Well, i've recently learned that those with a genetic vulnerability can cope with major stressors perhaps a couple of times without running the risk of developing lifetime, chronic depression. But there is a point after which even the smallest event can trigger a depressive episode .. that seems to be the case with me.
I've lived a fairly normal story. Moved away at a critical point during my childhood, lost all friends, lots of physical and emotional abuse from students and teachers at the new school. Unable to make friends despite massive efforts, less support and more abuse from (mentally ill) family members...puberty crisis, failure to believe in god (he can't be that cruel so he does not exist), No girlfriend, first deep depressive episodes, shyness, anxiety finally at full force, psychosomatic illness + chronic pain as a result...now too whacked in the head to earn money, make friends do anything..can't finish degree, would not matter anywhow...everyone is going crazy because I "MUST BE better" (paraphrased by me) living at my parents home at 30...no perspectives but homelessness, friends losing interest some broke off contact...
I don't know, i think negativity has compounded over the years and there is less and less positive force holding against. Not that it would matter much....i hope it matters, but it is hard to believe so all efforts feel like self righteousness in disguise.
I've lived a fairly normal story. Moved away at a critical point during my childhood, lost all friends, lots of physical and emotional abuse from students and teachers at the new school. Unable to make friends despite massive efforts, less support and more abuse from (mentally ill) family members...puberty crisis, failure to believe in god (he can't be that cruel so he does not exist), No girlfriend, first deep depressive episodes, shyness, anxiety finally at full force, psychosomatic illness + chronic pain as a result...now too whacked in the head to earn money, make friends do anything..can't finish degree, would not matter anywhow...everyone is going crazy because I "MUST BE better" (paraphrased by me) living at my parents home at 30...no perspectives but homelessness, friends losing interest some broke off contact...
I don't know, i think negativity has compounded over the years and there is less and less positive force holding against. Not that it would matter much....i hope it matters, but it is hard to believe so all efforts feel like self righteousness in disguise.