Ketamine seems like the last thing needed.
Self Esteem comes with practice, not a ketamine trip. get out of your comfort zone...ASAP.
Your life is being wasted.
No one wants to look back and realize you wasted it all in fear.
I would suggest you leave the nexus and internet behind until you have made steps in your life to take some control of your life. Telling this story on an internet forum for this long is not likely to be helping.
You have no idea how powerful you are.
This is all true, but not good advice for the severely depressed who can't get out of bed. What you say is needed, but some people do need assistance. Someone who had an accident and is now temporarly in a wheelchair, can't get out of his "comfort zone" by running a marathon. He needs rehabilitation therapy first to succesively strengthen his body. Same with severely depressed people. We're not talking about mood swings, but crippling depression. Also, a "trip" is not needed, but a small dose.
News:
The Rapidly Acting Antidepressant Ketamine and the mGlu2/3 Receptor Antagonist LY341495 Rapidly Engage Dopaminergic Mood Circuits - PubMed
Ketamine is a rapidly acting antidepressant in patients with treatment-resistant depression (TRD). Although the mechanisms underlying these effects are not fully established, inquiry to date has focused on the triggering of synaptogenesis transduction pathways via glutamatergic mechanisms...
Makes sense, since i do not fare too well with ssris but respond to drugs with dopaminergic effects better.