overall, the health and freedom of the mind seems to have a gravitational pull, in a sense, and tuning in to that pull seems to be the first step to finding one’s way back to wholeness.
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Impulse Experiences: Ongoing Compilation
- Thread starter Voidmatrix
- Start date
Well, I appreciate you sharing, as your story is pretty inspiring, and points to the paradoxical nature of ocd, in terms of how solid it may appear despite being more like a mirage. I’ve experienced behavioral addictions in the same way - here one day and gone the next. Overall, the health and freedom of the mind seems to have a gravitational pull, in a sense, and tuning in to that pull seems to be the first step to finding one’s way back to wholeness.
This medicine is incredible weird. I have been attempting to get back to the level of experience that included the blue being and the purple smoke blowing elephant. That level was really nice. I was more here than there, and the visuals weren't incredibly vivid. It was an ENJOYABLE and easily managed experience. This was from a couple weeks ago. Since then, I have tried to reach that level to no avail. In the moment that that experience was had, I only took one decent hit from an already burnt bowl. However, with multiple hits of roughly the same size with other batches of the same strength, I am not getting there. I am also rubbing up against an edge and a habit, in that after a hit or two, I get ensnared by getting prepared for what may come and instead of taking more hits, I set the bowl down, and lay down, as if something big is going to hit. Anxiety wins often, lol.
I have made two attempts today and haven't gotten where I wanna be. I have shaken profusely however, which is always welcome. I am carrying a lot in my system, much of which is time for me to let go of.
I want to name something unrelated. I miss aspects of the older version of me, that didn't take forever to read posts, and also didn't take forever to respond with delineated thought. Expressing myself has just been hard over the last few years. The mental bandwidth and endurance have waned. Moar reason to smoalk moar, as the medicine helps manage this. I liked being more active, but it's not in me the way it used to be.
One love
I have made two attempts today and haven't gotten where I wanna be. I have shaken profusely however, which is always welcome. I am carrying a lot in my system, much of which is time for me to let go of.
I want to name something unrelated. I miss aspects of the older version of me, that didn't take forever to read posts, and also didn't take forever to respond with delineated thought. Expressing myself has just been hard over the last few years. The mental bandwidth and endurance have waned. Moar reason to smoalk moar, as the medicine helps manage this. I liked being more active, but it's not in me the way it used to be.
One love
.............so long as you remember that occasionally your commitment has to be to yourself.
That's why I ended up working with oral brews. I realized pretty quickly that my psychology won't let me push it with smoking/vaping. You can create quite a potent brew and once ingested there is no going back. I would not advise it for everyone, and I've had my share of very scary experiences, but that's what works for me. Know yourself, I guess.
I am hard-headed, while I know there are other things that will get me to where I am going, such as having some support around, or doing more oral dosing, but I want the "power" within to override what I feel hinders me.
That said, I just smoalked.
One love
Perseverance and dedication to your chosen path will get you far. Much Love 
Don't get me wrong, I have a vial of hemifumurate to play with orally!Perseverance and dedication to your chosen path will get you far. Much Love
One love
On another note, a combination of factors has me feeling bleh in this moment. I kinda forgot that I had take a dual microdose when I decided to smoalk, and I also had drank a protein shake shortly before, post gym. Now I just feel kinda off and have to balance out, and when I do, I'll probably be doing pretty well. It's a sign of burnout and overtraining how crappy I can feel after working out still.
Off to @blig-blug workout thread.
One love
Off to @blig-blug workout thread.
One love
