panoramixx said:
Thanks for the anskwer, I'll try less.
The point is that this "blackout" duration seem to not exeed one minute. It's why I figured I was just pre-breakthrough.
The problem with breathing is also strange. It's like I feel I stop breathing but volontarily, like when I keep smoke (once angain, it's very confuse in my head)
So, in a real breakthrough, should I completly loose conscience of who and where I am, and should I remember all the experience ?
Actualy, I'm 40 year old and well experienced in psyche. Perhaps am I breakthrouging but I expect something more "strong" than it is really. They were by the way a very strong experiences, but I feel like something is missing......
I'm with Parshvik ok this one. Blackouts are indicative of overdoses - not breakthroughs. While DMT experiences may be difficult to remember, those experiences that are hard to remember are ontologically different from blackouts. In a difficult-to-remember breakthrough, your consciousness actually underwent the formality of experience from which it may bring back scattered memories. In the case of a blackout, there is no experience, and no memories to ever scrounge up.
As for your breathing, it's normal to have the sensation as if one has stopped breathing, but I think it was either Strassman or Gracie and Zarkov that found that even though people who had claimed that they were unable to breathe at a certain point in the experience, the clinical monitoring of the breathing showed that there was nothing out of the ordinary in the breathing patterns, so it's just an illusion of not being able to breathe. If it happens again, just reassure yourself that you'll be fine, and let what happens happen and see where that takes you.
In a real breakthrough, you may or may not retain knowledge of who and where you are. It's different for everyone, and for me it can be different from time to time. Sometimes I retain complete awareness of who I am, where I am, what I just did and what's going on. Other times I get so wrapped up in the experience, that I sort of forget what's happening and "who I am", but I feel there is a distinction to be made. In the case of DMT, when I lose awareness of who I am and all that, I have no idea that I've forgotten who I am in the first place. I'm just so incredibly distracted that it slips my mind that I don't know what's going on. In the case of salvia for example, the ego loss is much more complete where when I realize that I don't know who I am, I cannot access that information. I can't figure out who I am, what I took, where I am, why I feel like this, etc...With DMT when I have ego loss, as soon as I realize what's happened, it all comes flooding back to me, as if it were just brushed aside, but waiting to come back to me as soon as I realize what's going on.
Even if you don't have a full ego loss, you may not remember all of the experience, but then again, I think people's memories are much weaker than what they often give themselves credit for. For example, if you were to go see an outlandish sci-fi movie, and turned the sound off (so you couldn't remember plot points/verbal cues) my guess is that you'd have a somewhat difficult time reconstructing that movie in your memory. Sure you may be able to brings some fragments and pieces back with you, but ultimately when you try and recreate a scene by memory, most of it is based off of expectation as opposed to what you actually perceived. DMT seems to underscore the weakness of memory with the salient experiences it provides and unlike a movie, you cannot go back and re-watch, so it becomes important to remember. I suppose much in the same way that "remembering" an awesome scene from a movie won't bring you the joy and satisfaction as actually watching the scene, the same holds true for DMT. People want to be able to keep that experience right on the cusp of their memory banks so they can summon it back up in a kind of way, but a weak expectation-based memory is no substitute for the real experience, not to mention that in hyperspace, particularly for those who haven't traveled so much, expectations for what goes on there is about as low as it can get for experiences you'll have in a lifetime, which makes memory even weaker in this area.
Lastly in regards to 10x in 3 weeks, it's perfectly normal for people to go through this "honey moon" phase of consuming a lot of DMT upon first extracting it. When I first started smoking DMT, I was doing it several times a day, on most days for months. In that entire period, I think I might have had one negative experience. As I said before, black outs are indicative of overdoses, not a lack of respect. Overdoses also seem to tend to land people in hot water moreso than high frequency of travel.
